I think it's time for the Energizer Bunny to be retired so that Uwe Boll can take over. Man, that guy never, ever stops. I wonder if he exhausts himself just getting worked up about everything, rather than just plain working. Last month, he goaded anti-Boll legions together in an anti-Uwe petition. On the heels of that news, Erik posted that Boll was ranting up a storm again, calling Michael Bay a "f**king retard," and complaining about Eli Roth's movies.

But anger, vehemence, and drama are never done for Boll. Now The Hollywood Reporter posts that he has sued Billy Zane in Los Angeles Superior Court. No, not the Zane! How could anyone hate Zane? Uwe Boll. That's who.

Boll claims that he's owed around $700,000 in revenue from his big floppity flop Bloodrayne. He says that Zane suggested Romar Entertainment handle distribution, he promised the film would open in 2,000 theaters, and that a $10 mil advance from Boll would be used to promote the flick. He goes on to say that almost a million bucks was paid to Zane and Romar's James Schramm, and the movie opened in only 950 theaters. Perhaps this doesn't have to do with a Zane scheme, but the fact that after a budget of $25 mil, it only brought in about $4 mil worldwide.

You can take 'im Zane! Now that would be a good showdown -- Zane and Boll in the ring!

He's already stirred things up with last year's controversial Turkish war movie called Valley of the Wolves: Iraq. Now Billy Zane has been cast in something that should be a little more palatable to US moviegoers, but still won't be inspiring patriotic nostalgia, unless thievery is the way to your patriotic heart. The Hollywood Reporter posts that Zane has signed on for a role in producer Paul Bruel's Belgian WWII movie -- The Hessen Affair. This will be Bruel's directorial debut, from a script by Oscar nominee Nicholas Meyer, the pen behind The Human Stain, and Ronald Roose (Collateral Damage). With a tidy sum of $20 million, the thriller has got Zane joining Lyne Renee, Michael Bowen (Lost), and Noah Segan (Brick), who are all coming off of John Daly's upcoming film, The Box Collector.

Based on a true story, Hessen "is set in 1945 and revolves around victorious American officers who uncover a stash of German jewels that they smuggle to New York to fence." Zane will be played one of the officers, or someone else in the army, as THR says he's donning an Army uniform for his role. Bruels says: "The script is the base of it all, and there is no doubt that this one is among Nicholas Meyer's best work. Good scripts attract good actors, and this one is no exception." The film will begin production this month in Canada, and then fly off to Belgium to wrap in February.

If you're still itching for more Zane man, he's got a ton of projects on the way. There's his starring role in the action/thriller Perfect Hideout, a supporting stint in the swing dance movie Love N' Dancing, something more Western with The Man Who Came Back, time as Ciara's manager in Mama, I want to Sing!, and possibly a 4Chosen film cherry topper.

Perhaps one of the best reflections of fan thought in movies was that little bit of Zoolander where Hansel says: "Listen to your friend, Billy Zane. He's a cool dude!" Sure, the actor is charismatic, but he also just has that something that makes people respect or like him, whether he's being a fun bad guy in Demon Knight, a snooty bad guy in Titanic, a debonair love boat on Twin Peaks or a Valentine in Memphis Belle. There's this insidious, far-reaching Zaneness that grabs onto you and at the very least, makes you intrigued about what he's involved in.

This is exactly why the upcoming The Man Who Came Back might just be worth our attention. The film's an indie Western from Glen Pitre, who has written and directed period pieces like Belizaira the Cajun and The Scoundrel's Wife. Coming again from his own script, the film is about revenge in 1870 during a violent labor strike. It's not much to go on, but he's got a big cast to help balance the vagueness. Aside from the wonderful Zane, there's Striptease Lt. Armand Assante, The Young and the Restless star Eric Braeden, Cool Hand Luke Oscar winner George Kennedy, Blade Runner's Sean Young, ex-model Carol Alt, John Carpenter's favorite Peter Jason and oft TV guest stars Jennifer O'Dell and James Patrick Stewart. So, will this be one of those films we forgive Zane for being in, or one of those films that makes us sigh with relief for him acting in something good?

Odds and ends from Friday:

• Billy Zane is the only actor that can go from one of the biggest films ever made in Titanic to Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World. Damn, who the hell is this guy's agent? Anyway, word is Zane has just signed on to star in The Mad for Archetype Films. Pic looks to be ripping a chapter out of George A. Romero's diary, as it focuses on what happens when a doctor and his teenage daughter run into a bunch of flesh-eating zombies while stuck at a truck stop.
• In one of the more bizarre stories from Friday, Elizabeth Hurley has decided to give up acting in order to farm organic food in England. Wait -- hold up -- she's becoming a farmer? Says Hurley, "I would like to go for some kind of organic food production and I plan to do it - maybe something Indian." Hmm, organic Indian food? Good luck with that Liz.
• Not long ago, there was a rumor going around that had Terrence Howard up for the role of James Rhodes in next summer's Iron Man flick. Well, Howard spoke to MTV about the film and, when asked about the part, let out a big old "Mayyy-bee." However he is a bit concerned about the action aspect, saying, "The CGI and special effects, that's a whole 'nother thing. Playing to green screen or blue screen, I've never done that. I want to accomplish it and do it well. I don't want to do anything and not do it well." Will he? Won't he? I guess we'll see ... [via Superhero Hype]

Apparently more than certain that the brilliant piece of cinema known as BloodRayne was done in by poor marketing and lazy distribution, Dr. Uwe Boll has filed suit against Billy Zane and his Romar Entertainment for their downright ineptitude where the flick's theatrical release is concerned.

Uwe, you see, was hell-bent on getting BloodRayne released in over 2,000 theaters, which shows just how much the guy knows about American movie audiences. But Romar had some print problems and the flick only made it into about 980 movie houses. The grand tally for BloodRayne's domestic release was just under $2.5 million. (Now, call me nuts, but if they'd struck another 1,020 prints ... they would have lost even more money, so perhaps Billy Zane should be suing Dr. Uwe Boll!)

Anyway, Boll (who probably could use the extra income these days, what with his German tax loopholes being zipped shut) is suing Romar for an undisclosed sum. The suit also claims that Billy Z. stuck half a million into his own pocket, which is kinda weird considering the awesome things Boll had to say about Romar last January.

In related news, Cinematical's Scott Weinberg is filing a civil suit against Uwe Boll for making movies that cost nine bucks a ticket, but are actually only worth about 99 cents. If you've paid to see films like House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and BloodRayne, join my civil case and get your $27 back.

Remember when Hansel intoned that sage bit of wisdom "Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude"? That's about to become some very risky advice, as Billy recently teamed up with fellow actor Gary Busey in a highly controversial Turkish movie called Valley of the Wolves: Iraq. The sucker is solid gold over there, and may be slated for an American release. Let me share with you the basics of the story:

Billy Zane is a zealous Christian Army Commander named Sam William Marshall, who believes he is serving the Almighty by ridding the world of Muslims. Together with a Jewish doctor friend (played by Gary B.) Sam Marshall captures Muslim children and harvests their organs to package and send back to America for use by good little Jewish boys and girls. The film will also incorporate dramatic re-enactments of real events, thus lending a higher level of believability and credibility to the project.

Okay, so there was this Muslim propaganda sitcom not so long ago called Zara's Blue Eyes. I watched it in a Middle Eastern politics course that I took in college. I swear to you, this new blockbuster is the exact plot of Zara, and is, in fact, a popular belief within large sections of the Islamic world. Draw from that whatever conclusions you will - I'm not here to make political statements...but you can bet your best suit that it'll be an incredible political argument if this sucker hits the states. Talk show hosts such as Glenn Beck are already on the story. Can't you just hear the free speech vs. treasonous propaganda arguments already?