OK, so this is theoretical: Charles Dickens died in 1870, about 25 years before the very first motion pictures were shown. He published A Christmas Carol in 1843, when he was about thirty, which would have put his fictitious Ebenezer Scrooge several years older, with even less chance of ever having seen any movies. So we're just imagining that if Scrooge was around today, and still hated Christmas, but loved movies -- and preferred to spend Christmas alone watching mean, dark Christmas stories -- then these might be his favorites. A Happy Humbug -- er... Holidays to all!

1. Bad Santa (2003)
Of course: Billy Bob Thornton's Willie T. Soke has gone down as perhaps the greatest Christmas curmudgeon since the Grinch, and even Scrooge himself. His beautifully crafted dialogue is like an opera of swear words, soaring over the proceedings like the wings of drunken, unwashed angels. Terry Zwigoff's masterful direction walks an impossible line between vicious and sweet, hilarious and human. (Note: avoid the theatrical cut and the bogus "Badder Santa" version, and stick with the superior, official Director's Cut.)

2. Black Christmas (1974)
Bob Clark directed everyone's holiday favorite, A Christmas Story, but nine years earlier he made this horror masterpiece about the first holiday serial killer, a nasty piece of work who torments a girl's sorority house on the eve of the holiday break. But these girls (including Margot Kidder and Olivia Hussey) are no innocent Cindy Lou Whos; they can out-drink and out-curse any slasher. Even Scrooge wouldn't accept the dreadful 2006 remake, however.

On Wednesday, we brought you the sad news that filmmaker Bob Clark, known for directing such films as A Christmas Story and Porky's, was killed along with his 22-year-old son on the Pacific Coast Highway in a collision with a DUI driver. As is often the case, the drunk driver escaped the wreck with only minor injuries. Today there's an update on the situation -- IESB is reporting that the driver, a 24-year-old illegal immigrant without a license named Hector Velazquez-Nava, has had an immigration hold put on him by the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency, which means that once his legal proceedings are complete, he'll be placed directly into deportation proceedings. Velazquez-Nava was charged with vehicular manslaughter and investigation of DUI. If he posts, he'll be taken into federal custody.

Clark was, of course, best known for directing the perennial holiday classic A Christmas Story, an adaptation of Jean Shepherd's memoir of Christmas memories from childhood, but was also well known among horror fans for films such as Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Dead of Night, and the recently remade Black Christmas. He is also generally credited with launching the career of actress Kim Cattrall and had several projects in the pipeline at the time of his death. Here's hoping that whatever country Velazquez-Nava ends up in, the authorities are able to keep him behind bars forever.

If you live in Springfield, Illinois, you might have to wait until Sunday to see the new dance movie Stomp the Yard. Or you could simply avoid the cinemas operated by Kerasotes Theatres, which has postponed the movie for two days. Unfortunately for those who aren't able or willing to travel, the chain pretty much has a monopoly on the theater business of Springfield. Too bad, since it would be a good idea for people in the city to completely boycott Kerasotes after its CEO's racist assumptions.

Tony Kerasotes originally said that he wouldn't be showing the movie in any of his Springfield theatres, but pressure from the NAACP and members of the community made him change his decision to a two-day postponement. The reason for Kerasotes' first instinct to ban the movie was that he feared gang violence, which he denied had anything to do with race. Recently, at one of the Springfield Kerasotes Theatres, a fight broke out during a showing of Black Christmas, and one teenager was shot. Because most of those involved in that incident are not in custody, Kerasotes assumes a similar event could happen again.