Bloodrayne2 Tagged Articles at Cinematical

I'm going to talk to my boss about starting a Cinematical spin-off blog called CinematiBoll. That's how much I love reporting the latest news on Uwe Boll's latest projects. (Plus I'll most likely be sitting down with the legendary filmmaker at next month's Fantastic Fest, which makes me wonder if he's ever read the dozens of reports I've done.) I know we've already shared a little news regarding the director's BloodRayne sequel, but I just came across something at DVDActive.com that made me chuckle to myself. Out loud.

Let's get this stuff out of the way first. Viviendi Visual Entertainment will release BloodRayne 2: Deliverance on September 18. (In related news, I just started writing a screenplay called Deliverance 2: BloodRayne.) In addition to the inevitably awesome sequel, the DVD will also come with a copy of the video game, a commentary track from Dr. Boll, a digital comic book, several deleted scenes, and some cast / crew interviews. Starring in the horror-western are Natassia Malthe, Zack Ward, Michael Pare and Chris Coppola as "Newton Pyles." (Yep, that means that Kristanna Loken is out as BloodRayne, but don't worry, guys: Natassia Malthe is also as sexy as she is stacked.)

But here's where things get really amusing. If you check out the advertisements posted at DVDA, you'll notice a selling point that reads like this: "BloodRayne was the best selling live action DVD of 2006 *" -- but when you focus in on what that asterisk signifies, you'll see this disclaimer: "* For films less than $5 million B.O." I'm sorry but that's just all sorts of hilarious. They're actually trying to hype the first BloodRayne as the highest-selling live-action DVD of last year -- but only among films that made less than $5,000,000 at the domestic box office! Which means that BloodRayne sold better than movies like Let's Go to Prison, Keeping Up with the Steins, and Night Watch. Awesome.

Part of those "massive" sales numbers could be attributed to the fact that the first BloodRayne DVD also came with a free PC game -- plus it was in stores by May of '06, which means it was laying around a lot longer than most of the 2006 releases. But let's hear it for humorously exaggerated sales numbers and the desperation of asterisked disclosures. Regading BloodRayne 2 ... I can't wait.

Not since the days of Billy the Kid Meets Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter has there been a promise of a Western / Horror amalgam as outrageous as Uwe Boll's BloodRayne 2. (It really is amazing how quickly Boll churns these things out. Far as I can tell, he's got Dungeon Siege, Postal, Seed and BloodRayne 2 finished or nearly finished. God helps us all.) But this one seems to have it all: Vampire vs. cowboys, horror mixed with action (inevitably mixed with a lot of comedy), Michael Pare as Pat Garrett, Zack Ward as a vampiric Billy the Kid (pictured), and even a brand-new Rayne! Natassia Malthe replaces Kristanna Loken as the titular terror tracker.

Someone over at Boll's production company recently sent a plot synopsis over to the gorehounds at Bloody-Disgusting.com, and I can tell it comes from one of Boll's people because the text is sprinkled with sloppy grammar and spelling errors. (Could Boll be so prolific as to pen his own plot synopses? Based on the mild mangling of the English language, I believe it.) I'll paste the whole synopsis in after the jump (because it's pretty hilarious), but the short version is this: BloodRayne and Garrett do battle with the vampire Billy the Kid and his blood-sucking cronies. What, you expected Oscar Wilde?

No word yet on when BloodRayne 2 will be available for our ceaseless amusement, but I can't freaking wait for Boll to unleash his newest flicks already. I'm long past the point where I don't like the guy anymore, and I look forward to his flicks like an unkind pet owner looks forward to feeding his puppy beer and then watching the animal stumble into walls and trip over things. Few things in the world are as reliable as a Uwe Boll movie. Reliably, wonderfully bad, that is. Until BR2 hits your Walmart's bargain bin, check out this teaser trailer.

So it's been a little while since I posted anything about Uwe Boll, but this rather excellent article from GameDaily was precisely what I needed to recharge my Boll batteries. With no less than six inevitably awesome projects in the works, I suppose we can get ready for 2007: The Year of the Boll. Ugh, let's just break this celluloid carnage down into bullet points:

• In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale -- The $60 million all-star action-adventure is, as they say, "in the can" and clocking in at just over two hours in length. Boll promises a nearly 3-hour version on DVD. The flick recently played at AFM and allegedly received ... praise! Awesome.
• BloodRayne 2 -- The $8.5 million sequel swaps Kristanna Loken for Natassia Malthe, but brings in Michael Pare to play Pat Garrett and Zack Ward for Billy the Kid. Yeah, it's a western -- and Billy the Kid is also a vampire. Yes, seriously. Regarding the subtler nuances of subtextual characterization, Boll says "We're going more bad ass in a way because BloodRayne does not have the internal battle of morality and integrity." Sounds like someone's been going to English class! Oh, and apparently there will almost definitely be a BloodRayne 3. Sweet!
  
• Postal -- Nearing completion and inevitably whacked. Guess who's starring? Zack Ward and Michael Pare. It's like DeVito/Douglas/Turner all over again.
• Seed -- Still coming somewhat soon: A horror movie. Michael Pare is starring. Yeah, Boll's found his muse in the Eddie and the Cruisers dude. IMDb says this movie is "completed," so keep your eyes peeled as you wander past that $5.50 DVD rack at Walmart.
  
• Far Cry -- Production begins in Hawaii this May, and Uwe seems pretty pumped about this particular project. Jason Statham may star, but apparently he's waiting to see how Dungeon Siege is received before he signs on with Boll again. (Statham must have a new agent.) Boll expects game company Ubisoft to be extra-helpful where the Far Cry movie is concerned, which hasn't happened on his previous projects ... for various and obvious reasons.
• Alone in the Dark 2 -- With his hilariously packed schedule, Boll couldn't possibly direct this (entirely unnecessary) sequel, so he's handing the franchise off to the guys who wrote the first Alone in the Dark -- which is sort of like leaving a lit candle in charge of 45 megatons of dynamite. Christian Slater might be returning for the sequel, but if not the director definitely wants someone "who looks like" the character in the video game. This guy's casting agents must have the world's funnest job.

...and when all this is over and done with, Uwe Boll wants to direct a movie about the Vietnam War. So which one will it be: Medal of Honor or Call of Duty? And how big will Michael Pare's role be?

Those gore-soaked knuckleheads over at Bloody-Disgusting.com have had themselves one helluva busy day! First up is some wacky Uwe Boll news: Not only is the German goofball hoping to do a BloodRayne 3 some time soon, but it also looks like Christian Slater has signed on for Alone in the Dark 2. Ha! Take this news with a grain of salt, because Uwe is known for doling out press releases and gossipy tidbits at the drop of a hat -- but he's always good for a laugh, that Bollman.

Next up we got the brand-new trailer for Scott Glosserman's rather excellent Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, which Anchor Bay will be releasing theatrically in February. The trailer blurbs about nine different critics, but left out the guy who wrote the planet's very first BTM review: Me! :-( Ah well, the movie still rocks. Horror fans should be prepared to fall madly in love with this clever little indie.

THEN we get the very first teaser trailer for Fox Atomic's The Hills Have Eyes 2 over at IGN Movies, which is suitably short, slick and spooky. (This sequel hits on March 9.)

Closing out the horror hijinks is an all-new international poster (also courtesy of IGN) for Eli Roth's Hostel 2 -- which really has to be seen to be believed. Let's just say it's ... meaty. (Hostel 2 now has a release date of June 8, by the way.)

Keep up the great work, o bloody & disgusting ones!

And the Boll just keeps on rolling. Our excellent new guy Kevin Kelly recently shared some sequel news regarding Dr. Uwe Boll, but I hope you'll forgive me for expelling just a little extra information -- and venom ...

As if it weren't enough to treat our planet to the ultra-junkernaut trilogy that is House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne, to bitch about his well-earned and frequent criticisms, and to pummel a bunch of skinny kids into submission in a boxing ring ...

As if it weren't enough to threaten us with Seed, Postal and (god help us) In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale ... the guy's got more love yet to give: According to one of JoBlo's scoopers, Dr. Boll is planning not only that sequel called BloodRayne 2: Deliverance, but also something that's being described as "a sequel to Alone in the Dark." Argh! Nerdbuzz indicates that Kristanna Loken will be returning to play Ms. Rayne, and also that Christian Slater may be returning for his own indecipherable sequel. (Hey, actors gotta eat.)

Oh Uwe. Frankly, I just love this guy. He makes my job fun. He really does. I mean, how many filmmakers would be confident enough to mount sequels to flicks this amazingly bad? OK, Adam Shankman might, true. That's an easy one, but most filmmakers generally try to separate themselves from earlier failures -- whereas Bollman seems to revel in his cinematic travesties like a pigs wallows in their own ... well ... poop.

But hey, bring on the sequels, I say. Unintentional hilarity is still hilarity.