In Elisabeth's Geek Daily, she shared word about wacky Brett Ratner's visions for Batman. Oh yes, the Ratner has struck again -- it seems the Caped Crusader was his "thing" as a kid, and he's jealous that Christopher Nolan got to take it on. So, obviously, he started talking about spin-offs and sequels. While I could give you four reasons why Ratner is insane (where every one on the list would be the fact that he thinks a Halle Berry/Storm film would be a good idea), I'm going to stick with the Batman.

If Nolan never got the chance, but Ratner did ... who would he have cast?

4. Chris Tucker as The Riddler -- He's been through Rush Hour three times, and now he's in a Frank Sinatra pic under Ratner. Methinks Tucker will always have a gig in Brett's world. Heck, why spend $30 million on a better everything when you can just throw it all at Chris Tucker.

3. Halle Berry as Catwoman ... again -- Ratner likes to stick with the familiar, and If he liked her as Storm, I wouldn't be surprised if he likes her Catwoman too.

2. Playboy Playmates as Bruce Wayne's female entourage -- This, you know, would be 100% inevitable ... especially in a Brett Ratner film. Because why should Wayne feel tied down to one tough-as-nails lawyer/reporter when he can have several sexy sirens at his side. The Riddler kidnapped Wayne's sweetheart and is holding her hostage on the set of Next Next Next Friday? Oh well, luckily he has 11 more ... one for each month.

1. Brett Ratner as Batman -- Everyone tries a new part of the biz at some point during their career, so would feisty, casting couch-loving Ratner be able to resist the chance to bed Playmates on the big screen? It's the ultimate, immortalized act for a guy who loves his swingin' ways ... and the image of his beautiful masked face in the mirror. Creepy.

See what Ratner's Batman flick would look like in the gallery below ... but beware, your eyes may bleed filth. Dare we ask for your own casting choices ...



This Week on Countdown

Five Fall/Winter Trailers to Watch

I know this is traditionally a slow news time but wow, it's a desert out there! Is everyone in Hollywood sleeping? Are they becoming addicted to CNN election coverage like I am? Well, I managed to tear myself away from Anderson Cooper to do a little Cinematical work (and it's hard, 360 runs on such an endless loop that it's kind of like spending a delightful eternity with him), you'd think someone in Tinseltown could option some graphic novels or cast Captain America. Sheesh. Anyway, here's what we've got today:

• The Hasbro Licensing Summit of 2008 revealed the Transformers appearing in Transformers 2 are: Sideswipe (Chevy Corvette), Ravage, and Devastator. Also from Transformer World 2005, Robert Orci has answered a slew of new sequel questions. Beware of spoilers. Additionally, The Insider visited the set of Transformers 2, and you check out some video after the jump.
  


• Oh, Brett Ratner. I snark on him, but immediately feel guilty because everyone does, and it can't be easy for one man to endure. And then he goes and tells MTV about his superhero spin-off ideas and I just want to shake him by the shoulders, and tell him to leave this genre alone. Disappointed that he didn't get to direct Batman, he nevertheless thinks there should be a Joker spin-off -- and not even Heath Ledger's death dampens his enthusiasm. "Heath was great," Ratner said. "But the Joker is a great villain. That's why Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger had so much to work with. And I think there will be another actor who can interpret that. It would be great to see [Robert] Downey [Jr.] as the Joker, for instance." Now, while I don't think the character of the Joker should die with Ledger, I certainly think he's off-limits for awhile -- and a spin-off? Come on. This isn't Magneto, this is a character we never really want to know more about, he needs to exist solely where you can't see him. But then again, Ratner also thinks a Storm spin-off with Halle Berry is a good idea.
  

It's a quiet day on the news front -- mostly casting rumors shot down before I even had a chance to hear them. Now I get to do the same to you, readers!

• Will Smith is, for the last time, not playing Captain America. Rumors of Smith playing Cap were everywhere (including here) and it wasn't as crazy as it seemed. The first Captain America was African-American, after all, and the clunky title The First Avenger: Captain America could suggest they would honor that mythology. But they're not -- not only did Ain't It Cool News debunk it earlier this month, but Smith has confirmed it. In fact, he told MTV he hadn't even heard the rumor.
  

• David Boreanaz is not the Green Lantern. Rumors flew that he was in consideration, as his face was used in the concept art, but as Hal Jordan is 27 and Boreanaz is in his late 30's, he's believed to be too old. (So that happens to actors as well as actresses? Good to know.) Latino Review has a script review up -- I'll refrain from posting anything here as it's kind of spoilerish but in short, they love it. For those avoiding the spoilers of LR, I'll leave you with a quote from The Pulse's chat with the film's writer Marc Guggenheim. He was fresh off the rewrite, and promises that it's "an incredibly faithful rendition of the character."
  

• Brett Ratner says he was once part of the J.J. Abrams Superman -- and tells MTV that he'd like a crack at the Warner Bros reboot, especially if they are really going for a dark and edgy take. Will the film unexpectedly switch from day to night halfway through to illustrate this darkness?

• A Paramount preview in London let fans peek at GI Joe and Star Trek. The former was iffy, with the action being stylized, typical of Stephen Sommers, and complaints of the character development being "terrible." What was seen of Trek suggested "immense fun." I am chomping at the bit to see some footage of that flick -- and despite having once worn a Star Trek: The Next Generation uniform, I am the furthest thing you can find from a Trekkie.

Sparse offerings indeed, readers. What will we talk about? How about arguing whether or not Boreanaz has enough of a baby face to play Hal Jordan? Or how you knew G.I. Joe wouldn't be very good? Fire away!

While you suffer through those back to school blues ...

Guitar Hero: The Movie -- I have to start with this one. Have to! Because not only are we talking about a possible big-screen movie based on the popular video game, but we're also about to tell you who wants to direct the thing. Can you guess? Here's a hint: It's not Uwe Boll. And if it's not Boll, it has to be ... Ratner! YES! (I really do think I love this maniac in a totally platonic, yet sadistic way -- sorta how you love a great movie villain.) Anyway, Brett Ratner tells MTV that he'd love to make a Guitar Hero movie, possibly about "a kid from a small town who dreams of being a rock star and he wins the 'Guitar Hero' competition. One of these dreams-[come-true] kind of concepts." Ratner adds, "I would love to do a 'Guitar Hero' movie, if Activision would ever let me. I'm trying to convince them, but why would you have a movie screw up such a huge franchise? Not that I would make a bad movie. So that would be cool, to do a 'Guitar Hero' movie. " I'm leaving this one to you, folks -- have at it!

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time: In case you're interested in seeing what a standard Persian-esque set looks like, Korben.info has put up a few select shots (see one above) of the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time set. Based on the popular video game (hurray for themes in posts!), Prince of Persia stars Jake "I didn't know he was Persian" Gyllenhaal as a young prince who teams up with a hottie princess (Gemma Arterton) to stop an evil ruler from doing evil things.

A director has been chosen to remake Poltergeist and Cinematical says we likey him ... after the jump ...

Embedded above is the trailer for New York, I Love You, an anthology of shorts from the producers of the similar Paris, Je T'aime, and going off this taste alone, I'd be willing to say that this might turn out to be just as winsome as that film was.

Several directors -- among them: Mira Nair, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, and, um, Brett Ratner -- and even more actors -- including Bradley Cooper, Chris Cooper, Julie Christie, John Hurt, Ethan Hawke, Orlando Bloom, Shia LaBeouf, Kevin Bacon, Maggie Q, and again, Portman -- come together with tales of love and life in the various neighborhoods of NYC.

The film is scheduled to make its world premiere at the fast approaching Toronto International Film Festival next month, and if IMDb is to be believed, it'll open in the States next February and eventually be followed by the likes of Shanghai...

Ah yes, Charles Kaufman's Mother's Day. A fine vintage of 1980 sleazoid cheese that was absolutely one of the "dare you to watch it" horror flicks from my childhood. (My friends had such an aversion to explicit gore. What kind of twelve-year-olds was I pals with?) The Drano scene. The TV smash. The filthy mess, the incessant slobbering, the omnipresent threat of grungy rape. Such fun. It was actually one of Troma's earlier efforts, back when they made bad flicks by accident instead of on purpose. But there's no denying that Mother's Day is a sick and twisted little puppy, and a flick that any serious horror fan should definitely check out...

Especially because Brett Ratner wants to do a remake!! Whaaaaat? Yes. According to Shock, Ratner will produce and Saw-maker Darren Lynn Bousman is quite interested in the director's chair. And feel free to toss writer / producer Franck Khalfoun into this crazy mix. (He did that P2 flick with Alex Aja last year, and apparently has a remake of Silent Night Deadly Night in the works.) Details are slim at this early stage, but to be honest ... my opinion of Brett Ratner just raised a few points. Who knew he was a fan of such awesome crap?

If you sat through all of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (not everyone did), then you saw Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh engage in a deadly sword battle -- Li as the evil resurrected Dragon Emperor and Yeoh as the good guardian of eternal life. Their skirmish was far too brief to understand why these two have enjoyed so much international success. May I invite you to set aside any fear you might have of sub-titles and enjoy the awe, power, and majesty of Li and Yeoh in their prime?

Tai Chi Master, which was released on DVD in a new Special Collector's Edition from Dragon Dynasty this past week, begins with two young monks in training at the famed Shaolin Temple. Jun Bao is younger, shorter, and kinder; Tien Bao is older, taller, and ambitious. Jun Bao grows up to be Jet Li and Tien Bao transforms into Chin Siu Ho. After they are (perhaps wrongfully) expelled from the temple, Tien Bao turns to the dark side and becomes the henchman for a powerful, evil warlord, while Jun Bao joints a group of rebels, led by Michelle Yeoh, before inventing Tai Chi (!).

Yuen Woo Ping is best known in the US as the action choreographer for The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but in the films he directed on his own (Iron Monkey, Wing Chun), the action is fully integrated into the story. Tai Chi Master is no exception; it's jam-packed with wire-assisted, incredibly intricate movement, sometimes involving dozens of acrobatic martial artists. Some purists despise "wire fu," but I'm not a purist, and Tai Chi Master is dazzling and showcases what Li and Yeoh -- and the oft-spectacular Chin -- could do.

Love him or hate him, you've got to hand it to Brett Ratner for keeping his career in motion. Variety brings word that the hustling filmmaker plans to take his Rat Entertainment company from New Line, where it first settled in 1996, to a first-look deal with Paramount Pictures. Ratner says the departure of New Line execs Bob Shaye and Michael Lynne in February convinced him it was time to move on. At Paramount, Ratner will probably get bigger budgets and executives more receptive to his blockbuster-ready concepts. Stating the obvious, Ratner told Variety he "will not be pitching art films. I want to make major tentpole movies." You don't say?

Unless you're Scott Foundas, you probably balk at the idea of more Ratner movies populating the mainstream film scene, but the guy does fit the proper archetype of the classic Hollywood powerhouse. A modern day Sammy Glick, he knows how to make movies that bring out the audiences, whether or not they're any good. But maybe that determination means that, one day, Ratner will make a lot of great movies. His planned Hugh Hefner biopic sounds promising -- or at least, appropriate.

Still, that's a little ways off. Encouraged by his experience with X-Men: The Last Stand, Ratner decided he wanted to work on a new superhero franchise, so he's adapting Valiant Comics' Harbinger. Also in his queue: Beverly Hills Cop 4, The Incredible Shrinking Man and The Boys From Brazil. Do these projects get anyone excited? Anyone at all?

We came, we saw ... Con kicked our ass. Here are some quick tidbits of interest:

• The first trailer for Saw V was released in conjunction with that film's panel here last night. It's over at Yahoo!, but thanks to the magic that is embed players, you fine folks can see if after the jump. Yes, Jigsaw is back ... but this time something's gotta be done about his kids, Marty! Wait ... back up ... puzzles, traps, blood -- that's more like it.
• MGM has confirmed via press release that Darren Aronofsky will officially helm a Robocop remake. And, no, I looked out my window and pigs were not flying. Also, in the same press release, they noted that Brett Ratner will be directing God of War. There's a potential for awesomeness in either project, but it's still too early to tell.
  
• The two Red Sonja posters unveiled during the panel yesterday (see our report here) hit the Cinematical inbox this morning, and, yes, I believe it is true what they say about redheads: They like to lick blood off of swords. See both above.
• Wolverine footage screened yesterday during the Fox panel, and it was pretty awesome. Dynamite teaser moment: Wolverine telling Sabretooth: "I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off!" Everything I'm hearing about this flick is that it's dark, sadistic and wicked ... and I cannot flippin' wait.
• IGN has the Punisher: War Zone footage from last night's panel.
• I heard the Twilight panel was absolutely off the charts as far as tween female geekdom goes. Never have so many mothers and daughters gone so ballistic in one area at the same time -- I'm not sure if anyone called Guinness, but some sort of record was definitely broken.
• We missed the paltry G.I. Joe panel, but JoBlo has a pretty good rundown of it in case you're interested. No footage was shown, just a slideshow of stuff we've already seen and maybe one or two action shots.
• Last but not least, The Masters of the Web panel was a good time. This was my first ever Con panel (as a panelist) and luckily I didn't throw up or accidentally spit on AICN's Quint (who sat next to me).I'd call that a success.
  

I was just about to eat lunch when Cinematical's Christopher Campbell IM'd me the following ... "your dream movie ..." with a link to an article over at Daily Star featuring a quote from Megan Fox (who's no longer getting married to what's his name from Bev Hills 90210, by the way) in which she says her dream is to film an entire movie in the nude. No joke. And if I somehow had the money to fund such an experiment (donations? anyone?), I'd do so in less than a second. Strike that -- I'd do it in less than less than a second. (What do you want from me? It's Monday ... I'm alone ... writing about Batman for the 7,654th time. I'm allowed to geek out over my girl Megan just a little, right?)

Here's the quote: "I would love to do a movie naked – it would be beautiful. No one dares make that kind of film today. They did it in the 1930s in an arty way, so why not now?" Sh*t, why not now? I'm sure Brett Ratner would make that film for no money -- heck, I'm sure Ratner would pay someone else out of his own pocket if it meant he could direct that movie. I can almost see it now: Arty: The Movie, starring a naked Megan Fox and directed by Brett Ratner. And you thought The Dark Knight was popular? Wait until you see the viral sites for this one!

(And don't even pretend not to care -- the gallery below is our most popular on the site.)