Cher Tagged Articles at Cinematical

In February, Kevin James signed on to play The Zookeeper in MGM's upcoming live action comedy. At the time, the plot was described as the story of a zookeeper who decides to leave the zoo because he's having trouble meeting a girl ... but the animals intervene. Now we know what that intervention is. The guy wants to win back the woman of his dreams, so the animals teach him their methods of dating and mating. I hate to say it, but this sounds cute.

The instructors of ze love, according to Variety, will be Adam Sandler as a capuchin monkey, Cher as a giraffe, Jon Favreau as a bear, Sylvester Stallone as a lion, and Judd Apatow as an elephant. I think they missed an opportunity by not making Sly a stallion, but otherwise, those voices could make for an interesting set of mating rituals.

Jim Breuer, Faizon Love, and Bas Rutten are rounding out the voice cast, but there's also one other name on the roster -- Rosario Dawson. Yes, she will play the woman of his dreams. Oh, men must love the fantasies that Hollywood provides.

The idea of anthropomorphized animals teaching a lonely sap mating rituals could make for a lot of comedy -- if they're allowed to really dip into the mating rituals. Do you think this James laffer will live up to the promise, or pale in comparison to projects like Green Porno?

Stephen Dorff and Chris Pontius (Jackass) aren't the only men gearing up for Sofia Coppola's upcoming film Somewhere. It turns out the rumors are true -- Movieline has confirmed that Benicio del Toro will be making an appearance. Unfortunately, it's only brief. He'll play someone Dorff has a run-in with at the Chateau Marmont (where Dorff's character is holed up). This is fitting, as the site points out, since that's where he had that rumored sexy run-in with Scarlett Johansson. Will they meet in an elevator?

Meanwhile, funny woman Kathryn Hahn, who you surely remember from films like Anchorman and Step Brothers, has scored two new gigs -- one on the big screen, and one on TV. The Hollywood Reporter posts that she has grabbed a part in James Brooks' untitled baseball comedy, and is also developing a pilot with husband Ethan Sandler that she will potentially star in. As for the comedy -- that's the Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and possibly Jack Nicholson flick focusing on romance, laughs, and baseball. She'll play Rudd's assistant.

Finally, Cher is really doing what she can to perk up her career lately. Aside from Drop Out and The Zookeeper, Variety has confirmed that the earlier talks have now been sealed -- Cher will head to Christina Aguilera's upcoming Burlesque. The saucy icon will play "a former dancer who struggles to keep the club open and gives the young girl a chance to shine." Cher will sing for the film, but there's no word on whether she'll turn back time to wear that bathing-suit like body floss.

Cher hasn't been seen on the big screen since her brilliantly self-effacing cameo as herself in the underrated Stuck On You. This is a shame, because despite being the butt of many jokes, Cher is actually kind of awesome. She just has that intangible aura of cool -- which may seem like a strange thing to say about someone who dresses like this, but what are you gonna do. The rumors that Cher was going to play Catwoman in Christopher Nolan's third Batman film were stupid as a factual matter, but it was by no means a bad idea.

Well, Cher is finally returning to the big screen, co-starring, for better or worse, with Johnny Knoxville -- which has already prompted the ever-so-clever staff at The Hollywood Reporter to ask if you've heard "the one about the Cougar and the Jackass." (No, I haven't -- what's the one about the Cougar and the Jackass?) If the movie -- called Drop-Out -- goes into production any time soon, Cher will actually be playing right at her age, as a 62-year old woman who takes in a lazy, unemployed couch potato played by Knoxville. The movie will be written and directed by Ricky Blitt, who wrote Knoxville's The Ringer. Which was awful. Then again, it suffered from a distinct lack of Cher.

So yeah: Cher's back, bitches! Spread the word.

(P.S. Everyone's at Sundance, and I'm bored.)

Although we're chalking this up to the overeager and rarely reliable British press (England & Scotland, I love you, but your tabloids are crazy), it bears reporting anyway. According to The Telegraph, Cher is said to be in talks with Christopher Nolan to play Catwoman in the third Batman film.

Says some anonymous studio executive: "Cher is Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman. He wants to her to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years. The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry's purring creations."

The same article also reports Johnny Depp as having signed to play the Riddler -- and we all know that isn't true. No one knows which villains will appear in the third film. Even Nolan's participation is still up in the air, despite all of this breathless casting speculation, fan art, and fierce "Will they work in Nolan's gritty real-world setting?" debate.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I actually love Cher and I think she could make a pretty cool Catwoman. But if Nolan does do a third film, and if he does include Catwoman, I want an actress that's closer in age to Christian Bale. I'm not trying to be ageist, it's more that I see Catwoman's career as being a parallel to Batman's, much like the Joker. I want that Batman: Year One story. But should they ever make The Dark Knight Returns (and there was much chatter after Comic Con that Frank Miller and Zack Snyder were at some kind of unofficial agreement on making it, so who knows), I nominate Cher to be the retired Selina Kyle. An older Catwoman deserves someone as awesome as Cher to play her -- not the broken down wreck she was in the book. What do you think, readers? Cher for Catwoman and Nolan, or do you prefer the Angelina Jolie fantasy casting?

There are certain documentaries appropriate for many occasions and I could easily write a Cinematical Seven for any holiday doc-watching. But this Veteran's Day, I think the best doc to watch is The Ground Truth: After the Killing Ends, a film by Patricia Foulkrod about soldiers who've returned after serving in Iraq. The best thing about The Ground Truth is that in addition to giving the vets an outlet with which to tell their stories of difficult homecoming, it also examines a broader history and psychology of veterans in the last century. I recommend buying the DVD, which came out in September, because 10% of the proceeds made on each disc goes to Operation Helmet, an organization created to send helmets to troops without proper headgear.

In addition to picking up the DVD, I also recommend checking out a special event this Saturday. Focus Features, which distributed The Ground Truth, and AOL are co-hosting a live online event to support the troops and the veterans at 1pm EST. Users will be linked to a live chat with returned Iraq War soldiers, vets from previous wars, and a number of participating celebrities, including Cher, Paul Haggis, Susan Sarandon, Diane Lane, Vondie Curtis Hall and Amy Brenneman.


For more on the film itself, check out my review of The Ground Truth: After the Killing Ends.

Entirely unreliable source Entertainmentwise is reporting that Catherine Zeta-Jones has a major Vegas jones. Now that she's "conquered Hollywood," the Welsh mobile phone hawker has set her sights on a Vegas show of her very own - inspired, she confesses, by a childhood Cher obsession. Though this is probably one of those taken totally out of context and then stitched carefully together quotes, Zeta-Jones is alleged to have actually said "I want to do a Vegas show."

I realize that enthusiasm for this sort of thing is wildly out of character for the cynical crew at Cinematical, but this is one unsubstantiated rumor I am fully behind. The woman was easily the best thing in Chicago, has a stage background, and can sing and dance. Plus, her show would surely have a sense of humor, unlike some other unnamed Vegas ego-fests. So why the hell not?