Cinematical Seven Tagged Articles at Cinematical

We both know that I could probably fill all seven slots of this list with just scenes from Roland Emmerich's disaster-tastic 2012, but in the interests of letting everyone else get a chance to see it, let's stick with films that have already come and gone. Some of these titles qualify because of the uniquely ridiculous nature of their disasters, while others count for what ridiculous plots unfold amidst otherwise ordinarily perilous acts of nature.

There will be a couple of spoilers to go along with our picks, but since most of these have been out for a couple of years, it's not like it's the end of the world...

The battle of the sexes is alive and well in Hollywood, and whether it is the subject of a rom-com or an indie flick, audiences love to watch a good ol' fashioned throw down. But what makes a 'battle of the sexes' comedy a tricky proposition is that someone has to lose. So how do you make your audience (who is for the most part, female) accept the idea that a strong and feisty gal has learned the error of her ways and has 'surrendered to love''? Granted, it was a heck of a lot easier when they were making these movies in the '30s and '40s and marriage was the inevitable 'happy ending' for most gals.

Today, The Ugly Truth has been released on DVD and just like a million films to go before it, the story centers on a man and a woman who 'meet cute', fight a lot, and then fall in love -- and just like every other film, the whole thing hinges on the happy couple. When you're covering well trod ground like a battle of the sexes comedy, the charm and likability of your leads are your bread and butter -- and on a personal note, I just don't think Truth pulled it off, and I never got that charge from watching Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler engage in a little 'verbal foreplay'.

So at risk of sounding like somebody's grandmother, I decided that when it comes to the battle of the sexes comedy, nobody did it better than classic Hollywood, and it didn't matter whether it was during the hay day of screwball comedies or gritty films noir. That's why this Cinematical Seven is dedicated to those classic Hollywood couples that could battle with the best of them, but unlike Heigl and Butler, their chemistry became the stuff of movie legend.

After the jump; seven classic couples that are all-time champs when it comes to the battle of the sexes....

Let's face it, your the hero of your movie is only as good as your villain is bad. If you've got an amazing, swashbuckling, ass-kicking hero who faces off against someone wimpy, it just feels like you had an amazing appetizer and a lackluster main course. We want villains that we love to hate, not villains that we hate to love, and once we find them, we don't want to let go of them so easily. Just look at how much Darth Vader has dominated the world of villainy. He was in four of the six Star Wars movies, and is still pretty much the poster-boy for awesome villains.

But what about the villains who could have joined him? There's a whole slew of sub-villains who weren't given enough screen time, or were killed off too easily. Villains who deserve to roam the hallowed halls of the bad guys and girls club. We dedicate this Cinematical Seven to those who could have been great, but are instead relegated to the ranks of the Almost Perfect Villains Club.

Darth Maul

Speaking of Star Wars, Did this guy get a bad rap or what? He a Dark Lord of the Sith for pete's sake, yet he hardly talks, zips around on a scooter, and gets killed at the end of the only movie he appears in. He does kill Obi Wan's mentor, sure, but why not keep him around for later? He looked scary and cool at the same time, and wielded very cool double-ended saber. Plus, Ray Park did a kickass job playing him and making those fight scenes look amazing. Unfortunately, one chop to the midsection and he was never heard from again. Darth Vader went on to become a legend, but Darth Maul only became "that guy with the red face and the horns," and no one is rushing to make a movie about his origins. The Star Wars saga actually has a plethora of great villains we would like to see more of: Jabba the Hutt, Grand Moff Tarkin, Boba Fett, IG-88, and more.

In honor of this week's release of DreamWork's Monsters vs Aliens on both DVD and Blu-ray, we measly humans here at Cinematical have decided to wade through the hordes of monsters and or aliens in kid friendly films to find the cream of the closet-dwelling, slime-dripping, child-eating, smile-inducing crop of inhuman lovables. In doing so it has occurred to me just how hard it is for a film to make an iconic character for children.

Sure, it's easy to make something marketable for kids, but to make monstrous and unique characters for children to cherish into adulthood, not unlike the mutated heroes of MvA, takes a lot of talent.

E.T.
I have no reason to lie to you. I'm a 24-year-old man and E.T. still scares me. He has ever since I was a wee little lad. I can't pinpoint the moment that instilled such a ridiculous fear of everyone's favorite horticulturist from outer space, but I think it's a combination of two scenes. The first being when ET tries to phone home and inadvertently causes hurricane winds, flying saw blades, and me in the fetal position. Then we have the seemingly innocent visitor gray, shriveled and dying in the creek bed, looking like the specter of death to a frightened child like me.

My kindertrauma aside, I can't help but respect the terrifying little dude. He holds a special little place in my heart, even if it's in a deep, dark recess that makes me long for my blanky,

We often tie our Tuesday Cinematical Seven picks with DVD releases, and this time, I was torn. On the one side, there was the out-to-lunch Hollywood science that allowed there to be identical cousins in The Patty Duke Show. But aside from the wonder of creating a girl with a crappy computer, a barbie, and some David Lee Roth personality, there wasn't much I felt could battle with cousins who look exactly alike. But then there's also the DVD release of the first two seasons of Felicia Day's famous web series, The Guild. Sold -- The Best Big-Screen Geek Girls.

Elisabeth's Geek Beat recently discussed what it means to be geek, and for the purposes of this list: It's on-screen characters who have smarts and delight in things that usual characters don't. They might love learnin', comics, computers, geek flicks, or even following around freaky people and collecting warped memorabilia. They're a little bit different, all sorts of kickass, and all sorts of worthy for the Best Big Screen Geek Girls. Check out the rundown after the jump and weigh in with your own picks!

I Love You, Man comes out on DVD and Blu-ray today, and it's a light-hearted if quickly forgettable movie that squarely defines "bromance," which has quickly become one of the marketing industry's favorite terms. It's a word that's come to describe camaraderie between men on screen when "friends" just won't cut it. We're not talking about Brokeback Mountain levels of love between males here, but something just south of it.

Unfortunately, I Love You, Man doesn't really nail that moment until the very end of the film. By then, the only thing stuck in your head is Paul Rudd's "Slappin' de bass" line, and the bond between Rudd and Jason Siegel seems more like beer buddies than anything. But what about movies that nail between man, for better or worse? Here's seven examples of movies that are very pro-bro.


Midnight Run
Martin Brest's 1998 bounty hunter tracking down his man movie his one of the best bromances ever captured on film: Charles Grodin and Robert De Niro. Paramount, the first studio developing this project, wanted to team De Niro with Cher to provide some "sexual overtones". Thankfully, Paramount bowed out and Universal stepped in. Despite the fact that Grodin is in handcuffs for most of this movie, it's De Niro's Jack Walsh in emotionally shut-down chains who changes dynamically. The intimate ending scene between the two is worth all the hammy acting by the supporting cast.

For some reason best left to psychologists, there are people who are attracted to what I call ... sex creeps. This type of character goes beyond what is called jolie-laide in women, a term that directly translates to pretty-ugly, although is generally used to describe "unconventional" beauty. There's no real correlation between the jolie-laide and the sex creep. No, the sex creep is attractive but prone to certain, shall we say, peccadilloes that go beyond the pale -- dating blow-up dolls, crashing cars to get off, dabbling in experimental gynecology. These guys all slime their ways between the lines.

In any case, here are seven of my favorite sex creeps. You might also notice there's a certain director who shows up a few times on the list -- he's an honorary sex creep as well. I hope he takes his title in the complimentary manner in which it's given.

As last year, I want to use this space to highlight some terrific films that came down the pike in the first six months of the year -- and merrily continued down the pike without anyone giving much of a damn. This happens to a host of deserving movies every year; given how much of a miracle it is when an indie actually takes off, there's no avoiding it. But these seven are eminently worth your time; at the very least, I promise they're interesting. Give them a shot.

1. Two Lovers (James Gray) -- Actually my favorite film of the year, this melancholy character study is carried out with such painstaking attention to detail that it becomes akin to one of Henry Selick's stop-motion miracles -- watching it inspires a sort of awe. This is James Gray's follow-up to We Own the Night, and Gray has announced himself as one of our most important newcomers, a master at creating living, breathing, populated, real universes for his characters to inhabit. [Now on DVD.]

2. Julia (Erick Zonca) - This movie barely saw theaters at all -- I saw it in a one-week run courtesy of our local Film Society -- but it might have been a decent investment for an actual distributor. Though it has someone profoundly unpleasant at its center -- the perpetually drunk and nasty title character, played by the incredible Tilda Swinton -- it eventually turns into a remarkably tense little thriller, complete with a classic kidnapping scenario and a chance for the rotten protagonist's redemption. [On DVD August 18th.]