ConanTheBarbarian Tagged Articles at Cinematical

If you are somebody who is a little 'cinematically inclined', then I'm sure one of the questions you ask any new friend or foe is "So, what are some of your favorite movies?" Now I'm going to be honest here and tell you that if I'm trying to impress someone new, I might leave out a few of the less than 'high-minded' selections in favor of earning a little cool quotient by name dropping something underground or foreign. But, we've all got our dirty little secrets, and over at The Guardian Film Blog, Ryan Gilbey has taken the first step by admitting his top five embarrassing film obsessions.

Coming in at number one for Gilbey was John Landis' The Blues Brothers. As it turns out, Gilbey's love for the blues comedy faded as soon as he passed puberty and now his beloved film is "flat and joyless". But some of his other choices might surprise you, like Conan The Barbarian (which earned him plenty of commenter heat), and The Rocky Horror Picture Show (you can read the full list over at The Guardian). A little while back, Elisabeth bravely admitted that she was the owner of a DVD copy of Baz Luhrmann's romantic epic Australia (and what a relief it was to discover I wasn't the only one who fell prey to the infamous 'bucket scene') But, as shameful as that purchase might be, I think I might have it beat. Because, for my top five embarrassing favorites, unlike Gilbey, I'm not blaming them on my youth or nostalgia. Nope, my love of these five movies is just downright mortifying, so let's begin, shall we?

After the jump; My most humiliating movie favorites...

A new journey to the world of Cimmeria has been in the works for eons, with a slew of delays, casting rumors, and rewrites keeping the project barely puttering. Just look here to freshen up. But now ... the new Conan the Barbarian may have been found. And he bares a striking resemblance to the last. (My emphasis of that word will make sense in a second.)

The Hollywood Reporter's Risky Biz Blog reports that Lionsgate and Nu Image/Millennium are not interested in finding a fresh Conan, but grabbing an Arnold Schwarzenegger look-alike. They're in talks with Roland Kickinger -- a 41-year-old actor who, just like Arnie, is from Austria, is a body-builder-turned-actor, had a role as a T-800, and even played a Conan-era Arnie in See Arnold Run. Talk about the Schwarz being with you ... and about a lack of casting creativity!

Could this, perchance, be a little over-the-top? I mean, yay for Kickinger, who could finally make a huge mainstream-role out of his Arnold similarities and set out on the path for gubernatorial success. But as for the film and the rest of us -- this seems more over-the-top than a mirrored version of Psycho!

I don't think Schwarzenegger can say "I'll be back" anymore. It just doesn't have the same ring when there's a new Austrian to cover for him.

Conan the Barbarian has a director, and it isn't Brett Ratner. That's the story according to CHUD, who reports that horror director Marcus Nispel has signed on the dotted line, and will direct the remake / reimagining for Lionsgate.

Remakes are familiar territory for Nispel, who has helmed our latest versions of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th. I haven't seen either (though I am sure Scott Weinberg will rectify that soon), but I know they were heavy on the gore and action. With Outlander writers Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain giving the script a rewrite last year, I think you can picture just what Nispel and Lionsgate are aiming for ... lots of pulpy, bloody, R-rated action. While I'll hold out some hope for character development, I'll take comfort in the fact that the Barbarian's sword will meet flesh and bone with a suitable level of blood and crunch.

Now we'll have to see who lands the role (Devin Faraci is hearing that they'll go with an unknown), and whether Ratner left his fingerprints all over the project, as has been rumored every time he was on again, off again with it. But hey, it looks like Conan will make it to the theater before Red Sonja and Thulsa Doom do, which is how it should be.

Brett Ratner seems like a perfect fit for Beverly Hills Cop 4: a director nobody likes making a sequel nobody wants. It was announced back in May that he was taking on the project, with Eddie Murphy and an R-rated approach intact despite rumors to the contrary on both counts. But now, with a BHC 4 script still unfinished, Ratner is looking at something to work on in the meantime -- a reboot of Conan the Barbarian.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Ratner is thisclose to signing a deal to direct a hard-R-rated Conan, with a 2010 release in mind. The screenplay is by Joshua Oppenheimer and Thomas Dean Donnelly, who also wrote Sahara and A Sound of Thunder and based their Conan script on the original stories from the 1930s. (Yes, that's when Conan was created. No, he wasn't an ancient mythological character.) THR notes that Oppenheimer and Donnelly are "doing a quick polish" of their work "to incorporate some of Ratner's ideas." That doesn't bode well -- but then again, neither does hiring the guys who wrote Sahara and A Sound of Thunder.

On the other hand, the original Conan stories weren't exactly high literature. They were pulpy, cheesy, and goofy. The first Conan movie, Conan the Barbarian, which helped launch the career of a certain U.S. governor, wasn't very faithful to those stories, but it was successful in its own right. The sequel, Conan the Destroyer, was jokier and went for a softer rating, thus dooming the franchise after only two entries. A loud, explosive, over-the-top, ridiculous reboot might be just what the character needs -- in which case Ratner is definitely the man for the job.

Oh, and Ratner still intends to direct BHC 4, too, only now it will be after Conan. That means for the next couple years, Ratner will be too busy to interfere with anymore superhero franchises, which will help a lot of comic-book geeks sleep easier.

Lionsgate is very eager to get their remake of Conan the Barbarian up and shooting. How can they not be? At this point, Conan spin-offs Thulsa Doom and Red Sonja are neatly beating it in the pre-production department (Red Sonja already has a star, a director, and merchandise already!), and both were green-lit after Conan. A sad state of affairs for the Cimmerian, indeed.

But it looks like things are moving again. According to The Hollywood Reporter, they've has hired Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain to rework the script. They seem a pretty good fit for the pulpy source, being fresh off Outlander (which McCain also directed) and Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans. They're still looking for a director, but would anyone be surprised if they decided on McCain?

They're replacing Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer, who wrote several drafts, apparently none of which was to the studio's liking. The CEO of Paradox Entertainment, Fredrik Malmberg, is aiming to stick close to the source material. He'd also like to become a franchise. (Is that a surprise to anyone? Thought not.) "There's no reason there couldn't be a Conan movie every two years. He's almost like Batman: He's a dark hero. He's a hard hero. He has to be badass, but we also have to like him."

Lionsgate is also looking to restart another long-delayed swords-and-loincloths project -- McCain and Blackman's Amazon, to which Scarlett Johansson has long been attached, has landed in the studio's loving hands. They're looking for a director for that, too. It wasn't that long ago that I wished for a resurgence of swords and sorcery -- and I'm getting it. It's going to be glorious! Chainmail bikinis and dudes with eight-packs, all worthy of being painted on the side of your van. Welcome back, 1980!

Djimon Hounsou's "dream project" has finally been confirmed in the trades. Variety reports that Hounsou is pairing up with Dynamite Entertainment to star in and produce a movie about Thulsa Doom, nemesis of King Kull and Conan the Barbarian.
The character originally appeared in Robert E. Howard's story Delcardes' Cat, and is getting his own comic book series (courtesy of Dynamite) next year.

You probably remember Thulsa Doom as being played by the incomparable James Earl Jones in the classic Conan the Barbarian movie. But if you're a fan of Howard's work, you know that Jones' character didn't resemble the literary one very much. The original Thulsa Doom is an undead sorcerer with the face of a skull, with eyes of fire, and all kinds of scary powers.

So, unless Hounsou is going to bury his handsome face behind make-up or CGI, the new Thulsa Doom will be more in line with Jones' character, and another departure from Howard's original pulp stories. Already, they are looking to make a demonic villain more inviting, as Hounsou's film will show how the once heroic Doom went all mean and nasty. Just once, wouldn't it cool to have a movie about a demonic sorcerer who happily eschewed the straight and narrow? Thank goodness J.R.R. Tolkien left no such wiggle room with Sauron or Morgoth, eh?

This video is a little absurd; most of the re-dubbed dialogue makes little sense; and I can't help but feeling there could be more done with the idea, but isn't it the funniest Star Wars mash-up you've ever seen? A-ha! It's scenes from Star Wars with Darth Vader's lines replaced with those of King Jaffe Joffer from Coming to America. It works because James Earl Jones, who plays Joffer, was also the voice of Vader. But wouldn't it have been more logical to have the whole looking for his son thing to pertain to Luke Skywalker? Well, all mash-ups can't be perfect. Fortunately all the repetition of "A-ha!" and "and ... " makes Star Wars come across as a Monty Python movie, so it is at least hilarious. The only thing better would be if the "Yakkety Sax"-scored clips of Star Wars were combined with this video. That would be even sillier than this other favorite (and official) Star Wars video.

So, I guess there could be more of these mash-ups employing the dialogue of other James Earl Jones roles. Some that I would like to see would feature the lines of The Lion King's King Mufasa, The Sandlot's Mr. Mertle, Field of Dreams' Terrence Mann, Soul Man's Professor Banks and of course Conan the Barbarian's Thulsa Doom. Here's one that would be perfect for Leia's prison scene: "Next time you get arrested, use it to call me. I'll bring you your books. You can study in jail." And this would be appropriate for any old scene dealing with Vader and his minions: "I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy." OK, I've got the ball rolling; now someone get me those mash-ups. "I'm prepared to compensate you ... Shall we say one ... A-ha!"

Well, either John McTiernan took a pass on the offer or AICN had their collective legs pulled when news came that Die Hard helmer McTiernan was in talks to direct the Conan the Barbarian update for Millennium Films. Dark Horizons has now reported that French director Xavier Gens told film site Le Film Francais.com that he was in line to direct the fantasy update. After the drawn-out battle for the rights to re-make the 1982 film, it seems like the production is still having a little trouble finding a director or a star. Although AICN did name Gerard Butler as one of the contenders for the role (I guess he has plenty of experience in a loincloth already). Gens is probably best known as the director for the video game flick Hitman -- which might not be the best calling card if you take the cringe-worthy score of 13% on Rotten Tomatoes as any indication of the man's abilities.

Gens entrance into the Hollywood blockbuster scene probably didn't quite work out as he had hoped. First, there were rumors that there were arguments with the studio over Hitman's rating, and then finally there was talk that Gens had been pulled from the project altogether. There was some PR back-pedaling surrounding the problems with Hitman, but even if the rumors weren't completely true, it could not have helped his reputation. But since Gen's involvement in Conan is still a rumor at this point, fans probably shouldn't get too worried just yet. Let's just wait until we hear something a little more official. Conan the Barbarian is scheduled for release in 2009.

So the last that most of us had heard from action-director John McTiernan was that there was the very real possibility that he was about to be incarcerated for four months -- however pesky little details like prison time have never stopped the rumor mill before; so why start now? Ain't It Cool News reports a rumor that originated on the French film site Mad Movies, that Nu Image has McTiernan at the top of their wish-list of directors for their new spin on the Conan franchise. According to the article (and what I could make out with my high school French), Nu Image wants to entrust their fledgling trilogy to the man behind some of the best (and worst) action films of the last 20 years. With a projected budget of $80 million, it makes sense that Nu Image would want an action vet like McTiernan behind the camera.

Back in June, Christopher reported that New Line had snagged the rights to the franchise from Warner Bros. But as we all know, that was not to last, and by August Millennium Films had secured the rights to revive the franchise. There are still plenty of unanswered questions when it comes to the Conan remake, though it has already been confirmed that the film is going to go with an entirely new approach. So far, the buzz has Gerard Butler (300) in the lead to take over the part, but like so much surrounding the film it's only a rumor at this point. So in the midst of all this speculation, stay tuned to Cinematical for any official updates that come our way.

While everyone was busy fighting over the rights to Conan the Barbarian, another Robert E. Howard property has been quietly chugging along toward production. Variety reports that James Purefoy (Rome) has signed to star in the adaptation of Solomon Kane. The story focuses on a 16th century swordsman who has been cursed because of his bloody past. Kane vows to never fight again, until he is forced out of retirement to battle evil just one more time -- so I guess, in this cast, he really would be "too old for this s**t". The film underwent a personnel change last year when Michael J Basset (Wilderness) was hired to write and direct with no mention of the film's previous producers, Don Murphy and Gregg Hoffman. Kane will now be a joint production between Wandering Star and Davis Films (Brotherhood of The Wolf) and according to Variety, the producers are planning on a trilogy.

When Purefoy's casting was announced, Basset told ComingSoon.net, "Purefoy's ability to embody Kane's complex heroism, struggles and failings as he wages a mortal battle, made him the perfect modern hero in this epic fantasy". Like so many other English actors, Purefoy started his career with The Royal Shakespeare Company, so the man knows his way around a period piece. His face might ring a bell as 'The Black Prince' in 2001's A Knight's Tale with Heath Ledger. Purefoy was most recently on HBO's Rome as the famous Marc Anthony, but this summer HBO announced that the show was on its final season. Once Purefoy finishes his commitments for two upcoming TV projects, he will have plenty of time to start work on Kane.