Let me just say first that, I consider Bo Welch's The Cat in the Hat (2003) the worst movie I've seen in my more than ten years of reviewing movies, and Ron Howard's How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) is not far behind, and would no doubt rank somewhere in the bottom fifty. Jim Carrey returns from the title role in The Grinch as the voice of the title role in Horton Hears a Who! so I was skeptical at best about the quality of the new film. Not to mention that most CGI animated films not produced by Pixar tend to range from forgettable to awful. What a happy surprise, then, to see one of those rare animated films -- and an even rarer family film -- which ventures into that elusive middle ground, providing wholesome entertainment for kids as well as a few belly laughs for adults.

Directed by Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino, both making their feature debut, Horton begins by effortlessly rendering in 3D space that familiar 2D world of Theodor Geisel (a.k.a. Dr. Seuss), with its curvy trees and oval-shaped hills and dales. We meet our hero, Horton (voiced by Jim Carrey), a pachyderm whose personality teeters between dutiful and lazy, helpless and self-reliant, goofy and dedicated. He teaches a class of young animals about various forms of jungle life, but not without a bit of inadvertent, entertaining slapstick. One day, a speck of fluff floats past his sizable ears and he hears a voice emanating from it. He rescues the speck, deposits it on top of a clover and learns that, living upon the speck, is an entire miniature society called Whoville (not to be confused with the Whoville in The Grinch) and run, more or less, by the Mayor (voiced by Steve Carell).

When word first came up about Traveling, I was all sorts of excited. In a moment of spot-on casting, Aaron Eckhart was picked to play a widower who writes a book about grieving, becomes a self-help guru, and then falls for another woman and realizes that he's not over his loss. Hearing that Jennifer Aniston was going to play that new woman -- well, I wasn't excited, or disappointed. Just meh. Now, according to The Hollywood Reporter, we've got five more cast members who should perk things up a bit.

Dan Fogler (Balls of Fury) will play, surprisingly enough, "the guru's overzealous manager." This is just about the last thing I would've imagined, but I'm game to see it. Judy Greer (27 Dresses) will play an employee and friend of Aniston's at the florist, which isn't surprising at all. And Martin Sheen, well, he's going to play Eckhart's father, who has a strained relationship with his offspring. Thinking about it, it seems strange, but there's just something in Sheen's face that makes it feel right. And besides, who couldn't do with more Martin Sheen? Rounding out the cast, there's Joe Anderson (Across the Universe) as Aniston's musician boyfriend, and John Carroll Lynch (Zodiac) as a "reluctant seminar attendee."

Balls of Fury
Does anything more need to be said other than that Balls of Fury is a ping pong action movie co-starring Christopher Walken? Frankly, that's enough for me. But if you happen to be a Bruce Lee fan, the fact that it's a spoof of Enter the Dragon may entice you. The comedy details a former Pong phenom called Randy (Dan Fogler), who is sent on a special mission to nab his father's killer, Feng -- who just so happens to be played by Walken. With Maggie Q and a spiritual guide, Randy gets back into ping pong shape and heads to Feng's jungle compound and his ping pong tournaments.

This DVD includes an alternate ending, a small serving of deleted scenes, a comedy bit about, erm, ball handling, and a "Making Of" featurette that includes cast and table tennis guru Wei Wang, who also helped out this year's other ping pong movie, Ping Pong Playa.

Check out James' Review | Buy the DVD

Blade Runner
It has been 25 years since Blade Runner first hit theaters, and now we're getting one hell of an anniversary DVD gift just in time for the holidays. Originally stemming from the mind of Philip K. Dick, the film is a cyber-heavy vision of the future where replicants (human clones) are whipped up to work on colonies outside of Earth. However, when some escape and head to the planet, Deckard (Harrison Ford), a cop and replicant terminator, must put aside his visions of retirement and stop them. The flick also starred the likes of Rutger Hauer, Sean Young, Edward James Olmos, and Daryl Hannah -- and of course, it's one of the biggest and most loved sci-fi films to hit the screen.

Fans can choose one of 3 main sets -- the 2-Disc Special Edition, the 4-Disc Collector's Edition, or the mack daddy of collections: The Ultimate Collector's Edition. The 2-Disc set offers Ridley Scott's new, final cut of the film with three commentaries, plus a feature-length documentary on the film's creation. If that's not enough, you can up it two more discs and also get all the different cuts -- theatrical, international, and director's, as well as another disc with 90 minutes of rare footage and featurettes. Finally, you can add one more disc and store it all in a sweet, metal case. The extra DVD shares a "Workprint Version" that changes things up a bit (such as no Deckard narration and no happy ending) and includes one more featurette and commentary.

Check out Ryan's Review of the Final Cut | Buy the 2-Disc, 4-Disc, or 5-Disc DVD


Other New DVD Releases (December 18)
Stardust
Underdog
Halloween
Rush Hour 3
Evil Dead: Ultimate Edition DVD
Bring It On: In It to Win It
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True

*And apologies to Simpsons fans: The Simpsons Movie

Check out Peter Martin's Indies on DVD for even more new releases.

Welcome back to The Write Stuff! I'm thrilled that there is such a strong interest in screenwriting out there. Thank you all so much for your comments last week, both here and on my site. All of your questions and comments will be addressed in the coming weeks, so stay tuned and keep them coming!

The first interview for the column is with red-hot screenwriter Adam F. Goldberg. Adam is living the dream. He writes for both television and film, and his upcoming movie projects include Fanboys, the live-action Jetsons movie, and They Came from Upstairs. Cinematical spoke with the incredibly busy Goldberg about his scripts, his process, and Goonies: The Musical.

Cinematical: You said you were being "enslaved by a director," what are you working on? And should I call the authorities?

Adam F. Goldberg: Perhaps call them for my hacky writing! It's called They Came From Upstairs for Fox. It's a family movie, kinda like Gremlins -- but with aliens. The spec was written by Mark Burton and was sold for like $1.7 mil. I believe I am making about .0001212 of that. It's been a really cool project. The movie was in pre-production and the studio realized the script wasn't ready and shut it down pretty late in the game. I came aboard to get the train back on the tracks which is always high pressure and very difficult to do. I handed in 40 pages and they re-greenlit the movie and we're casting and location scouting now. I'm on draft two currently, working next to the director and bringing his vision into it.

Cinematical: Is that an awkward process at all -- being brought in to re-write a fellow writer? Do you ever run into hurt feelings or bruised egos? I guess the $1.7 million makes the pill easier to swallow.

AFG: Well, I come from the TV world, writing on sitcoms and that's very collaborative. You have to sit in the room and watch 10 other writers tear apart your script right in front of you. That bruises your ego. As for movies, more often than not a writer can only go so far and it's your job to bat clean up. It's never a great feeling to have your screenplay rewritten, but hopefully you've moved onto your next project, so it doesn't sting so much. And believe me, that $1.7 payday is like winning the lottery. I hope I can sell a spec one day. I've had little luck in that department.

As evidenced by our Resurrecting the Champ insert caption entries last week, 99 percent of which included a swear word or some variation of "motherf***ing," all it takes is a photo of Samuel L. Jackson to turn even the most docile blue-haired granny into an f-bomb-dropping badass. Without further motherf***ing ado, here are this week's gloriously foul-mouthed winners:

1. "Hehe, well sh**. Maybe I should've said no to Snakes on a Plane. Hindsight. Got a quarter?"
-- Curt

2. "Ah man, I can't wait to wipe my ass with this."
-- Aaron Lopez

3. "What!! Half off at SuperCuts!!?? Out-Mother-F&%!ing-Standing!!!"
-- Shanec

See full image and all captions

This week, we bring you a photo of a mulletted Dan Fogler and a purple-robe-clad Christopher Walken from the upcoming Ping-Pong comedy-epic Balls of Fury. So let the male genitalia puns commence and hit us (not in the Balls, please) with your best caption. Winners will receive Balls of Fury underwear briefs, T-shirt, Ping-Pong paddle and a pack of balls -- just in case, you know, you don't have any of your own.

Read the official rules for this contest

The calm before the storm has ended, and now it's time to get ready for some Balls of Fury. At the end of last year, Scott Weinberg and I posted about the insane ping-pong film that has Christopher Walken looking like, in Scott's words, someone who looked like they just walked off Dracula: The Spoof. Then, as is usually the case, things calmed down for a bit. But now we're less than a month away from the flick's August 29 release date, and the buzz is brewing once again. Chris Ullrich covered the film at ComicCon, and now VH1 has an interview up where MTV chatted with the film's star -- Dan Fogler.

It's a pretty entertaining interview, and entirely appropriate for the subject at hand. You won't hear about the delicate operations of filmmaking. Instead, Shawn Adler talks with the actor about training and techniques for ping pong: "people might say it's just a matter of a turn of the wrist, but for me it's all moxy, blood, sweat and tears," and then a whole "balls" riff -- trying to think up the best movie title if one of the nouns is replaced with "balls." Juvenile, but amusing. Funnily enough, the actor goes on to talk about Christopher Walken, and muses over a potential future film where the duo go on a road trip "Thelma and Louise-style." I bet he hasn't heard about the man's latest project, which is similar -- without the army chase and "cosmic explosions." And finally, I know you all were wondering what Mr. Walken smells like. According to Fogler: "He's got a certain smell, a real Walken-y kind of smell... I'd say lilac and orange peels." Yum.

And lastly, check out the new poster to the right. Am I the only one reminded of that scene in Heathers where you saw a flash of the two croquet balls and mallet?

What's got Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, looks like a dozen other "high-concept" romantic comedies, and really kinda stinks? The answer lies here, within the brand-new trailer for something called Good Luck Chuck. Sort of a cross between 40 Days and 40 Nights, Just My Luck and a particularly lame sitcom, the flick seems to be about a dashing young bachelor who creates brides: Sleep with the guy just once and >boom< you're headed to the altar with your dream husband. But what happens when the bride-maker falls for a girl he actually (yep) likes? Why, he's gotta practice abstinence! No sex, ironically, to keep the girl! How very clever.

And I haven't even gotten into the subplot about how he plans to lose his "good luck mojo" by having sex with an obese (and therefore un-marry-able) woman. I just respect you too much. I'll also spare you the play-by-play of the horny sidekick dentist and his desperately witless rejoinders. Anyway, Good Luck Chuck comes from longtime editor / first-time director Mark Helfrich with a screenplay from the guy who wrote that severely mediocre Kids in America flick. On the other hand, the movie promises to show us Jessica Alba's panties at least once -- which should guarantee at least a $15 million opening weekend. Release date is August 24. Here's the trailer. (And just for the record: I really dig Dane Cook's stand-up material, but that Employee of the Month flick was really freakin' awful, which makes me a little more skeptical of the guy's cinematic output. And trailers like this one sure don't help much.)

As we reported last September, a CGI adaptation of Dr. Seuss' classic Horton Hears A Who is in the works. Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio (The Santa Clause 2) are adapting the book, first-timers Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino are directing. Blue Sky Studios, who did Ice Age, are producing the film for 20th Century Fox Animation. Where this film really looks to shine is in the voice talent department. Jim Carrey will be tackling his second Seuss character with Horton (pictured), and Steve Carell is lending his pipes to the Mayor. Now we know Who else will be bringing Who-ville to life, and believe it or not, Robin Williams is not on the list! Comedy legend Carol Burnett will voice the Kangaroo, and the rest of the cast is pretty much a "Who's Who" of the freshest, funniest comedic actors working today. To wit:

Will Arnett (screamingly funny on Arrested Development, RIP), Amy Poehler (killer on Saturday Night Live and Mrs. Will Arnett), Seth Rogen (so great in 40 Year-Old Virgin and set to explode with this summer's Knocked Up), Jonah Hill (hilarious trying to buy the sparkly shoes in 40YOV), Dan Fogler (terrific in his Tony-winning role in Broadway's The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, and appearing in his possible breakout role in this summer's Balls of Fury), Isla Fisher (gorgeous fiancee of Sacha Baron Cohen and the funniest part of Wedding Crashers), Jamie Pressley (very good on My Name Is Earl but my thoughts go immediately to Skinemax staple Poison Ivy 3)... and finally - the hilarity comes to a screeching halt - Dane Cook (funny in absolutely nothing). With all that comedy goodness behind the scenes, I can't wait to see this thing. Save the date! March 14th, 2008! It'll be great! Don't be late! Damn you, Seuss!

Here's some bits and bites for you to chew on:

• If you're like me, you've been anxious for Allan Moyle to get back to his deliciously cult Pump up the Volume roots, which it seems he has, with his Canadian film, Weirdsville. After opening the Slamdance Film Festival, the U.S. rights to the flick have been picked up by Magnolia Pictures. The movie follows two heroin addicts (Scott Speedman and Wes Bentley) who almost bury an almost-dead junkie (Taryn Manning), have a run-in with Satanists* and a mob of little people....and a drug lord. The Hollywood Reporter has more info on the deal, and the film's website has got a trailer and other goodies. And yes, that's Bentley in the picture to the right, sporting lots of fu-facial hair.
• In December, Chris brought us news of Topher Grace's upcoming movie, Kids in America. Now Venom finally has some co-stars. The pic follows Grace as a recent college who tries to nab his paramour at a crazy party while dealing with his on-coming adulthood -- as any good coming-of-age story should. Scary Movie's Anna Faris has been cast as Grace's twin sister, Dan Fogler -- that wild-haired ping ponger from the upcoming Balls of Fury -- will play the best friend and Australian actress Teresa Palmer gets to be Grace's dream girl.
• Ms. Felicity Huffman, Transamerica star and desperate housewife, is now an author. She's penned A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend: For Every One Who Wants to Be One/For Every Girl Who Wants to Build One with Patricia Wolff, which was launched in LA on Monday. This super-short titled book gives advice on how to be a good boyfriend "while still maintaining guy-dignity." Anyone want to make bets on how long it will be before this gets adapted into a really, really bad film?

*Thanks to Kirby for the good catch! While a group of Satinists would be interesting, this mob is of the Satan variety.

When I was growing up, Jupiter Jones, Peter Crenshaw and Bob Andrews were my Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. And I guess that would make Alfred Hitchcock my Dumbledore. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you probably never read Robert Arthur's "Three Investigators" series of books. The young adult novels followed three boy detectives and originally featured Hitch as a supporting character (he's since been written out of all the books due to a lack of participation by his estate). After finishing all the "Encyclopedia Brown" books, and before I began my Agatha Christie phase, I spent a few years attempting to read all of the "Three Investigators" books, which was difficult since they weren't as popular as some other youth detective novels, and there was no such thing as Barnes & Noble (as it exists today, at least) or Amazon. I wonder if any kids appreciate the library today as much as I did back then.

Come Easter, Disney will be releasing the first in a planned franchise, The Three Investigators and the Secret of Skeleton Island, which was the sixth book of the series (they weren't as chronological as the Harry Potter books). The movie was supposedly announced a few years ago, but it completely slipped under my radar. I guess this was because the movie isn't being made in Hollywood. In fact, despite taking place in California, it is being shot in South Africa and is being produced by a German studio. The fact that I'm so unfamiliar with the director, Florian Baxmeyer, as well as the three screenwriters, makes it hard for me to worry too much about the movie's quality. So far my only obvious problem will be with the lack of Hitch as a character (maybe they could at least have Dan Fogler play the Hitch replacement, Hector Sebastian, as a subtle hint?).