This will no doubt be an illegal movie forever. After seeing it at the UC Theater in the summer of '82, I recently found a copy on a bootleg VHS for $1 at a Friends of the Library sale, still burned with the Sundance Channel bug. In today's cinema, much is made of the nostalgia value of the 1980s soundtrack: a famous example being Tears for Fears' "Head Over Heels" during Donnie Darko's opening. You can have your MTV, though, since URGH! A Music War was the soundtrack to my 1980s. Hey, what a surprise, no Duran Duran, no INXS, no Soft Cell covering a Gloria Jones soul classic and convincing a history-impaired generation that they wrote it. And yet it's clear why this film failed.

As a business scheme URGH seems, in 2008 hindsight, a uniquely quick way to burn a fortune. The film documents second-wave punk and New Wave bands playing from LA to London, editing them together without any particular zeitgeisty event like a music festival. So: play it a little under a real kiss-of-death title, and then wait to be deafened by the wails of bands, managers and lawyers zooming in to fight over the non-existant money. The Police were the headliners, opening and closing the film. They wrap up the film, too; you can see drummer Miles Copeland wearing an URGH! T-shirt. Is this perhaps all he was paid for this film? There are mostly cinematic performances here, and we see how much was lost by the fact that the Industry couldn't figure out a way to use their talents in the movies. Here's a key to the best of the show, omitting slurs of forgotten bands who perished long years ago.

OK, so the music snob in me is not thrilled that someone like David Bowie would appear in a teen romance with a High School Musical star. But, luckily I don't take these things all that seriously and I'm sure I'll get over it. Variety reports that the music legend is currently in talks to star in the musical Will. Todd Graff (Camp) co-wrote the script with Josh Cagan and Graff will also direct.

The coming-of-age story centers on an outcast teen who befriends a like-minded girl who regrettably also runs with the popular crowd. Vanessa Hudgens plays the popular girl Sam, who after struggling with a stutter, has finally made it to the cool table. Liam Aiken will play her socially inept band mate. Remember this is a musical, so the story doesn't stop with the usual 'opposites attract' teen romance. The two then go on to "form an unlikely bond through their shared love of music. They assemble a like-minded crew of misfits and form a rock group to perform in a battle of the bands competition at their school."

The cast also includes Lisa Kudrow (who really does deserve to work more; the woman is hilarious), and Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights). Bowie is still in negotiations, so there is no word on which character he would be playing in the film. Part of me hopes it will just be a cameo, à la Zoolander. Will is set to start shooting in Austin, Texas in February and should hit theaters (with or without Mr. Ziggy Stardust) later this year.

As I pointed out in my Poltergeist review, I didn't watch much horror as a boy. That's probably a good thing, as even the non-horror flicks I enjoyed often scared the bejesus out of me. You kids today don't know how lucky you have it with your wussy Shreks and your lamewad Pikachus! Children of the 1980s are still in therapy over what Hollywood deemed "family films" back then. The following non-horror mind-screws should prove my point.

Return to Oz (1985)

In high school, I brought Return to Oz to a Halloween movie marathon. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid. Everyone scoffed. "A Wizard of Oz sequel? That's supposed to scare us?" I didn't hear a lot of mockery after the movie started. In fact, nobody said a word until about halfway through, when a friend of mine whispered "Can we please turn this off?" I'm not sure who thought this movie was appropriate for children. It gave me nightmares for nearly a decade.

Dorothy finds a key with an Oz symbol on it, shows it to Auntie Em and Uncle Henry as proof that Oz exists, and is sent to an insane asylum! An evil insane asylum where they give our young heroine electro-shock therapy! That's how this "childrens' film" starts! Once Dorothy gets to Oz, it's a speeding night train of horrors. How about that Nome King? Good LORD! Winged monkeys aren't scary enough anymore, let's give the kids The Wheelers -- sadistic shrieking psychopaths with roller skates instead of hands and feet! Kids today won't be satisfied with just a standard wicked witch, let's really ramp that up too, and ruin their lives! The sequence with the witch's cabinets full of human heads easily rivals anything in the Nightmare on Elm Street series for sheer terror. "Dorothy Gaaaaaale!!!!"

Even the heroes are horrifying! Jack Pumpkinhead? A hybrid stick n' pumpkin creature who calls Dorothy "Mother"? That's your good guy? Not cool, Return to Oz. Not cool.

The Neverending Story (1984)

Along the same lines as Return to Oz, The Neverending Story feels way too dark, weird, and just...wrong to be a kids' movie. I feel my eyes welling up now remembering Atreyu's horse slowly sinking into quicksand and dying. I can't even talk about the Gmork, that big wolfy vampire thing. And a storm called "The Nothing?" Sweet fancy Moses! Also, again, the heroes should not be scarier than the villains! The racing snail? The Rockbiter? That bat-dude? And Falkor? A big flying dog/dragon mutation with disgusting scaly eggs on his skin? We were supposed to root for this hellacious beast?

Another scream-inducing aspect -- one of the worst theme songs in all of 80's film. And that's saying a whole lot!

It looks like there could be a turf war brewing in Gotham. In New York Magazine's eyes, it's the battle between "the rich, powerful father and his silky hipster son." You see, on the one hand we've got Robert De Niro's Tribeca Film Festival, which came out of the ashes of September 11 to revitalize Tribeca. On the other, we've got the High Line Festival, which is gearing up for its inaugural year, and is being curated by David Bowie.

While Tribeca upped its prices this year and is considered by some to be the rich folks festival, this new offering is the budget fest which offers cheap tickets, is backed by the price-conscious H&M and will donate part of its proceeds to a green space project. NYM insiders say this is ticking off De Niro: "I hear it's driving Robert De Niro crazy, and that's just great because he's a big old wrinkled thug versus these young guys." (Not Bowie, but the fest's producers, David Binder, 39, and Josh Wood, 33). But here's where I get confused. Tribeca is a film festival that has some other content, like the Goo Goo Dolls who will perform this year. But High Line is a total music fest, and is boasting a line-up of bands like Air and Daniel Johnston

Page Six source says that it's the Slamdance to Sundance, but come on! Is there much cross-over between the two that the new cherub of festivals could edge out the old and established angel? Their scope seems different enough to me, and besides, if Bowie's baby is successful, perhaps Tribeca will re-evaluate its audience and start to chip away at its stodgy reputation.

[via AOL Entertainment]

Over the years, we've seen several lists that attempt to name the top movie villains of all time. From Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) in Die Hard (my personal favorite) to Jack Nicholson's Joker, we could probably sit here, throw out a number of intimidating bad guys and debate all day long. But what about the least intimidating? Those baddies who were supposed to frighten us, but couldn't quite live up to their evil reputations?

Well, The Phat Phree has come up with a list of the 11 least intimidating movie villains of all time ... and I must say, they're pretty spot on ... except for two. Let's see, we have Mr. Glass (Samuel L. Jackson) in Unbreakable, Madison Lane (Demi Moore) in Charlie's Angels 2, Chucky in Child's Play (c'mon, it's a doll!), The Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie) in Labyrinth, Darth Vader (the Hayden Christensen version), Nuclear Man (Mark Pillow) in Superman IV and (perhaps their best pick) John Travolta in everything (Broken Arrow, Battlefield Earth, Face Off, The Punisher, Swordfish), among others. One of the villains I strongly disagree with is John Kreese (Martin Kove) in Karate Kid 1, 2 and 3. Talk about intimidating -- when I was growing up, that guy scared the crap out of me. I actually quit Karate lessons just so I didn't have to run into one of him down the line. Seriously.

Another bad pick (thrown in as an honorable mention) was Zod (Terrence Stamp) from Superman 2. No way! Zod was The Man! And certainly a very intimidating villain. Check out their list and let us know who should or shouldn't be on there. If you ask me, almost every Batman villain (Danny DeVito as The Penguin? Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze?) should've at least got a mention. What say you?

Slogging out to the multiplexes to see 2006's overstuffed lineup of CGI-animated kids' films was a truly soul-deadening experience. These polished widgets -- Over the Hedge, The Ant Bully, Cars, Barnyard, Flushed Away -- dropped off the conveyor belt like so many shining pennies, exactly the same and worth about as much. Most of these films used the exact same template: An outsider hero with some kind of "loner" issues was accidentally thrust into a world peopled with colorful characters. After facing some kind of larger challenge, the hero learned how to be part of a family. These films didn't even bother to disguise their boredom; they could have been generated from the same computer program.

For the record (and to register a differing opinion from that of our own Kim Voynar) George Miller's Happy Feet is the year's only example of animated excellence; it's the only entry that demonstrates even the tiniest form of imagination, and it has practically become a phenomenon among audiences starved for such things.

This week, the celebrity grapevine is twirling all its little tendrils around Angelina Jolie. My goodness, she's getting more news time than Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson combined. First, she and her family tried to take a rickshaw ride in India but had to stop due to excessive media coverage. Then her driver in India hit a pedestrian while trying to avoid paparazzi. (It was discovered later that she wasn't in the car at the time.) And now a photographer is claiming that he was punched and threatened at gunpoint by a bodyguard on the set of A Mighty Heart, in which Jolie is portraying Mariane Pearl, widow of journalist Daniel Pearl.

Fortunately, if you sift through the mountains of Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt news (I refuse to do that name-combining thing), you can find some other celebrity activity this week:

• More celebrities considering adoption: Rumors have been flying that Madonna is in the process of adopting a year-old boy from Africa. She doesn't actually have the child yet, and Malawi law prohibits non-residents from adopting the country's children, so we'll see what happens.

When I first saw this headline, I immediately felt a tingle creep up my spine and couldn't help but cry out, "Yes! They're remaking Labyrinth! Bowie! Bowie!" However, after reading the story, cringing as Variety ripped out my heart and diced it up sushi-style right in front of my eyes, I realized we're talking a different Labyrinth here. Boo!

Oscar-winner Hilary Swank is set to star in a remake of the 2003 French thriller Labyrinth, with Russell Gewirtz (Inside Man) penning the script. Pic is described as a psychological thriller about a "mental patient with multiple personalities who holds clues to the whereabouts of a serial killer." I've never seen the French film, but based just on that description, it appears to be a mix of Silence of the Lambs and Don't Say A Word, with the latter kind of, well, sucking. I assume Swank will play the mental patient (Ahem, Oscar nom? Anyone?), but what about the serial killer? Do I even need to say it? Bowie! Bowie!

Holy. Crap. It's official: I'm in full freak-out mode about The Prestige. Before, I was just hopeful, and excited about the prospect of a weird, complex, fascinating book being turned into a movie by Christopher Nolan, with a cast made up of folks like Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale and Michael Caine. Now that I've seen the trailer, however, I'm afraid I'm not going to have a moment of peace from my anticipation until the movie opens this fall -- it looks that good.

For those of you who read and loved Christopher Priest's novel, the trailer is a revelation (at least it was for me): I have chill on top of my chills right now, from the simple thrill of seeing the novel brought to life so vividly and effectively. Putting some of the book's diary musings into Cutter's (Caine's) mouth seems to work surprisingly well, and Jackman and Bale look fantastic. Plus: Bowie! Tesla's light bulbs! And was that Ricky Jay?! I mean, seriously. This could only be better if it came with chocolate cake.

The Prestige opens October 27.

[via AICN]

I don't think I could ever articulate what it is about Labyrinth that's so wonderful, but it's safe to say that I honestly have never met anyone who saw it and didn't love it. (Those of you who think puppets are stupid need to stay away.) The songs are outrageously catchy (I've had Dance, Magic, Dance in my head since I first read this story Friday morning, dammit), the characters -- human and otherwise -- are uniformly winning and it's got both David Bowie AND Jennifer Connelly (before she got her boobs, boys) -- what's not to love? While most of us have to make do with watching it on our televisions, those of you in LA have a special treat heading your way: On July 20 at 8pm, the movie will be screened at the Samuel Goldwyn Theater in Beverly Hills. But wait, there's more! In addition to seeing the magic on the big screen, you'll also get to witness a "post-screening conversation featuring the creative team behind Labyrinth, including [Brian] Henson, who is the voice of Hoggle and co-CEO of the Jim Henson Company." Sigh. Well, at the very least someone who gets to go better send us a report about how great it is. Please?

It seems as though sex is permeating many of the film events in Austin this week, from movies that stretched the limits of the old Production Code (Lolita, Baby Doll) to contemporary movies that stretch our ideas about sex and film (Dear Pillow, Kissing on the Mouth). Labyrinth is also a hot choice for many David Bowie fans. You may want to buy a frosty beverage, with lots of ice, to accompany your viewing of these films. Or you could go see something tamer, but what's the fun in that?

• This week's addition to the AFS@Dobie collaboration is the 2005 Australian Western feature The Proposition, which opens today for a week-long run at the Dobie. Tibet: A Buddhist Trilogy and Clean are being held over for extended runs.
• This week's selection of Summer Movie Classics at the Paramount includes a saucy pairing of Lolita and Baby Doll on Sunday and Monday, a "Tales of Kipling" double-feature of Gunga Din and The Man Who Would Be King on Tuesday and Wednesday, and all three Indiana Jones movies next weekend.

In addition to his directing career, Luc Besson has made a bit of a name for himself as a writer of children's books. His four-volume series about Arthur and the Minimoys has been a big hit in his native France, and Besson has been working for years on a movie about the characters. Though very few details had been available until recently, new information about the film has been showing up every 10 minutes over the past couple of days.

The film, which is a mix of animation and live-action, will feature the voices of Madonna, David Bowie, and Snoop Dogg (already, I'm hooked), as well as the real-life acting talents of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's Freddie Highmore as Arthur and Mia Farrow, who will play his grandmother. The fantasy plot is a little confusing in summary, but essentially, Arthur's grandparents' house is being threatened by developers, and he decides the only way to save it is to track down his grandfather's mysterious treasure, which he's been told is "hidden somewhere on the 'other side' in the land of the Minimoys" (who are a single centimeter tall, by the way). Arthur somehow reaches the other side, and madcap adventures no doubt ensue.

Besson hopes to have his film ready to premiere at Cannes in May; it has been acquired for American distribution by The Weinstein Company, and will open in here on Christmas.

[via JoBlo]