Well, since it seems that the very few out there who still respect what I have to say about movies, and horror movies in particular, either didn't read or didn't mind my mild admission that I only like Stanley Kubrick's The Shining, I feel a little bolder about bringing another piece of quasi-blasphemy to light: at this time last year, I hadn't seen Dario Argento's treasured Suspiria, and when I eventually did, I was distinctly underwhelmed. Perhaps it was too dated, perhaps I was too jaded, but I was relegated to sitting back and just plain 'respecting' another classic of the genre.

That makes me no more oblivious to the fact that it's sacred enough that a remake announcement is cause for cringing. Making matters a little less cringe-inducing, though (in my opinion), is Bloody Disgusting's confirmation that Natalie Portman is to star in the 2010 incarnation. She's smart, she's sexy... in short, this Oscar nominee could wander curiously around the halls of my eerie ballet academy any day.

However, I still find the reports that David Gordon Green is attached to direct a little hard to swallow; I'm still coping with the fact that he directed the very funny and relatively mainstream Pineapple Express. Maybe a why-not stance would be most fitting at the moment.

Suspiria remake? Portman starring? What do you think?

(No, I'm not stoned. It's just that Pineapple Express opens today (8/6), but my review was published over a week ago. This reprint is brought to you by Cinematical's Recycling Division. We care about wasted bandwidth.)

I won't get into the precise reasons, but my friends always seem to think I'm going to LOVE the next big "pot comedy." They chuckle and assume such silly things despite the fact that the only real pothead comedies that I truly enjoy are Up in Smoke, Next Movie, and a large portion of the Harold & Kumar misadventures. Frankly I'm of the opinion that most pot comedies feel like they were written by someone very stoned, and let's just say that writers don't always do their best work when they're extra-baked. (They might THINK their stuff is hilarious, but usually it's not. That's just the weed talking.) Oh, you'll definitely find a few cannabis-caked giggles in Half-Baked, Grandma's Boy, and Smiley Face -- just not enough to sustain a whole movie, if it's me you're asking.

So it is with much pleasure, enthusiasm, and recently-applied Visine that I offer you Pineapple Express, which just may be the Casablanca of Pot Comedies. Or perhaps it's more like When Ultra-High Harry Met Super-Stoned Sally, but either way Pineapple Express showcases some of the funniest "weed culture" insights since the arrival of Richard Linklater's fantastic Dazed & Confused -- which I wouldn't call a full-bore "pot comedy," but it sure isn't shy about passing those joints around. Best of all, while Pineapple Express will absolutely appeal to both the casual and committed pot-smokers, it's also just a very funny buddy comedy / action flick parody that comes bearing the very unique stamp of director David Gordon Green.

I won't get into the precise reasons, but my friends always seem to think I'm going to LOVE the next big "pot comedy." They chuckle and assume such silly things despite the fact that the only real pothead comedies that I truly enjoy are Up in Smoke, Next Movie, and a large portion of the Harold & Kumar misadventures. Frankly I'm of the opinion that most pot comedies feel like they were written by someone very stoned, and let's just say that writers don't always do their best work when they're extra-baked. (They might THINK their stuff is hilarious, but usually it's not. That's just the weed talking.) Oh, you'll definitely find a few cannabis-caked giggles in Half-Baked, Grandma's Boy, and Smiley Face -- just not enough to sustain a whole movie, if it's me you're asking.

So it is with much pleasure, enthusiasm, and recently-applied Visine that I offer you Pineapple Express, which just may be the Casablanca of Pot Comedies. Or perhaps it's more like When Ultra-High Harry Met Super-Stoned Sally, but either way Pineapple Express showcases some of the funniest "weed culture" insights since the arrival of Richard Linklater's fantastic Dazed & Confused -- which I wouldn't call a full-bore "pot comedy," but it sure isn't shy about passing those joints around. Best of all, while Pineapple Express will absolutely appeal to both the casual and committed pot-smokers, it's also just a very funny buddy comedy / action flick parody that comes bearing the very unique stamp of director David Gordon Green.

For quite a while now, the rumor that Huey Lewis would be performing the theme song for the expectedly hilarious Pineapple Express has been making the rounds, and today... oh, today, it has come to sweet fruition, as the theme song hits first the soundtrack's MySpace profile and then my beating heart.

I can't tell you how much it tickles me to have the sax of the News accompanied by the sound of Huey uttering the word 'chronic'. Then again, I can't tell you how much I'm tickled that we're actually facing a summer movie season that will cap itself off with Huey Lewis doing the theme song for a Judd Apatow-produced, David Gordon Green-directed stoner-buddy action-comedy, followed the week after by Robert Downey Jr. in blackface. Seriously, could you have called that this time last year?

If you don't know why I'm so psyched, I've included the NSFW red-band trailer after the jump, and for those of you who are right there with me, Pineapple Express hits (snicker) on August 8th.

[God bless Spout Blog for bringing this to our attention. I'm tempted to send you guys over a basket full of pineapples just out of principle.]

Back in 2000, we saw the brilliant debut of filmmaker David Gordon Green. The movie, George Washington, also marked the first screen credit for Danny McBride. Three years later, with Green's also-brilliant sophomore effort, All the Real Girls, McBride made the switch from second unit director to supporting actor, playing the film's excellent comic-relief character, "Bust-Ass". Then the two film school classmates kind of went separate ways. Green continued making beautiful little independents like Undertow and Snow Angels, while McBride wrote and starred in the low-budget comedy The Foot-Fist Way (which finally hits theaters this weekend) and then continued to find minor roles in big-budget comedies such as Hot Rod, Drillbit Taylor and The Heartbreak Kid (and the upcoming Tropic Thunder). Finally, this summer Green and McBride are reunited for the Judd Apatow production, Pineapple Express.

When you think John Grisham, you usually think of legal thrillers, right? Well, that and the term 'airplane reading', but you probably don't think pastoral sports stories (I know I don't). The Hollywood Reporter announced that Phoenix Pictures has purchased the rights to Grisham's 2007 novel, Playing for Pizza, and the company is already on the hunt for a writer and director for the sports dramedy.

Pizza centers on a third string quarterback for the Cleveland Browns named Rick Docker. After blowing his team's championship shot, Rick is dropped from the team and blacklisted from the NFL. Luckily for him, his enterprising agent finds him a spot in the Italian football league playing for the Parma Panthers. From then on the story is probably a compendium of 'fish out of water jokes', and general cultural misunderstanding -- I'm thinking something along the lines of Under the Tuscan Sun, but with a lot more tackling.

Why We Can't Wait to See It: It's a fresh, yet classic stoner story written by Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow, and Evan Goldberg. The trailer looks funnier than hell, there's 227 references, and Huey frickin' Lewis wrote the theme song. Also, Rogen gets to not only fly through the air, but also carry James Franco out of a burning building all action hero-style.

Why It Might Do Well: Between The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad, Seth Rogen has been comedy gold lately. At the very least, the movie will get the loyal Judd Apatow contingent, along with those curious to see what David Gordon Green can do with comedy.

Why It Might Not Do Well: Aliens land on earth and the world ends. Realistically, it should do quite well, but it won't get as many young girls and action-hungry mens seeing it -- both Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and Hell Ride open on the same day.

Fun Fact: The chorus of Huey Lewis' theme song for the film: "We got in trouble, we got to get out of here. I've got you, you've got me. We are as high as we can be. That's all right. How did we get into this mess? Pineapple Express!"

Trivia:



Answer Key

Finally, after all of the waiting, Moviefone has the trailer for The Pineapple Express, which you can watch above (or over there in glorious HD)! And man, it's been worth the anxious wait, even if there's no Huey Lewis to be heard. Under the directorial eye of David Gordon Green, Seth Rogen and James Franco are two pot smoking friends who get in over their heads when Rogen witnesses a cop murder someone. Of course, the only thing to do is go straight to the pot-dealing Franco.

Rogen is, well, Rogen, although he's got one heck of a flying through the air moment that was just completely brilliant, and has me waiting for Seth to take on a buddy cop movie. Franco, meanwhile, is just excellent. Really -- after pushing the boundaries of annoyance with Spidey, he's just stoner greatness. And, it's nice to see Rosie Perez getting down with her bad self.

Watch out for the barracudas!

(Fun Fact: A little birdie out at SXSW told us that, originally, Rogen was supposed to play the stoner and Franco the straight guy. However, Judd Apatow wanted to take a risk and flipped the roles before filming began.)

With each picture since his 2000 debut George Washington, David Gordon Green has taken at least a small step backward. That gradual regression becomes a full-fledged precipitous decline with Snow Angels, a film in which the director (working from a novel by Stewart O'Nan) flails about in search of poetry, and comes up with only trivial stylistic flourishes that compound his story's overwrought faux-naturalism. Considering the lyrical grace of his heralded first feature, Green's devolution from one of American cinema's most promising talents to his current status as just another middling indie lightweight is tough to fathom. Yet with his latest, Green misses the mark in so many respects -- from a multi-strand plot devoid of insight, to performances that are generally overcooked, to a mise-en-scène that comes up largely empty in the department of inspired grace and beauty -- that it makes one wonder if his upcoming foray into director-for-hire work (with this summer's raunchy stoner comedy The Pineapple Express) isn't a shrewd attempt to escape his own increasingly faulty auteurist instincts.

I really don't know what to say. I saw All the Real Girls. I dug it. However, I could also see how it's an indie movie for indie lovers -- slow, somber, meandering. I haven't gotten to see Snow Angels yet, but that's another dramatic film, and quite heart-wrenching. Then there's Seth Rogen's Pineapple Express, and now... SUSPIRIA?

Yes, in a discussion with MTV, director David Gordon Green confirms that he is involved with the upcoming Suspiria remake -- the one that was on in 2006, then off, and then on again last May. "No, it doesn't make a lick of sense," the director said, but no, he's not talking about his involvement, but rather the film: "I love it, plot holes and everything." He's written the new version, and is hoping to direct it as well.

Green says: "It's an opportunity to take all artistic excellence and be inspired by what was a low budget Italian 70's gore movie, where the art world meets the violent and supernatural." Jokingly, he also says, with his involvement it would be "some classy shiat." Maybe if he can handle a funny Rogen film, and the slow and serious, he can speed things up a little and make a great remake. But what do you think? Would a Green-helmed Suspiria remake be "classy shiat?"