Want to know a dirty little secret?

Contrary to what you've heard recently, critics hate writing bad reviews.

No, they're not fun to write; they're exhausting. No, they're not less work than a good review; they're more difficult. And when you love movies -- which you better, as a critic -- you don't sit down in the dark before a film and think, "Boy, I hope the next two hours of my life will be wasted." But every movie is not, in fact, good -- and these were the high marks among the low points in 2007, from one critic's highly subjective perspective.

1. The Heartbreak Kid

Racist, sexist, misogynist -- and, even worse, not funny. The Farrelly Brothers proved their "King Midas in reverse" touch by turning a classic piece of comedy gold into a lump of trash. The only possible bright side comes in the fact that the Farrelly's status as box-office kings has now been tarnished, hopefully hastening their slide to straight-to-video film making.

The biggest indie release this week is Michael Moore's Sicko, which we've already covered extensively. I admit to a blind spot regarding Moore -- I think he's sincere in wanting to change things for the better, but his methods and approach drive me nuts -- so I'll just note that The Weinstein Co. DVD is filled with supplemental features and move on to less publicized films.

Just as controversial in its own way, Bruno Dumont's Flanders (pictured) debuted at Cannes last year, sparking passionate response, mainly in a negative vein. Our own James Rocchi called it "slow, turgid, bleak and brutal ... watching Dumont try and craft allegories and deeper meanings out of the petty interactions of his thinly-crafted characters and their meaningless actions and cruelties is a bitter experience." Other critics liked it much more, though, so I remain stubbornly intrigued. The DVD from Koch Releasing appears to be bare bones.

I'm also curious about Pretty Things (Les Jolies Choses) because it features Marion Cotillard in a dual role as "a goody-goody and her evil twin." Variety further described the film as "a blistering music-biz romp." Cotillard made a huge splash as Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose this year. I'd love to give this action thriller a spin. The DVD, also from Koch Releasing, is likewise without supplemental features.

Blame It on Fidel follows a nine-year-old girl trying to make sense of a world gone mad: Europe in the early 1970s as her parents suddenly become politically active, throwing her life into turmoil. The movie slipped completely under my radar, but it received very positive reviews when it was released earlier this year. Koch Releasing's DVD includes a "making of" feature, behind the scenes segments, and deleted scenes presented by director Julie Gavras.

I saw Michael Moore's Sicko (1 screen) yesterday. But rather than talk about Moore's good points and bad points, or the nature of propaganda, or the broken health care system, or liberals vs. conservatives, I'd like to pick one small moment from the film and expand upon it. After surveying the French health care system and finding it good, Moore asks why the American government and American media want us to hate France so much. "Is it because they're afraid we'll like it?" he wonders?

He has a point. The anti-France sentiment of the last decade or so is based mostly on stupid insults and jokes about surrendering (see last year's brain-dead Flushed Away for an example). It's the type of stuff the class bully comes up with and everyone just goes along. But if we stop for a moment and use our common sense, the French have it pretty good. Aside from the free health care depicted in Sicko, and their apparent longevity (despite their taste for wine, cigarettes and fatty foods), they've got one of the most beautiful cities in the world, great food, landmarks, music, and some of the finest filmmakers in the world.

Ignoring the odds-makers and pundits who touted Pedro Almodóvar's Volver and Alejandro Gonzáles Iñárritu's Babel as the likely winners of the festival's top prize, Cannes jury chair Wong Kar Wai and his colleagues instead tonight awarded the Palme d'Or to Ken Loach's The Wind that Shakes the Barley. The film, a brutal tale of life in the IRA in the 1920s, impressed critics, but had nevertheless been completely overlooked in the pre-awards gossip. The Grand Prize (the festival's unofficial second-place ribbon), meanwhile, went to Bruno Dumont's Flanders (a film that made James so angry he wanted to slug Monsieur Dumont), while Red Road, which moved and unsettled a lot of critics, took the Special Jury Prize.

Though both films failed to take the top prize, neither Babel nor Volver went home empty-handed. Iñárritu was named the festival's best director, while Almodovar's female cast -- Penelope Cruz, Carmen Maura, Lola Duenas, Blanca Portillo, Yohana Cobo, Chus Lampreave -- was collectively named the festival's best actress (the largely male cast of Algerian drama Days of Glory received the same treatment when it came to the best actor award).