Sorry, Jason Statham fans. He's not going to be your "Real American Hero." Statham had been rumored as the likely choice to play Action Man in the upcoming G.I. Joe flick, but Statham insists he has nothing to do with the film. "The old Internet can be quite misleading at times," he tell MTV Movies Blog. "I don't know where that came from." Statham is keeping busy without Joe though, bro. The Bank Job is due out in 2008, and he's currently on the set of Death Race with a surprisingly excellent cast that includes Ian McShane and Joan Allen. That film is being directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (the terrible Soldier and the almost-terrible Alien Vs. Predator). I always wondered why that guy didn't change his name. You'd think years of people being disappointed when he's not Paul Thomas Anderson would get to the guy.

In addition to those projects, the ass-kicking Statham is lining up some sequels that will bring him back to some of his more popular roles. For starters, there's Crank 2, which Statham promises will be "effing ridiculous." "If you thought the first one was crazy, this is ridiculous. It's mad," he says. "I couldn't resist working with those chaps again. It gives me a chance to go wild in the aisles." For more on the Crank sequel, check Scott's report here. And yet another Statham sequel is in the works -- Transporter 3. "I have a massive yearning to do Part 3 with Luc (Besson). I think it will happen (soon)," says Statham. I haven't seen the Transporter films, though I hear great things. I do happen to think Crank is one of the finest pure action films in years. I'm dying for a sequel, if only to see how they make up for the fact that it sure looked like Statham's character -- spoiler warning -- died in the original. Oh, and bring Dwight Yoakam back! Man, I love that guy.

Usually Hollywood waits until a movie's a hit to pounce on everything similar. Transformers hasn't even come out yet, and already just about every 80's toy and cartoon is being violently dragged back into the public eye. I just told you about the dueling scripts for G.I. Joe, He-Man is in the works, and now we've got another show I didn't watch headed for the big screen -- Thundercats. (Seriously, how did I miss all of this stuff as a child? Mom?). Pot-fueled discussions I've heard at parties are now becoming actual films. "Duuude, you know what show was awesome? Thundercats!" Paul Sopocy wrote the script for the live-action feature film, which will be released by Warner Brothers. Thundercats focuses on "a group of humanoid cats (with feline names like Lion-O, Tygra, Panthro and Cheetara) who must flee their planet of Thundera after it's destroyed. Once crash-landing on another planet, Third Earth, they must thwart Mumm-Ra, an evil sorcerer bent on killing them off." Oh. So that's why I didn't watch it!

Sopocy's script will be an origin story, and will "expand on the major heroes and villains from the animated series." The plot will center on Lion-O's coming of age and eventual ascent to the leader of the Thundercats. No word on possible cameos from Heathcliff and Garfield, or whether or not the film will feature Andrew Lloyd Webber musical numbers. Who do you guys see getting cast in this thing? G.I. Joe's a little easier to call, and the success of 300 should make actors a little less wary about hopping into the He-Man wardrobe. But can you think of any major stars who wouldn't mind dressing up in a cat costume? I have a feeling Pacino won't be on the call sheet. What are your feelings on a Thundercats movie? Will it be a meow-sterpiece or a cat-astrophe? If I said I thought it'd be purr-fect, I'd be lion to you! Want me to stop? I'll stop.

I'm beginning to wonder what exactly I watched as a child. While all of my friends talk excitedly about the big-screen adaptations of Transformers and now G.I. Joe, I find myself completely left out. I was the perfect age for those shows, but never saw an episode. What the hell was I watching -- Gummi Bears? (I do know the entire theme song, which I think answers my question. "Bouncing here and there and everywhere!") Erik just told you about Paramount's plans to move forward with a live-action G.I. Joe film, and also shared Latino Review's extremely unfavorable script review. Fear not, plastic man fans -- according to iesb, that leaked script was a rushed and incomplete first draft by Skip Woods, writer of Swordfish. (And Lord knows that guy couldn't write a bad movie!)

Woods' take was more of an "origin story," but it seems that his is not the only G.I. Joe script out there. A few years ago Paramount hired David Elliot and Paul Lovett (Four Brothers) to write a draft that was more of a straight-up adaptation of the series. That script (read LR's positive review here) included Duke, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, Hi-Tech, Heavy Duty, Wild Bill, General Hawk and General Flagg. The villains were Destro, the Baroness, Storm Shadow and Cobra. And now, in an unusual move, Paramount is asking both parties to finish their scripts at the same time. Woods will complete his first draft, Elliot and Lovett will begin a third draft. And then I assume Paramount will either make a choice or combine elements of both. Apparently Hasbro and Paramount are making this move to get the movie into theaters as quickly as possible, and before the possible Writers' Guild strike. Now then, what does a red-blooded American male have to do to get a Jem movie fast-tracked? That would be truly truly truly outrageous!