Once upon a time, back when I started out this line of work, it was my aim to see every movie ever made. Then came the VHS player. Once the direct-to-video market began, numerous filmmakers stopped thinking of the pleasures and rigors of making films for the big screen. Instead, they started thinking of a quick payoff. VHS financed the rise of the indie movie for good (or often, ill). It all added up to a huge increase in the number of films released. Eventually, I realized if I wanted to do some ordinary things--hoisting an ale, listening to music, reading a book--I was going to have to let a few films slide. Coming attractions have been a huge help in picking which ones to avoid, particularly the ones that reveal every single plot point and the most likely resolution of the problem. So how can I really do a worst of 2007 list? I ducked a lot of contenders. Underdog, for instance.

I missed P.U., I Hate You, as those slashing wits at Cracked magazine will be calling it, but I really felt James Rocchi's personal agony at witnessing the last of Hilary Swank's trio of evil movies this year. Though some would call it a duo; some people fell for Freedom Writers. Maybe this kind of story can be told without Room 222-levels of obviousness and manipulation...perhaps from the POV of one of the students, instead of the earnest white teacher? I'm not going to get any prizes for prescience by saying Swank's agent needs to be renditioned to some country with deep dark dungeons. Swank's Lost Year has already been celebrated elsewhere.

But The Reaping (#1) was the worst of the three; no one wants to see this actress's career reaped anymore. The low-water mark of this swamps-of-blood Christian thriller was the scene where Swank is told by a yokel, "Some people just don't want to go to heaven." Meaning her, and the atheists, agnostics, and Odin-worshippers in the audience.

Today, on this May the 29th, curious moviegoers can flop themselves onto their couches, chew on some popcorn and see just what it was that made Hannibal Lecter so crazy, because the unrated Hannibal Rising DVD has just come out. Now, this is a film that I avoided in the theater. Critic friends, actors and movie fans alike told me not to bother; however, presented with the opportunity to review the DVD, I figured it was my perfect chance to see it. My expectations were low, but my curiosity was high -- I always wonder what happens off-screen, and I was always curious about what made Lecter such a cold and calculated murderer.

Seeing Hannibal Rising is like excitedly strapping yourself in to a roller coaster and slowly creeping up to the summit, your mind full of exciting, twisting, corkscrewing possibilities, only to hit the peak and find out that there is no drop, but just a slightly-slanted plateau. The beginning of the film is both beautifully shot and deeply disturbing. We're taken into the turmoil of World War II, and see how a rich, healthy and happy family can at once be destroyed by a cruel twist of fate. As you watch what happens to the young Hannibal, you can't help but cringe, because it's truly terrible, but in that way that your mind can comprehend. It's not some big imagined King Kong, but a real and possible menace.

I just caught Philip Gröning's extraordinary documentary Into Great Silence (2 screens and opening wider), about Carthusian monks living in a charterhouse in the French Alps. It runs just past two hours and 45 minutes and I would wager that no more than two hundred words are spoken throughout. The film merely shows the monks going about their daily business: praying, chanting, caring for gardens, shoveling snow, sawing firewood, cooking, eating, etc. I have to admit part of my enthusiasm for the film stems from the fact that it contains no talking heads or clips; I was just about ready to scream if I saw one more documentary shot in that tired old PBS format. But I was also drawn to the film's meditative rhythm.

Or is it just slow? Already some of the reviews have trudged out the word "boring" to describe the film, and certainly it's a hard sell. But why? It's apparent that Gröning doesn't have any particular viewpoint about the monks; he's not trying to sell us on their dignity or righteousness, nor is he trying to uncover some secret, seamy underbelly. He merely wishes to show them to us. And in his great, quiet stretches, a viewer can easily get lost in his or her own thoughts. Indeed, I believe that Gröning actually prefers us to get lost in our own thoughts.

Here's some bites for Thursday:

• Ron Jeremy is itching to be taken seriously. After describing himself as a regular guy who makes normal men feel good about their looks in his latest memoir (sure, he isn't the most attractive, but not everyone is as well-endowed as him), he's looking to broaden his acting horizons beyond porn and reality television -- and into more Hollywood roles. This year he is in Do Not Disturb, a romantic comedy -- but don't be fooled. It used to be called A Bellman, a Hooker, and a Rabbi. Jeremy says of his move: "It's a certain amount of ego. In my little cloud, I still think I'm an actor." I think it would be safe to say that he won't get very far in that endeavour, but at least he has over 1,750 adult films under his belt.
• It looks like a tour company in Lithuania hasn't heard how crappy Hannibal Rising is. They are offering a Hannibal the Cannibal tour for tourists interested in seeing the homeland behind the fictional character. Travelers who buy into the package at $131 will get a tour around Vilnius, a "Hannibal feast" at a nearby estate, and a "meeting with Lecter." I'm not sure how they're getting a meeting with Lecter in there (wax figure?), but what about the feast? Does everyone just sit down and pretend they are eating human flesh? Will a person come out -- hogtied over a roaring flame? It is sounding more like a great spoof movie than a great tourist deal.
• There is a Dashiell Hammett thief on the loose! John's Grill in San Francisco is something of a Hammett shrine, having served the writer, who subsequently put the restaurant in his famous novel -- which later became the Bogey movie -- The Maltese Falcon. This week, a thief ran off with a Falcon replica and a number of vintage copies of Hammett's books. While the original figurines from the film have sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars, the replica is said to be worth around $2,000, and the books even more than that -- so John Konstin, the owner, has his own detective on the case and a $25,000 cash reward.

Happy midday Monday, all. I have to say, little disappointed in this weekend's box office results. 'Norbit' making $33 million? Seriously? Who has nothing better to do on a weekend than spend two-plus hours (what with getting to the cineplex, standing in line for popcorn and then finding a seat in the -- apparently crowded -- theater) on 'Norbit'? And it's not like the trailers or any clips that I've seen make it look like it's going to be good. And OK, I haven't seen it, so I can't swear that it's, um, not worth your two hours on a weekend, but based on the previews I've seen and the reviews I've read and the word of mouth I've heard (from the one person I know who's seen it, she works next to me, but for AOL TV), I'd be willing to bet the farm that this is not Murphy's finest hour and a half.

In short, 'Norbit' made a lot of moolah. Here's what Patricia predicted Friday:

1. Norbit
2. Hannibal Rising
3. The Messengers
4. Because I Said So
5. Epic Movie

And here's the actual weekend top five:

1. Norbit - $33.7 million (!)
2. Hannibal Rising - $13.35 million
3. Because I Said So - $9 million
4. The Messengers - $7.2 million
5. Night at the Museum - $5.75 million

Get the full box-office report here.

I know Patricia contemplated leaving 'Night at the Museum' in her top 5, but just couldn't believe it would hold onto that spot AGAIN. Whoops. But the box-office-prediction playas rocked it this week: There was a three-way tie for second place and a six-way tie for fourth place. Whoa. Very sweet, guys.

I guess that since the FCC determined that the sight of Janet Jackson's breast had traumatized families around the world during the Super Bowl, they have been pretty sensitive about the keeping a strict PG-vibe to the proceedings. Although I don't think anyone saw that Prince "shadow malfunction" coming. But in the end, this year's half-time show was relatively controversy free -- instead, there were complaints about the commercials. GLAAD first made a formal complaint about a Snickers commercial and the suicide prevention group, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, rallied to have a GM commercial removed as well (Both commercials have since provided alternate endings.)

So it makes you wonder what it was about the commercial for Hannibal Rising that caused it to never even get to air. Considering what most people thought of the film (including our own James and Ryan) they probably could have used the hype. But in the age of the internet, nothing stays hidden for long. BDTV is now hosting the rejected commercial for the horror prequel. After watching it, I'm not sure why the commercial was rejected; it could be the "kids in peril" shots, or maybe it's just because it's a pretty lackluster commercial. In the end, it probably won't matter how many high-profile ads they cram the airwaves with when the movie they're promoting probably shouldn't have been made in the first place.

It's at about this time of year that the hardcore moviegoers start wondering why they're being punished. Don't worry, friends! March is coming! Just hold on through weekends filled with tacked-on slasher prequels and Eddie Murphy detritus and we'll soon be discussing movies like 300, Sunshine and ... The Hills Have Eyes Part 2! Until then...

Hannibal Rising -- 15 positive / 79 negative at RottenTomatoes.com

Pro: "Webber directs with a steady hand and consistent tone, whether it's a frenetic battle scene or a slow-building confrontation at a market." -- Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle

Con: "Feels as stodgy as a museum case, and it seems so hastily cobbled together one feels vaguely ripped off by the ticket price." -- Jeremiah Kipp, Slant Magazine

Pro: "Harris, who adapted the screenplay, and director Peter Webber are faithful to his book. Strong production values, a lush score and scenic locations work seal the deal." -- Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle

Con: "Both too familiar in portraying Hannibal as a Dracula-like aristocrat monster, and crud in its exploitation of wartime atrocities." -- Liam Lacey, The Globe and Mail

Bonus! "You can spot the characters who will become Lunchables from a mile away, since they have been crudely drawn to rub up against Hannibal's tastes established in earlier films..." -- Ryan Stewart, Cinematical

The Lives of Others -- 54 positive / 5 negative at RT.com

Pro: "The accelerating plot twists are more than just clever surprises; they reverberate with deep and painful ironies..." -- David Ansen, Newsweek

Con: "I, for one, tremble at the thought of what this young director does for an encore." -- Scott Foundas, L.A. Weekly

Pro: "The skillfully acted and directed "The Lives of Others" is a timely warning about governments that seek to repress dissent." -- Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Con: "A pair of superb performances from Muhe and Koch are consistently undermined by the unreasonably overlong running time and leaden atmosphere." -- David Nusair, Reel Film Reviews

Bonus! "The performance stands out in a well-crafted film full of solid acting; both Mühe and The Lives of Others are unforgettable." -- Martha Fischer, Cinematical

Norbit -- 8 positive / 73 negative at RT.com

Pro: "Murphy's eyes, his facial expressions as Rasputia, her stare, the way she carries herself -- all of this is hysterically funny, a portrait of someone deluded about herself in every possible way." -- Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

Con: "It's a thoughtless, cancerous, viral, irresponsible pollution whose existence speaks ill of the society that produced it and of any society that would endorse or defend it." -- Walter Chaw, Film Freak Central

Pro: "There are so many great individual moments that the movie coasts by on its infectious good cheer." -- Jim Hemphill, Reel.com

Con: "A breathtaking display of moronic insensitivity." -- Amy Biancolli, Houston Chronicle

Bonus! "It's easy to like Norbit the character; it's hard to like Norbit the movie." -- James Rocchi, Cinematical

Next week: Breach, Bridge to Terabithia, Daddy's Little Girls, Ghost Rider and Music and Lyrics

So, I kind of can't believe Anna Nicole Smith died. I'm not exactly sure why this celeb death has stunned us more than most: Was it because she was so young, or because her life had grown so increasingly bizarre lately? Let's give her a moment of silence. ( ) And now let's move on and get to the predictions -- because Anna Nicole would want it that way.

Norbit: There's a poster for this movie at the subway stop near my apartment, and underneath the tagline "Have you ever made a really big mistake?" someone has thoughtfully scrawled, "Eddie Murphy did. This movie." Oooh, now that's a little bit harsh, though admittedly kinda funny (gotta love graffiti humor) -- and understandable, considering that Murphy just earned an Oscar nomination for Dreamgirls, and now he's wearing a pink bikini and showing off his stomach rolls.

But let's be fair. Whatever your take on this type of comedy, Murphy loves donning a fat suit and playing multiple characters, and he's made a nice chunk of change doing it: The Nutty Professor movies have earned a combined total of $250 million. The man must know what he's doing. As to the box office prospects of this movie, in which Murphy plays 1) wimpy geek Norbit, 2) Norbit's obese monster of a wife, Rasputia, and 3) Mr. Wong, who adopted Norbit as a baby, it remains to be seen whether it'll reap returns like The Nutty Professor ... or more like Pluto Nash.
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Hannibal Rising: Once upon a time, Anthony Hopkins looked like Gaspard Ulliel, apparently. The guy must've gained quite a few pounds from eating all those people, eh? This Silence of the Lambs prequel (it's actually a pre-prequel, since Red Dragon was also a prequel -- though Hannibal was a sequel, and now I need to go lie down) delves into the psychology of why Hannibal Lecter became who he was, and it's not just because his name conveniently rhymed with "cannibal." Ulliel isn't the star that Hopkins is, obviously, so don't expect this to be a massive hit. But Hannibal himself still carries some weight, and let's not forget that horror-type movies sell, so the curiosity factor alone could drive this movie to near the top.
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Got your picks ready? Mine follow (and if you need a little guidance, see last week's results). Post predictions by Saturday at 2pm, if you would be so kind. And have a good one.

1. Norbit
2. Hannibal Rising
3. The Messengers
4. Because I Said So
5. Epic Movie

POST: What's your top five box office prediction?

POST: What do you think about these movies?

A few days ago Ms. Monika B. was wondering who the new Barbarella should be, and while we don't have an answer on that just yet, we do know that the project is definitely moving forward; old-school mega-producer Dino De Laurentiis just gave the directorial reins to Peter Webber, the man who helmed 2003's Girl with a Pearl Earring and next week's Hannibal Rising.

Variety indicates the Dino D. is promising a "female James Bond in outer space," which probably isn't all that great of an idea, considering how awful James Bond is when he visits outer space. (My apologies to all you Moonraker fans.) And this is far from Dino's only new (massive) project. He still plans to produce Baz Luhrmann's long-gestating Alexander the Great project, plus he's also got the Butterworth Brothers working on "an underwater epic about a killer whale," which makes me think ol' Dino might be getting just a little bit senile; he already made that movie, and most people really hated it.

Last time we talked about Hannibal Rising, it was when a German teaser trailer hit the interwebs and informed us that our favorite cannibal has somehow always had a thing for creepy bite-masks, but now with the arrival of this more traditional theatrical trailer, we seem to have a better grasp on what the prequel's all about. (And by "traditional" I mean "it gives away all the good stuff.") Basically, take the most obvious prequel concept you can imagine (he's younger ... and he still kills people!) and just go from there.

Y'know ... I've been pretty down on this project from the word go, but I'd be lying if I said the trailer did absolutely nothing for me. Even if the flick's just a well-shot period-piece slasher-type confection, I bet I could have a pretty good time with Hannibal Rising. (Maybe.) Written by Thomas Harris (adapted from the novel by, yes, Thomas Harris) and directed by the man who last brought you Girl with a Pearl Earring, HR seems to promise (at the very least) a juicily slimy lead performance by Frenchman Gaspard Ulliel as, yes, Hannibal Lecter. Well, the young version of Hannibal Lecter who stalks, slices and snacks on the evil bastids what killed his family in the war, anyway. And since it's an absolute certainty that this hero villain will survive the slaughters, I guess Hannibal Rising WILL exist as just a well-shot-period-piece slasher flick. We shall see. ...

Plus the supporting cast is suitably colorful: We got Dominic West, Rhys Ifans, Gong Li and Kevin McKidd, so that helps a little. The flick opens (wide, get it?) on February 9, and if you're worried about the content, gorehounds, you needn't bother: Hannibal Rising is rated R for "strong grisly violent content and some language/sexual references."

(Feedback request: What did you think of the new trailer? I want to hear from the long-time Lecterites and the series newbies as well.)