I would have embedded the clip, but I want to make sure no children or men accidentally push play without being either of proper age or sufficiently warned. It's definitely NSFW, and the fact that it features rising star Brittany Snow (Prom Night) repeatedly punching a guy in the crotch makes it a truly uncomfortable moment for males to witness. Sure, it's got nothing on the cringe-worthy castration sequence from Hard Candy or the end of Little Children or most of Teeth or, for that matter, any number of horror films, but it's still pretty painful to watch (and listen to -- the sound effects really make it). So, click at your own risk.

The clip comes from On the Doll, the feature debut of Grammy-nominated music video director Thomas Mignone (Slipknot's "Wait & Bleed"), which opens in New York June 13 and then is released on DVD and online June 17. Snow plays one of several sexual abuse victims whose stories are interwoven throughout the apparently dark and twisted film (see the R-rated trailer here). The rest of the mostly young cast includes relative unknowns Clayne Crawford (A Love Song for Bobby Long), Stephen Sowan (TV's The Riches) and Josh Janowicz (The Chumscrubber), who is best known for being the soon-to-be-ex-husband of Lost star Emilie de Ravin. Fans of the Oceans Eleven series may also recognize Eddie Jemison, who plays a teacher who's propositioned by two of his students.

[via Defamer]

If you've ever had a bad first date -- and in the age of internet match-ups, it's all the more likely you've had at least a disappointing one -- you're not alone. Thanks to the awkwardness of getting to know somebody, and the nervousness that comes with that, it's a wonder any of us ever have good first dates. But as much as we end up fixating on the failure of a single bad date, we must remember that it's a part of life and has been since the dawn of man, when Adam had to deal with Eve ordering the forbidden item on the menu. Also, we must realize that it's all relative and there's always a worse date out there than the worst we've ever had. Often (and especially because it's Valentine's Day this Thursday), it's a good idea to look to the movies, and compare our worst first date to the worst first dates in cinema:


License to Drive (1988)

Imagine you're all set to get your driver's license, and the hottest girl in school has agreed to go out with you the night you pass the exam. But you don't pass the exam. Then you steal your grandpa's car. Then your date drinks too much and passes out for the rest of the night. Oh, and it only gets worse from there. License to Drive is just one of many films that shows us that a first date can be a crazy mix of Murphy's Law and the snowball effect. Also, like many comedies, it teaches us that an automobile can be destroyed many times over, and that it might be best if our first time driving, as well as our first time dating, be with a car that has little value.

It's not every day that one gets to see a film that's charming, sweet, intelligent and also happens to be written by an erstwhile stripper/phone sex operator (who, incidentally, owns a cat named Douchepacker). I had that pleasure at the Toronto Film Festival, however, when I took in Juno, penned with surprising astuteness by first-time screenwriter Diablo Cody (the aforementioned former stripper), directed by Jason Reitman (Thank You for Smoking), and starring Ellen Page (Hard Candy), Michael Cera (Superbad), Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner.

In the film, 16-year-old Juno MacGuff (Page) discovers that she's all knocked up after just one foray into sex with her best bud Paulie Bleeker (Cera), a sweet but clueless orange-Tic-Tac-addicted track star who seems perfectly content to let Juno have an abortion. She doesn't. Instead, she decides to keep the child and let a "perfect" young yuppie couple (Bateman and Garner), who can't have kids of their own, adopt her baby-to-be. The result is a hilarious, endearing and moving picture that explores family and friendship, loyalty and loss, and what it truly means to love someone, all while expertly avoiding turning into a gooey, steaming pile of melodrama.

I sat down with Jason Bateman and Ellen Page to talk about the film, and -- while the full interview won't be posted until the December release date nears -- I thought I'd give you a small yet delicious (some might say orange-Tic-Tac-like) taste of what I learned ...

Recent Theatricals

Hard Candy (Lionsgate) -- Ice-blooded chiller about a potential pedophile and the turning of tables. (two commentaries, documentary, featurette, deleted scenes)

Loverboy (Universal) -- Smothery mother slowly turns creepy. Kyra Sedgwick does some great work here. (director's commentary)

The Proposition (First Look) -- Reeks of Sam Peckinpah and Walter Hill. And is a damn fine film. (filmmaker commentary, five featurettes, deleted scenes)

Stay Alive (Disney) -- They made a horror movie out of that silly old marble game? (filmmaker commentary, FX reel)

Stick It (Disney) -- No, you stick it. I got good movies to watch. (two commentaries, blooper reel, featurette, deleted scenes)

Catalog Picks

Backdraft (Universal) -- Ron Howard gets fiery and throws a little Lecter in there. (director's intro, deleted scenes, five featurettes)

Boris Karloff Collection (Universal) -- Includes Night Key (1937), Tower of London (1939), The Climax (1944), The Strange Door (1954) and The Black Castle (1952). (trailers)

Chucky Killer Collection (Universal) -- Includes Child's Play 2 (1990), Child's Play 3 (1991), Bride of Chucky (1998) and Seed of Chucky (2004). (Because the original is an MGM title, that's why.) (all the extras from the previous releases, which (on parts 4 and 5) are a lot)

Grease: Rockin' Rydell Edition (Paramount) -- Otherwise known as: The Edition They Should Have Released Five Years Ago. (four featurettes, deleted & extended scenes, DVD launch party footage, trailers)

A few days ago, Slither-maker James Gunn mentioned on his MySpace page that his adorably splattery sci-fi horror rom-com was the receipient of four Fangoria Chainsaw Award nominations. My response was "Hey, cool. Where are the rest of the nominations?!?!?" And now, a few days later, here they are. Neat-o.

Although Fangoria has been doing their annual Chainsaw awards for over a decade now, 2006 marks the very first time the event will be televised, much to the delight of zombie freaks and slasher geeks all over North America. The event will be held in L.A. on October 15th, although the Fuse Network won't be airing it until the 22nd. (Which means if you want to watch the event "un-spoiled," I wish you luck.) Want to throw your own votes into the tally? Fine. You can vote right here, but only between September 1st and 13th (which is a Friday, mwaahaaa!)

After the jump you'll find a complete list of all the 2006 Chainsaw nominees, plus my own predictions on which flicks would win if the event were called Amazing Geek Weinberg's Horror Awards instead of The Chainsaws.

Normally a piece of news like "Hey, MOVIE X just got a DVD release date" isn't really all that big a deal, but when we're talking about a movie that I really liked a whole hell of a lot BUT grossed less than $1.01 million at the domestic box office -- well, that's a flick that's gonna get a little extra love. Deal with it.

The movie in question is David Slade's Hard Candy, and it's about a 35-year-old photographer who strikes up an ... uncomfortable friendship with a 14-year-old girl that he met in the chat rooms. The unlikely couple meet up in a coffee place, but the action quickly moves back to the man's swanky studio -- and that's all you're getting out of me, plot-wise. Suffice to say that each character has a dark handful of hidden motivations, some obvious and others ... not so obvious.

Given the subject matter, I'm not at all surprised that the flick died at the arthouses. (And while I've read some very insightful negative reviews of the movie, I simply do not agree with any of 'em.) Either way, it's pretty tough to sell a movie as "the pedophile thriller" (even WITH rave reviews), but when I saw it last March at SXSW ... the damn thing absolutely hypnotized me. Hard Candy is a smart, slick, and very ballsy thriller that will absolutely move on to find a lot of ardent fans via the DVD stacks. Add it to your queue today, and be sure to watch it while the kids are sleeping.

DVD hits on September 19th. Hope you like it.

They met on-line, flickering text made of tiny dots shining on the display. And after a while they figure they might as well meet. Jeff (Patrick Wilson) is an older man, a photographer, and he seems nice enough; Hayley (Ellen Page) is 14, a little naive, but quick and cool and grateful to find someone who'll take her seriously. They meet at a café -- somewhere public, somewhere with other people. He's brought her a gift, and she's touched and a little flirty in her gratitude. After they talk about his photography for a while, they go to his home studio; they'll look at some photos, keep talking. It seems safe to Hayley. It seems like an good idea to Jeff. It isn't.

Directed by video veteran David Slade, Hard Candy may be a high-stakes suspense film with a high-tech story kernel, but it's not actually anything new; what Brian Nelson's script does is create a simple circumstance (young woman goes to the home of a much older man who may not have the best of intentions) and then supplements it with a few twists that slowly, deliberately raise the tension of the piece bit … by bit … by bit, as two characters clash in a conflict that's defined in part by limitations created by the geography of a single setting -- and in part by the limitless possibilities as two people become more and more desperate, with more and more on the line as the clock ticks down. 

It's difficult to review Hard Candy because it is one of those high-tension movies that audiences enjoy most when they don't know what's will happen next. The trailers show footage from only the first 15-20 minutes and, because I didn't know anything beyond the trailer, I was completely surprised by the central set piece. I would never have guessed that this film might include ... that. My goodness. It reminded me of a very funny story about a night out in college with a friend who studied ... well, I can't tell you without spoiling the film. I'll just say that I was aware that writer Brian Nelson must have done his research in regards to the central set piece.

I can tell you that in the opening scene, two people chatting online decide to meet at a coffeeshop. Their conversation indicates that this is a far cry from You've Got Mail. At the coffeeshop, it turns out that Hayley (Ellen Page) is only 14 years old, while Jeff (Patrick Wilson) is a successful photographer in his early thirties. Jeff is flirting with danger in many ways, but seems not to realize it. Hayley, meanwhile, seems too young and dumb to recognize her own danger, and invites herself to Jeff's house. He realizes she's only 14 years old, but he takes her home. Whatever may happen next, you know it's going to be trouble. Pay close attention to what you see and hear in the coffeeshop—the filmmakers drop a few subtle clues for suspense and foreshadowing.