I guess Elizabeth Swann is part of the powers that be at Disneyland. Jack Sparrow has had his rum taken away once again. Over at the Disney Blog, there's a post talking about an ex-Sparrow entertainer from the park, who says that Disney wanted their iconic character toned down. "Don't be flirtatious." "See women as trouble." And best of all -- don't mention drinking.

In other words: Don't be Jack Sparrow.

Considering the fact that this is based on a ride where all the pirates drink, and that any Sparrow fans out there have already seen him in action -- flirting and drinking -- this is one of the silliest bits of moral control that I've seen in a while. If a drunk pirate hero really isn't the type of dude Disney wants mingling with the kids, perhaps that should have been figured out a long time ago, before the film and the ride? And anyway, when did flirting become something inappropriate for kids?

I mean, sure, going through that ride a number of times as a kid, I got meself an eye patch, couldn't stop saying ARR!, and slept with a bottle of rum rather than a bear, but what's wrong with that?

The other day I saw The Kingdom, which features a very significant use of a Tootsie Pop. At first I thought, hey that's some good, functional product placement. Then I thought, hey now I want a Tootsie Pop. Then I thought, hey I should give out Tootsie Pops on Halloween. Then I finally thought, hey I should dress up as Jennifer Garner as "Agent Mayes" when I give out Tootsie Pops, for the added movie connection. But later I realized that nobody would get the reference. So, I thought about some other movie-related candy to hand out on Halloween, and I have paired them up with the recognizable movie character(s) they go with. Because what would be more fun when you have to stay home giving out candy than to dress up in a costume appropriate to the treat you're offering?

1. Wonka Bar

As a kid, I thought the Willy Wonka brand of candies existed prior to the release of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and that Warner Bros. had just worked with the brand as extensive product placement. In a way, the product placement thing was still the case, but actually Willy Wonka was the name of the man and company in Roald Dahl's original book. The brand was founded, by Breaker Confections, which changed its name, in sync with the making of the film in order for some cross-marketing genius. Of course, when Tim Burton's remake, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, came out, it could definitely be thought of as product placement for the well-established Willy Wonka brand, now owned by Nestlé. And around the same time as the film's release, a new kind of Wonka Bar premiered in the U.S.

It would be a great idea to dress as either the Gene Wilder version of Wonka, or the Johnny Depp version if you must, and hand out the bars to the kids. Personally, I don't like Nestlé chocolate and would prefer to give out Everlasting Gobstoppers. Plus, that candy is better related to the first movie. But I think kids these days would get the point more with the Bars.

Avast readarrs! Today be Septembarr 19th -- Talk Like a Pirate Day, where land lubbers lounge with arrsome pirate lingo without pillaging saucy wenches, donning patches, or walking the plank. Ye might ARR the day away, or watch yeself some Petarr Sarrsgarrd. But maybe ye like to pull out the bung, drink up ye Grog, and fire up the VCARR. If ye do, here be a treasure chest of movie booty and pirate kings. Godspeed!

Sorry, this is as far as my pirate-speak goes!

The Pirate King -- The Pirates of Penzance (1983)

In 1980 New York City theater producer Joseph Papp fired up The Pirates of Penzance for his Public Theater, with a young Kevin Kline cast as the Pirate King. It was so successful that the cast brought it to Broadway, and then onto the big screen with almost everyone reprising their roles (Angela Landsbury was the lone change). Kline swaggered, swung his sword, and wrapped his tongue around 'often' and 'orphans,' because -- he is the Pirate King, Taran-tara, Taran-tara, and it is, it is a glorious thing to be a Pirate King!

Okay, so the hot topic in all of Cinema these days is of course Johnny Depp's triumphant return to the silver screen as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. It is a movie that seems to transcend all viewer blocs and appeal to practically everyone, definitely geeks inclusive. For this reason, I feel entirely compelled to dedicate this week's issue of the Geek Beat to the flick. The whole industry is talking about this movie, and I want to join in the fun.

Now here's the deal. Those of you who read even semi-regularly are fully aware I don't do movie reviews. I'm not a critic, I don't pretend to be -- I leave that to better minds than my own. I find that if I get caught up in trying to be a critic, I entirely lose sight of the geeky fanboy nature of movie watching. It ceases being fun for me, because I'm too busy focusing on the minutia and trying to sound intelligent. I'm just not talented enough to pull it off. Besides, we here at Cine already have two fantastic reviews of the film for you to digest if that's what you are after, and Scott and James are far too talented of an act for me to follow. Instead, I'm going to do what the Geek Beat does best: offer the off-the-wall thoughts of your resident geek. So here, in no particular order, are the thoughts which ran through my head as I watched this summer's dandy (which, by the way, I absolutely loved). SPOILER HATERS BEWARE, I imagine the following will incidentally touch on some major plot points.