Welcome to Cinematical's revamped but still opinionated guide to movies on disc, whether new-fangled Blu-ray or good old fashioned DVD, Hollywood blockbusters or indie wonders, direct to video debuts or refurbished classics.

Buy: The Fall
Rent: Baby Mama, The Forbidden Kingdom, How the West Was Won
Pass: Foreign Exchange, Seed, Sarah Landon & The Paranormal Hour, Then She Found Me

Blu-ray Spotlight: Exiled, Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2, Jerry Maguire, Cool Hand Luke, Rudy
Indies on DVD: Heckler, The Last Days of Left Eye, Last House on the Beach
Collector's Corner: The Big Lebowski, Child's Play, Pumpkinhead

The Fall.
Directed by Tarsem (The Cell), this incredible visual feast, filmed over four years, imagines the fantastical, far-flung stories told to a little girl recovering from a fall in a hospital. A wild, weird trip of a flick that cries out to be replayed time and again. Extras include deleted scenes, featurettes, and audio commentaries. Of the Blu-ray edition, DVD Talk said: "Easily ranks as reference quality." Buy.

Baby Mama
The "must rent" of the week, just to luxuriate in the comedic stylings of Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin SNL vet Tina Fey as she learns about compromise with baby surrogage Amy Poehler. Extras include an audio commentary with Fey, Poehler, director Michael McCullers and SNL's Lorne Michaels. Also available on Blu-ray. Rent.

Read on for many more details on this week's highlighted releases.

Having already thrice not understood the words coming out of Chris Tucker's mouth, it seems smart that Jackie Chan will go ahead and head towards the considerably greener pastures of family-friendly actioners. After all, just these past few months have seen The Forbidden Kingdom and Kung Fu Panda post respectable grosses (even if he only had the slightest voice part in the latter).

However, it's a shame to see the star come under the direction of one Brian Levant, who helped bring the world Are We There Yet? and Snow Dogs, not to mention that Scooby-Doo prequel that Scott made mention of the other day. The project itself is called The Spy Next Door, and according to the Hollywood Reporter, it has Chan playing the role of reluctant babysitter to the neighbor's kids, one of whom has inadvertently downloaded some super-secret code and thus attracted the attention of secret agents unlikely to anticipate his kung-fu mastery. (I'm just taking a stab here - to boot, he and the kids will probably come to form a bond (pun points!), and just in time for the wacky outtakes reel, right?).

Sorry for the snark, but I just find it hard to believe that this project is going to live up to the man's potential. After such a physically demanding career, I shouldn't begrudge the man a safe bet like this at the age of 54, but really, is an inverted version of The Pacifier the best we - and, in turn, he - can offer?

Four of the most exciting movie stars in the world are currently appearing in two of the least interesting new movies, taking a back seat to less interesting stars. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are master martial artists, Chan with a comedian's touch and Li with an appealing stoic quality. They team up for the first time in The Forbidden Kingdom (105 screens), a movie about a white kid and his attempt to beat up some bullies. Chow Yun-fat and Michelle Yeoh team up for the second time in The Children of Huang Shi (43 screens), about a British journalist (not played by Chow) and an Australian nurse (not played by Yeoh) saving some orphans.

Chow had a suave, cool quality that could have turned him into the next James Bond or Cary Grant, and Yeoh is a beautiful martial artist who could have become a groundbreaking feminist action star. It's a sad state of affairs, but I guess these films are the final proof of the cold, dead corpse of the Hong Kong New Wave.

I love a surprise, even a small one like finding out that Kung Fu Panda was more likeable and fun than I might have expected. I have a secret mini-crush on Jack Black (okay, maybe not so secret), so I was hoping that Kung Fu Panda wouldn't suck and if nothing else, I'd be able to enjoy his vocal stylings in the Dreamworks animated film. Surprise! I liked the movie for more reasons than Jack Black.

Black voices the title character, Po, who helps in his father's noodle shop but dreams of becoming a kung fu fighter and joining the Furious Five: Monkey (Jackie Chan), Viper (Lucy Liu), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Crane (David Cross) and especially Tigress (Angelina Jolie). He wants to watch the Five compete to be the great Dragon Warrior, and is somehow dragged into the selection process himself. Kung-fu master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) is irritated that a fat clumsy clown of a panda is joining his elite cadre of students, especially since it's predicted that the supremely evil snow leopard Tai Lung (Ian McShane) may escape from prison and try to steal the Dragon Warrior scroll of power for himself.

Indiana Jones -- he's got to be Harrison Ford, doesn't he? Okay, we had young Indiana Jones characters -- River Phoenix in the opening sequence of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and Sean Patrick Flanery in The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles -- but I never really thought of Indy as a character who could be cast in any other way. You know, you figure the part in Raiders of the Lost Ark was practically written for Ford, who'd been in a couple of George Lucas films before that anyway (Star Wars and American Graffiti).

However, that assumption couldn't be more wrong. I've been digging around on that great source of reliable information, the Internet, and reading all kinds of stories about the casting of Indiana Jones. The general gist is that Steven Spielberg was interested in Ford, but Lucas didn't want to be one of those directors who cast the same guy in all his movies. So they tested a bunch of other actors, and were seriously interested in one who had to back out ... and then ended up with Harrison Ford after all. We are all profoundly grateful. But let's take a look at some of those actors allegedly under consideration, and a few more that I threw into the mix just for fun. (I picked only actors who were alive and the right age at the time, which is why you don't see Steve McQueen on the list.)

Jackie Chan has been leaning hard on cheesy American comedies and adventure flicks recently, but of course that's not how he made a name for himself. The video above won't have anything new for Chan and Hong Kong martial arts aficianados, but to everyone else it's a great reminder of what he used to be capable of. I hadn't seen many of these scenes before (and hadn't even heard of Chan playing Chun Li in a Street Fighter spoof), and while the clips are short and the voiceover is at least as annoying as informative (watch for mild foul language), it's still a really nifty best-of. If you're not intimately familiar with his filmography, this will give you some Netflix recommendations.

You know, it's common knowledge that Chan is renowned for doing his own brutal stunts, but if you haven't seen his older stuff, it's hard to conceptualize how brutal they were. I had never run across this video's pick for the #1 Chan fight scene -- the climax of Dragons Forever -- and OOOOOOW! Just watching it is painful. If you want a more detailed view of Chan hurting himself through the years, there's this older compilation of the actor's best stunts from the same YouTuber.

This weekend's release of The Forbidden Kingdom, starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li, features the first teaming of the two Asian action heroes. (My review is here.) Jackie is older and got established first as a comic martial arts master before making a string of modern-day thrillers and adventures. Jet came along later and became known as an ultra-serious, ultra-deadly lethal weapon. Their relative merits have been debated endlessly, and The Forbidden Kingdom finally gives fans a chance to see them go man to man -- first against each other, and then against the bad guys.

Now it's your turn to weigh in. Who's your favorite Asian action hero? (For the purposes of this poll, we'll stick to the living, so that's why Bruce Lee is not included.) Do you prefer Jackie's humor and larger than life thrill-seeking stunts? Or do you favor Jet's solemn precision and frequently death-dealing fighting?

Or ... have you always been a secret backer of Donnie Yen? (He had his own square-off against Jackie Chan in Shanghai Knights.) Sammo Hung? (The former Martial Law TV star is still active in Hong Kong.) Michelle Yeoh? (Tomorrow Never Dies, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) Or the younger generation represented by Tony Jaa (Ong Bak, The Protector), Collin Chou (Jade Warlord in The Forgotten Kingdom), and Wu Jing (Invislble Target, Kill Zone)? Sound off in the comments to tell us your faves and let us know about anyone else we haven't mentioned.

Welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Insert Caption -- the game Totally Wicked Awesome Magazine called, "Delightful, Delicious and a Damn Good Time!" Last week we asked you to give us your bestest captions for a photo from this week's new release, The Forbidden Kingdom -- starring Jackie Chan, Jet Li and some white kid, who, judging from the picture, is quite obviously stuck in the middle with you ... and I'm wondering what it is I should do. Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right ... okay, that's enough. Congrats to our three winners below ...


1. "The MPAA's ongoing battle with illegal movie downloads in China as an interpretive dance routine." -- Todd G.

2. "This is my dance space, this is your dance space. Spaghetti arms!" -- Kathi F.

3. "Oh I know this! Wax on! Wax ggghhhhttt!" -- Paul R.

See full image and all captions


And speaking of things stuck in the middle, this week we're catching up with our old SNL pals Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as they prepare to launch their new comedy, Baby Mama. The three winning captions this week will carry away one Baby Mama poster, one Baby Mama t-shirt, one Baby Mama baseball hat and one Baby Mama baby blanket. (One Baby Mama baby unfortunately not included since you have to make that yourself.) Now push ... harder ... and sound off below!



Read the official rules for this contest

The good news? Two of Asia's biggest action superstars have teamed up for the first time. The bad news? It's 15 years too late. And what's with the white kid?

The Forbidden Kingdom is yet another picture in which we are meant to experience an exotic locale peopled entirely by "others" through the eyes of a Caucasian character. In this case, it's a fantasy world cobbled together from classic Chinese literature and period martial arts movies. As the latest entry in the category of "low expectation, Asian-themed, English-language movies written and directed by respectful American creative talent," the film is slightly above average entertainment. But I grow tired of having to lower my expectations in exchange for the pleasure of seeing talented Asian performers make an appearance on the big screen in America.

Writer John Fusco and director Rob Minkoff make fun of some of the stereotypes inherent in period martial arts pictures, while also sprinkling shout-outs into the material to demonstrate their love and knowledge of the various source materials that inspired them. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are cheerfully engaging as a drunken beggar and monk on a mission, respectively, providing most of the film's comic and action highlights in supporting roles. That's right -- Chan and Li have both achieved Hollywood stardom, are top-billed, are no doubt top-paid, but play second fiddle to "the white kid," Michael Angarano. We waited years for this?

While the three Rush Hour films were very popular at the box office, they ultimately lacked a little something we'll call "good." The first wasn't bad, but the next two felt like someone made a list of stereotypical black and Asian jokes, threw in a few fancy martial arts moves, borrowed a line or two from a previous installment , then topped it with a Polanski and sent it out to the masses. Well, the good news here is that it doesn't look like we'll be getting a Rush Hour 4 anytime soon. However, according to MTV Movies Blog, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker do want to reunite once again on the big screen ... though they're not saying what that potential film will be about. Let's take a guess: One black guy and one Asian guy meet up .... stuff happens .... hilarity ensues??? (Why am I so angry and bitter on Mondays?)

Chan told MTV, "We sat down and decided we want to do another movie. Not a Rush Hour -- something new ... I said yes, and after I shook [Tucker's] hand, I said: 'Look, we need a middleman. I don't want to shake hands, then I go back to Hong Kong and you stay here, I get busy and you get busy.' You have to have somebody in the middle to follow up, otherwise it will never happen." Chan went on to add, "We've just agreed to do it ... Now we're looking for the writer."

So what do you think about all this? Could Chan and Tucker team up on a movie that doesn't have the words 'Rush Hour' in the title ... and still succeed? What would this film be about? What would you want it to be about?