Four of the most exciting movie stars in the world are currently appearing in two of the least interesting new movies, taking a back seat to less interesting stars. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are master martial artists, Chan with a comedian's touch and Li with an appealing stoic quality. They team up for the first time in The Forbidden Kingdom (105 screens), a movie about a white kid and his attempt to beat up some bullies. Chow Yun-fat and Michelle Yeoh team up for the second time in The Children of Huang Shi (43 screens), about a British journalist (not played by Chow) and an Australian nurse (not played by Yeoh) saving some orphans.

Chow had a suave, cool quality that could have turned him into the next James Bond or Cary Grant, and Yeoh is a beautiful martial artist who could have become a groundbreaking feminist action star. It's a sad state of affairs, but I guess these films are the final proof of the cold, dead corpse of the Hong Kong New Wave.

I love a surprise, even a small one like finding out that Kung Fu Panda was more likeable and fun than I might have expected. I have a secret mini-crush on Jack Black (okay, maybe not so secret), so I was hoping that Kung Fu Panda wouldn't suck and if nothing else, I'd be able to enjoy his vocal stylings in the Dreamworks animated film. Surprise! I liked the movie for more reasons than Jack Black.

Black voices the title character, Po, who helps in his father's noodle shop but dreams of becoming a kung fu fighter and joining the Furious Five: Monkey (Jackie Chan), Viper (Lucy Liu), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Crane (David Cross) and especially Tigress (Angelina Jolie). He wants to watch the Five compete to be the great Dragon Warrior, and is somehow dragged into the selection process himself. Kung-fu master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) is irritated that a fat clumsy clown of a panda is joining his elite cadre of students, especially since it's predicted that the supremely evil snow leopard Tai Lung (Ian McShane) may escape from prison and try to steal the Dragon Warrior scroll of power for himself.

Indiana Jones -- he's got to be Harrison Ford, doesn't he? Okay, we had young Indiana Jones characters -- River Phoenix in the opening sequence of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and Sean Patrick Flanery in The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles -- but I never really thought of Indy as a character who could be cast in any other way. You know, you figure the part in Raiders of the Lost Ark was practically written for Ford, who'd been in a couple of George Lucas films before that anyway (Star Wars and American Graffiti).

However, that assumption couldn't be more wrong. I've been digging around on that great source of reliable information, the Internet, and reading all kinds of stories about the casting of Indiana Jones. The general gist is that Steven Spielberg was interested in Ford, but Lucas didn't want to be one of those directors who cast the same guy in all his movies. So they tested a bunch of other actors, and were seriously interested in one who had to back out ... and then ended up with Harrison Ford after all. We are all profoundly grateful. But let's take a look at some of those actors allegedly under consideration, and a few more that I threw into the mix just for fun. (I picked only actors who were alive and the right age at the time, which is why you don't see Steve McQueen on the list.)

Jackie Chan has been leaning hard on cheesy American comedies and adventure flicks recently, but of course that's not how he made a name for himself. The video above won't have anything new for Chan and Hong Kong martial arts aficianados, but to everyone else it's a great reminder of what he used to be capable of. I hadn't seen many of these scenes before (and hadn't even heard of Chan playing Chun Li in a Street Fighter spoof), and while the clips are short and the voiceover is at least as annoying as informative (watch for mild foul language), it's still a really nifty best-of. If you're not intimately familiar with his filmography, this will give you some Netflix recommendations.

You know, it's common knowledge that Chan is renowned for doing his own brutal stunts, but if you haven't seen his older stuff, it's hard to conceptualize how brutal they were. I had never run across this video's pick for the #1 Chan fight scene -- the climax of Dragons Forever -- and OOOOOOW! Just watching it is painful. If you want a more detailed view of Chan hurting himself through the years, there's this older compilation of the actor's best stunts from the same YouTuber.

This weekend's release of The Forbidden Kingdom, starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li, features the first teaming of the two Asian action heroes. (My review is here.) Jackie is older and got established first as a comic martial arts master before making a string of modern-day thrillers and adventures. Jet came along later and became known as an ultra-serious, ultra-deadly lethal weapon. Their relative merits have been debated endlessly, and The Forbidden Kingdom finally gives fans a chance to see them go man to man -- first against each other, and then against the bad guys.

Now it's your turn to weigh in. Who's your favorite Asian action hero? (For the purposes of this poll, we'll stick to the living, so that's why Bruce Lee is not included.) Do you prefer Jackie's humor and larger than life thrill-seeking stunts? Or do you favor Jet's solemn precision and frequently death-dealing fighting?

Or ... have you always been a secret backer of Donnie Yen? (He had his own square-off against Jackie Chan in Shanghai Knights.) Sammo Hung? (The former Martial Law TV star is still active in Hong Kong.) Michelle Yeoh? (Tomorrow Never Dies, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) Or the younger generation represented by Tony Jaa (Ong Bak, The Protector), Collin Chou (Jade Warlord in The Forgotten Kingdom), and Wu Jing (Invislble Target, Kill Zone)? Sound off in the comments to tell us your faves and let us know about anyone else we haven't mentioned.

Welcome back to another fun-filled edition of Insert Caption -- the game Totally Wicked Awesome Magazine called, "Delightful, Delicious and a Damn Good Time!" Last week we asked you to give us your bestest captions for a photo from this week's new release, The Forbidden Kingdom -- starring Jackie Chan, Jet Li and some white kid, who, judging from the picture, is quite obviously stuck in the middle with you ... and I'm wondering what it is I should do. Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right ... okay, that's enough. Congrats to our three winners below ...


1. "The MPAA's ongoing battle with illegal movie downloads in China as an interpretive dance routine." -- Todd G.

2. "This is my dance space, this is your dance space. Spaghetti arms!" -- Kathi F.

3. "Oh I know this! Wax on! Wax ggghhhhttt!" -- Paul R.

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And speaking of things stuck in the middle, this week we're catching up with our old SNL pals Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as they prepare to launch their new comedy, Baby Mama. The three winning captions this week will carry away one Baby Mama poster, one Baby Mama t-shirt, one Baby Mama baseball hat and one Baby Mama baby blanket. (One Baby Mama baby unfortunately not included since you have to make that yourself.) Now push ... harder ... and sound off below!



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The good news? Two of Asia's biggest action superstars have teamed up for the first time. The bad news? It's 15 years too late. And what's with the white kid?

The Forbidden Kingdom is yet another picture in which we are meant to experience an exotic locale peopled entirely by "others" through the eyes of a Caucasian character. In this case, it's a fantasy world cobbled together from classic Chinese literature and period martial arts movies. As the latest entry in the category of "low expectation, Asian-themed, English-language movies written and directed by respectful American creative talent," the film is slightly above average entertainment. But I grow tired of having to lower my expectations in exchange for the pleasure of seeing talented Asian performers make an appearance on the big screen in America.

Writer John Fusco and director Rob Minkoff make fun of some of the stereotypes inherent in period martial arts pictures, while also sprinkling shout-outs into the material to demonstrate their love and knowledge of the various source materials that inspired them. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are cheerfully engaging as a drunken beggar and monk on a mission, respectively, providing most of the film's comic and action highlights in supporting roles. That's right -- Chan and Li have both achieved Hollywood stardom, are top-billed, are no doubt top-paid, but play second fiddle to "the white kid," Michael Angarano. We waited years for this?

While the three Rush Hour films were very popular at the box office, they ultimately lacked a little something we'll call "good." The first wasn't bad, but the next two felt like someone made a list of stereotypical black and Asian jokes, threw in a few fancy martial arts moves, borrowed a line or two from a previous installment , then topped it with a Polanski and sent it out to the masses. Well, the good news here is that it doesn't look like we'll be getting a Rush Hour 4 anytime soon. However, according to MTV Movies Blog, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker do want to reunite once again on the big screen ... though they're not saying what that potential film will be about. Let's take a guess: One black guy and one Asian guy meet up .... stuff happens .... hilarity ensues??? (Why am I so angry and bitter on Mondays?)

Chan told MTV, "We sat down and decided we want to do another movie. Not a Rush Hour -- something new ... I said yes, and after I shook [Tucker's] hand, I said: 'Look, we need a middleman. I don't want to shake hands, then I go back to Hong Kong and you stay here, I get busy and you get busy.' You have to have somebody in the middle to follow up, otherwise it will never happen." Chan went on to add, "We've just agreed to do it ... Now we're looking for the writer."

So what do you think about all this? Could Chan and Tucker team up on a movie that doesn't have the words 'Rush Hour' in the title ... and still succeed? What would this film be about? What would you want it to be about?

Welcome to another edition of Insert Caption -- the game where we provide the photo and you provide the funny! Last week, we asked you to throw on your lamest Hawaiian t-shirt and give us your best captions for a photo from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Congrats to our three winners below for sharing their warmth, their passion, their creativity ... and their ability to conjure up a mental image of Jonah Hill on a spit. Our apologies to you Mr. Hill -- we still love ya man!


1. "I was speaking figuratively when I said I had a lot of baggage." -- Mike R.

2. "Crap... I thought I ditched the Verizon guy at the pig roast!" -- Russell K.

3. "They just put Jonah Hill on a spit and fired up the tiki torches. I'm outta here!" -- Andrew W.

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This week, we're taking a trip back to ancient China for a visit with legendary martial arts stars Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Their new movie, The Forbidden Kingdom, arrives in theaters on April 18 -- and ... I just feel so bad for that poor, innocent white kid right now. It'd be hard enough running into one of those guys in a dark alley -- imagine getting stuck between both AND you have to go to the bathroom real bad? Ouch. The three lucky winners from this week will run (as fast as they can) away with one Forbidden Kingdom poster, one pack of Forbidden Kingdom trading cards, one box of green tea and one container of incense. Hmm, I smell a lot of captions this week ... and for some reason they smell like burnt roses with a splash of lemon vanilla? Sound off below ...



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Every time I see an action movie with shaky, hand-held camerawork, I take a moment in my review to complain about it, but I never have the room to go into detail about why I hate it so much. Now that Michael Bay's Transformers (360 screens), Rob Zombie's Halloween (371 screens) and Brett Ratner's Rush Hour 3 (400 screens) have fallen into my humble lower domain, I'd like to discus it further.

The earliest example of shaky-cam I can remember comes in Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove (1964). Kubrick was known as filmmaker married to smooth, steady camerawork, using long takes, wide, deep compositions and slow, clean, traveling movements. So when he used the hand-held to emphasize the chaos of combat in Dr. Strangelove, it was an innovation. The scene has two important attributes: it's still recorded in long takes, so the viewer has a relatively good idea what's going on, but more importantly, in this particular scene, in this particular movie, it doesn't matter exactly what's going on. Only the larger concept of the fracas itself matters.

Today, just about every other Hollywood film uses shaky-cam, though European filmmakers generally prefer longer takes and less shaking. Since cameras get lighter and easier to use every year, it makes sense. With hand-held, it takes much less time to set up a shot. No more laying down track or mapping out every inch of camera movement. But hand-held has been quickly abused, and it's almost always used wrong. Bay's Transformers is a particularly heinous example. Each time a transformer switches from car to robot, Bay moves his camera right up to the action, as if it's taking place mere inches from our faces. Since the robots are several stories high, this is painfully disorienting. It's like trying to view the Empire State Building by waving a camera in front of a few bricks. Moreover, a filmmaker friend told me that, because the robots were created with CGI, Bay probably added his shaking camera after principal photography, with computers.

Zombie's Halloween should offer a pretty cut-and-dried case study. For dialogue sequences, Zombie keeps the camera fairly still, but when Michael Myers attacks, he begins jerking and lurching around. This does not emphasize the terror. It's more like riding a roller coaster and anticipating a ten-story drop before suddenly finding yourself thrown from the ride. Compare this to John Carpenter's masterful original, which was also filmed handheld, but via long, graceful, gliding Steadicam shots. Part of the problem with most shaky-cam work is that the director is forced to cut it together very quickly to hide the fact that very little is actually visible.

In my book, Ratner's crimes are a good deal worse. Ratner had the opportunity to direct Jackie Chan in his first big Hollywood-financed film. Chan is an exceptionally skilled martial artist. He choreographs his stunts and moves at lightning speed and razor precision. He has even established an emotional logic for his stunts, and he's a fairly good director himself, having made more films in Hong Kong than Ratner has here. Chan's method, and indeed the method of most Hong Kong filmmakers, is to choreograph the action first, then film it clearly without getting the camera in the way. Instead, in all three Rush Hour films, Ratner shakes the camera around and butchers everything Chan does. Nearly every martial arts star working in Hollywood has suffered the same problem, while -- ironically -- the talented Hong Kong directors, who know how to photograph action, have ended up making "B" movies with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

When we humans walk down the street, our heads and eyes bob up and down. But our brains automatically adjust so that our vision remains constant and smooth. If you're walking along a sidewalk and your gaze fixes on a car parked at the end of the block, the car does not jerk up and down. So when a filmmaker runs through the forest carrying the camera and filming the running movement, he's not actually capturing the feel of running. He's capturing chaos. The idea of making a movie is to get into the audience's heads. So by filming smoothly and cutting when necessary -- like the blinking of an eye -- the action should be closer to what everyone can relate to. Brad Bird's Ratatouille (393 screens) offers an excellent example of this. When his rat hero Remy explores the kitchen of the restaurant, Bird's "camera" swoops around the room at top speed, but it never loses the concept of the room. We're always aware of the room and our place in it.

That's the key: space. Even though Paul Greengrass's The Bourne Ultimatum is filmed entirely with shaky-cam, the space is always clear. The old-time Hollywood action directors like Howard Hawks and Raoul Walsh understood this instinctively. Let the audience see. Most of today's "action" directors, I suspect, very simply don't understand action, so they use the shaky-cam as a way to hide their ineptitude. The lack of action and choreography is covered up in the sludge of fast film and fast editing. What's even more perplexing is that nobody ever seems to notice or complain. (One of the most poorly made movies of all time, Gladiator, actually won a Best Picture Oscar.) Audiences are apparently used to shoddy work and wouldn't know good work if it bit them. We deserve better than what we're getting. All it takes is a taste of the good stuff before the bitterness of the bad stuff comes out.