Hold up. No one told me about the adaptation of Jim Thompson's classic The Killer Inside Me. A true '50s noir, Thompson's book is a bite-your-nails tale about a Texas sheriff's deputy who is also the town murderer. He's calm and cool on the outside and a brutal killer on the inside. And yes, it's also a song by MC 900 FT Jesus.

I'm down with that, since the younger and less chinny Affleck proved his chops in Gone Baby Gone and The Assassination of Jesse Ford by the Coward Robert Ford, although IMDb pro also lists him as the director of "Untitled Joaquin Phoenix Documentary," so we've got him to thank for that sh*tshow. Bill Pullman and awesomely creepy Elias Koteas (Crash) also star.

On the other hand, the rest of the cast is a uneven, and this particular adaptation has quite the long back story. Kate Hudson plays Lou's good-girl girlfriend Amy Stanton, while Jessica Alba is Joyce Lakeland, a prostitute who digs Lou's ugly side. And then there's Simon Baker, star of TV's "The Mentalist" and films like Sex and Death 101 and The Devil Wears Prada, Something New, Land of the Dead, and The Ring Two, as the small-town lawyer out to get Lou.

For a business that is notoriously slow to develop groundbreaking creative projects, the film industry can be remarkably quick when it comes to cashing in on proven success. Thus, when the romantic comedy He's Just Not That Into You -- timed for release to capitalize on Valentine's Day earlier this year -- grossed an estimated $94 million for New Line Cinema / Warner Brothers, the company decided to prepare something similar for Valentine's Day next year, reports the New York Times.

Since He's Just Not That Into You featured an ensemble cast of notable actresses (Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston), the new project, imaginatively titled Valentine's Day, hopes to pack Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Shirley MacLaine into a storyline about "would-be romantics working their way through a tangle of circumstances in Los Angeles." None of the women have signed on yet, nor has the company's director of choice, Garry Marshall, nor has Ashton Kutcher, whose name has also been floated, but potential Green Lantern Bradley Cooper has agreed to play a man in the movie.

Lionsgate has sown up Halloween with the Saw franchise, so, strictly from a business perspective, this makes good sense. Of course, just packing "names" into a movie for the sake of names won't necessarily work. Still, if Valentine's Day is successful with big stars and establishes a new franchise for New Line, they could populate sequels with less-expensive stars and turn a decent profit for years to come.

The Oscars may be the most prestigious show in town, but for the average moviegoer the MTV Movie Awards probably resonate with their tastes a heck of a lot more. Sure, they have stupid categories like 'Best WTF Moment' and 'Best Fight', but that's what sets them apart from the other award shows -- and just because it isn't necessarily the classiest show doesn't mean you won't have a good time. Looking to capitalize on a little reciprocal publicity for their new comedy, Year One, Michael Cera and Jack Black joined MTV's newly announced host Andy Samberg in a new commercial for the award show this May.

The ad is pretty much what you would expect from the minds of a member of The Lonely Island, the king of awkward delivery, and a merry prankster like Black. It's silly and kind of strange, but the same could be said for most of the comedy these three guys produce. Black and Cera fill in as proud parents in their rec room talking up their 'little boy' Andy -- it might be nonsensical, but more importantly, it's also kind of funny.

Even though some of us have reservations about Andy Samberg's hosting skills (I think he'll be a little awkward), I'm sure things will turn out just fine -- after all, the guy has lined up plenty of 'comedy connections' like Will Arnett and Rashida Jones to help him out. One thing's for sure: it couldn't get much worse than the year Jessica Alba hosted.

The MTV Movie Awards will air on Sunday, May 31st, and if your appetite has been whet for more Black and Cera, Year One hits theaters on June 19, 2009.

You know, I'm not trying to be crude, but if your average small town prostitute looked anything like Jessica Alba, the world's oldest profession could probably give the modeling industry a run for its money. Variety reports that Alba has signed to play a small town hooker in Michael Winterbottom's noir thriller, The Killer Inside Me.

Killer is based on the novel by Jim Thompson, and Robert Weinbach and John Curran (The Painted Veil) have already written the adaptation. Back in 1976, Stacy Keach had starred in a feature film version of the novel about "a West Texas sheriff and his downward spiral from a boring small-town cop into a ruthless, sociopathic murderer." This time Casey Affleck will pick up where Keach left off as the sheriff, and Alba will play the role of a small town hooker. Now to be fair, I'm trying really hard not to think back to all those interviews where Alba turned her nose up at roles that traded on her sexuality; you know, like playing hookers....or strippers.

Killer is just the latest in Alba's crusade to finally be taken seriously as an actress, and frankly, she could use the help. Between her last summer flop, The Love Guru, and lackluster reviews for her work in Awake and The Eye, it's not like great parts are being offered left and right. Hopefully Killer will change all that, because if the career trajectory of your average starlet has taught us anything, it's that playing a hooker is usually one of the first steps on the road to being an actor with a capital 'A'. Well, that and looking unattractive, but I guess that's what her upcoming role in An Invisible Sign of My Own is for.

Click image above to head straight to our freaky Alba hi-res gallery

I get what the Declare Yourself people are trying to do, and I admire it and support it. Voting is important, and way too many people are indifferent to the process. But don't these guys realize that special Jessica Alba photoshoots are old news? I mean, she already took on a bunch of iconic movie scenes, and Charlie Chaplin, and a previous Declare Yourself ad. The girl is addicted! I'm just waiting for the day that I get to share pics of her recreating scenes from '80s action heroes. She's done Chaplin, so why not Arnie, Jean-Claude, Steven, and the others?

But back to the picture -- now she's in a new ad which brings to mind a sexier Hannibal Lecter. In the wake of the others, this simply seems like more of the same, rather than a shocking image plastered up to make a statement and urge kids to vote. "Hey look, now she's doing Hannibal Lecter!"

Eh, I think they just got the idea from Erik (who compared her last, duck-taped stint with Silence of the Lambs). Good work, Davis!

[via Just Jared]

Click image above for hi-res scary Alba gallery

Well, she's done it again. Yesterday I overheard two people talking in the street about "the actress who went topless in a Declare Yourself bondage billboard" ... and I immediately thought of Jessica Alba, who's made a name for herself lately more for the wacky photos she's posed for than her actual movie roles. First, there was Jessica Alba re-enacting classic horror movie moments, then it was Jessica Alba posing as Charlie Chaplin -- and now we have my personal favorite: Jessica Alba posing as the victim of a serial killer for a billboard that's supposed to get people to vote. ("It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.")

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for voting. By all means, please vote and have a say in who our next elected officials are. (And check out the Declare Yourself website for info on how to do that) But really? The last presidential election brought us P-Diddy's Vote or Die (another brilliant slogan that made no sense), and now here's Alba straight out of Saw VI. What's next? [Insert A-list actor here] with his throat slashed holding up the bloody spine that's just been ripped from his body, with the phrase, "Vote Now You Spineless American Moron" underneath?

Can't we just get the folks behind The Dark Knight's viral campaign to come up with something a little more clever ... and less freak-ish?

These people just landed a part in a movie and you didn't:

Sorry boys, but Jessica Alba has officially become a math nerd. Oh yes, Variety tells us the actress has signed on to star in An Invisible Sign of My Own, based on the book by Aimee Bender. Marilyn Agrelo (Mad Hot Ballroom) will direct the flick, which follows a woman who becomes obsessed with numbers and math ... and then lands a gig as a second-grade math teacher. Hot, steamy gratuitous love-making scene not included.

Val Kilmer has decided he needs more action in his life, as the dude has hopped onboard the crime thriller Fake Identity for Nu Image/Millennium Films. The film, to be directed by Dennis Dimster-Denk (or Triple D, as I like to call him), tells of a doctor (Kilmer) who, while working in Chechnya, helps a woman escape from her would-be assailant and then watches a whole movie's worth of crazy stuff happen to him. (Variety)

I know, I've totally been waiting for Michael Caine to kick some serious ass too! Luckily, Variety tells us the actor has joined the British crime thriller Harry Brown. Who's Harry Brown, you ask? Well, he's an "elderly former serviceman drawn to vigilantism while living in a run-down 'burb rife with gangs, guns and drugs." Daniel Barber directs, while Emily Mortimer co-stars as a policewoman. And LL Cool J raps ... "Caine gonna knock you out ..."

If you don't count his vocal work in the Shrek films, The Love Guru marks the return of Mike Myers to the big screen after a five-year absence. Last seen in 2003's The Cat in the Hat, Myers is now unveiling -- or is that unleashing? -- a new character, Guru Pitka, a self-help maven who brings the spiritual teachings he learned from Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley) in India to America. Much like Austin Powers, Guru Pitka gives Myers an opportunity to play to what he thinks of as his strengths, giving us an outlandish-looking character with a thick accent and a fish-out-of-water back story. The problem is that Pitka's entirely too much like Austin Powers -- not a character, but instead a series of catchphrases, makeup appliances and goofy mannerisms that lets Meyers indulge in his penchant for sex gags, bodily-function gags and constant, self-satisfied glances at the camera.

Any time you review a film like this negatively, people ask "Why can't you just enjoy a few laughs?" And I can't give a simple answer to that, but I think it comes down to the fact that I can't just enjoy a few laughs if they're surrounded by a much larger chaotic mass of things that aren't funny. So it is with The Love Guru, as Pitka's brought to Toronto to help Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs, get her broken-hearted star player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) over his girlfriend Prudence (Megan Good) leaving him for L.A. Kings goalie Jacques "Le Coq" Grande (Justin Timberlake) so that the Leafs might win the Stanley Cup. The occasional funny bit is drowned out by the mass and might of Meyers's self-indulgent eagerness to wallow in his obsessions -- poop, accents, naughty talk, makeup and innuendo.

I caught a screening of Hancock last night. We still have a couple weeks to go before we get to that film, but I am very curious to hear what you folks think of this flick. It's certainly ballsy (especially for a Fourth of July weekend), and I loved that about it -- so we'll see. My mouth shall remain shut for now. That said, this weekend is a peculiar one because we have two comedies competing against one another. Sure, one (Get Smart) could probably pass itself off as an action-comedy, but it will be fascinating to watch the old school (Mike Myers) go up against the new school (Steve Carell).

On paper (and from what I've been hearing), Get Smart seems like the better all-around choice if you only have cash for one film and want a taste of typical, popcorn summer entertainment. Then again, Mike Myers hasn't starred in a live-action film since 2003's The Cat and the Hat, and so fans might be itching for that familiar Myers absurdity (with a twist of Mini Me thrown in for extra punch). If you choose your films based on the female factor, well, Get Smart gives us the beautiful Anne Hathaway, while The Love Guru features the equally-as-beautiful Jessica Alba. My opinion: Hathaway's the better actress, but Alba's the fan favorite. As far as directors go, Love Guru gives us a first-timer, and Get Smart is brought to us by the guy behind films like Tommy Boy, Anger Management and 50 First Dates.

So, based on my shoddy analysis, which film will you be seeing this weekend?

Yup, she's at it again. Not long ago, Jessica Alba recreated several memorable scenes from classic horror movies for Latina Magazine. Now she's back, and in honor of her upcoming comedy The Love Guru, the actress posed for a photo as comedy legend Charlie Chaplin for the June issue of Allure magazine. It's actually a pretty funny photo, considering Alba's pretty pregnant under all those clothes. Definitely not as bad as those horror shots; in those pics, the gal barely looked like she was trying. Here, at least, she widens her eyes and does a little something with her mouth. Eh? Can you tell I'm reaching here? Let's not even touch the fact that she's posing as Chaplin to promote The Love Guru. I think we should make a rule right now: No one is allowed to pose as a comedy icon unless, ya know, that person also happens to be kinda funny on the big screen.

Check out Alba's last "recreation stint" in the gallery below.



[via People]