Uh-oh.

Submitted for your approval: a berk named Merk in bed with his bird. The fuzzy photo cannot really sum up what's going on here. The still I would have preferred is this film's money-shot: a red-cloaked Milton Berle conducting a Satanic mass in convincing Latin. Somehow this is not available on the Internet. Here, instead: a relatively chaste shot of quintuple threat Anthony Newley (actor/director/co-writer/singer/composer) grappling his real-life wife (the beeyoutiful and talented Joan Collins).

The still is a relic of what I've sometimes thought was the worst film ever made by a human being in world history.

In 1973 a man named Robin Hardy directed a horror film called The Wicker Man. That film is now (rightly) considered one of the most effective chillers ever made. Aside from a 1986 effort called The Fantasist, Mr. Hardy never directed another movie. That is about to change.

According to Bloody-Disgusting.com, the 79-year-old Mr. Hardy is just about to begin production on this third directorial effort. Titled Cowboys for Christ, it's supposed to be a "re-imagining" of the classic Wicker Man (as Monika told us right here), but based on the plot synopsis, it sure doesn't sound like any typical sort of remake: A young Christian and her boyfriend head to Scotland to preach the gospel, only to end up hosted by a "different" sort of congregation. (OK, I guess it does sound a bit like The Wicker Man.)

Production gets underway (yes, in Scotland) next month. Cast members include Christopher Lee (of course), Joan Collins (yep, Joan Collins) and Graham McTavish. Check out BD.com for the official poster, a larger cast list, and bit more info on the flick itself. (Hey, I'm pretty impressed that I was able to make it through this whole post without making a snarky comment about Neil LaBute's ill-fated Wicker Man remake!) (Oops, I just made one.)

This was to be a casting bite, but the premise on Variety just killed me, so I wanted to write a little more about it. Believe it or not, Joan Collins is still acting, and she's signed on for a role in an upcoming film called Cowboys for Christ. Why do I love this bit? Well, get a load of this -- it's "the story of a gospel singer and her cowboy friend who set off from Texas to enlighten Scottish heathens about the ways of Christ." I know that's what I always think of when I think of Scotland -- heathen territory! Collins will play "a Scottish-landed gent's wife."

This is where things get even more interesting, and a little less strange. It's a reimagining of Robin Hardy's 1973 film, The Wicker Man -- by Robin Hardy. And yes, this is the same film that spawned the 2006 remake by Neil LaBute. Things make a bit more sense with this bit of info, since the original focused on a Scottish island where pagans might be sacrificing a missing girl. I guess after 35 years, he wonders what would happen if Christian cowboys came to visit?!

According to the IMDb summary, this new flick follows "young Christians Beth and Steve, a gospel singer and her boyfriend, [who] leave Texas to preach door-to-door in Scotland. When, after initial abuse, they are welcomed with joy and elation to Tressock, the border fiefdom of Sir Lachlan Morrison, they assume their hosts simply want to hear more about Jesus. How innocent and wrong they are." This is "Cowboys for Christ" -- talk about a misleading title!

An added treat for this flick that shoots this April in Scotland, Christopher Lee (from the original cast) will play Sir Lachlan.