Just when you thought there were no more fantastic, original ideas floating around Hollywood, I give you the latest Jurassic Park IV rumor. According to Bloody Disgusting, Universal is now going through the process of casting for the fourth installment in Steven Spielberg's dino-mite (heh, get it?) franchise. So far Laura Dern has confirmed that she will indeed reprise her role as Dr. Ellie Sattler, while Sam Neill has decided not to touch this piece of dinosaur feces with a ten foot pole. Same goes for Jurassic Park III helmer Joe Johnston. And the plot? The "plot!" Brace yourselves folks, because this one might sting a bit. Here, I'll let BD break the news: "We're told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes."

Um, wow. So are they trying to say that a Velociraptor isn't dangerous enough on its own -- that the thing needs to carry a missile launcher too?! I understand the need to up the ante a bit (because the whole "Oh no, we're lost in a jungle full of dinosaurs" gig has kind of run its course), but do they really think that giving a Tyrannosaurus rex a machine gun ... I can't even complete the sentence without wanting to hit something. Holy crap is this premise absurd. Let me guess: At first, the dinosaurs are kicking some terrorist ass ... until -- oh no! -- they turned on everyone, and pointed their weapons at us! Damn it, I knew we shouldn't have given that Dilophosaurus a grenade launcher. Damn it. Apparently, William Monahan (The Departed) wrote the latest draft, and I assume we can expect Jurassic Park IV to stampede into theaters (guns drawn) sometime in late 2008 or summer of 2009.

The rumor mill began buzzing last week when Laura Dern told folks at a press junket that Steven Spielberg wants her back for Jurassic Park IV. Dern, who played Sam Neill's long-time girlfriend in the original film, claimed to know nothing about the story, only that her character is featured and the film would most likely hit theaters in 2008. But just when you thought progress was being made, MTV News reports that director Joe Johnston (the dude who helmed Jurassic Park III) will not be returning to helm the fourth installment, contrary to reports that claimed the guy was already attached.

In speaking with Johnston's reps, they apparently told MTV that he is "definitely not directing" Jurassic Park IV. This, after Spielberg said last year that Johnston was his "go-to Jurassic guy." Is it just me, or is there something fishy brewing over there on dinosaur island? Why would Johnston turn down the film after Spielberg offered it to him on a silver platter? Not that I'm all in the know or anything, but isn't there a golden rule in Hollywood that states you must obey Steven Spielberg's orders at all costs? And if you don't, well, then you either melt like the witch that you are or appear next to Andy Richter in one of his many successful sitcoms. Pick your poison Mr. Joe Johnston. And choose wisely.

When Dern was asked who she thought should helm Jurassic Park IV, the actress cleverly mentioned her greatest admirer (and newly elected president of the Laura Dern fan club?), David Lynch. Ha, could you even imagine Lynch directing Jurassic Park IV? Not only would it take four years to make, but by the time it was all said and done, those dinosaurs would become large bunny rabbits and no one would understand a damn thing. Good call Dern, but I can't see it happening in this lifetime. So, if Johnston is out, who would you choose to take his place (and please people, stop using the name Sam Raimi for everything!)?

Ever since they announced there would be a Jurassic Park IV, the first question on my mind was: Who from the original will they get to return for a fourth adventure? Sure, it's possible to produce a new sequel with a fresh cast, but the franchise wouldn't feel complete without a few familiar faces. Jeff Goldblum did his part for The Lost World: Jurassic Park and Sam Neill was somehow convinced to take on the lead role in Jurassic Park III. Since there's a good chance neither one of those guys are coming back for another round, it appears all the attention is now heading in the direction of Laura Dern (who, as we all remember, played Neill's longtime girlfriend in the original dinosaur flick).

While at a press junket for Year of the Dog, Dern spoke openly about the fourth installment and revealed that she had just recently received a special phone call from the man himself, Steven Spielberg. Says Dern, "Well a certain fellow is the one that called me and it's hard to say no to him cause he's always got something totally genius up his sleeve so we'll see what they have in mind. But I don't know anything about it at this point. I'm told it's happening and I'm told they're calling me. I'm told that Ellie Sattler is involved in it." As far as when we'll get to see it in theaters, Dern felt that they want to try to somehow get it done for 2008. However, with all the effects work that needs to be done for this bad boy, I can't see it arriving in our laps until summer 2009. So, does Spielberg really have genius up his sleeve, or is he simply running out of people to throw money at?

Contrary to what you may have heard, Sam Neill has officially debunked those "internet rumors" that suggest he will once again return to the land of dinosaurs in the upcoming Jurassic Park IV (aka The Dinosaur Sequel We Could Live Without). The actor, who portrayed Dr. Alan Grant in both Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park III, claims he hasn't "heard from anyone" about the project and says he currently has two back-to-back films (one in Australia and one in China) lined up. Basically, he's done fighting with dinosaurs ... and I don't blame him.

If Neill is out, then who does director Joe Johnston and producer Steven Spielberg have in mind? After all, at least one actor from the original has appeared in both sequels -- so does that mean Jeff Goldblum will somehow be talked into appearing in the fourth installment, making it so he and Neill rotate sequels? Or will we get an entirely new cast? The good news is that Oscar winner William Monahan (The Departed) penned the script, which means chances are pretty good we'll get a decent story. But, will audiences flock to the theater if none of the original stars are in the flick? No word yet on what the film will be about, but early rumors alluded to it revolving around Lex -- granddaughter of billionaire investor John Hammond -- played by Ariana Richards in the original film.