KimKardashian Tagged Articles at Cinematical

"What fresh hell is this?"
-Dorothy Parker, reportedly as she cast her first glance upon a poster for Disaster Movie

Let's get this out of the way: Disaster Movie is indeed a disaster first, and a movie barely, pure pop culture pablum for da masses (say it aloud, there you go) as can only be expected from the likes of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg. It's another opus that, despite opening titles done in the style of Armageddon's and a feeble thru-line borrowed from Cloverfield (mixed with some of The Day After Tomorrow), is as much a send-up of disaster-related films as Epic Movie was a spoof of actual epic movies.

It takes two minutes for the first crotch shot, four minutes for the first belch gag, thirty for someone to get breast milk on their face, forty-five for someone to get feces on their face, and about sixty for a record scratch to tell us that something peculiar just happened. In between, the characters relentlessly name-check movies and celebrities and websites and any other manner of the vaguely familiar, the bulk of which I've taken to listing below (because if you're still going to see this willingly, I still doubt that you care much for reading at all).

(As for the rest of you: You're welcome.)

So if this was the halfway mark on an E! True Hollywood Story, we'd segue from "Britney's manager accused of drugging her, gets restraining order issued against him" to "Quentin Tarantino offers Spears a role as a lesbian stripper/murderer in a remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (Boy would I like to be the voiceover guy during that episode!)

Back in January, Variety's Liz Smith reported that Tarantino was interested in Britney Spears for a role in his Pussycat remake, along with Eva Mendes and Kim Kardashian. (Quick, which one of those three never starred in a moronic reality show?) Now, either the Telegraph is re-running a six-month-old rumor in order to grab some traffic, or Tarantino finally made this particular casting choice official. Says the Telegraph: "Spears' character murders the boyfriend with her bare hands before taking the girlfriend hostage. The troubled singer will also have sex scenes with another girl before the drama ends in a blood-bath."

Well, that's one way to get your career back on track.

No word on the other two girls, or whether Mendes and Kardashian are still being considered, but for now we'll assume a club remix of "Baby Hit Me One More Time" will be featured on the soundtrack.

After the stunning cinematic achievement that was Meet the Spartans, I know you were all wondering, with bated breath, when we would get more. While this doesn't seem to be a sequel, Variety reports that Grosvenor Park is going to finance a new, untitled project from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, otherwise known as the writer/director team behind Spartans.

The pair have just started directing from their script in Shreveport, LA, and while there's no word on what this latest comedy will be about, it's got a cast that includes Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo, Carmen Electra, Kim Kardashian, G-Thang, Nicole Parker, Crista Flanagan, and Ike Barinholtz. Sounds excellent, eh? We won't even have to wait long for it. The film is scheduled to be released this August.

Sure, there was only one "fresh" review on Rotten Tomatoes (from Kam Williams at News Blaze), IMDb voters rated it 2.3/10, giving it the #88 spot on the Bottom 100 list, and 63.8% of those who voted at Box Office Mojo gave it an F, but it still managed to gross $77,758,391 worldwide. I wonder how many bad films this team can make before people stop going to see them?

I admit it: I have a pretty big soft spot for Russ Meyer's Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! It was the first movie I rented after moving out of rural land and discovering urban video stores that had all the old classics, hard-to-find flicks, and cult greats. It marked a new era in my movie-going life, but I think that even if this was some movie I hated, or never even heard of, I'd still throw up in my mouth a little over this piece of news. Liz Smith over at Variety says that Quentin Tarantino is itching to remake the 1966 cult classic. Normally, this would be fine. I usually enjoy, or even love, what he puts up on the big screen. But cult fans -- Tarantino seems to have lost his marbles.

Smith goes on to say that he's got his first casting choices set -- Kim Kardashian (Sure, why not?), Eva Mendes (I can dig it...), and Britney Spears. Yes -- wacky, unstable, and driving 100 mph towards a sturdy, brick wall, Crazy Lady Spears. That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Hell, I'm even with Smith on ditching Spears and picking up La Lohan. Why? The latter might have her share of tabloid turmoil, but at least she's got some acting chops in there as well. A little craziness and some acting talent -- that's just what a Pussycat remake would need. Besides -- would he wants Spears on the set? Just imagine the tabloid fodder that would bring.

Yes! I must forget this news for a bit to maintain my sanity, so let's play a game: Should Britney get the gig, and bring her tabloid life to the film set, how would it play out? Muse below!