Last month, James Caan quit David O'Russell's Nailed because the two had a blow up over a cookie. Russell said he should choke and cough on this cookie at the same time, while Caan said it wasn't possible. I don't see why Russell wouldn't just show him, if he was convinced it was possible. Then again, the director isn't the most rational and level-headed man out there. Nevertheless, production moves on with a new man -- The Hollywood Reporter posts that James Brolin has replaced Caan in the role, and that Kirstie Alley and Olivia Crocicchia have also signed on.

As we know, Jessica Biel is playing a woman who gets accidentally shot in the head by a clumsy worker with a nail gun. The nail hits her noggin in such a way that she begins to have wild sexual urges. But she's uninsured, so she goes on "a crusade to Washington to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured." The naughty congressman Jake Gyllenhaal, meanwhile, takes advantage of her urges.

So we've got Brolin now as the speaker of the house who chokes on a cookie. (Coincidentally, as his son chokes on a pretzel as Dubya.) As for Alley, she'll play a veterinarian aunt of Biel's character who fails to remove the nail. (No insurance = vet treatment, I guess.) And Crocicchia, she'll play a "disgruntled youth" who helps the nailed woman fight for health care.

I am so dying to see this. If it's even half as fun as Huckabees, the production turmoil should be worth it.

Do I even need to link to one of the hundreds of articles about Britney Spears filing for divorce? The news threatened to overshadow the U.S. election results this week. Hell, it overshadowed the speculation about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding venue, and we all know how important that is. I can only read so many news items about the validity of the original Spears-Federline ceremony and how Britney giving away baby photos affects their pre-nup and where Kevin Federline is buying his boxers now. I am burned out. I may have to read George Will columns to recuperate. And I don't want to hear any more about Anna Nicole Smith either, although I do think it's funny that the Bahamian government now considers her a political liability.

• Ah, here we go -- civilized celebrity news. Cate Blanchett (pictured above) has become co-artistic director with her husband of the Sydney Theater Company. She wants to focus on this work primarily, decreasing her acting work. It sounds admirable but I'll be sorry to see her in fewer films.
  
• George Clooney wants you to know that he was misquoted as saying Sen. Barack Obama told him that he (Obama) was planning to run for President. I can pretend I included this little news item in the list to incorporate politics and raise the tone of this week's column, but you all know I just wanted to write about Clooney. There's a photo in that TMZ article, too.
  

I'm writing this week's column at the very quiet hour of 5 am. Normally, 5 am is an hour when I am dead to the world, unless my cat decides it's time to play and sinks his claws into my back. However, I have one of those nasty little colds, and can't sleep, and I finally gave up. I discovered that this is a great time to read and write about Hollywood gossip, especially when you're drinking a big cup of cocoa. It doesn't require a huge amount of brainpower, the photos are often cheering and I need not worry that my husband will read over my shoulder and shake his head sadly at the content, like last week. And when I'm done, I can go back to bed, although I hope and pray that the following celebrity news doesn't infiltrate my dreams.

• Oh, Madonna. She's been at the top of the celebrity news heap all week. You try to adopt a poor little underprivileged child, and it's nothing but grief. First the father says he's confused about the adoption, then he supports it outright and wants everyone to leave Madonna alone. I'm not entirely sure why you'd adopt a kid whose father is still living, anyway; that seems like nothing but trouble. Must be an awfully cute little boy.
• I also can't avoid mentioning that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have set a wedding date of November 18. The wedding will take place in Italy, Holmes' dress will be designed by Armani, and I'm sure we'll see dozens of photos, no matter how private they try to be.