LarryTheCableGuy Tagged Articles at Cinematical

As the season marches on, 'for your consideration' ads litter the trades and various awards analysis websites. However, there aren't nearly enough campaigns for the year's worst performances.

You have your obnoxious kids (Jaden Smith in The Day The Earth Stood Still, Logan Lerman in Meet Bill). You have your touched individuals who straddle the line between functional and, ahem, 'full retard' (Sophie Okonedo in The Secret Life of Bees, Omar Benson Miller in Miracle at St. Anna, David Morse in Hounddog). You've got your guys that give 'insane' a bad name (Jason Butler Harner in Changeling, Donny Osmond in College Road Trip), and you've got your girls that give English a bad name (Ahney Her in Gran Torino, Natalya Rudakova in Transporter 3).

Oh, and then there's just about the entire cast of The Happening. (If I had to pick just one person, though, I'd go with the gardener who babbles on about hot dogs. The man's priceless.)

So, unless we're about to let Witless Protection sweep the Razzies, what were some of your least favorite performances of the year?

I was one of the hardy souls who endured the recent Larry The Cable Guy atrocity Witless Protection, and when I wasn't bleeding out the eyes or praying aloud for the sweet release of death, I was noticing something peculiar: The film has an FBI character named Alonzo Mosely, which was also the name of an FBI character in Midnight Run. In and of itself, that could be a coincidence. But take into account that both Alonzo Moselys are played by the same actor, Yaphet Kotto, and that both are responsible for tracking down on-the-run witnesses who are supposed to testify against the Mafia, and you realize this was done on purpose.

So that's cute, I thought. I figured they probably hired Kotto, realized how similar the character was to the one he played in Midnight Run, and renamed the new character as a little inside joke. Universal Pictures isn't laughing, though, and not just because they watched a Larry The Cable Guy movie. According to The Hollywood Reporter's law blog (not written by Bob Loblaw, unfortunately), they're suing Lionsgate for copyright infringement and seek to stop all further distribution of Witless Protection, including the DVD release scheduled for June 10.

That's right: If Universal wins the case, the movie will be taken out of circulation. Regardless of the legal ramifications, I see this as a victory for society.

If there's anything more pathetic in the movie business than a witless novelty act who somehow struck gold and grew some delusions of talent, it's a witless novelty act who somehow struck gold and grew some delusions of talent -- but is blissfully unaware that his 15 minutes of fame have long since expired and so he still keeps churning out worthless garbage for the masses. Yes friends, I just got back from checking out the latest "Larry the Cable Guy" movie. It's called Delta Farce and it is, without question, one of the worst comedies I've ever seen. I know this is just one guy's opinion, but when someone who's seen about 9,000 movies uses the words "worst" and "ever" when describing a new film, you might want to heed that person's advice. And I use the word "film" not as a synonym for "movie," but to mean "very similar to that stuff that accumulates on your teeth when you forget to brush."

Since everyone even remotely connected to the conception, production and release of Delta Farce knows that it's a shameless piece of crap, the film did not screen for the press. As it was my assignment to review this film (thereby smashing all those fallacies that critics always have an enviable job), I decided to walk in to the experience with some high hopes. Sure, "Cable Guy" has tortured me with his worthless stand-up routines and that astonishingly awful Health Inspector movie -- but I figure if you HAVE to see a movie, your best bet is to walk in with a small sense of optimism. Yes, even if the movie in question features something called "Larry the Cable Guy." But just to be a jerk, I bought a ticket for 28 Weeks Later before walking straight into Delta Farce. A petty move, but it made me feel good.

So far, Larry's (Dan Whitney) been the cable guy, the military guy, that blue collar comedy guy and, to some (like me), a guy that's just not very funny. But screw what I think, apparently his shtick is popular enough that it warrants a number of crappy films -- in fact, the Hollywood Reporter tells us he's just signed on to one more. Git-R-Done! This time, he'll be Larry the Witness Protection Guy in a flick called -- wait for it -- Witless Protection. Because, see, he's a moron and he'll have to protect someone. Parallel Entertainment Pictures is financing and producing after doing so on the last two Larry-related pics; Lionsgate will distribute.

Charles Carner will direct off his own script, which follows a small-town sheriff who witnesses what he thinks is a kidnapping, though it actually turns out to be FBI agents assigned to protect a girl and deliver her to an Enron-type corruption trial. Of course, the FBI guys are eventually outed as the bad guys and, well, Larry (or whoever he's playing this time) will have to Git-R-Done! Also starring are Ivana Milcevic, Yaphet Kotto, Peter Stormare, Joe Mantegna (trying to make rent, Joe?) and Eric Roberts. Production begins next month, and I'm sure we'll get to watch this puppy shoot straight to number one at the box office next year.

There it is, folks -- the unveiling of the brand-new poster for Delta Farce, the upcoming war comedy that calls to mind such classic flicks as Stripes and Spies Like Us.

The film stars Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall and DJ Qualls as three beer-swilling blue-collar buddies who get mistaken for Army Reservists and shipped off to the Iraq War. Sounds kind of serious, you say? Well, things take a turn for the funny when the buddies get mistakenly dumped in Mexico and -- convinced they are indeed in the Middle East -- end up defending a rural village from a karaoke-loving warlord (Danny Trejo). Look for Delta Farce in theaters May 11.

POST: What do you think of the poster?

POST: Are you excited for the movie?

SEE IT: Delta Farce trailer | Movie details

Not since the days of Ernest Joins the Army have you seen a trailer like this one. The title of the movie is Delta Farce, but based on what Dictionary.com tells me, a "farce" is "a light, humorous play in which the plot depends upon a skillfully exploited situation rather than upon the development of character." You go watch the trailer yourself and tell me if we don't have a case of false advertising here.

Starring Keith David, DJ Qualls and (yes) Larry the Cable Guy (who describes the movie as "The Three Stooges meets Platoon" (lord help us), Delta Farce looks to be some sort of parody of the Iraq war, but since it's about three idiots who accidentally "invade" Mexico, somehow I doubt it's all that interested in social satire or insightful jokes. Lionsgate presently has the movie scheduled for a May 11 release date, but I'm expecting that date to get pushed back (and directly to video) some time soon. Just a reminder: Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector grossed about $16 million in domestic box office last year. So if you paid money to go see that one, I blame you for Delta Farce.