I heard Wednesday is the new Tuesday ...

We never thought it would happen, but Hollywood has finally invented a time machine and is using it to resurrect a number of old franchises. From indieWIRE comes news that MGM's Mary Parent and Harry Sloan are interested in finding out whether audiences want Sly Stallone to return for another Rocky installment. The article adds, "Parent asked for a show of hands from the audience who might be in to that. Though there were a few very enthusiastic responses, many kept quiet." Hmm, maybe they were just pretending not to listen.

During the same MGM panel, Parent mentioned the recently-announced Robocop remake and said it "would be great in 3-D, as would something we're hoping to announce soon." Announce soon? What is it? Could it be Rocky vs Robocop: The Future Ends Here ... in 3-D? Fingers crossed. Here's our earlier story on the Robocop remake, which also includes a remake of Red Dawn. God help us. [via Moviehole]

Finally, on the Star Trek front, a few possible spoilers have leaked out over at TrekMovie.com. I won't go into many details here, though I will say the spoilers have to do with the several different ships featured in the film. Speaking of, what's the official title for this flick? Do we have one yet? Is it just Star Trek? Star Trek XI? How about Star Trek New Beginnings: The Future and the Past Together At Last? On a separate note, MTV spoke with William Shatner who -- wait for it -- is still pretty upset about not being included in the new film. His words (not mine): "I'm solidly behind being disappointed that I'm not in it." Next week Shatner re-phrases things and notes: "I'm not not devastated, though I am positive about being negative."

We have no details at all beyond what you just read in the headline, but THR is reporting that MGM has remakes of Robocop and Red Dawn in the works. (L-Rappe had some buzz on Robocop right here.) Studio chiefs Harry Sloan and Mary Parent must have simply stood up at Cannes and said out loud: "MGM is remaking Robocop and Red Dawn" before vanishing into a hotel or something. So in lieu of additional information regarding cast and crew, I'll just fill a second paragraph with some ranting.

First off, you're never going to improve on Paul Verhoeven's Robocop, which is just about the most spot-on, no-bullsh!t action satire you'll ever see. Unless MGM wants to hire someone like David Fincher or Brad Anderson, I don't have a very good vibe on a Robo-remake. And Red Dawn? Well ... obviously you'd have to update the villains, wouldn't you? Viewed through a socio-political spectrum, John Milius' Red Dawn might be one of the most "outdated" action movies at the video store. Plus, as cool as it looks on screen, the concept of paratroopers invading America is pretty damn hilarious.

So obviously I don't think much of either project at this point. (Sorry, but when I read the word "remake," my brain heads right to the word "lazy," although obviously that's not always the case.) But of course I'll see both of 'em as soon as they come out. I just can't help it. And since it's also an '80s-era MGM title that begins with a "R," I guess you can expect a remake of Road House soon enough.

Seems like we bloggers spend about half our time blogging about blogging. Whether it's stories about how blogging is bad for your health (so that's my excuse!), or about how bloggers are replacing newspaper film critics, writers love to write about writers. So the logline for Bobism, a film whose screenplay Variety says MGM has just purchased, made me laugh -- I'm sorry, made me LOL:

"A shy collegian learns that life 1,000 years in the future will be based on his blog."

Ha! That's awesome. And really, it's only fair. Hollywood makes lots of movies about out-of-nowhere athletes who become superstars, thus fulfilling the fantasies of legions of armchair-quarterback viewers who dream about the same thing happening to them. They make plenty of romantic comedies where women live fabulous lifestyles (usually working at a magazine) and wind up wearing the perfect wedding dress as they marry the perfect guy, thus fulfilling the fantasies of millions of female viewers. So it's about time they make a wish-fulfillment movie for us bloggers, where we get to indulge our daydreams of being really, really important!

We might not know exactly what Sylvester Stallone is doing next, but we do know he's apparently got a thing for remaking old Charles Bronson films. Not long ago, Stallone expressed interest in remaking Death Wish, and now Dark Horizons tells us the aging action star will star in a remake of the 1972 Bronson flick, The Mechanic (and though they say nothing of the man also directing, other sites are jumping to that conclusion). DH also claims the film's budget clocks in at around $40 million, and that MGM is looking at folks like Ryan Gosling, Ben Foster, Cillian Murphy and Elijah Wood to co-star.

The original film revolved around an aging hitman (played by Bronson, and now Stallone) who befriends a young man that wants to become a professional killer. Over at IMDb, however, they claim the film will be totally re-imagined as a thriller in a post 9/11 world. A few days ago, Stallone struck a deal to star and produce two new action films, though there was no further info on what those two films would be. Perhaps Sly is off the Death Wish train and now setting his sights on The Mechanic? Could one of these (or both) eventually become the film(s) included in that deal? Which would you rather see Sly remake: Death Wish or The Mechanic?

If you hear the name Eli Roth and you immediately think of "horror," well, that only makes sense. The guy's only made three movies, and they're all of the icky variety. His next project, however, will be a comedy ... but there'll probably be a good deal of graphic violence, anyway. According to Bloody-Disgusting.com, August 28 is when MGM will be releasing Mr. Roth's Trailer Trash. Yep, that "collection of fake trailers" project that Eli mentioned a while back. Looks like that will be the filmmaker's next (and immediate) gig.

Says Roth: " I want to make a film like Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which I consider to be the greatest achievement in the history of cinema." Way to aim high, Eli! And before all you anonymous bashers start trashing this concept, keep in mind that there are quite a few laughs to be found in flicks like Kentucky Fried Movie and Amazon Women on the Moon -- and Trailer Trash seems to fall right inside that "sketch-comedy" sub-genre -- only for movie nerds. All I know is that if Trailer Trash is as amusing for 80-some minutes as Roth's Thanksgiving trailer was for three minutes, then that will make for one funny film.

As near as I can remember and without doing any research at all (because opening up a second browser tab would be too much work), there have already been three different "region 1" Robocop DVDs: A bare-bones junker, a phenomenal release from Criterion and a pretty solid triple-dip from MGM. (And that third release also came as part of a trilogy set, which I'd recommend if you're one of the 19 people who adore both Robocop 2 and Robocop 3.) Well guess what, DVD junkies?

According to DVD Active, on August 21 MGM will be unleashing a 2-disc (steel-cased) 20th Anniversary Special Edition of Paul Verhoeven's Robocop, one of the best sci-fi movies of the 1980s. (By far.) So while it's true that many of the extra features have been ported over from previous releases, this set will offer the theatrical cut AND the director's cut that features the infamous ED-209 scene in which he turns one unlucky executive into the world's bloodiest piece of swiss cheese. Apparently there will be three all-new featurettes, but the rest of the goodies (while great) are strictly recycled goods: a director / writer / producer commentary, deleted scenes, featurettes both archival and (relatively) recent, trailers, TV spots, the whole nine yards. And the cover is rrrrrrreally cool.

All together now: "I'd buy that for a dollar!!" Looks like MGM will be asking for more like $20, though. It's worth it.

Remember a few months back when a mysterious movie called "Motel Hell" popped up on MGM's year-end schedule? You don't? Why, we reported on it right here. Yes, someone over at MGM got the great idea to remake Kevin Connor's 1980 sleaze-tastic cannibal-riffic horror-comedy Motel Hell -- and apparently someone else at MGM said "great idea," which explains why the title popped up on that year-end schedule.

And just like that: It's gone. Bloody-Disgusting.com reports that the alleged remake of Motel Hell has been duly removed from MGM's release slate -- and the only people upset about it are most likely the producers of the original flick. (They're the ones who get paid if the remake gets made.) For those who don't remember this goofball flick, it's about a highway hotel that's actually the home of some raving cannibals who like to make sausage from unwary travelers. Sure, it's nothing broad a broad rehash of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I suppose, but the flick's got a pulpy sense of humor that I kind of enjoyed.

If and when someone changes their mind and decides that, yes, a Motel Hell remake is precisely what the universe needs, you can rest assured we'll bring you the news. (What's next? A remake of Mother's Day?)

Not that it's a classic by any means, but the original Weekend at Bernie's is one of those films you can't help but laugh at (and with). Chock-full of physical comedy (as well as Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman in their "prime"), Bernie's was popular enough to warrant a very bad sequel which officially put an end to the trials and tribulations of our lovable duo and their best friend, a corpse. But now, Moviehole tells us a Weekend at Bernie's remake is very much in the works, with Ashok Amritraj and Jon Jashni producing for Hyde Park and MGM.

Next Weekend at Bernies will follow the same storyline as the first flick, except it will be set at a ski lodge instead of a beach house. Oh, I can almost see it now: Bernie's dead body somehow slips and slides down the slopes, while our two main characters (who also happen to be horrible skiers) attempt to strap on the snowboards and chase after him. Someone crashes into a tree -- there's a ski instructor who smells something fishy going on -- and all we have to look forward to is a five-second McCarthy/Silverman cameo. Is it just me, or is this the perfect project for Freddy Prinze Jr. and Sean William Scott?

As both a passionate fan of the old-school horror movies AND a ravenous devourer of all the new horror movies, I'm of two minds where Remake Mania is concerned. Mainly I think churning out a bunch of remakes is a cheap and obvious way to make a few extra bucks without putting in a little extra work ... and most of the flicks I'm presently thinking of really bear this theory out. But every once in a while one of these remakes turns out to be a surprisingly creative and admirably respectful homage to a horror classic ... even if it doesn't happen too often.

For every half-decent re-do like Dawn of the Dead, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or The Hills Have Eyes, I'm asked to struggle through a virtually endless deluge of worthless non-horror flicks that exist SOLELY because, well, people recognize the name. (You don't think Dimension remade Black Christmas because they thought they could somehow improve upon the original, do you? Hell no, they made it because "Black Christmas" is a good title -- and one that sparks a few memory synapses in even the most casual horror geek.)

So what new remake announcement was it that spurred my latest ranting rave? Well jeez, it sure looks like someone's aiming to remake Motel Hell now. (Right now you're thinking one of two things: Either a) Wow, why remake that wacko little flick? or b) There's actually a movie called Motel Hell?") Yep, there is. It's a surprisingly amusing 1980 horror flick about a cannibalistic family that kidnaps motorists and plants them in a garden for later consumption. Both tongue-in-cheek and slathered with gore, Motel Hell might not be a cult classic among the hardcore horror set, but I think it's got a fairly solid reputation -- among those who've actually seen it.

Anyway, yeah: According to Fango, MGM has a Motel Hell remake on their schedule for December 7, despite the fact that they don't seem to have a script, a director or a cast just yet. I'm still trying to figure out why they're even bothering.

Well, this whole "Peter Jackson is off The Hobbit" story finally hit the trades today, arriving in Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. CNN also managed to throw something up about it too. Personally, it reminds me of some big nasty divorce battle, with MGM playing the part of the little kid who just wants the bickering to end so they can go live with Dad (played by Peter Jackson). And New Line has taken on the part of sadistic mother (note: not all mothers are sadistic, just the one in this scenario) -- a force hell-bent on keeping the luxurious home (ie: The Hobbit) all three once shared together.

Regardless, MGM still owns the distribution rights, so they will remain involved with this for now. And, like a typical kid, insist the Peter Jackson saga is not over ... yet. They remain optimistic, and I'm sure will do what they can to get mom and dad on the same page. However, like with most divorces, it's all about money -- and one can expect New Line not to budge even a tiny bit. In fact, they might already have a substitute dad in line to replace Jackson. According to Cinema Blend, they've received a few emails from different people who claim Jean-Pierre Jeunet (Amelie) is at the top of the "How the f*ck do we replace Peter Jackson?" list. Granted, this is also the guy who brought us Alien: Resurrection (why do I feel as if some major LOTR fan just threw something at their computer). Yes, these are only rumors coming from anonymous people who may or may not have a clue -- but it's certainly a start.

Perhaps we should address the question: Who do you get to replace Peter Jackson?