I remember when folks like Madonna first had a kid, I wondered whether they would follow in her footsteps and head into show business as a sex-crazed tramp. I actually played a game once with my friends: Whose Kid Will Turn Out the Most F**ked Up? These days, kids of well known actors and actresses are doing pretty good; most notably Will Smith's son Jaden was great in last year's The Pursuit of Happyness. But Smith was never known as a tabloid whore, and so folks like Madonna, Britney Spears and, God forbid, eventually Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan -- what will their kids grow up to be? Well, according to Hollywood.com (via a story in The Sun), Madonna's oldest daughter Lourdes has apparently been offered a role in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The sources indicate that Madonna is currently considering an offer made by Warner Bros.

Lourdes, who's 11-years-old and nicknamed Lola, is the daughter of Madonna and fitness trainer Carlos Leon (ya know, the guy before Guy Ritchie). In addition to Potter, she's also said to be up for a starring role in a Warner Bros. kids' musical "similar to Bugsy Malone." Here's what a tipster told The Sun (not the most reliable source in the world): "An executive at Warners wanted to cast Lola in the last Potter film and has renewed his interest for the next movie. Lola would love to do it--she is a huge fan." It's not known what part she was offered, or whether that part went to someone else (keep in mind, an official press release with the full cast was unveiled earlier in the week). Could Lourdes become the next Potter star? And, if so, would she put on a fake British accent like her mom?

Must every movie with a decent soundtrack be turned into a stage musical? The latest is Desperately Seeking Susan, the barely memorable 1985 movie starring Madonna and Rosanna Arquette. Directed by Susan Seidelman, who would go on to make much crappier movies like She-Devil and Cookie, the movie follows a bored housewife (Arquette) who gets amnesia and is then mistaken for the free-spirited woman (Madonna) she wishes she was. Despite the fact that it starred a young Madonna at a time when she was rising as a major pop star, the movie's soundtrack only featured one song from her, "Into the Groove." The rest of the music is staple movie stuff like "Lust for Life," "Respect" and "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)," but the movie is still better remembered for its soundtrack than for anything actually going on in the film (though I've always retained a clear mental image of that jacket with the pyramid on it).

So why turn it into a stage musical? Good question. The production, which will open for previews October 12 at London's Novello Theatre, doesn't even include "Into the Groove" or any of the film's other songs. Instead it features old music from Blondie like "Heart of Glass," "One Way or Another," "Atomic," "Dreaming," and "The Tide is High" (which wasn't written by Blondie, but whatever). The musical will also feature one new song written by Blondie's Debbie Harry. Originally scripted for the screen by Leora Barish (Basic Instinct 2), the stage version has been penned by Peter Michael Marino. Reportedly, the plot sticks very closely to that of the movie. Obviously, there is interest in bringing the musical to Broadway, and then who knows? Maybe we can have another movie-turned-musical-turned-musical-movie, like The Producers, Hairspray and the newly confirmed remake of Footloose. Hopefully Hollywood will listen to my plea for this trend to end, but I doubt it.

Start building that MySpace fanbase people, because Madison Road Entertainment and Madonna's Maverick label are preparing to a launch a new internet-based talent competition called Big Shot (think along the lines of a new version of Star Search, except it appears the goal here is to use your online popularity to promote other properties). The show, which will run for 13 weeks and host 91 webisodes, will be dedicated to an assortment of talents which include singing, modeling, stand-up comedy, filmmaking and acting. Each person will be able to upload their profile, as well as a 30-second video showcasing their particular talent, which will then be voted on by a number of people with names like ILoveRyanSeacrest4Eva.

Since most internet surfers have the attention span of a mouse (myself included), there will be a new winner every day. That person will then be flown out to Hollywood and given a chance to audition for a "talent rainmaker" -- basically, that's just a snazzy way of saying you'll be meeting with some agent's assistant. At that time, you'll be given the chance to impress someone live and in person (which, right away, could prove difficult for those who feel more comfortable acting like an ass in the comfort of their own home) and, if your series of cartwheels are enough to get someone to say, "Sure, we can use him/her as an extra on our new FX TV show," then you could be on your way to red carpet stardom. Subsequently, the folks in charge get to promote their other products (like, for example, the Maverick-produced FX drama The Riches) and you get to say that, well, you had more MySpace friends than the dude who sang The National Anthem upside down. Fear not all you aspiring internet celebrities (yes, I'm talking to you lonelygirl90210), you still have time to prepare; Big Shot won't premiere until September 10.

The Maverick Red label is set to produce Digger, a horror film about grave digging. Not to be confused with Diggers, which came out this past Friday, the film will center on a man named Joshua Bauer who is forced to dig graves by hand as a young man and decides to seek revenge on whoever made him do that by going on a killing spree. Interestingly, the Hollywood Reporter notes that the producers "hope to launch Bauer as a new horror icon." Joshua Bauer is going to give Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees a run for their money? Okay, let's see what you've got, Joshua. Gregory Segal and John A. Gallagher will serve as producers on the project, with Gallagher directing. The screenplay is being penned by Stephen Lancellotti, who has no prior credits that I can see.

As for Gallagher, his prior credits include the 1997 independent feature The Deli, which starred Gretchen Mol and the more recent Blue Moon, a dramedy starring Ben Gazzara and Rita Moreno. The HR article also notes some other projects that Maverick currently has in development, including The Stepfather, which I assume is a remake of The Stepfather with Terry O'Quinn and a remake of The Phone, an Asian horror movie as well as a film called Labyrinth, about a serial killer. No word on whether boss lady Madonna is interested in taking on an acting role in any of these projects, or if she's happy with having her film appearances continue to be unintentionally horrifying. Actually, I'm just taking a cheap shot there -- I thought Madonna was pretty good in Dick Tracy, Who's That Girl? and a couple of other films.

Slogging out to the multiplexes to see 2006's overstuffed lineup of CGI-animated kids' films was a truly soul-deadening experience. These polished widgets -- Over the Hedge, The Ant Bully, Cars, Barnyard, Flushed Away -- dropped off the conveyor belt like so many shining pennies, exactly the same and worth about as much. Most of these films used the exact same template: An outsider hero with some kind of "loner" issues was accidentally thrust into a world peopled with colorful characters. After facing some kind of larger challenge, the hero learned how to be part of a family. These films didn't even bother to disguise their boredom; they could have been generated from the same computer program.

For the record (and to register a differing opinion from that of our own Kim Voynar) George Miller's Happy Feet is the year's only example of animated excellence; it's the only entry that demonstrates even the tiniest form of imagination, and it has practically become a phenomenon among audiences starved for such things.