Somewhere inside Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins -- buried in frenzied improvisations and manic mugging, adrift in a sea of easy sentiment and familiar family-drama moments -- there's a kernel of a good idea, as successful L.A. self-help guru Dr. R.J. Stevens (Martin Lawrence) comes back home to the South for a family celebration. R.J.'s got it all -- the syndicated, Montel-styled talk show, the beautiful fiancée, the Hollywood good life -- but that doesn't seem to impress the family he hasn't seen in 9 years, who know him as Roscoe Jenkins. Much like Dan in Real Life, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins puts a self-help expert who is in desperate need of help for himself into the middle of a sprawling, squalling family, and that environment makes the distance between the persona and the person readily, painfully apparent. And, much like Dan in Real Life, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins skims the surface of that idea, scooping up a few laughs and a bit of drama, but it never digs too far below that, or really engages with the central plot.

Martin Lawrence is teaming with ex-Cosby gal Raven-Symone for Walt Disney Pictures' College Road Trip. Have a feeling the critics won't be Raven about this one! The story centers on "a young woman with ambitious public-defender dreams who goes on a road trip to visit potential universities with her father, an overprotective cop." Sigh. The movie is set to start shooting in late June or early July in the northeast. Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio wrote the most recent draft (I mentioned them last week as writers on the new CGI Horton Hears A Who movie), Roger Kumble is directing. Kumble has a pretty spotty record, he did the trash classic Cruel Intentions, the horrible "girls can be dirty too" comedy The Sweetest Thing, and the moderately amusing Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. Lawrence is hot right now, currently in theaters with Wild Hogs, and as we told you last week, he is also in production on The Better Man.

Though it hasn't started filming and I know nothing more about the project than you do, let me tell you what the trailer will consist of: Funky bass line begins. We see Martin Lawrence in a police uniform busting a perp. Narration: Jack Doogan is the toughest cop in Manhattan. He's dealt with some of the most devious criminal minds around. But none of them compare... Sound of needle scraping across a record. ...With his daughter! We see Raven leaving the house in a revealing outfit. Martin spits out his coffee, and asks her where she's going. She says "Work." He says "Where you workin,' Scores?" Road trip begins. Lots of scenes of Martin and Raven arguing in the car. Maybe they hit an animal in a comical fashion. At the colleges, lots of guys whistle and make catcalls at Raven. This makes Martin angry. His anger makes Raven embarassed. Music changes and we realize these two really love each other. Close on big joke involving Martin getting hit in the testicles. Box office gross: $100 million.

On a side note, according to imdb Raven-Symone is now going simply by "Raven." So if she shows up gently rapping at your chamber door, you'll know why.

Even though Lucky Louie was permanently shelved by HBO, comedian Louis C.K. has managed to use his starring role in the underrated series to help land him a nice, cushy big-screen gig. Variety reports he'll star alongside Martin Lawrence in The Better Man, a new comedy from writer-director Malcolm D. Lee. Scott Stuber and Mary Parent are producing; C.K. also co-wrote (along with Chris Rock) I Think I Love My Wife, which hits theaters this weekend (read my review here).

Lawrence will play a popular syndicated talk show host who begins pondering the meaning of life and moves back home to the South after attending his parents 50th anniversary party. Louis C.K. will act as Lawrence's fast-talking producer -- the kind of guy who, I imagine, is desperate to knock some sense into his star and get the guy back on the air. Looking over Lee's credits, one might find it odd that the man directed a 1996 flick called The Best Man, and has now set up a film called The Better Man -- even though the two have nothing to do with one another. Should we expect Lee's next film to be called I Swear, He's Better Than the Best Man? Yeah, that wouldn't confuse too many people.

Toward the end of Wild Hogs, I couldn't help but recall a scene from Three Amigos!; three unemployed, clumsy actors attempt to become the heroes they've played on screen so many times before in order to rescue an innocent woman from an evil clan of Mexican bandits. The two films have a lot in common: they both feature a group of simple men who pretend to be bad-ass rebels, but wind up disturbing the real-life warriors they so want to emulate. They both feature small towns (or villages) overrun by a gang of misfits out to take what they want, when they want it. Lastly, they both feature a crop of familiar Hollywood talent that, with the right script, are capable of providing an entertaining and satisfying moviegoing experience. Unfortunately, Wild Hogs got wrong everything Three Amigos! got right, and the result is a campy, poorly-written flick that relies too heavily on its physical comedy, without taking advantage of its diverse, multi-talented cast.

For the first half hour, pic repeatedly hits us over the head with the fact that our four main characters have grown into middle-aged boring men who wouldn't know fun and adventure if it came squealing into their driveways. Doug (Tim Allen) is a dentist who fails to earn respect from his wife and son because he's not a real doctor ... he's only a dentist. Woody (John Travolta) used to be a successful businessman, but is now flat broke after his supermodel girlfriend decided to toss him to the curb. Bobby (Martin Lawrence) is a plumber who takes orders from his wife as if he were the family pet, instead of the family man. And Dudley (William H. Macy) is our token geek; single, clumsy, stubborn and the butt of most of the sitcom-esque jokes -- in fact, I was half expecting a laugh track to pop up each and every time Dudley fell off his motorcycle (which, mind you, happens so often we can spot the joke coming from a mile away.)

I'm surrounded by four gregarious guys who ride Harleys, blow up bars and throw down with a rival biker gang named the "Del Fuegos." And strangely, I'm not afraid of getting my ass kicked. Perhaps that's because the aforementioned Harley pilots are John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy, and they did all of that stuff in their new road-trip comedy Wild Hogs. The guys and I are in Boston, the second stop on their Wild Hogs promotional tour. Yesterday, they were in Atlanta, where long-haired, bearded, diehard bikers turned out in droves of thousands to follow the foursome as they cruised the streets on their hogs. A similar event -- a police-escorted bike ride from Beantown's Four Seasons Hotel to City Hall -- had been planned for later today, but alas the 18-degree temperatures and 40 mile-per-hour winds have crapped all over that plan like a pigeon on a motorcycle helmet. Instead, John, Tim, Martin and Bill will arrive for a ceremony with the Mayor Thomas Menino in big, warm, comfortable Suburbans. (More on that later).

For now, however, we're sitting in a warm hotel room at the Four Seasons listening to Allen work on one hell of a hilarious non sequitur in his patented Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor manly yawp: "I'm Spartacus. Who's Spartacus? I'm tired of dying. I'm tired of eating soup. Who's Spartacus? I'm Spartacus!" He's got me and his Hogs co-stars in stitches -- that is, until he blurts out, "Does it involve a spanking?!" Then the silence hits -- but only briefly, before another bout of prolonged laughter.

Two minutes in, and it's already clear that these four guys don't just play pals in a movie; they are pals. When Travolta claims, "I have to edit everything Tim says," Allen retorts with a comical threat in his best Arnold Schwarzenegger accent. And when asked who the most skilled rider is, they bust each others chops mercilessly one moment, then dole out Coca-Cola-sweet compliments the next.

Wow, this is awesome. Usually we have to wait for a DVD release to be offered a meaningless (and generally entertainment-free) collection of movie bloopers, but the marketing team behind the motorcycle comedy Wild Hogs has decided to dole out those goodies extra early. Click right here to see if this material makes Wild Hogs look more appealing ... or less. (Still, it's a bit funnier than the trailer.)

Starring Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy, Wild Hogs comes from second-time director Walt Becker (after Van Wilder) and first-time screenwriter Brad Copeland -- a man who has penned a few episodes of Arrested Development and My Name is Earl and must therefore have some talent. Plus the flick seems to have a Ray Liotta cameo, and really, doesn't every movie need a Ray Liotta cameo? The Disney comedy opens on March 2.

Once upon a time, a guy in the throes of a midlife crisis would buy himself a red sports car. But these days, any balding, potbellied man worth his salt trades in his SUV not for a Corvette, but for the biggest, fastest motorcycle he can find. Four wheels bad, two wheels good!

That's the premise behind the upcoming comedy 'Wild Hogs,' which stars John Travolta, Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy as suburban schmoes who hit the road, badass biker-style. Of course, they find that being badass isn't quite as easy as the brochure made it sound, even if they are sporting those studly black do-rags and leather jackets.

You can watch the trailer at the official site, but you can only see the poster right here. Click on the image for the super-size version, and then tack it to your wall while you wait for your own hog to arrive from the shop. Your wife/mom/grandma won't mind. 'Wild Hogs' opens March 2, 2007.

POST: Are you excited for this movie?

GET IT: More info on 'Wild Hogs'

Look, I like Martin Lawrence. I like him as a stand-up comedian and I like him as an actor -- but I absolutely hate the roles he takes on. He sort of reminds me of Eddie Murphy in that both men have made some great little flicks (Bad Boys for Lawrence and Beverly Hills Cop for Murphy), but then somehow found themselves climbing out of a deep hole filled with crap. In fact, the two even starred in one such "winner" -- remember Life? Ugh.

I've always wanted to see Lawrence grow up a bit, take on a role that's not so silly and ridiculous, while adding a nice touch of heart in at the end. Well, his next project may just make all my Martin Lawrence wishes come true. Universal Pictures has attached Lawrence to star in The Better Man, with Malcolm Lee (Roll Bounce) set to direct. Pic revolves around a popular syndicated talkshow host who, after attending his parents 50th anniversary alongside his famous wife, begins to ponder whether he's getting the most out of life. It appears Lee agrees with me, as he goes on to say: "There's emotion and pathos here that give Martin a chance to display more layers than usual." Yes! Give us that! Get out of the fat suit for God's sake and take on a real role. The Better Man will be produced by Scott Stuber and Mary Parent, and will go into production this March.

What do you think of Martin Lawrence? Has he shown us all his cards, or do you feel he still has a few surprises left up his sleeves?

If the idea of seeing John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, Tim Allen and William H. Macy do the following things sounds appealing to you, then by all means you should click right -->HERE<-- and watch the all-new trailer for Wild Hogs. Ready for the list? OK...

• Scream at children
• Search for internet porn in a crowded coffee house
• Get hit in the crotch with softballs
• Fall off motorcycles
• Get hit in the neck with birds
• Blow up a bar
• Get hit in the butt by a bull
• Spoon in bed together

Now, far be it for me to judge a movie I've not seen, but I'd be willing to bet my Criterion Edition Brazil DVD that I just described the very best jokes to be found in the whole of Wild Hogs. Aside from the intriguingly odd foursome, there's nothing about this comedy that looks even remotely fresh or appealing. (Plus, the trailer has the one little "wistful" moment, which means the fart jokes and pratfalls will, somewhere around the end of Act II, give way to some really mawkish sentimental crap ... and I've got no patience for pap like that.)

The screenplay comes from first-timer Brad Copeland; the director is Walt Becker, last seen cinematically as the man who helmed Van Wilder. (Yes, it's taken Becker four years to rediscover his muse.) In addition to the four aforementioned knuckleheads, Wild Hogs also promises bit parts from cool folks like Ray Liotta, Marisa Tomei, John C. McGinley and Stephen Tobolowsky. The "City Slickers meets Masters of Menace "opens on March 2.

Wait ... Tobolowsky's in it? Sold!

Oh, that wacky George Clooney: He's announced that he'd like to outwit the paparazzi, who are continually linking him with this actress or that one, by going out to dinner every night with a different celebrity, whether male or female, and letting everyone draw (incorrect) conclusions. Today's my little sister's birthday, George ... she's not famous, but she'd love to help you thwart photographers and gossipmongers.

So how many of the following news items do you think were staged by the celebrities themselves, either for publicity or to intentionally diminish the credibility of gossip columns?

• Actress/singer Avril Lavigne has not been handling the paparazzi in such a classy fashion. Last weekend, she had to apologize for spitting on some of the photographers.
• Peter Sarsgaard (pictured at right, mmm) and Maggie Gyllenhaal have announced the birth of their daughter. The baby, born Tuesday night, is named Ramona. No other details are available, although I guess that refutes the rumor I heard about Sarsgaard being spotted holding hands on the beach this week with Clooney.