MeetTheSpartans Tagged Articles at Cinematical

First there was Date Movie, and it was ... not good. And then came Epic Movie, and it was ... even worse. Most recently we received Meet the Spartans, and it was ... you get the point: By now we're well aware that sophomoric spoof-merchants Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are not even remotely interested in making a good film. Their goal is simply to throw as many current* pop culture references onto the screen so that bored 14-year-olds with more allowance money than common sense will line up to chuckle (feebly) at the duo's desperate antics. (* And if the jokes are this bad when they're "current," what the hell will these flicks look like in ten years?)

But you know what? It's almost creepy how well these things do: For a production budget of about $20 million apiece, Date, Epic, and Spartans made about $84 million each. (That's worldwide box-office, and thanks to Mojo for the numerals.) So Fox essentially gave these guys $60 million and three shots, and they virtually quadrupled their budget each time out. (So why does the IMDb rate these films at 2.6, 2.3, and 2.4, respectively? I have no idea. How many times must a person get smacked on the skull before they start avoiding the hammer?)

Anwyay, Friedberg and Seltzer have moved their parody tent over to Lionsgate, and that's who'll be unleashing the aptly-titled Disaster Movie on August 29. (And people call Saw torture. Ha!) Click right here to enjoy the trailer, and by "enjoy" I actually mean "sit there and subject yourself to amazingly half-assed jokes about clumsy superheroes, pregnant teenagers, and tons of other horrific stuff that I can't believe passes for comedy." And yet I bet it will make about $84 million worldwide and we'll all be sitting here next year, bemoaning the impending arrival of Friedberg & Seltzer's Action Movie.

Among my favorite film books is Michael J. Weldon's two-volume "Psychotronic" film guide. The first was published in 1983 and the second in 1996 (Michael hopes to publish a third at some point). Unlike Leonard Maltin's annual book, Weldon doesn't update an existing guide; each new guide is an entirely new volume. If you want to read about Halloween, you need Vol. 1 and if you want to read about Halloween 4, you need Vol. 2. A "Psychotronic" movie can be fairly easy to define. It's basically any of the "lower" film genres, dealing with the more questionable elements of society: horror, sci-fi, bikers, strippers, superheroes, zombies, kung-fu, vampires, comic books, drugs, sex, action heroes, rock 'n' roll, midnight movies, monsters, witches, cults, serial killers, magic, time travel, robberies, heists, contract killers, gladiators, Spaghetti Westerns, mad scientists, murder mysteries, pimps, voyeurs, etc.

As Scott pointed out in his review, you need not fear that this week's Superhero Movie is another brainchild of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, whose satanic perversions of the parody genre -- Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans -- have been terrorizing unsuspecting audiences every year since 2006. Superhero Movie was actually directed by Craig Mazin, a protégé of the Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker dream team responsible for Airplane! and The Naked Gun, and produced by David Zucker himself. But it, too, is plagued -- albeit to a much lesser degree -- by what's turning out to be the problem with the entire modern generation of spoofs going back to Scary Movie: relentless pop culture specificity.

The basest incarnations of this, of course, are the Friedberg-Seltzer monstrosities, which may be worthless as comedies but which could prove valuable to historians because they indicate precisely what dominated the American zeitgeist in the few months before their release. It's too generous to call these films' vulgar spasms "jokes," but to the extent that's what they are, they depend entirely on either audience members' awareness of US Weekly-type factoids such as Britney Spears' shaving her head or their recall of particular scenes and characters in recent box-office hits. That's not to say that these kinds of jokes can't be funny -- the problem with Friedberg and Seltzer, as others have pointed out, is that they think throwing something current on the screen ("Look, Paris Hilton!") constitutes humor. But they do limit comedies' universal appeal and staying power.

I'm always relieved when I don't have to review a film like Meet the Spartans, because it's such a writing challenge. What do you say about a movie that's intentionally bad? Thankfully, Slate's Josh Levin is up to the challenge, skewering the film riotously in a new piece. The first part of his reportage is focused on the length of the film, which he declares is less than what other reviews are telling you -- he clocked it with his watch and says that it's no more than a hour and three minutes from opening to closing credits, well below feature length, and asks "Isn't it massive consumer fraud to charge $10.50 for a barely hour-long movie?" Levin then goes on to declare that the co-directors of the film, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, are not even worthy of being compared to The Wayans Brothers, Uwe Boll, or "a bear who turns on a video camera by accident while trying to eat it." Friedberg and Seltzer are "evildoers, charlatans, symbols of Western civilization's decline under the weight of too many pop culture references."

What seems to irk Levin most are the directors' basic misunderstanding of what constitutes humor, since they more or less have impersonators walk on screen and just stand there. Again, I haven't seen this film, but I think I have a general understanding of what he's getting at, since movies of this stripe seem lately to rely more and more on the reference itself to be funny rather than to do anything funny with it. "If you'll indulge me for a second," Levin writes, "I will pause to crack up Friedberg and Seltzer: 'Paris Hilton.'" He also fumes at the movie for having the actors call out the names of the people its impersonators are supposed to be impersonating, in case we don't get it. "The filmmakers betray their lead actor by having him shout 'Paris Hilton!' or 'Dane Cook!' every time one of the film's copious celeb impersonators makes an appearance," Levin writes. "Meet the Spartans dares to presume that it's smarter than the people watching." I don't think he liked it, do you?

For more, check out Scott Weinberg's take on the film.

All of a sudden I'm in a really crappy mood. Is a comedy supposed to have that effect on a person?

Maybe it's because I just spent a week at the Sundance Film Festival watching movies created by people who really TRY to make good films that I'm reacting this way to Meet the Spartans. Or maybe it's because, after sitting through the rancid garbage that are Date Movie and Epic Movie, I simply don't have any more patience for the worthless cinematic exploits of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. These guys are to comedy what Uwe Boll is to action, sci-fi, and horror. And seeing how Boll's films are almost aggressively (albeit unintentionally) funny, while SeltzerBerg's annual crap-fests are completely and totally bereft of humor ... I'm pretty sure a Seltzer / Boll / Friedberg collaboration might make for the world's ultimate rotten movie.

Bottom line: My college professors taught me a lot about film ... but they simply never prepared me for something like Meet the Spartans. This is a "movie" the same way some drunk idiot screeching "Oooh, behave!," "Dat's a-nice!," or "This ... is ... Sparta!" at the top of his lungs is "the life of the party." And yet, every year Aaron and Jason sit down to smoke waste a lot of weed and crib a bunch of really terrible jokes from other folks' popular movies. The duo's "films" are little more than mirth-leeching barnacles fastened to the lowest end of the comedy food chain -- but by shamelessly pandering to the lowest of the lowest common denominator, these fools have built a cottage industry out of being the worst of the worst filmmakers out there. And, of course, they love their work. (Ultimately I blame the audiences, because if nobody bought a ticket to this junk, Fox would tell Aaron and Jason to hit the freakin' road already.)

As expected, in addition to kicking the Statue of Liberty's butt, Cloverfield beat back the competition to be the clear winner this past weekend, breaking a couple of records in the process. The giant monster flick now has the highest January opening weekend on record (a record previously held by the 1997 release of the Special Edition of Star Wars) as well as being the top earner for the Martin Luther King holiday weekend (previously held by Black Hawk Down). 27 Dresses opened to less stellar, but still respectable numbers, while last week's other release, Mad Money, finished sixth. Here's the rundown:

1. Cloverfield: $41 million.
2. 27 Dresses: $22.4 million.
3. The Bucket List: $15.2 million.
4. Juno: $10.3 million.
5. First Sunday: $7.8million.

We've got four new releases this week, and between the laughs, greased pecs, automatic weapons, and dancing, there should be something for everyone.

How She Move
What's It All About: After her sister's death from a drug overdose, a girl must leave the private high school she's been attending and return to the drug and crime-infested neighborhood she came from. An opportunity to take part in a dance competition traditionally dominated by males gives her the hope of winning enough money to continue her education.
Why It Might Do Well: It should have strong youth appeal and has an 80% Fresh rating over at Rottentomatoes.com.
Why It Might Not Do Well: English teachers everywhere will be shrieking in agony over the grammatical atrocity committed by the title, and I've got to tell you its got me cringing too.
Number of Theaters: 1,500
Prediction: $12 million

Meet the Spartans
What's It All About: In the style of the Scary Movie franchise, Not Another Teen Movie and Date Movie comes this lampooning of 300.
Why It Might Do Well: Anything's possible.
Why It Might Not Do Well: This type of parody has been done to death.
Number of Theaters: 2,600
Prediction: $10 million

Well, I guess you have to admire a gal who has relatively 'meager' talents, but has managed to survive long enough to actually maintain a movie career. Although, when your movie is made by T&A monthly (A.K.A Maxim), I guess it's not like you will be headed for that Oscar podium any time soon. Variety reports that Carmen Electra is set to star in Maxim's Mardi Gras. The ensemble comedy also stars Nicholas D'Agosto (Rocket Science), Josh Gad, Brett Harrison, Arielle Kebbel, Danneel Haris, Regina Hall, and Becky and Jessica O'Donohue. Phil Dornfeld will direct Josh Heald's script about three best friends on vacation in the Big Easy, and are on the hunt for the ultimate party. Of course they find it, and then plenty of wackiness and gratuitous nudity will ensue.

The magazine for men who are too embarrassed to go buy real pornography first announced its intentions to get into the movie business back in July. There were three projects in the deal between the magazine and Sony Screen Gems, and Mardi Gras was the third title they had announced (some of their other jaw-droppingly crappy titles include Maxim's Virginity Rocks and Fired Up). I guess Mardi Gras will now go to the top of the pile; it is set to begin filming on location in New Orleans starting April 29th. If you can't get enough of Electra, you can always go catch Meet the Spartans -- although you might want to hurry, since that film is probably headed for the discount DVD bin any minute now.

The writing team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer got their big break on the 1996 spoof Spy Hard, and then hit it extra-big when their Scary Movie made so much cash. Since then the team has given us Date Movie and Epic Movie -- comedies so bad it makes me wonder if Aaron and Jason are trying to become the Uwe Boll of the comedy genre. Well, they're back. And get this: They're spoofing 300. By mixing it with You Got Served. Already I can feel the groans forming.

Originally called Hunting and Fishing, the duo's latest glued-together project is now known as Meet the Spartans. And if you brace yourself for something truly painful, you can check out the trailer for the movie right here. And people say the Saw flicks are torture. Trying watching Date Movie and Epic Movie back-to-back and then try doing some tough algebra problems. Or forming a sentence. Starring in this inevitably woeful display* are Kevin Sorbo, Carmen Electra, Sean Maguire, Diedrich Bader and Method Man. Fox seems to have wedged this thing into a November 30 release slot, but I have another suggestion: Never.

(* Generally I hate being THIS negative when we're talking about a flick I haven't seen yet -- but seriously. Go watch Date and Epic and then tell me I'm wrong.)

Halloween is on the way, as if you hadn't noticed with all the cool Halloween related content here on Cinematical (and if you really haven't, check it out right here), and it's got me hankering for trailers that complement this weirdest of holidays. In honor of the Halloween season, we're getting weird...

The Eye
We've been hearing about Jessica Alba's remake of the Hong Kong horror flick Jian Gui for awhile now, and the trailer is finally out. Alba plays a woman who can see the supernatural world after she is given an eye transplant to restore her sight. There's no dialogue, only a collection of scenes set to music, so it's hard to get a read on this one. Alba has a certain cool quotient for her role in Sin City, but she also appeared in Good Luck Chuck, proving her taste in projects is not flawless, and the fact that The Eye was scripted by the same guy who gave us Gothika disturbs me deeply. I'm always game for something creepy, but I'll have to see more before deciding if this is worth the ticket price. Here's Patrick's take on the trailer.

Gabriel
An Australian flick in which angels in the service of light battle fallen angels for control of purgatory, and apparently they do so with martial arts and guns. Hmmm. Apparently they left this part out when I attended Sunday school. Purgatory is portrayed as a contemporary city and the forces of darkness are currently in control. Gabriel is an archangel seeking to regain control of the city This is more than a little reminiscent of The Prophecy in which Christopher Walken played the archangel Gabriel, and the influence of Underworld is pretty obvious. Still, this looks like it could be pretty cool.