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This is a tale of the girl who cried wolf vampire...

TMZ is reporting that the 17-year-old girl who claimed that a fellow moviegoer bit her neck while exiting a screening of New Moon was, as they put it, "lying through her teeth." Erin Westrate gave police her story of the so-called bite, but a witness came forward to say that they saw her leave the theater and saw no biting. After grilling the teen, she confessed: "the alleged culprit was simply kissing her on the neck at the time and she was a 'willing participant.'" What possessed her to make up this extravagant lie is beyond me. Is she an English literature fiend who wanted to play on the never-cry-wolf idea after a movie with wolves and vamps?

Detective Lieutenant Timothy LaVigne says that the teen could now face criminal charges, and if this is all true and she did lie -- I say bring her down. Women have a tough enough time as it is when they are assaulted, crying wolf doesn't help matters.

From the original post:

We keep hearing about the annoying Twilight Saga fans and their ever-loyal fandom, but there are other crazies coming out of the woodwork. An ABC affiliate in Michigan reports that while watching New Moon at the Norton Shores theater, a teen girl was harassed and bitten by an old perv while watching the vampire/werewolf blockbuster.

It seems that in the midst of a screen full of vamps and wolves, an old, short, white dude believed to be about 45 years old starting throwing "sexual comments" at a 17-year-old girl sitting in front of him. But he didn't just assault her with words. When the movie was over, he decided to give her a taste of the "real deal" and allegedly bit the girl on the neck (lucky for her, he didn't break the skin). Right now, the perv is at large, and the police are asking anyone with any information to contact the Norton Shores Police Department.

We keep hearing about the annoying Twilight Saga fans and their ever-loyal fandom, but there are other crazies coming out of the woodwork. An ABC affiliate in Michigan reports that while watching New Moon at the Norton Shores theater, a teen girl was harassed and bitten by an old perv while watching the vampire/werewolf blockbuster.

It seems that in the midst of a screen full of vamps and wolves, an old, short, white dude believed to be about 45 years old starting throwing "sexual comments" at a 17-year-old girl sitting in front of him. But he didn't just assault her with words. When the movie was over, he decided to give her a taste of the "real deal" and allegedly bit the girl on the neck (lucky for her, he didn't break the skin). Right now, the perv is at large, and the police are asking anyone with any information to contact the Norton Shores Police Department.

Attention pervy men: While it might seem like biting is the new flirting, especially with the hordes of girls begging Robert Pattinson to bite them, you are not RPatt and that is not cool. And for you fellow filmgoers -- don't let the sickos get away, okay? Do you want to worry about who sits behind you or walks too close as you exit a theater?

You can watch the newscast after the jump.

I had a whole other topic prepared for this week's Girls on Film, but to follow that plan would ignore the large, sparkling elephant in the room. I'm sorry, but I've got to write about New Moon. I'd been planning to hit a screening sometime mid-week -- a nice and early matinee that would free me from the headaches of super-excited fans under 18 (which goes for any cinematic fandom for the pre-to-teen lot ... Harry Potter? egads...).

But then I read Eugene's aside in his weekly Box Office report: "Along these lines, I wonder if the egregious objectification of men in New Moon's marketing campaign is a victory for feminism. I vote yes." While I don't equate my feminism with show-me-yours-too ideology, it brings up a really good point that really hadn't occurred to me before: Twilight isn't just a rampant fangirl phenomenon of pent up adolescent and homemaker lust. It's a female skin flick for the younger set, both in marketing and execution.

And no one seems to know how to react to that.

"Team Jacob!" roars a trio of dudes in a bar. Drinks are flowing fast. "A typical horrible Monday just became amazing," gushes a woman who's about to go see a private screening of Twilight: New Moon. The crowd moves from the bar to what looks suspiciously like a high school theater to get amped up for some muscle-bound shirtless werewolf action.

"C'mon, get out of your seats! Are you ready?" The fans, who are all most certainly of drinking age, are definitely out of their seats and screaming. They're so ready!

"Too bad!" cackles the emcee, and the curtains part to show a young comedian named Skyler Stone who's there to stage an intervention, via FunnyorDie.

"Ladies and gentlemen, you are not going to see Twilight: New Moon tonight." For some reason (I think it has to do with alcohol), the audience is still cheering, but this statement brings a solitary "NO!" Stone continues, "This is a vampire intervention because you clearly don't know what the f*ck a vampire is!" Is that male laughter in the background? Wooing begins. Is this real or is it fake? Stone berates the audience and insults Rpatz with aplomb. Still, the cheering continues!

"Why are you cheering?!" he yells at them. "Do you understand you're not seeing Twilight tonight?"

Will there be a riot? Bloodshed? Will Stone leave the theater intact? Find out what happens after the jump.

Now rolling in New Moon millions, Chris Weitz is being more open about his troubles with New Line and The Golden Compass, a film that sank one studio and sent him into a tailspin. Rumors abounded as to what went wrong on that film, and as recently as last week, New York's Page Six was claiming that residual stress was causing him to leave the industry.

Weitz denied any such thing to Variety, and announced he was leaving the world of the supernatural behind with his next film, The Gardener. The film centers around a hard working Mexican gardener and his efforts to protect his son, and Weitz will be making it alongside his new best friends forever, Summit Entertainment. His new friendship enabled him to take a parting shot at New Line. Weitz praises Summit and Stephenie Meyer for trusting him with New Moon, an experience that was the polar opposite of the debacle that was The Golden Compass.

Weitz claims that New Line didn't trust him to handle the content of the book, that the film was taken from him in editing. Heavy-handed hacking resulted in losing nearly 30 minutes of footage from the film, and neatly exercised the edgy thrust of Phillip Pullman's book. "It was an utter violation of my status as a director and the worst thing that has happened to me professionally ... I was treated badly, it was almost like they never read the books. They seemed frightened of offending the right." Out of loyalty to the cast and crew, Weitz said he "bit through my tongue" when Compass was released.

As a fan of Pullman's His Dark Materials series, I'd love to see all that missing footage to see if it could salvage Weitz's film, and if New Line really neutered it.

Go below the jump for the rest

According to ERC, The Twilight Saga: New Moon sold roughly $71 million (Variety is reporting $72.7 million) worth of tickets on its opening day -- a number that, if correct, far surpasses the current opening day box office record of $67 million set by The Dark Knight back in 2008. With its $26 million take in midnight showings, that gives the second installment in the Twilight franchise two pretty giant records: Best Midnight Opening and Best Single Day Opening. Next up for the franchise is the three-day opening weekend record, also held by The Dark Knight with $158 million.

So what does this say about us? Well, while it's not as critically acclaimed as, say, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (previous midnight opening record holder) or The Dark Knight, these numbers do show just how much of an impact the female audience can have on a box office take. Sure, when The Dark Knight broke records everyone wanted to single out the teenage male audience as having won that film its titles, but polls showed females were responsible for upwards of 50% of that film's opening box office too. And now, with New Moon breaking records attracting a younger female audience, here's hoping studios wake up and realize that, yeah, the female audience is a damn powerful force.

So kudos to all you Twi-hards for showing up to support the property you love. Is the film truly worthy of its new records? Probably not. Will another film break those records within the next year? Yeah, most likely. But dammit if the folks at Summit Entertainment aren't partying their asses off this weekend. They just won the World Series at the box office. Congrats!

Fellow Cine-mite Peter Hall would have you believe that there are five good reasons to see New Moon. Don't believe the hype. You'll be doing yourself, and all of humanity, a huge favor by saving that money and channeling it into the economy in a far more beneficial way. Like buying an ice cream cone for a stranger or adopting a kitten. I'm going to give you five reasons why you need to steer clear of New Moon, and those pitchforks and torches that Peter was having you get ready might come in handy if you're a Twi-hard, because you aren't going to like this.

These Aren't Vampires. Or Werewolves, For That Matter

Creatures of the night. The undead. Nightwalkers. Nosferatu. Dracula. These are vampires, and they sure as hell don't sparkle in the sunlight. In fact, sunlight makes them burst into giant gouts of flame. They have fangs, an aversion to garlic and silver, no reflections, and they can't come into your house unless invited. Plus, you kill them by staking them through the heart or cutting their head off. They don't sit around looking emotional and pining for their loved ones. If mankind ever had a mortal enemy, it's a vampire. Not whatever Edward Cullen and his Flock of Seagulls haircut is.

And while I'm on the subject, werewolves are beasts who are slaves to the cycle of the moon. They can't control when they wolf out, and they don't sit around breakfast tables eating giant muffins. Plus you take them out with silver bullets, not by refusing to date them. Jacob is no werewolf, he's just a guy who loves running around without a shirt on and feeling angsty about Bella. We want our other creatures of the night back in style, not in denim jean shorts. Give a listen to Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London," and wonder where the werewolf cool went in this movie.

Even the most egocentric or self-important film critic realizes that his opinions and insights aren't going to be agreed with or respected by everyone, but movies like New Moon offer a special challenge in both honesty and humility. Like with any other beloved literary franchise brought to the silver screen, there's already an impassioned fan base eager to see it realized regardless of its quality, and there's also an inherent distrust among them of nonfans who will eventually be analyzing the object of their affection. In which case, a critic must not only manage his own response to the film, perhaps filtering it through some designated demographic or specific audience that's potentially different than him, but gauge the reaction he'll get when he puts pen to paper, if only to be aware of the relevance of his reaction to what the filmmakers were trying to achieve and what those fans really want. Even if he's also got to be completely honest and unmerciful, too.

By virtually all technical measures, The Twilight Saga: New Moon is a superior effort to its predecessor – well-shot, efficiently told, and by all accounts faithful in tone and execution to its source material. But what filmmaker Chris Weitz makes up for in directorial proficiency he lacks in conveying emotional authenticity, which is why it fulfills the expectations of fans and followers of the franchise but nevertheless still falls short of forming something transcendent and meaningful to everyone else.

Are your pitchforks nice and sharp? Torches soaked in kerosene, ready to burn my house down? If not, I'll wait. Ready? Good, because I'm about to give you five reasons why you should see New Moon, which you may not be aware is the the latest entry in the Twilight Saga. Some background, so you know where my allegiances lay.

I've never read a single word of any of the Twilight books. I found the first film to be a rote exercise in appealing to a demographic that was (and still is) in every quantifiable factor not me. I don't care about supernatural romance novels, and unless it's Jeff Goldblum and Gena Davis in The Fly, I don't much care for supernatural romances on film, either. Twilight exists and I exist, but we have little to do with each other outside of sharing the same planet.

I am, however, genuinely enthused to see New Moon. I'm as shocked as you. Let me explain.

Catherine Hardwicke is Gone.
Attack the source material and the fans all you want, but the biggest problem with Twilight is that it just was not an interesting film. Plenty of blame for that has been tossed around, but ultimately it lands on the shoulders of the director. Catherine Hardwicke is not an inherently bad filmmaker (Lords of Dogtown is a fine film) but she couldn't have taken a less enthusiastic approach to a story about the fantastic (note the order of words, as Twilight is not, I feel, a fantastic story). Exhibit A, the baseball scene.

Vampires using thunderclaps to cover up their baseball games isn't all that interesting to begin with, but I guarantee you that if Kathryn Bigelow had done it in Near Dark, it'd be a staple scene in vampire films. Hardwicke, however, either didn't have the vision or drive to elevate the film above the material, which is unfortunate. But now she's been replaced.