I don't want to talk about Britney Spears this week. Personally, I've read more than enough news about her, and she barely qualifies as a film-related personality, anyway. I don't want to deal with Anna Nicole Smith either, at least until her daughter's paternity test comes back ... and even then, I'm on overload. And Rosie O'Donnell? I'm trying to ignore that whole thing with Donald Trump, which doesn't even make sense.

Unfortunately, it's a slow gossip week without the above-named celebrities. I realized at some point that if I am reporting items on Mary-Kate Olsen's boots and Charlton Heston's neighbors, it is definitely not a red-letter gossip week. I couldn't even find any George Clooney or Johnny Depp photo opportunities. However, at least I know I'll entertain the Jessica Alba fans with the last news item on the following list.

Q: What do Code Name: The Cleaner and Cars have in common?

A: The "outtakes" in the closing credits were the funniest parts of the movie.

My expectations for Code Name: The Cleaner were not high -- certainly not as high as they were for Cars, or even for Flushed Away. I expected to see a silly, predictable comedy with wacky hijinks provided by Cedric the Entertainer, vampy allure provided by Nicollette Sheridan, and -- Lucy Liu? I wasn't sure how Liu got involved with this movie but I always enjoy watching her in action. Even with low expectations, however, I was disappointed in this movie.

Code Name: The Cleaner hangs its comedy on a stale action-adventure storyline. Jake (Cedric) wakes up one morning in a strange bed, unsure how he got there, his head hurting as if in the throes of a hangover. He realizes someone's next to him, and immediately starts ass-grabbing. Okay, raise your hands -- who thinks that the unseen stranger in bed is going to be a guy? Yep. Gotta get that first laugh in there. But at least there's a twist: it's a dead guy, who turns out to be an FBI agent. Jake can't remember how he got there or even who he is -- his head is hurting due to an injury that inflicted Hollywood Amnesia upon him.