For me, The Greatest American Hero was maybe one of the best things about TV in the '80s. But, Hollywood can never leave well enough alone and last February the news first hit that a feature film version was in the works. Rumor had it that Owen Wilson was at the top of the list to don the man perm and 'red jammies,' but it was not to be. Moviehole has now confirmed that Wilson will not star in the update, but the film is still moving full steam ahead. According to sources, "They're casting it for now - they're open to an unknown" (which is switch from the original notice's call for 'big names').

Hero first premiered on ABC in 1981 and the story focused on a young teacher (William Katt) who has been given superhuman abilities thanks to an alien suit. Along with an FBI agent named Bill Maxwell (Robert Culp), the two kept busy for the next three seasons saving the world. According to Moviehole, the feature film will be making a departure from the original series, but it will still be a comedy at heart. The villains will still be your typical superhero baddies, but there will also be some other adversaries in the form of teachers at the school.

Stephen Herek is set to direct (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure) the script from Chris Matheson and Ryan Rowe (Charlie's Angels). There is no definite timeline so far, but The Greatest American Hero should arrive in theaters sometime in 2009.

Drillbit Taylor, a comedy about three youths who hire a "bodyguard" to protect them from school bullies, may be produced by Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, The 40-Year-Old Virgin), but it doesn't really fit into the Apatow filmography of manic modern comedies. It feels like it belongs to a different continuum of film -- the lazy-yet-agreeable teen comedies of the '80s, where a simple hook gets festooned and garlanded with bits of business and digressions. That's not surprising, considering that one of the credited writers is that '80s comedy titan of teen John Hughes, shielded behind a pseudonym. It's not wholly retro -- the off-kilter, lazy charm of Owen Wilson in the lead role feels too modern for that -- but it also feels like a film we've seen many times before in form and flavor, and while it may not be consistently brilliant or laugh-out-loud funny all the way through, it is at the least consistently amusing.

Wade (Nate Hartley) and Ryan (Troy Gentile) are just entering high school; they're eager to move to the next phase of their lives. Wade is slight, bespectacled and intrinsically decent; Ryan is a beefy, big-boned boy, funny and outgoing. (Comparisons to Michael Cera and Jonah Hill in Superbad are not undeserved; Superbad co-writer Seth Rogen is credited here alongside Kristofor Brown, working from a story by John Hughes -- here credited as, in a shout-out to English majors nationwide, Edmond Dantes.) They're both looking forward to the opportunities for social re-invention their new environment offers: Ryan tells Wade "I don't want you to call me Ryan; call me T-Dog." But when minuscule, nervy, nerdy classmate Emmit (David Dorfman) is being shoved into a locker, Wade does the ethically right but tactically wrong thing of speaking up, and thereby places himself and Ryan on the radar of snake-eyed sociopathic school bully Filkins (Alex Frost) and his partner-in-thuggery Ronnie (Josh Peck).

The ability to sustain a sense of Seuss in a CGI scenario (I can't rhyme like the good doctor, but I can alliterate with the best of them) worked in the favor of Horton Hears a Who, last week's number one flick by a country mile, giving it the biggest opening weekend of 2008 so far. Like many of the folks taking part in our weekly box office competition (see the bottom of this post for details) I underestimated the tale of teen angst and kickboxing that is Never Back Down while overestimating the drawing power of the apocalypse with Doomsday, which finished seventh for the week with a mere $4.9 million. 10,000 B.C. dropped only as far as second place for its second week, though its total so far of $61.5 million has a ways to go before exceeding the film's $105 million budget. Here are the numbers for last weekend:

1. Horton Hears a Who: $45 million
2. 10,000 B.C.: $16.7 million
3. Never Back Down: $8.6 million
4. College Road Trip: $7.8 million
5. Vantage Point: $5.5 million

If you're determined to see something new this week, you have your choice of laughs, screams, and family drama. Here are this week's newbies:

Drillbit Taylor
What's It All About: A comedy in which a group of high school nerds search the ads in Soldier of Fortune magazine for a body guard to protect them from the school bully. They hire a homeless guy named Drillbit Taylor (it never pays to go with the lowest bidder) played by Owen Wilson.
Why It Might Do Well: Wilson, of course, has many comedic credits to his name, including Wedding Crashers which pulled in $209 million domestically. Also, Seth Rogen seems to have the midas touch and he co-wrote the screenplay.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Based on the TV spots I keep seeing, people who aren't comfortable with nerd on nerd violence may stay away.
Number of Theaters: 2,700
Prediction: $12 million

For the most part, contests are pretty run of the mill. You can win that thing you've been yearning for and are too broke to buy, or too impatient to wait and see if you ever get it as a gift. It could be tickets, gadgets, and other sundry, but sometimes, it's something special... like your own bodyguard.

Yes, I'm serious. As part of the upcoming release of the upcoming film Drillbit Taylor, AOL is sponsoring a contest where you can win your own bodyguard for the day. The kicker -- there's no age cap! You have to be at least 13, have Internet access, and be a legal resident of the US to enter. Kiddies out there can become too-cool-for-school with their own bodyguard, or I guess you can turn your own heads at work with a day's worth of bodyguard detail. (Note: If some lucky kid gets their amazing bodyguard win halted by their jerky school, the winner will receive the cash equivalent of the prize.)

To enter, you just have to head over to http://www.drillbitsarmy.com/ and throw in your info. However, you can gain additional entries by participating in tasks outlined on the website. For each completed task, you'll get one extra entry. These tasks are fairly simple, and include things like watching the trailer or recording a rap. The contest ends March 21, the day Drillbit Taylor hits theaters.

Some have said that The Darjeeling Limited is a movie for Wes Anderson's fans. While that description is fairly accurate, it also suggests that this is some sort of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back project -- a self-indulgent film only for those filled with Anderson adoration. While it does tap into the magic that brings fans to the filmmaker -- the rich colors, quirky characters, and strange introspection -- it is also a study of grief, and a film that perfectly embodies the importance of charisma and chemistry.

As Erik Davis wrote in his NYFF review, it's hard to see Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman, and Owen Wilson as brothers, but from the minute they come together on screen, each mannerism and look makes them seem immediately comfortable with each other, as if they are actually related and intimately familiar. It doesn't matter that they all look incredibly different. Brody slips into Anderson's world fluidly, and the three leads play off each other, making the quirk not only palpable, but subtly genuine.

Well, it's official. The Writers Guild of America is going on strike tomorrow. Here's hoping the strike ends quickly and that all parties come away happy. And writers? Use this time off to study my choices for the seven best screenplays of the 2000's:

The 40 Year Old Virgin by Judd Apatow & Steve Carell

The blending of improvisation and the written word gives Apatow's two classic comedies -- Knocked Up would be the other -- a feeling of authenticity that is all too rare in today's film world. Apatow takes the strategy of writing for specific performers and their strengths, and it really pays off. Scoff if you want at a sex comedy making the list, but for a movie to be this incredibly funny -- while keeping an oddly touching romance and a spot-on character study afloat -- the screenwriters deserve high praise.

About Schmidt by Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor

One of the saddest comedies ever made, and one of the most truthful and painful portraits of old age. Payne and Taylor specialize in scripts about people on the verge of cracking, depressed souls who tend to find the smallest redemption possible. Payne/Taylor characters never go from Point A to Point B over the course of the screenplay, they go from Point A to Point A.1. The small, gradual changes in their characters are reflective of the way actual humans (as opposed to movie humans) work. Warren Schmidt's personal growth is so minor that it is confined to the last thirty seconds of the film, but when it comes it's an emotional punch in the gut.

It's been eight months since we started awarding prizes to our weekly Insert Caption contest winners, and we've given away everything from DVD box sets to a guitar to underwear to an HD DVD player. But this week we're presenting our most excellent prize to date: a trip for two to the beautiful country of India, courtesy of our friends at Jet Airways and Fox Searchlight.

That's right, the writer of our favorite caption for the photo below from Wes Anderson's new comedy The Darjeeling Limited will win their own five-day, four-night Indian adventure (airfare and four-star hotel included) for themselves and their favorite friend or family member (or Cinematical blogger/Moviefone employee). The best part? You will not be asked to train a single employee or customer service rep while there. So scroll on down the page, check out last week's winners of our Knocked Up contest (they win DVDs, a dartboard and more), then click on the "comments" link and give us your sharpest, wittiest, funniest, awesomeist caption possible. And for those first-time players, bookmark this link here and come back and play every weekend. Our Darjeeling winner will be announced next Friday, October 12 at 4 PM EST.
Good luck!

UPDATE: WINNER ANNOUNCED! Click Here

Winners from last week's Knocked Up contest:

1. "Ummm... No, I didn't know it was Bastille Day. " -- Michael L.

2. "Just when I think you can't get *any* dumber, you go and do something like this... and TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!" -- Peter S.

3. "Exactly how much pot have you smoked today?" -- Curt T.

See full image and read all captions

It's about time. And, well, a little late. It would have made perfect sense to release a Criterion Collection DVD of Wes Anderson's Bottle Rocket last year, when it quietly celebrated its tenth anniversary. But hey, better late than never, right? While promoting his latest film, The Darjeeling Limited, Anderson told MTV Movies Blog that he's begun work on a Criterion edition of his debut feature. The director said there's a lot of stuff to go into it, including a lot of footage that was left on the cutting room floor. And certainly he will have to put his original black-and-white short, also titled Bottle Rocket, on there. For those Anderson fans who haven't seen it, the short is basically just early versions of scenes that ended up in the later film, including the part in which Dignan (Owen Wilson) and Anthony (Luke Wilson) rob Anthony's parents' house -- with the soundtrack set to jazz rather than Love. When I first saw it -- Lincoln Center screened it with The Royal Tenenbaums on the eve of that film's release -- I thought it was a little bit funnier than the full-length. But looking at it now, I just think it's a neat curiosity for the fans. You can check it out on YouTube if you aren't willing to wait to see if Criterion includes it.

Bottle Rocket can feel pretty slow and uneven compared to Anderson's later releases, all of which have already received the Criterion treatment. But the crime caper comedy does feature a younger, funnier Owen Wilson, back when he was even more wide-eyed and excited than we're used to now. And it does at least have the obligatory homages to J.D. Salinger (think of Anthony as a grown-up Holden Caulfield) that links it up with the rest of Anderson's work. The main thing missing, of course, is Bill Murray, who has appeared in all of Anderson's films after this one. Maybe, as I suggested last week, somebody can do a special alternate version in which Murray is inserted into the film, possibly replacing James Caan. That would be a fun bonus feature. Or maybe Anderson and Murray could stage some fake auditions (like the real ones on the Criterion Rushmore) where Murray tests for each of Bottle Rocket's characters. Currently there is no release date, nor any news on the Criterion site, for Bottle Rocket, but hopefully we'll hear more about it soon.

Seeing as Cinematical is a movie blog, a lot of our writers come from a blogging background. In fact, to give you a little backstory on me, I first started writing for Cinematical over two years ago after Kim Voynar discovered my own personal blog and invited me to join the Cine team. Needless to say, life hasn't been the same since. Unfortunately, my old blog isn't around anymore (although I miss cursing and cracking jokes about idiotic co-workers, jerks in the elevator and marriage), but that doesn't mean I don't still lurk amongst some others. When we first contemplated bringing Patrick Walsh onboard, it was his personal blog that convinced me this guy was not only funny, but he possessed the kind of original voice we love to see round these parts. Thus, it is with my great pleasure that I bring you one of the funniest pieces of writing that I've read in a long time.

You'll be getting to know Patrick a little better when he debuts his brand new screenwriting column later today, but in the meantime I'm going to point you toward his personal blog for a little story he wrote on Owen Wilson's suicide attempt. Yes, it's old news. And yes, Patrick wrote it last week. But I just noticed it today, and felt it was too fantastic to let it fly under the radar. In the piece, Patrick writes under the guise of US Weekly reporter Lou Cypher, and attempts to get to the bottom of all those salacious Owen Wilson rumors. A few words of caution: If the Wilson incident hits a little too close to home for you, this piece may offend. Keep in mind this is purely for comedic purposes, and I'm sure Patrick has nothing against Owen Wilson or suicide attempts. Also, I should note that there is some mild foul language included within. All that being said, I hope you enjoy -- it certainly made my day.

Just last month, Kim had brought us a behind-the-scenes look at Wes Anderson's long-awaited, The Darjeeling Limited. While expectations for the film are running high, there's already bad critical response to the film -- and the review from The Hollywood Reporter isn't exactly helping matters. Unfortunately for fans of Anderson, the bad news doesn't end there. Hollywood Elsewhere reports that Anderson's short film Hotel Chevalier will not accompany screenings of The Darjeeling Limited as it had during its festival run. Audiences first got a look at the short film when Darjeeling premiered at the Venice Film Festival, and according to reports, the short film acts as a prequel of sorts to the feature. Chevalier stars Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman, and is," a short epilogue of one heartbreaking history of love and the prologue of the travel told in 'The Darjeeling Limited". It's a clever idea, and other filmmakers have tried it before -- the short prologue at the beginning of P.T. Anderson's Magnolia comes to mind. The Darjeeling Limited stars Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson, and Jason Schwartzman as three brothers attempting to 'bond' during a spiritual quest in India.

According to trade reports, the short will only be shown during festival screenings and will not accompany Darjeeling when it hits theaters on September 29th. I can't say I understand the logic of not including the short in the theatrical release, it's not like Wes Anderson fans would not be willing to sit in their seats for 17 more minutes -- if anything, the addition of the short could help generate a little extra buzz for the film. Although some are saying that Natalie Portman goes nude -- in the flesh -- for the first time, but the film is already rated R so I'm not sure that's a reason. But, if Searchlight decides to keep Hotel Chevalier off the theatrical cut, then at least there is something to look forward to for the DVD release.

[via Dark Horizons]

Thank goodness that Owen Wilson is okay. Sunday evening, when I first saw reports of his hospitalization, there were rumors of heroin overdose and other implications that the actor might not recover. It is still very, very sad that the truth ended up being attempted suicide -- all I could think of was Luke Wilson's scene in The Royal Tenenbaums and Owen's suicidal moping in Wedding Crashers -- and I realize that he has some serious issues to deal with. But mostly I'm glad he's still with us.

Apparently his being alive isn't good enough for some people, who are now thinking only of how Sunday's incident will affect Wilson's box office and/or work schedule. According to the trades this morning, three of the actor's projects may be adversely impacted. The first is Wes Anderson's The Darjeeling Limited, which hits the festival circuit this weekend, starting with Venice, and then opens September 29. Personally, I don't think anyone will mind if Wilson sits out the promotional tour for this one. As his statement on Monday urged, we can certainly leave the guy alone for a bit. Also, this incident should not be looked at as a scandal nor should it be comparable with any of the Lindsay Lohan or Tom Cruise stuff that has affected their respective box office.

The second project that appears (to them) to be in trouble is Tropic Thunder, which is currently filming in Hawaii and in which Wilson is supposed to appear. According to The Hollywood Reporter, his part in the movie is only a cameo, yet it still seems to be a concern that he may be replaced. When prompted for a response regarding the role, DreamWorks issued a statement only saying that, "Filming on Tropic Thunder continues." Finally, 20th Century Fox was asked about whether or not the incident will affect Marley & Me, which starts shooting in January. Fox responded by saying, "It's a totally inappropriate question at this time when all our thoughts and concerns are with his health and well being." Exactly.

Apparently neither Christian Bale nor Brandon Routh are doing Warner Bros.' Justice League movie. Does that leave the studio desperate to find replacements? Not according to IESB, which always seems to have the best scoops before everyone else (to paraphrase The Joker: Where do they get these wonderful sources?). The movie site, which also broke the news that Stephen Sommers would direct G.I. Joe, claims Tom Welling is filling the cape of Superman in Justice League. This should be good news to a lot of Smallville fans -- as my comic-obsessed buddy says: "That's who they should have gotten in the first place [for Superman Returns]" -- but it hasn't been confirmed yet, so no celebrating just yet. Still, IESB seems more sure of this rumor than any the site has ever announced. They admit over there that they haven't gotten a reply from Welling's people and that the WB people have denied it, but they're still positive that it is true, because of the sources they've heard it from.

Supermanhomepage.com got an official response from Smallville producer Al Gough, who said this casting "hasn't happened, won't happen, he is under contract to Smallville through Season 8." But IESB has recognized this debunking and still isn't backing down. The site insists Welling has the role and even points out that Smallville may even revolve production around the movie's shoot. As for Bale's replacement, IESB claims to also know who's playing Batman but doesn't have a good enough amount of sources to reveal it. Meanwhile, CHUD has a sarcastic response to the whole thing. The site has a joke post up claiming that Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson (poor guy) have been cast in the movie, the former as Batman and the latter as Superman. The post also brings back the old floater that Jack Black would be Green Lantern. Of course, CHUD is obviously making fun of IESB and wonder if they could get a lot of hits by just making up casting rumors, such as Jamie Bamber as Superman and Gerard Butler as Aquaman. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if IESB's latest, including the tip that Justice League will only be partially motion capture (like every other fantasy movie these days), is true.

We try not to dabble (too much) in gossip here at Cinematical, which is why we're a little late on this unpleasant news. (Basically I wanted to wait for confirmation from a strong source before quoting the tabloids on something like this.) But here's what seems to be the news:

Actor / screenwriter Owen Wilson was rushed to a Santa Monica hospital yesterday after what definitely looks like a suicide attempt. Reports from various tabloids and websites indicate that his left wrist was cut and also that he'd overdosed on pills, but was discovered by a family member. Some reports indicate that while things looked grim at the beginning, Wilson is now in stable condition.

Source links for updates: Fox News, TMZ.com, Variety and (with the "exclusives") the always-classy Star Magazine / National Enquirer

Right about here is where I'd make a well-intentioned joke, but it really doesn't seem appropriate. Everyone here at Cinematical hopes that Wilson makes a very swift recovery and defeats whatever personal problems he's dealing with.

The last time we heard about Fox 2000's adaptation of Marley & Me, it had a script by Don Roos and was to be directed by Shawn Levy. Now Variety reports a new draft is being written by Scott Frank (Out of Sight) and the project will be helmed instead by The Devil Wears Prada's David Frankel. The studio seems to have made the switch due to the looming actor strike, as it apparently wants to push the thing into production as quick as possible. According to the trade, Fox 2000 has also been struggling to get a cast together for the movie, which kinda shows in the unlikely pairing of Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, who will be starring. The movie, based on John Grogan's 2005 memoir, is about a Labrador Retriever who turns out to be quite a handful for two newlyweds (presumably Wilson and Aniston) but who also wins the heart of many.

As we saw in Wedding Crashers -- even if it is fictional -- Wilson and Vince Vaughn are compatible with very different types of women. So it is hard to imagine Wilson with Aniston, who fits appropriately with Vaughn on screen and off. But I guess everyone in the "Frat Pack", aka the man-boy circle of friends, needs to play against Aniston. Ben Stiller has done it. Paul Rudd has done it. Does John C. Reilly count now? Because he's done it. Now we just need to see her as the love interest for Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Luke Wilson and Jack Black. Personally, I don't really care who Aniston acts opposite -- my main concern with Marley & Me is that the title keeps putting the Muppet Christmas Carol song "Marley and Marley" in my head -- and surely audiences will be too enamored of the dog playing Marley to be bothered with the chemistry between the actors. This year, Grogan's book was adapted into a children's picture book and a young reader's version, so no matter who else is cast, Fox 2000 should have a lot of success with whole families.

What's a Ben Stiller movie without Owen Wilson? They've been working together together on and off -- though it seems more like continuously on -- since The Cable Guy. It is no surprise, then, that Wilson has just signed up for Stiller's Tropic Thunder. This is Stiller's fourth feature as director, and with the exception of his debut, Reality Bites, he has so far found a role for his friend in all of them (he also directed Wilson in the TV pilot for Heat Vision and Jack). It isn't clear what kind of role Wilson will have this time, but I'm guessing he will play an actor working on the movie-within-the-movie. So far, these actors, who end up on a war film shoot gone to hell, include Robert Downey Jr. as an Oscar-winning star, Jay Baruchel as an unknown, Jack Black as a drug addicted comic actor, and Stiller himself, who may be a pumped up action star (as per Erik's educated guess). Then, as a non-actor, Tom Cruise is rumored to be making a cameo as a studio tyrant.

Also joining the cast now is Nick Nolte. His part is also unspecified, but he clearly must be some actor playing a lieutenant colonel or something -- basically playing himself playing his part in The Thin Red Line. Nolte is thankfully getting a lot of work these days, despite his infamous personal problems, but this is a welcome chance for the 48 Hrs. actor to return to comedy. Sure, he's not the funniest man in the world, but I think he's a good cranky straight man (in addition to the two 48 Hrs. movies, he's the only good thing about Three Fugitives), and he can even occasionally be the comic, too (Down and Out in Beverly Hills). Unfortunately he really missed the funny boat by working with director Alan Rudolph in Breakfast of Champions and Trixie (he has done great dramatic work for the director), and so it seems easier to just cast him in dramas. Although Nolte probably won't have the opportunity to get a lot of laughs in Tropic Thunder, I at least applaud Stiller for adding him to the ensemble of funnymen.