RandyQuaid Tagged Articles at Cinematical

Maybe I just follow far too many movie nerds on Twitter to get an accurate reading on this, but did Independence Day turn around and become an honest-to-goodness movie staple over the Fourth of July holiday while I wasn't looking?

I mean, I get that it was huge when it landed on said weekend back in 1996, and I know that President Pullman's speech (embedded below) is quotable as all get out -- though extra points to the pal who instead posted "Eagle-20! Fox-2!" -- but I usually see war movies and TV show marathons as go-to fodder for the 4th, however less fitting their titles may be.

So how many of you actually did watch ID4 yesterday? How long had it been since you watched it? How fond of it were you thirteen years back? Did you watch it because it harkens back to a big, loud, relatively healthy level of cheese that we used to get from our blockbusters, back when we could see what exactly was going on in any given action scene? Or was it simply a more welcome/convenient option than going to see a third Ice Age or a two-and-a-half-hour gangster drama, or perhaps a memorial to the late Jeff Goldblum?

Comment away!

And we thought that the shrinking gap was only between theatrical and DVD releases. Now it's how soon a project can get off the ground after someone passes away. Anna Nicole Smith had barely been gone a month when projects started to cook up on her life and death. Now Defamer has spotted that a super-respectful NINETEEN DAYS after Tim Russert dies of a heart attack, a telepic is already in the works with a casting notice up on Craigslist. The notice even says that Randy Quaid has already signed on to star.

When the news broke, did someone reach over for their phone, call up Quaid, and get this set up? Or, maybe they, you know, waited a few days so they wouldn't seem eager to capitalize on the man's death (and spent that time throwing together a script). So, this ad says that a New York-based film company is looking to cast an unknown actress in the role of Maureen Orth, Russert's wife, and that the film will follow the last 24 hours of his life. So, not only can they not wait a bit to get this going, but it's also centered on the man's death?

The casting is certainly appropriate, but that's about the only nice thing I can say about this news.

What on earth is going on with Randy Quaid? He just doesn't seem to be a happy man lately. When Brokeback Mountain came out, he sued Focus Features because he took a huge pay cut to appear in the film and then the film raked in the cash and didn't throw any over to ol' Randy. The suit was dropped with Quaid saying he got a bonus, and Focus saying that he was full of bull ponky. Now we've got something even worse.

Reuters reports that the actor has "been banned for life by Actors' Equity Association" -- the label union for stage actors in America. To top that off, he's been fined over $80,000. Ouch. I hope that mysterious, imagined movie bonus was big enough to pay this off... It seems that he was in a production of Lone Star Love, a country musical based on Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor. The production was going to head to Broadway, but got canceled by its producers after this mess.

This is where it gets down-right sad. He ticked off everyone. "All 26 members of the cast brought charges against Quaid, the Post stated, maintaining that he 'physically and verbally abused his fellow performers and that his oddball behavior forced the show to close.'" Meanwhile, Space-Cadet-Quaid says: "I am guilty of only one thing: giving a performance that elicited a response so deeply felt by the actors and producers with little experience of my creative process that they actually think I am Falstaff."

Right. Methinks the man better get over himself before he and wife Evi (who herself had an altercation about the matter in Equity's offices) have to farm potatoes in Idaho or something.

Note: This is the final review in my five-part series on the Vacation movies. Click on the links below to read my previous reviews from this franchise:

National Lampoon's Vacation / National Lampoon's European Vacation / National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation / Vegas Vacation

There are three factors that might compel you to watch Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure:

1) Love for the original. "Hey, Christmas Vacation was hilarious! I watch it every year! And now my beloved characters are going on a new holiday-themed outing? Radical! Sign me up for some island fun and adventure!"

2) A desire to complete the series. "Well heck, Vegas Vacation was pretty lame, and my heart tells me this might be even worse, but I've got to see it, right? I've seen all the others!"

3) It is on TV, and you are trapped under something heavy. The remote is nowhere to be found, and your face is pinned to the floor in a manner that makes looking away from the television an impossibility.

Hopefully, after I share my thoughts with you, #3 will be the only reason you might watch this "film" in its entirety. Some of you might not even be aware that this "movie" existed (it aired on NBC in 2003 before being given a DVD release), so I guess what I'm doing here is a public service announcement more than a review.

Allow me to share the opening exchange of the "movie," a labyrinthine conversation that I had to rewind four times before I even understood what was being said. I'll set the scene. Clark "Third" Johnson (played by Jake Thomas), son to Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) and his wife Catherine (Miriam Flynn), is talking to a girl on the way home from school.

CLARK: I was named after my mom's cousin's husband -- Clark Griswold the 2nd. I'm the third Clark Griswold. Clark Griswold Johnson.
GIRL: Do you have any brothers and sisters?
CLARK: Yes, they're with my grandma in Kansas. Except for my oldest sister, she's working at a strip club in Las Vegas
GIRL: A strip club? Where do you live?
CLARK: My mom and dad and I are staying with my cousin Audrey Griswold. She's visiting her boyfriend in Indianapolis. So we're kind of house sitting for her. You know, over the holidays.

These are the first words spoken in the "movie!" As an aspiring screenwriter, if I ever put that exchange to paper I would shoot myself in the throat. What a needlessly complicated, bizarre bit of exposition! And that's how you hook the audience? That's your big opening scene? It would have been better to just have the kid look into the camera and explain, in monologue form, who he is related to and what the hell is going on.

Matty Simmons, producer on all of the Vacation films, "wrote" this one, despite having no real previous screenwriting credits. Hey Matty? I'd like to be a professional golfer, but I suck at golf. Therefore, I don't play golf on a professional level. Makes sense, right? If I were given two hours in the back seat of a bumpy truck, a note pad, and a stick with poo on it, I could write a better script than this. I'm not kidding. Give it up. You're a successful man in other fields, you've got loads of money. Don't write anymore scripts. Stop.

The "film" was "directed" by Nick Marck, a television director who has helmed episodes of some really great shows -- The Wonder Years, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Veronica Mars. Mr. Marck, I'm willing to believe this wasn't your fault. I'd take it off the old resume, though.

So Eddie and Catherine are house-sitting for Audrey. Fine. Whatever. As the film opens, a wasted Fred Willard is firing Eddie from his job, which seems to consist of playing tic-tac-toe with a monkey. There are several "jokes" about how Eddie is dumber than said monkey. Eddie returns home, decides to take a bath. Plumbing hijinks ensue. Their dog farts a lot (No, a lot). And they smell bad, see? The farts that the dog has, I mean. Laughing yet?

Through complications involving a monkey attack and fear of a lawsuit, Eddie is awarded a trip to the South Pacific by his ex-boss. Ed Asner (a loooooong way from The Mary Tyler Moore Show) inexplicably pops up as Uncle Nick, and he joins them on their vacation. They run into Eric Idle, whom I believe is supposed to be playing the same role he played in European Vacation -- British guy who gets beat up by accident a lot. Wasn't funny then, is far less funny now. The gang gets stranded on an island, some atrocious green-screen technology is used, Eddie flies a plane, they get off the island. Fin.

Quaid tries his best here, but the guy had funnier material in Pluto Nash. Cousin Eddie was in maybe five minutes of Vacation total, and didn't enter Christmas Vacation until halfway through. He's a funny character to be sure, but only when he has someone reacting to or commenting on his antics. No one fills that role here. Eddie can't sustain a feature film on his own -- let alone one as stupefyingly awful as this. Flynn isn't given much to do as usual. Thomas is cute, and I thank him for giving me something to do while waiting for the "movie" to end -- figure out where I had seen him before (turns out he was the non-Haley Joel Osment kid in Spielberg's A.I).

Dana Barron, who played Audrey in the original Vacation 20 years prior, returns here for absolutely no reason. My guess is that offers went out to everyone who has ever played a Griswold, and Barron was the only one who agreed. She is the only Griswold kid ever to reprise his or her role. So...put that in your history books.

Sung Hi Lee plays Muka Laka Miki (and I don't want to spoil anything, but that name gets hilariously mispronounced several times!), but she might as well just be referred to as "Token Hot Chick." I can imagine some stressed out producer throwing his hands in the air, and bellowing "At least get some T&A in this thing or no one's going to watch to the end!" I'd like to thank that producer I just made up, because that extremely mild, PG-rated T&A is really all that kept me going.

In fairness, not everyone hates Christmas Vacation 2. After all, it was nominated for Best Hair Styling in a Television Mini-Series/Movie of the Week at the Hollywood Makeup Artist and Hair Stylist Guild Awards. So someone was a fan. But please. Don't watch it. There isn't a laugh or a smile or a smirk or a grimace in the thing. It isn't so bad that it's good. It isn't even so bad that it's bad. To call it bad would be an insult to things that are bad. It hurt my feelings. They say depression rates go up at Christmastime -- I think I've found the reason.

Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure made me long for the subtle nuance, in-depth character development, and rib-tickling tropical comedy of Saved By the Bell: Hawaiian Style.

You guys are growing up so fast, I hardly recognize you anymore!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Before the Griswolds head out on yet another vacation, Clark speaks these words to his children, a sly (for this movie, anyway) jab at the fact that the Griswold kids have been played by four different sets of actors in four different films. He might as well have been speaking for the series itself. Watching this movie again for the first time since its theatrical release, I hardly recognize Vegas Vacation as a Vacation film. If European Vacation was a disappointment, Vegas Vacation is a crying shame -- a sad, laughless cash-in devoid of wit, charm, and signs that anyone is doing anything more than grabbing a paycheck. It's the kind of bad that casts a negative light on the good Vacation films that came before. In short, it sucks.

I still remember the day I went to see Vegas Vacation. At this time I had seen the trilogy (particularly the first and third entries) countless times, but Vegas would be the first I saw in a theater. I am not ashamed to say I was excited. Within about five minutes, I was slumped in my seat and was checking my watch. Why do the makers of movie franchises do this? If you've got a beloved property on your hands, why not put a little care into making each installment work? Just a little! It's not like they didn't have time; Vegas Vacation was released eight years after Christmas. Why sign off on such a lazy, unfunny script?

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas! No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here! We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f**king Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of a**holes this side of the nuthouse!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

After European Vacation, no one had any reason to believe the Vacation series would get back on track. Not to mention, almost without exception, movie series tend to get worse as they go along, right? Well, not this time.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation ranks just slightly behind the original in terms of laughs, and it packs in even more heart without resorting to schmaltz. Again, I'm going to give a lot of the credit to John Hughes, the sole writer this time out. He makes just about every line funny, memorable, and quotable. He gives us a whole lot of characters, each well-defined and amusing. Hughes may have hit his peak here unfortunately, because after the following year's Home Alone, the man never wrote a great script again. (I think Dutch is hilarious, but even with all my Hughes love I can't call it "good.")

It was a "last hurrah" of sorts for Chevy Chase, too. Chase is really terrific here in what is, I'm sad to say, his final funny starring role (although I didn't see The Karate Dog). Oh, Chevy. What happened? Beverly D'Angelo returns, and is typically great ("Clark! Slow down! I don't want to spend the holidays dead!"). And my Lord, does Randy Quaid step it up here as Cousin Eddie. Chase's exchanges with Quaid are some of the film's funniest moments ("Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"). If Quaid's delivery of gems like "Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!" and "That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year!" don't make you laugh, well ... lighten up.

Note: Summer is coming to a close, and I don't have the budget to do much traveling. So I decided to take some Vacation time with the Griswolds instead. All this week and next, I'll be reviewing the Vacation movies, one of the most loved (and uneven) comedy franchises in modern film.

I think you're all f**ked in the head. We're ten hours from the f**king fun park and you want to bail out? Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f**king fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're a**holes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy S**t!

-- Clark W. Griswold (Chevy Chase)

Clark Griswold is my father circa 1988. The glasses. The Izod shirt. The too-short shorts. The unrelenting and misguided enthusiasm for all things family. The barely concealed rage. It's all there. What makes National Lampoon's Vacation work so well, all these years later, is that everyone thinks Clark is based on his or her father. Some of the funniest comedy comes from recognition, and this movie is almost like watching home movies from my youth. Except for the dead aunt on the roof of the car, but we'll get to that in a moment.

They assembled a real dream team for this movie, three giants of comedy at their primes. Behind the camera, you've got Harold Ramis, fresh off his directorial debut (Caddyshack -- not a bad start!). He clearly came to play here, and I'd imagine he had something to do with keeping Chevy Chase's tendency to overact in check. The script was written and based on a short story (click here to read it!) by John Hughes, unquestionably the finest film comedy writer of the 1980s. Disagree with me? Take a look at this list of Hughes scripts produced from 1983 to 1990: Mr. Mom, Vacation, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Some Kind of Wonderful, Planes Trains and Automobiles, She's Having A Baby, Uncle Buck, Christmas Vacation, and Home Alone. The man was a god.

It's hard to remember that Randy Quaid, the man who co-starred as Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon's, is also a man who has an Academy Award nomination under his belt for the 1973 film, The Last Detail. Every once in a while he throws a good drama or action in there to remind us that he's more than just a goofy, insane ex-army man. Even Hollywood seems to forget at times, like low-balling his pay for Brokeback Mountain. Now the Texan native will be heading to Canada for a starring role in Real Time.

Dennis' older brother will star with Jay Baruchel in the indie dramedy. You might remember Baruchel from his work in Million Dollar Baby, or as I do from Almost Famous -- he was the crazy Led Zeppelin fan. Time will center on a hit man played by Quaid, who is set to kill a compulsive gambler and an old acquaintance of his, Baruchel's character. (The "old acquaintance" thing seems a bit silly since the man is only 25, but maybe the hit man knew him as a kid or something.) Because of their past, he gives the young man an hour to live. The feature is the creation of Randall Cole, who wrote and will direct the screenplay. Cole previous penned and helmed his first feature, 19 Months, in 2002. Quaid isn't a bad grab for the new filmmaker, considering that his last cast was free of higher-profile names. The movie will be shot outside of Toronto, perhaps at one of the nearby casinos, but there is no word on a production date.

After briefly visiting some dramatic territory in films like Brokeback Mountain and the upcoming Goya's Ghost, Randy Quaid might be returning to the type of flick we're used to seeing him in: a moronic comedy. The actor is in final negotiations to star alongside Sean William Scott (that name should immediately signal your moron alert) in the indie comedy Gary the Tennis Coach. And yes, Quaid would play Gary.

Danny Leiner, who teamed with Scott on Dude Where's My Car? and also directed the surprisingly hilarious Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, will take over helming duties on the pic. Newbie scribes Andy Stock and Rick Stempson penned the script. As with most sports comedies, story revolves around a high school janitor-turned-tennis coach who's placed in charge of teaching a group of lovable misfits how to play the game, eventually guiding the team toward the Nebraska state championship. While the film sounds fun, I'm just dying to see Quaid take on the role of King Carlos IV in Goya's Ghost. Interesting territory for a guy who played the disgustingly vulgar Cousin Eddie in all those Vacation movies.

Remember a few weeks ago, when Randy Quaid filed suit against Focus Features, trying to get paid $10 million more for his clearly brilliant, pivotal performance in Brokeback Mountain? He alleged that the studio fed him a sob story about how little money they had, and so he generously agreed to appear in the movie for $12.24 (an approximate figure) -- but evil Focus knew they were going to make boatloads of money on the movie, and were deliberately ripping him off! At least, that's what Randy thinks. Yesterday, though, he dropped his suit, proclaiming that the studio had seen the light, and generously agreed to pay him a bonus. That's sweet, right? Sure, except Focus says they didn't do it. According to their statement, "Focus Features never negotiated, offered or agreed to any settlement agreement with Mr. Quaid or his attorneys." Oh reeeeeally?

Randy, when you realize you've filed a completely absurd lawsuit and decide to drop the thing, it might be best to do it on the sly and slink away quietly, rather than crowing about a victory that didn't happen. Call me crazy, but I'm guessing studios don't really like to hire unpredictable, litigious, sketchy actors. (At least when they're not named Tom Cruise.)