Conan the Barbarian has a director, and it isn't Brett Ratner. That's the story according to CHUD, who reports that horror director Marcus Nispel has signed on the dotted line, and will direct the remake / reimagining for Lionsgate.

Remakes are familiar territory for Nispel, who has helmed our latest versions of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th. I haven't seen either (though I am sure Scott Weinberg will rectify that soon), but I know they were heavy on the gore and action. With Outlander writers Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain giving the script a rewrite last year, I think you can picture just what Nispel and Lionsgate are aiming for ... lots of pulpy, bloody, R-rated action. While I'll hold out some hope for character development, I'll take comfort in the fact that the Barbarian's sword will meet flesh and bone with a suitable level of blood and crunch.

Now we'll have to see who lands the role (Devin Faraci is hearing that they'll go with an unknown), and whether Ratner left his fingerprints all over the project, as has been rumored every time he was on again, off again with it. But hey, it looks like Conan will make it to the theater before Red Sonja and Thulsa Doom do, which is how it should be.

Things get a little lively on The Rocchi Review this week, as we look at Comic-Con's biggest surprises and let-downs with Alex BIlington of First Showing. But there's plenty else going on, too -- from all the reasons James and Alex are dreading The Spirit to the question of if Comic-Con is selling sexiness or sexism, as well as what recent films in development are earning enthusiasm or scorn, and a brief argument about entertainment journalism vs. 'entertaining' journalism. ... Cinematical's podcast is now available through iTunes; you can subscribe at this link. Also, you can listen directly here at Cinematical by clicking below:



As ever, you can download the entire podcast right here -- and those of you with RSS Podcast readers can find all of Cinematical's podcast content at this link.

We came, we saw ... Con kicked our ass. Here are some quick tidbits of interest:

• The first trailer for Saw V was released in conjunction with that film's panel here last night. It's over at Yahoo!, but thanks to the magic that is embed players, you fine folks can see if after the jump. Yes, Jigsaw is back ... but this time something's gotta be done about his kids, Marty! Wait ... back up ... puzzles, traps, blood -- that's more like it.
• MGM has confirmed via press release that Darren Aronofsky will officially helm a Robocop remake. And, no, I looked out my window and pigs were not flying. Also, in the same press release, they noted that Brett Ratner will be directing God of War. There's a potential for awesomeness in either project, but it's still too early to tell.
  
• The two Red Sonja posters unveiled during the panel yesterday (see our report here) hit the Cinematical inbox this morning, and, yes, I believe it is true what they say about redheads: They like to lick blood off of swords. See both above.
• Wolverine footage screened yesterday during the Fox panel, and it was pretty awesome. Dynamite teaser moment: Wolverine telling Sabretooth: "I'm gonna cut your goddamn head off!" Everything I'm hearing about this flick is that it's dark, sadistic and wicked ... and I cannot flippin' wait.
• IGN has the Punisher: War Zone footage from last night's panel.
• I heard the Twilight panel was absolutely off the charts as far as tween female geekdom goes. Never have so many mothers and daughters gone so ballistic in one area at the same time -- I'm not sure if anyone called Guinness, but some sort of record was definitely broken.
• We missed the paltry G.I. Joe panel, but JoBlo has a pretty good rundown of it in case you're interested. No footage was shown, just a slideshow of stuff we've already seen and maybe one or two action shots.
• Last but not least, The Masters of the Web panel was a good time. This was my first ever Con panel (as a panelist) and luckily I didn't throw up or accidentally spit on AICN's Quint (who sat next to me).I'd call that a success.
  

Above: Rose McGowan licking blood off a sword

The room was packed for the Red Sonja panel today featuring Robert Rodriguez, Rose McGowan and director Doug Aaroniokoski, and images of Rose McGowan in that skimpy metal bikini were everywhere (what you see above was one of around 2,000 t-shirts handed out. Below are easy-to-read notes on this particular panel:

-- Red Sonja will hit theaters in the fourth quarter of 2009 (one imagines for Christmas)
-- Robert Rodriguez is acting as a "hands on" producer, and will co-direct a good chunk of the flick. Not only is he doing this for Red Sonja, but he's also negotiating to produce a new Conan film. It seems as if they would eventually (if both are popular enough) cross promote between films.
-- The tone will be darker, like the book, and when asked if it would be R rated, Rodriguez said, "My name is double 'R'!"
--Also on tone and scope, McGowan (who's quite lively and quick-witted in person) said it's "hard, cold, dirty and bloody." And that she's looking forward to "taking a big giant sword and killing a lot of people."
-- Training is already underway, and McGowan is working with the same swords experts who helped out on Matrix and Ninja Assassin.
-- Rodriguez also admitted that Barbarella is officially off, and that Red Sonja has taken its place. He said financing of $70 million did come through from Germany for a shoot next year, but he's obligated to shoot something else for Miramax. He's negotiating right now to direct a "huge summer movie" -- but he wouldn't say which.
-- On the character, Rose McGowan said: "I will not have a mullet!" The crowd cheered.
-- Red Sonja will be shot on location (scouting now) and will use some green screen.
-- Asked who should star in the new Conan, RR shouted: "Danny Trejo!"
-- On Machete becoming a film, RR said they have plans to turn it into a Mexploitation triple feature disc (and somewhere on that disc will be a trailer for a sequel to Planet Terror.)
-- On Sin City 2, Frank Miller has finished writing the script, but no one knows whether or not that's going to happen with each working on different projects.

P.S. For those who think Rodriguez and McGowan aren't a couple anymore, check out this candid snapshot (taken right before RR kissed RM on the forehead).



Gallery from the panel below. My opinion: It looks pretty hot, and while I've bashed McGowan in the past, I'm willing to give her a chance to kick some ass here. This will be her time to shine.

What can I say about our first full day at San Diego Comic Con? First off, there are people everywhere -- I'm absolutely starving (because lines to get any sort of food are tremendous) and everywhere I look someone has fake blood on their body. It's the most surreal experience ever -- sort of like attending a Woodstock-like concert in Fantasyland. But I dig it, and we're trying to do as much as we can, see as much as we can, and bring it all back to you without absolutely losing our minds.

Below is a collection of costumes from the first day of San Diego Comic Con '08. (I don't think I have to tell you which one is my favorite ...)

More coming ... including word from Max Payne, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Red Sonja, Frank Darabont, Twilight and, well, more, more, more ...

Cinematical's Official Comic Con '08 Hub

Apparently, Hollywood (and all watching) cheered too soon -- a representative for Rose McGowan has hit back at the reports that she has split with Robert Rodriguez, or scrapped their movies. McGowan's rep told People Magazine that "the production of all three films is moving forward with Rose to star." And one of those mysterious sources "close" to the actress insisted their relationship was fine.

Now, naturally we here at Cinematical could really care less about the status of their engagement -- we just wanted to know what was going to happen to those movies. And that all depends which dubious glossy you believe -- the New York Post, who broke the story, or the damage controlling People. We all know those official statements and mysterious sources can mean nothing in six months.

But even if this was all tabloid fiction, it really should serve as a wake-up call for Rodriguez and McGowan. What must it be like to turn on your television, laptop, or radio and hear people rejoicing over your break-up in the hopes that, now, Red Sonja would not be remade? They've even gone so far as to "officially" recast Barbarella with Jessica Alba on many news sites. That has to hurt. So, maybe it's time for you crazy kids to scale it back a bit. Pick one of your three love projects to make (we can give you that much), and then devote your time and talents to a movie that doesn't involve your other half. I can't really speak for McGowan, but might I humbly suggest A Dame to Kill For to Rodriguez?

We usually don't report the goings-on of Hollywood relationships (be them long term or of the booty call variety), however this one is pretty epic. According to -- ugh -- the New York Post, sweethearts Rose McGowan and Robert Rodriguez are no longer together and no longer getting married (they were engaged prior to this). Why is this important news? Why should people care? Well, partly because Rodriguez was in the process of lining up a few interesting movie remakes (Barbarella, Red Sonja) with McGowan in the lead. One imagines McGowan had snagged the roles because, well, she was boinking Robert Rodriguez. But when there's no more action between the sheets, does that mean there's no more McGowan in the starring role?

The Post claims their break-up was partly due to the fact that Rodriguez was having a hard time finding financing for Barbarella with McGowan in the lead because she's not a big enough box-office draw. I know some of you beg to differ because she's got the hot "I'll sleep with your man if you leave him alone for five seconds and he can put me in one of his movies" seductress thing going on, but could you seriously see a flick starring Rose McGowan bringing in at least $70 million (reported budget for Barbarella) to the box office? Personally, I can't. With Jessica Alba or Charlize Theron or Angelina Jolie? Sure. Not Rose McGowan. (Last time I checked, her ass didn't exactly ignite a box office firestorm for Grindhouse.)

Should be interesting to see what develops from here. What would you like to see happen?

It's been a long time since the Red Sonja remake was announced -- actually, it's not so much a remake as an all-new movie based on the character who originated in the pages of Marvel Comics (and who was based on two separate characters created by Robert E. Howard) -- but now we finally have some updates, courtesy of USA Today. First, filmmaker Robert Rodriguez (Desperado) will be producing. Second, Rodriguez' girlfriend, Rose McGowan (Grindhouse), is playing the lead. Third, Rodriguez protégé Douglas Aarniokoski (second unit on Once Upon a Time in Mexico) is directing. Fourth, shooting begins this October. Supposedly neither Rodriguez nor McGowan have seen Richard Fleischer's 1985 version, so we should attempt to wipe away all memories of that critical and commercial failure, if possible, and try to imagine something completely different. Something that will be good enough to kick off a franchise.

I'm actually not sure if I ever saw the old Red Sonja, either, but I can still only picture Brigitte Nielsen in the title role. It's just one of those iconic -- I don't want to say performances, because it's just the actress and costume I picture -- casting decisions. You know you can see her, too: that awesome red mullet; that scale armor skirt; the breast plate that hardly covers her breasts. OK, now try to imagine Rose McGowan in the same costume. I know, it's hot, but it still doesn't seem right. However, Rodriguez told USA Today exactly why she does seem right: "Rose is a pistol. She's whip-smart, has attitude to burn, is sexy, extremely strong, yet has a vulnerable side that would surprise her closest friends. That description also fits Red Sonja."

Remember those wacky Red Sonja rumors from a few months back? They've been confirmed, and official dates are being set as Millennium Films gears up to join the comic book movie revolution and bring us a Red Sonja film. Early information says the film will be given a budget in excess of $25 million -- nothing like a Spider-Man or Superman to be sure, but not too shabby given the company and property  -- and (naturally) plans to build on the recent, highly popular Red Sonja comic run by Dynamite Entertainment.

For those of you who might not know, Red Sonja is part of the Conan the Barbarian pantheon created by famed fantasy guru Robert Howard. If this movie sounds familiar to you and you can't figure out why, its probably because a Red Sonja film has already happened in the mid-eighties during the Arnold-as-Conan era. Let's all pray this one is nothing like it.