Remember the Venom spin-off rumors that were slithering around last July? They've now turned into something official. Sony is developing a Venom movie, and they've hired two writers to develop it: Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, who have only just left the still-filming Zombieland. The project is in such early stages that we don't have additional details, though more might become clearer once Spider-Man 4 settles down.

However, our Scott Weinberg actually caught up with Reese and Wernick last week and has this to say: "Based only on the half-hour I spent talking movies with the screenwriters, I can say that IF there has to be a Venom movie, then these are the guys who can pull it off. They seem to understand the practical (studio) side of the project, the professional (screenwriter) perspective, and (best of all) the enthusiasm needed to make the movie cooool. They couldn't divulge ANY tidbits at all, sorry! But at this early point, I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about Venom."

So, there you have Weinberg's take on the project and you know he'll probably be right. In the interests of keeping things balanced in cinematic geekdom, I shall remain skeptical about the symbiotic spin-off. Admittedly though, my bias may be purely based on how many jerks I know who sport Venom t-shirts.

"I believe that children are our future
(Thank you)
Teach them well and let them lead the way..."
-Randy Watson (Eddie Murphy), Coming to America

It might be presumptuous for someone as young as I am to offer up words of wisdom to any fledgling film critics out there, but in an age where print critics are only dwindling in number and online reviewers are subjected to constantly shifting standards of the industry, the prospect of constructive advice is my effort to provide something that wasn't necessarily there when I started in the field. Just because anyone can start their own review site doesn't mean that they should, but hopefully, some of the following tips will help encourage those of you still determined to give this a go to hold yourself and your work to a higher standard.

It seems that not long after audio leaked of Christian Bale losing his cool on the set of Terminator: Salvation, Cinematical Managing Editor Scott Weinberg had some choice words for yours truly about our site and my work on it -- only for his oft-dormant temper to flare up similarly and suddenly.

As such, I can't say how long this post might remain up, but you can listen in on most of the phone call below. The profanity contained within has indeed been censored, but the volume alone might be NSFW, so keep your fingers on those volume knobs.

I hope you're proud of covering Cinematical in this poison, Mr. Bale. I really do.



(And if that weren't silly enough for you...)

Warning: Video contains foul language and is NSFW

Scott Weinberg and I are the Cinematical night owls. You're probably reading this at a very sensible time of the day, enjoying something called "sunshine" and a "blue sky," and we're probably sleeping. That's how dedicated the folks at Cinematical are -- we work around the clock!

I tell you this because you might be wondering why one Cinematical writer is posting about another. That's because Mr. Weinberg likes to shyly send me links to prove he never actually does sleep, and instead works 24/7 watching, reviewing, and compiling the best and worst in horror films all year long. He's gone and done it again over at GreenCine, compiling the Top 50 Horror DVDs of 2008. I've seen maybe three of these, because I actually do require sleep.

So heck -- I decided to be the Pepper Potts to his Tony Stark and write up a little something, since he was too modest to do it himself. Plus, the real reason Weinberg sent me the link was to show me GreenCine, which I'm itching to explore further. This place is like an indie-Netflix, with the added benefit of being able to access a community of lists, reviews, and recommendations. You can rent, download, and buy movies here -- it's going to be a lot of fun to watch this place grow. Between this and Netflix, movie fans may be leaving their houses less and less. I know you and I will -- we've got to beat Weinberg at his own movie watching game!

Above: Cinematical's Scott Weinberg with his celebrity stalker Jennifer Connelly.

Whenever there's an editorial change here at Cinematical headquarters, it's our tradition to announce it live on the site. That said (gets up on his tiny stool with a glass of sparkling apple cider), it is my pleasure to congratulate the new Managing Editor of Cinematical.com! You know him as "That guy who's always making fun of Jewish people", however his official birth certificate reads: Scary Spooky Spice Scott Weinberg (aka Scott Weinberg).

(Waits for loud roars from the crowd to subside ...)

Our former Managing Editor, Kim Voynar (whom we love, cherish, honor, adore, obsess over, crush on, etc ...) will remain with Cinematical, but segue into a Festival Editor role. That's right, our festival coverage kicks so much ass, we need someone with sharp skills and plenty of wit to run the entire show. In all seriousness, both Scott and Kim are tremendous assets to our team and have taken a huge part in our growth over the past three years. I'm ecstatic to be working with each so closely from here on out, and you should be happy because, with their help, this little movie site will become that much more enjoyable to read in the coming weeks and months.

We here at Cinematical wish you a wonderful, sun-drenched weekend, and, as always, we thank you for your continued support.

Cheers! Mazel Tov!

(Now who the hell brought the sparkling apple cider -- this stuff sucks!)

July 1 means that the year is officially half-over (figured that out all by myself), so I figure it might be fun to pick back over the past six months and offer a list of my very favorite flicks of the year. I've long since given up trying to differentiate between "the best films of the year" and "my favorite films of the year," but seeing as they'd both originate in the same brain, I figure they're pretty much the same thing. Some of my choices will be obvious, but (hopefully) some won't. And get this: Some of 'em are horror movies. (A film must have received a North American theatrical release prior to 7/1 in order to qualify.)

January -- Not many choices, really, but I'm an enthusiastic supporter of both Cloverfield and Teeth. I also enjoyed Cassandra's Dream a bit more than most folks seem to, but it's hardly among Woody Allen's best movies. Beyond that, January was as lame as ever. (Thanks for nothing: One Missed Call, First Sunday, Mad Money, Rambo, Untraceable, and the execrable Meet the Spartans.)

February -- Things certainly started getting a little better around groundhog time. I found In Bruges to be a stunningly unexpected treat; The Spiderwick Chronicles a very fun cross between Potter and Gremlins; Diary of the Dead a very welcome departure from zombie lord George Romero; The Signal a mico-budget mini-masterpiece, and Semi-Pro to be very funny and entirely forgettable. Special mention to the (surprise hit, but critically underrated) Vantage Point, which really deserves a second look. (Stinkers: The Eye, Strange Wilderness, and Jumper.)

I've already done an "official" top ten list and all that year-end movie-critic jazz, but since today's my birthday I figured I'd spend an hour or two on a piece I'll simply enjoy writing. Most of the solid horror sites have done their own top / bottom lists, so I thought it would make sense to try a different approach. So let's start waaaay back in January and just tiptoe through the year in horror together. And then at the end we'll figure out how the horror geeks were treated in 2007. (All links lead to my review of that particular film, be it from FEARnet, eFilmCritic, DVDTalk, DVD Clinic, or right here at good ol' Cinematical.)

January!

01/02 -- Snakes on a Plane arrives on DVD. "The internet" still refuses to make it a hit. (0)
01/12 -- Giant croc flick Primeval advertised as a serial killer film. Doesn't help the box office. (-1)
01/16 -- Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning arrives on DVD. Thousands give it a second shot and realize it still sucks. (-1)
01/19 -- A predictably horrible remake of The Hitcher arrives in theaters. Nobody cares. (-1)
01/23 -- Saw 3 hits DVD and sells a whole bunch of copies, despite the fact that all the horror fans know a double-dip is arriving in 11 months. Weird. (0)
01/26 -- Blood and Chocolate. Ew, no thanks. (-1)
01/30 -- Forgotten Ricci flick The Gathering (finally) arrives on DVD. Turns out it was shelved for good reason. (-1)

January Total: -5 horror points!

February!

02/02 -- J-horror knock-off latecomer The Messengers hits theaters. With a PG-13. (-1)
02/06 -- The Grudge 2 hits DVD. Thousands realize oh yeah, there was a sequel. (-1)
02/09 -- A well-shot but horribly unnecessary prequel arrives in the form of Hannibal Rising. Collective yawn. (-1)
02/13 -- The "so good it's gotta be remade because it's foreign" 13 (Tzameti) arrives on DVD. (+1)
02/16 -- The comics nerds get a little (very little) horror infusion with the very silly Ghost Rider. (-1)
02/20 -- Lionsgate slaps the words "Open Water 2" onto a movie called "Adrift." (-1)
02/23 -- After Dark (brilliantly) chooses their dullest flick (The Abandoned) for a solo theatrical release. (-1)
02/23 -- Jim Carrey tries to get grim (and ends up goofy) in The Number 23. (-1)
02/27 -- The Return arrives on DVD. Hundreds remember that the movie exists. (-1)

February Total: -7 horror points!!

Even at the end of the lamest movie years, this is always too hard. I'm supposed to take a list of over 200 movies and cramp it down into one 10-title list? No way. That's not to say that there were too many films jockeying for position on my "best" list, but hell, I spent a LOT of hours watching all these movies, and I'll be damned if I'm only gonna cover ten of 'em!

Last year I went a little insane and did ten different top ten lists, but I have a little more of a social life this year, so I'm just going to list my favorite films and trash the year's biggest stinkpiles (and then, in a separate post, recap the year in horror). Let's try and generate a little tension by starting at the end. (That's what she said!)

10. Juno, Knocked Up & Waitress -- I hate it when critics put multiple movies in one spot, but I just had to cheat on my number ten, because it's really weird how the three best comedies of the year ... all have to do with pregnant chicks. One movie per slot from here on out, I promise.

9. The Bourne Ultimatum -- The perfect capper to a stellar trilogy. Masterful action, fantastic performances, and an energy that just never lets up.

8. Zodiac -- I went in expecting Silence of the Lambs, but got a fantastic "newspaper" story instead. And even at 160 minutes, I was never bored.

7. Hot Fuzz -- Pegg, Frost and Wright strike again in this wonderfully clever action flick send-up. It took multiple viewings before the flick really clicked with me, but it's easily the funniest movie of the year that doesn't have any pregnant women in it. (Superbad being a close second.)

6. Sweeney Todd -- It's not exactly the sort of musical I'm used to (that Sondheim is pretty weird), but between the stellar leads, the grimly gorgeous look of the piece, and enough gallows humor to fill ten good flicks -- this just might be Tim Burton's best movie yet.

"Turns out the movie version was exactly like an episode of the TV show, only longer." -- Millions of unimpressed moviegoers after wasting thirty bucks on yet another failed TV-to-movie experiment.

And those moviegoers are usually unimpressed because projects like these exist as little more than franchise exploitation. Seriously, was the universe actually demanding a movie version of Inspector Gadget or The Beverly Hillbillies? Most definitely not. But in certain (generally rare) cases, a successful TV show makes the leap to the silver screen in exceedingly fine form. Star Trek certainly did it. So did South Park, The Addams Family, The Fugitive and Firefly. But lately all the worlds' media attention has been focused on one specific series, a comedic juggernaut that's been chugging merrily along for the last 18 years. It's more than a classic, more than an institution. Heck, I hate to think of television without it. Yep, Springfield fans, it's (finally) time for The Simpsons Movie.

What an amusing novelty it is to see America's favorite yellow family up on the big screen -- doubly so because the magic of the series has translated quite excellently into cinematic form. Aside from a few editing gaffes (the DVD version will probably run 110 minutes!), The Simpsons Movie is quite a GOOD movie: a colorful little treat that's sly enough for the grown-ups, silly enough for the kids and funnier that just about anything found in the multiplexes these days. It's as if someone pulled a forgotten episode out of a vault marked "Simpsons Seasons 4 - 9," stretched the thing out into a tight 85-minute package, and gussied up some of the animation and special effects. So yes, The Simpsons Movie is exactly like a feature-length episode of the Sunday night staple. And in this case, that's a really big compliment.

Yep, there's actually a movie called Transmorphers, and it slides into "select" video stores just in time for the theatrical release of Transformers. Some call it copy-catting at its most shameless, some opt to call it fortuitous timing ... and most people will never even hear of Transmorphers, aside from the hardcore movie geeks and the curious 14-year-olds of the world. Produced by the outfit that gave you The Da Vinci Treasure, Pirates of Treasure Island and Snakes on a Train, Leigh Scott's low-low-budget Transmorphers is (of course) unquestionably, obviously and in all ways blatantly BAD ... but here's the key question: Is it any fun?

Everyone has several different definitions of "fun" and one of mine is this: A cheap knock-off turkey that mixes the giant robots of Transformers, the sexual politics (and uniforms) of Starship Troopers, the hero of Pitch Black, the subterranean existence of The Matrix, the post-apocalyptic struggle of The Terminator, a whole bunch of arbitrary emo angst borrowed from Battlestar Galactica, and about fifteen other components from sci-fi flicks as varied as Serenity and Jason X. It's a weird and grungy little concoction, but between the florid bouts of soap opera whatnot and the special effects that fondly remind one of Land of the Lost -- there's definitely enough here to warrant an 83-minute visit, but (seriously) only if you're well-versed in the art of bad cinema. There's enough bad acting, ripe writing and chintzy production design to fill three Uwe Boll movies, but like the works of that particular master, there's something brain-twistingly amusing about the whole goofy affair.