SeeNoEvil Tagged Articles at Cinematical

After presenting the universe with such wondrous pieces of cinema as See No Evil, The Marine and The Condemned, the theatrical distribution division of WWE Films is closing its doors (maybe) forever. (One can only assume that the contract between WWE and Lionsgate was a three-flick arrangement, with the distributor politely declining a contract extension.) But don't get too blue, schlock fans. They'll still be making movies. Those flicks will just be going directly to video is all ... kinda like they should have done with See No Evil, The Marine and The Condemned.

WWE Films CEO Linda McMahon (any relation to Vince, I wonder?) says "We are now able to move more into direct-to-video production, and that will be the next focus." "Able"? More like "required." But then the Hollywood Reporter article goes on to say "McMahon noted that the WWE is in talks with a major studio on a potential deal for theatrical distribution on a first-look basis." Which means ... what? That WWE Films might latch on to a studio kinda like Nickelodeon did with Paramount? I wouldn't hold my breath on that.

According to McMahon, all three WWE flicks will "make money or at least break even," which isn't exactly the business model you want for a production company. She also suspects that the R rating on The Condemned may have contributed to its limp arrival at the box office. Um, yes. It's the R rating that did The Condemned in. Not the plot or the script or the concept or the (lack of) cast or the fact that it stars wrestlers. Nothing like an R rating to keep the action fans away from your movie. Ms. McMahon predicts that The Condemned will "perform well" once it hits video. Which probably explains why they'll be bypassing the multiplexes on future projects.

The Ant Bully -- One of only 612 animated movies to be released this year in which animals talk and do silly things, TAB hits DVD packing a bunch of new animated shorts, a few deleted scenes and some family-friendly featurettes. Plus, admit it: You're curious about seeing a cartoon flick in which the voices are contributed by Julia Roberts, Paul Giamatti, Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep. Or maybe you aren't.

Clerks 2 -- Raunchy and funny I fully expected ... but kinda sweet, too? That I didn't really see coming. As is always the case with Kevin Smith's DVD, the C2 dual-platter promises 37 styles of supplemental goodness: Three commentaries, a bunch of deleted scenes, a feature-length documentary, a handful of featurettes, outtakes, internet shorts, and of course a bunch of vulgar little surprises.

See No Evil -- I surely didn't expect anything resembling "quality filmmaking" from the combined efforts of "WWE Films" and porn director Gregory Dark -- but I really wasn't expecting a low-rent slasher flick that was this outrageously unwatchable. Horror fans may delight in the few icky killings, but they're couched between a plot / cast / screenplay that's the absolute pinnacle of banality. Plus the killer is a big doofy dork who's not scary in the least. I'm not sure what extras Lionsgate is tossing onto this disc, but they could throw the entire collected works of Gregory Dark on there, and it still couldn't salvage this movie. (And just so you know, Greg once directed a movie called Hootermania.)

Supergirl -- Kal-El's hot little cousin makes her way to Earth and tangles with evil in the form of Faye Dunaway. Peter O'Toole, Peter Cook and Mia Farrow are somehow involved, if you can believe it. Director Jeannot Szwarc provides an audio commentary, should you just want to enjoy Helen Slater's Supertights without all that pesky dialogue.

Superman (4-disc Special Edition) -- One of the finest superhero flicks ever made gets a really fancy re-release that'll put the previous Special Edition (which is pretty damn solid) to Supershame. Choose between the original 1978 version or the re-jiggered 2000 cut, and when you're done with both of those you can pick through filmmaker commentaries, score-only audio tracks, documentaries, screen tests, deleted scenes, 1951's Superman and the Mole Men, and a whole bunch of classic Fleischer cartoons. (Someone please buy me this DVD for Christmas even though I'm Jewish.)

I've never been a big fan of what's known as "professional wrestling," so please forgive me if I don't greet the big-screen debut of a rassler called Kane with much enthusiasm. I am, however, a pretty staunch supporter of the horror genre, so I did hold out some hope that WWE Films could cobble together a half-decent slasher flick. To say that that hope was misguided is an understatement on par with "Michael Jackson is mildly creepy."

WWE's debut effort (and I use the word "effort" charitably) is called See No Evil, a shamelessly derivative and helplessly inept piece of genre flotsam that rips off everything from Friday the 13th to Saw 2 -- and does so in only the most tiresome and unremarkable fashion imaginable. This flick sounds like it was written by a mommy-hating nine-year-old who just discovered the joys of pointless profanity, looks like it was shot inside of an abandoned Motel 6, and feels precisely like the cynical, careless, and flimsy piece of plagiarism it so obviously is. While some horror flicks use their gritty, grungy exteriors to set a mood and create some tension, See No Evil is more than content to wander around its unconvincing soundstage, doling out nothing but atrocious acting and/or writing, desperately hoping that a small contingent of slasher supporters and wrestling aficionados will care enough to see what the thing has to offer. (Which ain't much.)