• Three additional (deleted?) scenes
• "Tech of Shrek 3" featurette
• "Shrek's Guide to Parenthood"
• "Princess Bootcamp"
• A blooper reel called "Big Green Goofs"
• Music videos "Donkey Dance" and (ugh) "Dancing Babies"
• "Worcesterhsire Yearbook"
• Four random little things for the kids (which they'll never bother with)
• DVD-ROM content
• Widescreen anamorphic transfer and Dolby Digital 5.1 audio
• DVD case and receipt

"A friend hooked me up with it." This is what a fifth-grade teacher told his class right before he showed them a bootlegged copy of Shrek the Third. And he may have even gotten away with it if one of his female students didn't run home and write Dan Glickman a scathing email. Okay, I'm kidding -- but she did tell her father what had happened, and he subsequently told MSNBC that he is pissed -- not because his daughter was shown an illegal bootleg of a film still in theaters -- but because the teacher in question was actually screening this film in replace of whatever the lesson plan should've been for that day. And I whole-heartily agree.

The school, located in Peekskill, New York, is currently investigating the issue, and Superintendent Judith Johnson issued a statement saying that, essentially, it is against school policy to show a pirated video. No word yet on what will happen to the teacher, Lovell Quiroz, but personally I feel he should be sent to some sort of moron jail. I mean, c'mon dude -- was it that important for you to look "cool" in front of a bunch of fifth graders? Next week, during show and tell, will you pass around that bag of pot your friend hooked you up with as well? And it's actually quite comical, because this is exactly where I think the MPAA should be focusing a lot of their efforts. In a couple of years these kids will be wizards of the online world (if they aren't already), and they'll most certainly learn how and where to download illegal movies. If you want my opinion, the MPAA should set up some sort of program where actors (or what have you) travel around to different elementary schools to talk about the disadvantages of movie pirating. Get to these kids while they're still young and naive.

And as far as this teacher goes, I'm not sure what should happen to him. Should the guy lose his job over this? Should he be given a warning? If you were the parent of a child who was in that classroom, what type of penalty would you suggest?

So is it just me, or is the summer movie season off to a crappy start? Oh the numbers are big with both 'Spider-Man 3' and 'Shrek 3' breaking box office records, and 'Pirates 3' is sure to do some record busting of its own. But aside from 'Shrek 3' (which I liked a lot), 'Spider-Man' got caught in his own web of emo B.S. and 'Pirates 3' ... just blows. But I'm not giving up the ship just yet (or limiting my high expectations to indie fare). I have super high hopes for 'Knocked Up' and I actually think that 'Transformers' might rock the house.

But in the meantime, matey, here's my take on this weekend's wide releases. Oh, but first ... What do Captain Jack Sparrow and Colin Farrell have in common? They're both searching for booty!! (Ba-dum ching!) And what do you call a pirate who poses for Playboy? A Play-matey! Thanks, I'll be here all week.

OK, here we go. Yes, that's right, the much anticipated finale of the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' series sails into theaters.

(Announcer voice) Last time on 'Pirates' ... If you remember, at the end of 'Pirates 2,' Lord Cutler stole Davy Jones' heart and Captain Jack was sent to Davy Jones' locker at the end of the world. Now, Captain Barbossa, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann lead the crew of the Black Pearl to the world's end to rescue Jack Sparrow and to find the Pieces of Eight to reunite the Pirate Council of Nine to fight against Cutler, Jones and the entire East India Trading Company armada.

Lesson for the day: Never listen to my friend Kevin. Last week, he insisted to me that Delta Farce had no shot of making the top five, and that The Ex, for all its flaws, was a shoo-in for the fifth spot. "But, Larry the Cable Guy!" I said. "He's got ... fans! Or something." Nah, he said, go with The Ex. So I did, and as it turned out, I was wrong. Wrong, the opposite of right. (If you got that movie quote, you're my new best friend.) Here's how it shook out:

1. Spider-Man 3 - $60 million
2. 28 Weeks Later - $10 million
3. Georgia Rule - $5.9 million
4. Disturbia - $4.8 million
5. Delta Farce - $3.5 million

Two of our posters, being undistracted by The Kevin, achieved perfect scores last week: three-peater bubba8193 (ho-hum, dominance is just SO boring, isn't it?) and chris (welcome to the top, dawg!). But enough about piddling $3 million movies. (The Ex, for the record, earned $1.4 million and didn't even make the top ten.) Move over, Spidey, there's a new green goblin -- umm, ogre -- in town ...

Shrek the Third
What It's About: The big green guy (Mike Myers) finds himself heir to the throne when his father-in-law, King Harold, kicks the bucket. Trouble is, Shrek wants no part of this king business, so he sets off to find Fiona's cousin Artie (Justin Timberlake), who might be up for it instead -- or he would, if he weren't already reigning as King of the High School Losers (Never Made It With the Ladies). Meanwhile, Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) mobilizes a team of villains so that he can take the throne for himself.
Why It Might Do Well: It's the only blockbuster opening this weekend -- in fact, the only movie opening wide, period -- so that's kind of a no-brainer. Plus, as the summer's first true family film (it's rated PG, whereas Spider-Man 3 is rated PG-13), it will certainly overtake Spidey for the No. 1 spot.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Shrek earned $42 million its opening weekend; Shrek 2 an astonishing $108 million, setting a record for biggest opening for an animated film. Will this third installment shatter its own record? It could ... or it's possible audiences might be suffering from a little bit of Shrek fatigue.
Prediction: $110 million

I've been called a "soft touch" where certain mega-popular Hollywood franchises are concerned: I loved the first two Shrek movies, I adored the first two Spider-Man movies, and don't even get me started on those Lord of the Rings masterpieces. As critical as I can be from time to time (and believe me, I can be a real whiny geek sometimes), I really love sitting down and being treated to a high-end, fast-paced, and well-constructed piece of Popcorn Movie-making. And don't even mention those Pirates of the Caribbean flicks -- because I'll never shut up about 'em.

Having said that, I can't help but think that the 2007 Summer Movie Season (the one that's predicted to be the most profitable summer season of all time) is getting off to a fairly limp start. My first relative disappointment was Spider-Man 3, which I found to be all sorts of dry, redundant and generally uneventful. And now comes Shrek the Third, second sequel to the resoundingly popular Shrek -- which is a movie that had me giggling my way out of the theater like I was a 6-year-old on a chocolate high. Shrek 2 proved to be a surprisingly worthwhile follow-up, mainly because of its clever screenplay and attention to (amusingly silly) character development. Needless to say I walked into Shrek 3 with very high hopes -- which might help to explain why I found the flick a little ... lacking. Not terrible, but just sort of limp, obvious and lethargic.