Ordinary movie producers get to shag top-drawer hotties, shine their shoes with tongues of fans, and get shopping carts loads of honorary awards when they're too old to be players anymore. But Christian movie producers get all of the above, plus a free pass to heaven when they croak. Thanks to Richard Mavers for the tip on the news that the writers of Turn Me On Deadman are auctioning the rights to their script on eBay. The hope is that someone will buy it and produce it. Writer Nathyn Brendan Masters notes: "While this wouldn't take a huge amount of money to produce there would be a bit more involved to do it as well as we would like. If you or someone you know has been looking for this type of project then please feel free to place a bid."

Bidding starts at a measly dollar. We learn that the story is of haunted backward-masking on a popular CD, which destroys the life of a student who tampered with the occult. The talents involved previously did the evil Ouija board flick The Wages of Sin (above). "Decent!" raves DVDverdict.com about this earlier effort, but a less glowing review is here at moviecynics.com. We get a lot of mainstream Christian horror in The Reaping and The Exorcism of Emily Rose (here's an interview with Emily Rose's director Scott Derrickson, claiming that horror is the perfect venue for the Christian evangelical.) Not only is this the first time we've seen a script-bidding auction on eBay, it's the first time we've heard that there's a direct horror market for religious viewers.

Once upon a time, back when I started out this line of work, it was my aim to see every movie ever made. Then came the VHS player. Once the direct-to-video market began, numerous filmmakers stopped thinking of the pleasures and rigors of making films for the big screen. Instead, they started thinking of a quick payoff. VHS financed the rise of the indie movie for good (or often, ill). It all added up to a huge increase in the number of films released. Eventually, I realized if I wanted to do some ordinary things--hoisting an ale, listening to music, reading a book--I was going to have to let a few films slide. Coming attractions have been a huge help in picking which ones to avoid, particularly the ones that reveal every single plot point and the most likely resolution of the problem. So how can I really do a worst of 2007 list? I ducked a lot of contenders. Underdog, for instance.

I missed P.U., I Hate You, as those slashing wits at Cracked magazine will be calling it, but I really felt James Rocchi's personal agony at witnessing the last of Hilary Swank's trio of evil movies this year. Though some would call it a duo; some people fell for Freedom Writers. Maybe this kind of story can be told without Room 222-levels of obviousness and manipulation...perhaps from the POV of one of the students, instead of the earnest white teacher? I'm not going to get any prizes for prescience by saying Swank's agent needs to be renditioned to some country with deep dark dungeons. Swank's Lost Year has already been celebrated elsewhere.

But The Reaping (#1) was the worst of the three; no one wants to see this actress's career reaped anymore. The low-water mark of this swamps-of-blood Christian thriller was the scene where Swank is told by a yokel, "Some people just don't want to go to heaven." Meaning her, and the atheists, agnostics, and Odin-worshippers in the audience.

When you sign up to review a horror movie these days, you're very often signing up to spend your own money, unless you work for an outlet that will reimburse your ticket and popcorn expenses. Since today's critical community tends to greet most horror fare with a universal 'boo,' even the biggest studio horror films are beginning to drop directly into theaters without so much as an introduction to the press. Actually, that's not quite correct -- introductions are now often being made in ways other than just sitting your average overweight critic down in a seat and showing him something on a screen for two hours.

We recently reported on a special NYComicCon event for Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes II, attended by Craven and the stars of the film. Turns out that, even after that kind of outreach, Fox will not be screening the film for the press. It strikes me as an odd move -- can't we, the ones who took the time to go to the breakfast, at least be trusted to give the film a fair shake? If the studio is so completely sure that newspaper critics will scorch the film, why not screen it for the online press only? Would it be better to offer targeted screenings than simply institute a 'no screenings' policy? Maybe. The big studios haven't lost all faith in their horror products yet -- Warner's is soon to release Hilary Swank's religious-horror film The Reaping and won't be holding it from critics. It will arrive with a press junket and screening slate.

The folks over at Bloody-disgusting.com are hosting about 20 new pics from the long-delayed but now approaching release Warner Bros. horror film, The Reaping. The film stars Hilary Swank as a former missionary who now has gone the complete opposite direction and debunks miracles for a living, and ends up coming into contact with some miracles that might not be debunkable. Of the new pics, the most arresting one is of a person with bright red hair who has been killed in some way that seems like slow roasting over an open flame. Another shows Swank approaching what looks like a screen door with some kind of special dagger in her hand. There's also a spooky one of a little girl peering into the camera while a bunch of people behind her seemingly engage in some kind of ritual -- they are all covering their faces with both hands.

Most of the other pics in the bunch are pretty non-informational -- a lot of people staring at giant bugs or shining flashlights into a dark corner, and stuff like that. The Reaping is currently scheduled to hit theaters on April 6 -- Joel Silver recently defended the long delay in an interview, stating that the many special effects just took a long time to complete. With the new release date, it will go head to head with Grindhouse, which strikes me as odd. The Reaping isn't exactly counter-programming to Grindhouse -- is this a wise move?

Now that Joss Whedon has been booted off Wonder Woman, it's up to producer Joel Silver to save the possible franchise from taking a nosedive straight into development hell. Silver was at WonderCon promoting The Reaping, but it's practically impossible to get that guy into a room and not have him field a ton of questions regarding Wonder Woman and the upcoming Speed Racer flick, to be directed by the Wachowski Bothers. ("Yeah, so in The Reaping Hilary Swank battles biblical plagues -- that's great ... but, when do we get to see what the live-action Mach 5 from Speed Racer will look like?")

As far as Wonder Woman goes, Silver would still very much like to produce it, but admitted the project has been "a struggle." When asked whether Warners was focusing on the new WW spec script picked up (the one set during World War II), Silver sort of shoved it off, and acted as if that was not the direction they were going in. Then again, we're not even sure if there is a direction -- chances are, Wonder Woman will remain in limbo for the time being. On the Speed Racer front, Silver acknowledged Vince Vaughn's contribution as a producer early on, but quickly shot down rumors (kind of) that Vaughn would also star as Racer X. The Wachowski Brothers are currently hard at work on the pic, which begins production June 5 in Berlin.

Also on the agenda was the reason behind The Reaping's delay. Originally scheduled to come out last fall, Silver said the film "just wasn't done yet." He did, however, chuck a whole lot of praise toward the Hilary Swank flick, saying the visual effects are outstanding and that director Stephen Hopkins did a fantastic job with it. The Reaping hits theaters on April 6, while Speed Racer is due out on May 23, 2008.

• I recently shared word that Zooey Deschanel was heading the cast of a Sci-Fi Channel re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz. In Tin Man, Zooey would play the Dorothy character, and Alan Cumming was going to be Glitch, with only half a brain. Now Jaws alum-turned-Poseidon man Richard Dreyfuss has signed on to play "Mystic Man" -- "a wizard who holds the key to revealing the destiny of one woman who can save The Outer Zone." Get it? Outer Zone. Oz. So clever! This reportedly "psychedelic, often twisted" remake will film next month and air this December.
• I know that you've been waiting with baited breath ever since Erik Davis reported that there would be a Bachelor Party sequel. In the original, Whitesnake lover Tawny Kitaen was the sexy vixen. In this incarnation, it will be D.E.B.S. alum, Sara Foster. However, she doesn't have the hairband cred of her predecessor. Where Ms. Kitaen got to writhe on a car and do gymnastics, Ms. Foster was in a.... Backstreet Boys video. Still, she looks good -- she's the lady to the right. However, if you're looking for more estrogen, they've also signed Emmanuelle Vaugier to the direct-to-DVD release.
• To keep us from forgetting about The Reaping, which has been struggling to get out, we've got some Hilary Swank pictures to go with the old trailer. FilmIck has a bunch that include the likes of Ms. Swank furrowing her brow in each and every one, some big insects and a large-eyed little girl. Someone better tell the actress that if she keeps her face that way, it might stick!
• Finally, if you're going to purchase some art, you might want to check first to make sure it isn't stolen goods -- even if it is coming from a legitimate dealer. Steven Spielberg bought a Norman Rockwell painting in 1989, and just last week, one of his staff spotted it on an FBI site that lists stolen works of art. Apparently, it was stolen years ago from a now-defunct art gallery. The director is obviously cooperating with the FBI, and holding onto it until its "disposition can be determined."