Uh-oh.

Submitted for your approval: a berk named Merk in bed with his bird. The fuzzy photo cannot really sum up what's going on here. The still I would have preferred is this film's money-shot: a red-cloaked Milton Berle conducting a Satanic mass in convincing Latin. Somehow this is not available on the Internet. Here, instead: a relatively chaste shot of quintuple threat Anthony Newley (actor/director/co-writer/singer/composer) grappling his real-life wife (the beeyoutiful and talented Joan Collins).

The still is a relic of what I've sometimes thought was the worst film ever made by a human being in world history.

It can be hard to pick scary movies for a group of adults to enjoy -- unless you go the family film route, and who wants that? Some people can watch an eye be plucked form a skull, or a slow, terrifying scene scored with creepy music and be in heaven; others will squeeze their eyes shut and plug their ears to escape what they consider hell. While brainstorming ideas for Cinematical's month-long tribute to all things creepy, scary, and gory, I had the bright idea to cover scary flicks for the wimpy -- those people who squeeze, plug, and hate to be scared.

I didn't quite think about how antithetical this idea was. If it's scary, the wimpy won't like it, and if it is too watered down, it isn't scary any more. To make things even more difficult, everyone has different ideas about what is scary. For example, I consider Psycho to be scary for its time and not-so-scary now. Chilling, yes. Nail-biting or hair-raising? No. My friend, however, just looked at me like I was insane for including it on this list. Where in the heck do you go from there?

Comedy always works. The funnier the gore, the less scary it is. But this isn't a comedy list, so there has to be some sort of variety, and this is how it will work: the following is a list of movies you can watch with your more wimpy friends, but still have those ever-loved Halloween themes, and at least a little gore or a few jumps. They are listed from wimpiest to least-wimpy -- all of which should fall well below the truly scary films out there. If anyone finds the lower-rated ones too much to bear, you should probably stay away from anything scary, the evening news, and the absolutely frightening Showgirls.