WillieScott Tagged Articles at Cinematical

It's been a very long time since I watched Commando, and when it popped up on AMC a few weeks ago, I decided I really needed to hear its steel drum and saxophone theme again. (I really didn't. It was stuck in my head for days after.) Anyway, it had been so long that I had forgotten the ridiculous sidekick of Stewardess Cindy. She enters into the narrative in the silliest way possible (one of the bad guys hits on her, and John Matrix decides that this makes her perfect to assist him), she causes many innocent bystanders to be shot or seriously injured in a shopping mall, and she complains. A lot. Halfway through, it's like they had to come up with a better excuse for her to be there, so she supplies some knowledge about planes, fires a rocket launcher, and then steps in as a stepmom at the end.

Why is she here? Time is too tight for kissing or gratuitous sex, so there was no need for a love interest. She really does nothing that Matrix couldn't have done himself (I mean, shouldn't he know how to fly a sea plane and puzzle out fueling information? Isn't he one of those guys?), and the rocket launcher rescue could have been cut because, come on, Matrix was too badass to really get arrested anyway. It takes up time that he could have been shooting more of Arius' mercenaries in hilarious and gory ways.

I'd really like to nominate her for worst action sidekick ever, except that I'm sure there's far worse out there. I'm not talking about actual sidekicks, like Chewbacca or Samwise Gamgee, but the untrained citizens who get drawn into perilous situations.

If there is one thing I want to learn from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- one damn thing -- it's why the hell Dr. Henry Jones Jr. didn't end up married to Marion Ravenwood. Was she just too much for him? Or did she dump him, fed up with a man who was not only a scattered academic, but a fly-by-night adventurer? Really, that has to be a tough combo when you just want him to take you out to dinner.

With Kingdom of the Crystal Skull not only bringing back Ms. Ravenwood, but introducing the domineering Irina Spalko, I think it's high time we discussed Indy's women. Where would Dr. Jones be without the ladies? Without Marion, he probably would have been in an early grave, without Willie Scott and Elsa Schneider, he may have been spared a few extra scars.

I don't really need to sing the praises of Ms. Ravenwood here. We already know how she was the coolest sidekick of all, the sort of kickass chick who was not only unusual in 1981, but still pretty rare today. She rivals Princess Leia as one of George Lucas' finest characters. (It's rather sobering that the man who gave us Leia, Marion and Sorsha could only conjure up the broken-hearted Amidala years later. Seriously, Lucas, you burned your geek girl cred on that one.) I give Lucas the credit because my gut says it is owed him. When it comes to his action-adventure movies, Spielberg never quite spent the kind of time on his heroines like Lucas did. But he gets major props for the way his moms shine -- Spielberg knows that when you have kids, you don't immediately become a screeching moron -- even if your kids do surprise you with an extra-terrestrial.