Things weren't so peaceful in the movie buff land when word got out a few weeks ago that Werner Herzog plans to remake Bad Lieutenant with Nicolas Cage in the lead role. Even noted trash auteur Abel Ferrara publicly complained about having his work redone. Bad Lieutenant isn't anybody's idea of a good time: Harvey Keitel puts on a freakishly raunchy performance. Still, it definitely sounds like Herzog's pumped about the gig. Defamer cornered the director in New York today for a few questions about the project, and the responses are kind of amazing. Herzog tends to do a great job of explaining himself, no matter what crazy scheme he has cooked up, but the best part of this interview arrives when the guy claims utter cluelessness about Ferrara's work. Way to stick it to the source material.

To hear Herzog tell it, his version of Bad Lieutenant isn't a remake, although he wouldn't know, since it sounds like hasn't actually seen the original. However, he says that Cage's character's name and the plot are entirely new. Herzog apparently liked the "very, very dark story," written by William M. Finkelstein, and he can't wait to work with Cage (given Herzog's notorious appreciation of Anna Nicole Smith, this last bit actually makes sense). Hearing about Ferrara's discontent, Herzog just eggs him on: "Let him fight the windmills, like Don Quixote." It's a feud made in heaven, almost too good to be true. You might just call it ecstatic truth.

Top: Early poster art for the new 'Bad Lieutenant,' snapped at the Cannes Film Festival last month.

Is this for real? Above is the trailer for the upcoming Anna Nicole Smith biopic Anna Nicole. The only thing that comes to mind after watching it is that they know this is going to be so very crappy, and they're upping the cheese to make it obvious this isn't a flick to watch for artistic merit, but rather for cheap, tabloid entertainment. It has to be, because I simply refuse to entertain the notion that the cheesy voiceover saying "the most anticipated motion picture of the year" is anything but tongue-in-cheek.

As Erik said last year, the film will "chronicle Anna's entire life -- from her birth to her days at Playboy to her bogus marriage to her death." Doesn't it sound exciting? I'll give them some benefit -- Willa Ford does a decent job of embodying the destined-for-doom Monroe-wannabe.

Is there anyone out there who will sit down and watch this flick from beginning to end? Me, I think I prefer a strange, goofy, and nicely brief trailer. I mean, we all know the story anyway.

[via Just Jared]

When we first reported on the indie flick Anna Nicole, we weren't kidding about it going into production right away. Case in point: TMZ has nabbed the first photos from the set; pics which show a majority of the cast clowning around and smiling it up for all to see. For anyone that's familiar with the old Anna Nicole Show on E! (yes, I watched it too), you'll notice the familiar face of Bobby Trendy all over these shots. Trendy, who I believe is the world's most annoying interior designer, will be portraying himself in the film. Great. That's just one more reason to stay far away from this disaster.

In case you're wondering, that is not the real Anna Nicole in the picture to the right of your screen. Nope, that's actress Willa Ford -- former "Bad Girl of Pop" -- and she'll be playing Anna in the flick. Also on hand in the photos are Patrick Ryan Anderson (as Anna's son Daniel) and Chris Devlin (as Howard K. Stern). Keoni Waxman, who's no stranger to real-life adaptations having helmed a film about the origins of the Amber Alert called Amber's Story, is directing. Apparently, they're labeling this an "indie film," although I can't imagine it will play anywhere except on the Lifetime channel. Then again, perhaps all you Anna Nicole films will insist on it screening at your local cineplex. Good luck with that. The film is said to chronicle Anna's entire life -- from her birth to her days at Playboy to her bogus marriage to her death. Since the film is currently still in production, I assume they'll continue to add nuggets of info regarding the recent custody battle over Anna's body and her daughter. (Hey, if they can somehow get Judge Larry Seidlin to play himself, I'm totally in!)

Picture this one: This year's Cannes Film Festival is in full swing, and a ton of stuffy critics anxiously wait in line to catch the world premiere of ... Illegal Aliens, starring Anna Nicole Smith and Joanie "Chyna Doll" Laurer. Yes, Smith's last film will be getting the red carpet treatment over there in France next month when it (thankfully) screens out of competition. (Could you even imagine asking judges to consider handing this atrocity an award?) While the DVD is set to hit the States on May 1, Cannes ultimately decided to shine a deserving spotlight on this mega-masterpiece. Why? Well, to capitalize on Anna Nicole's death like everyone else. Duh.

What's it about, you ask? In the pic, three aliens (and I've decided to use the description off IMDb here because it's too good to pass up) "morph into super-hot babes and arrive to protect the earth from the intergalactic forces of evil. Guided by Syntax, their holographic mentor, these Illegal Aliens are willing to use every trick in the book and every sexy outfit in their wardrobe to accomplish their mission!" Oh, those dirty French -- what will they come up with next? Since our own James Rocchi will be attending the Cannes fest on behalf of Cinematical this year, should we be bastards and actually make him cover this Oscar contender?

Personally, I think it's pretty absurd that they're actually screening this film. And for what reason? So people can sit there and say, "Wow, there's Anna Nicole. She's dead now. And this is how people will remember her." What do you think -- should a film festival as prestigious as Cannes screen a direct-to-DVD piece of crap like Illegal Aliens?

These bites are more pulpy than usual, but every once in a while, we need something to smirk at:

• Some of you might squeal at the mention of Albert Pyun, but I didn't myself until I realized that he's the man who brought us the fan-freaking-tastic Cyborg. You remember that Van Damme flick, right? An apolocalyptic wasteland, a villain with creepy eyes and a tortured hero who was crucified and tormented with memories of a little girl, a well and some sharp, barbed wire. The latter still makes me twitch. Anyway, while I can't say that I love Pyun's work since then, he's got another film on the horizon -- Left for Dead -- an "amped up spaghetti western / horror fever dream. El Topo meets NC-17 horror madness." You can find stills here, and don't they look quite reminiscent of Cyborg? The women even look similar!
• Christie Boner -a.k.a.- the original Buffy, Kristy Swanson could be heading to television to take on the role of none other than recently-deceased Anna Nicole Smith. Fox News reports that sources are buzzing about a fictionalized version of Smith's life for Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Swanson, who recently made waves for her romance and child out-of-wedlock with still married father of two, Lloyd Eisler, should have the scandal part down-pat, and she's got a pretty good resemblance going (look to the right). Reports also say that Jon Lovitz might take on the part of Howard K. Stern, but Larry Birkhead will remain out of the story. With a television treatment out of the way, I'm sure we'll have feature film news in no time!
• Finally, it's a good thing Angelina Jolie has fame and money, otherwise, I don't know how she would handle her relationship, family, acting and global work! The kid-lover, who already has Maddox, Zahara and Shiloh, is speeding through an adoption for her fourth, a three-and-a-half-year-old Vietnamese son. It could be as little as a few weeks before Jolie whisks him away from the orphanage he's lived in since he was a baby. Why is this news worthy? Well, besides the fact that she's almost half-way to a Baseball team, I wonder how long it will be before we get a Jolie family movie, perhaps written just for her and her ever-growing number of children? Sound of Music for the new millennium, perhaps?

It's been exactly one week since the not-so-shocking death of Anna Nicole Smith, and as the perspective baby-daddies fight to lay claim on a fortune that may never materialize, various media outlets are competing to tag the final footnote on a film career that never really happened. Jim Keough is one of several movie pundits to scoff at the media's insistence on setting Smith's story against that of her stated icon, Marilyn Monroe. "The comparison is unfair to Monroe," Keough writes. "Anna Nicole Smith will be remembered for her outsized proportions, her tabloid-friendly personal life and her erratic behavior, which included dozens of slurry interviews, but unlike Marilyn, she's light years from being iconic." It would seem that the bulk of Hollywood agrees; the L.A. Times reports that Smith's final film, a schlocky-sounding sci-fi flick called Illegal Aliens, co-financed by the wannabe-actress herself and co-written by Smith's late son Daniel, has been unable to find a theatrical distributor and will go straight-to-DVD this spring.

That's a far cry from the fate of Monroe's final film. Though Marilyn was fired from George Cukor's remake of My Favorite Wife, after her death 38 minutes of footage from that aborted project were cobbled together for inclusion in countless tributes and documentaries. The clip reel itself, completely divorced from Cukor's original intentions, was eventually released on DVD as part of a Marilyn Monroe box set. Cultural critic Camille Paglia agrees that the comparison to Monroe is off the mark, but insists that Smith had what it takes to become a genuine movie star -- if only Hollywood had let her. Comparing the late Trimspa spokeswoman to Jayne Mansfield, Margaux Hemingway and Anita Ekberg, Paglia laments the loss of a studio system that would have made room for Smith's "sexual charisma and comedic charm." "The real problem was that the broad, Technicolor comedic films in which Smith might have thrived are no longer made -- except in Bollywood," Paglia writes in a long column at Salon. "Smith had genuine talent but no place to put it."

Oh my God!!! What a week: Oscar luncheon, New York fashion week, Anna Nicole, Vera Wang and Tim Gunn. Not to mention the Grammys this past Sunday. Where do I start, and what do I talk about? To be totally honest I only want to talk about Anna Nicole and fashion week ... I could give a sh** about an Oscar luncheon and what Hollywood puppets wore to their exclusive muppet feast ... I want to talk about what celebrity did to that poor girl, I want to talk about drug addiction and recovery and how no one helped her but in fact encouraged her self-destruction for their own amusement.

I want to talk about the possibility of a Jim Thompson-type murder mystery and how a topless dancer became a Playboy playmate, turned Guess jeans model, became bride to an 89-year-old oil man, lived a dream that turned into a nightmare, lost her only son, gave birth to a brand-new life, then predictably yet grossly and shockingly lay down and died for all of us to see; leaving a clamoring pile of pathetic men scrambling desperately for her money and using her newborn baby as the tool to do so. How this cast (Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and "PRINCE" Frederick Von Anhaldt) seem more like Stepford husbands or the type of scum floating at the top of a hallowed stew dreamt up by David Lynch than real-life humans. But my involvement (to be clear) with Moviefone and this blog is to cover fashion and red-carpet events ... so I'll have to mix that in a little.

Over the past several years Anna Nicole Smith had become an object of downright mockery in the media ... and the former beach babe certainly didn't do much to prevent such sniggering dismissals -- appearing in bottom-of-the-barrel reality shows and popping up in the tabloids every 19 seconds. But now one hopes that the teasing will come to a close: Anna Nicole Smith was just found dead in a Florida hotel. She was 39 years old.

Ms. Smith initially hit the scene as one of Playboy Magazine's most crazily curvaceous cuties. From there her career went ... basically nowhere. She appeared (however briefly) in movies like The Hudsucker Proxy and The Naked Gun 3 before landing the lead in Skyscraper, which just might be the most hilariously inept Die Hard clone you ever will see. Her most recent movie (Illegal Aliens) doesn't seem to have a distributor yet, but that will probably change real soon. Although best known for her (ahem) physical assets (Ms. Smith was Playboy's 1993 Playmate of the Year), she will also be remembered as a gal who married a 90-year-old millionaire when she was 26 years old, appeared in a shameless amount of horrible reality shows and spent a whole lot of money on plastic surgery.

Still, 39 is way too young for someone to go. Rest in peace, Ms. Smith. May the joke-writers wait at least a few days before doling out their monologue material.

This week's celebrity news highlights include one car accident and a number of fashion accidents. Is there some phase of the lunar cycle that causes the rich and famous to dress in even more bizarre ways than usual? Is it some sort of astrological incident: when Saturn is retrograde, "upskirt" incidents increase? Perhaps some sort of scientific study could be commissioned, with special examination of Hollywood awards ceremonies. In the meantime, here's the roundup on movie-related gossip from the past week.

• Nicole Kidman was involved in a car crash Wednesday evening during the filming of the movie The Invasion, in which she'll star with Jeremy Northam and Daniel Craig. Kidman was taken to a hospital but no serious injuries have been reported.
  
• I refuse to believe that these rumors about George Clooney dating Pamela Anderson. In fact, I will now pretend I never even heard anything about this.

It's that festive holiday time of year, and somehow this makes it difficult for me to focus on the usual types of gossip tidbits as much as I normally might. And you know I am not all that focused to begin with. I stare at a photo of Mel Gibson with food on his shirt, and wonder, "Why should I care about this?" as my mind wanders off to thoughts about whether I need to buy more gift wrap. Besides, I am sometimes a messy eater too, so I can't really pick on Mr. Gibson. And I can't think of anything the least bit cutting to say about director Gus Van Sant being arrested on a DUI charge; I just feel a bit sad. Meanwhile, the gossip world rolls on, at all times of the year, so this week's roundup includes marriage, birth, paternity tests, birthday gifts, and celebrity tattoos.

• It's been a big news week for Britney Spears. Not only did she get a hand tattoo, but was also voted World's Worst Celebrity Dog Owner in an online poll. At least it looks like Santa has brought me my special Christmas present of not ever having to see certain bits of Spears again.
  
• In case you're interested, Defamer provides us with a glimpse of Jake Gyllenhaal's birthday gifts. Or were they gifts for Hanukkah? It's so hard to tell with socks.