Why, an enormous Austrian bodybuilder. Obviously. Did you have to ask? What's wrong with you?

More specifically, it's Roland Kickinger, a really big dude who actually played a young Schwarzenegger in the 2005 TV movie biopic See Arnold Run. He's guest-starred on a slew of sitcoms, and had a part in Lethal Weapon 4. He will also play the Hulk in the anxiously awaited (by which I mean dreaded) parody Disaster Movie this Labor Day.

Kickinger will take over Schwarzenegger's T-800 character, an early model cyborg that was sent back in time in all three Terminator films -- first as the villain and then as a hero after being reprogrammed by the resistance. In the latter two films, he bonded with his human charges and sort of became the heart of the franchise, as well as its comic relief. It was definitely Schwarzenegger's greatest achievement as an actor, such as it was. I doubt they'll be trying to recreate that in Salvation, not least because the characters encounter the robot 20 years before the events of the earlier films. (Damn time travel.)

Some slightly spoilerish quotes from the Clinton News-Record article announcing Kickinger's involvement, after the jump.

It may not be Brutal Deluxe, but are you ready for Rambo and Terminator, Bollywood style?

Okay, they're not headlining a Bollywood feature together, but The Sunday Times reports that Sylvester Stallone is starring with Ashkay Kumar and Kareena Kapoor in a new Hollywood-centric Bollywood film called Incredible Love, one that has Arnold Schwarzenegger popping up in a part. The story focuses on "an Indian stuntman who takes Hollywood by storm but cannot find true love there." Oh, the woes of stuntdom. It's a lonely life.

Arnie is said to "feature in the production," which I imagine will be a cameo in between his busy political life -- do some politicking here, smack down a couple of baddies there... And, this shouldn't be too difficult, since the Bollywood film is going to be shot at Universal Studios in Hollywood.

So, it's not some big duo flick, but at the very least, we've got both of them in a stunt-themed movie. I can only hope this won't just be a boring cameo for Arnie, and that the pair can tap into their '80s muscle-men mentality together and show the stuntman some real moves.

In 1988, sprinter Ben Johnson exploded out of the blocks and powered his way to the finish line in the 100-meter dash at the Seoul Olympic Games, easily defeating a somewhat embarrassed Carl Lewis, who was heavily favored to win the race. It was a stunning television moment, a study in contrast between the well-muscled, modestly-spoken Canadian and the brash and lean American. Within 24 hours, it was all over. Johnson tested positive for steroid use and Lewis was awarded the gold medal.

At the time, it seemed outrageous that someone would cheat at such a high level of competitive sports. Of course, that was very naive thinking, but it was my personal "aha!" moment, the first time that steroids entered my vocabulary. As Christopher Bell explains in his entertaining, surprising documentary Bigger, Stronger, Faster*, his "aha!" moment arrived when he learned that wrestling icons Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik used steroids. Growing up in the 1980s, Bell idolized Hogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Sylvester Stallone, manly men who were well-oiled muscle machines, their physiques achieved through entirely natural means, hard work and exercise rather than drugs.

In Bigger, Stronger, Faster, a big hit at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year, documentarian Christopher Bell takes a hard look at steroid culture and the bad rap it gets from mainstream America, tackling the Western obsession with body image. Clocking in just under two hours, Bell's sprawling overview deals with the impact of 1980's pop culture icons like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, then dives into the gritty details of steroid usage in sports and the recent congressional hearings where baseball players were reprimanded on national television.

Bell doesn't view the issue in black-and-white terms: His own brothers, featured in the film, continually use steroids to enhance their bodybuilding careers. Contrasting the personal with the political, Bigger, Stronger, Faster diagnoses a distinctly American malady. Cinematical spoke with Bell last week in New York, where Bigger, Stronger, Faster has been screening at the Tribeca Film Festival. The movie opens May 30.

Cinematical: The movie tackles a major issue that many Americans have strong opinions about, but it also has a personal component because of your family's story. What's it been like facing the growing public awareness of the film?

Christopher Bell: It's so rewarding to hear, "Hey, you made a good movie. Thanks for telling the truth." We haven't really been criticized or attacked by anybody. There was one woman at Sundance who really upset about 'roid rage, saying that we glossed over it. I think we actually explained it pretty well.

I'll be completely honest with you: I seriously don't know how I feel about this latest rumor. But first, the news: Bloody Disgusting says they have "confirmed 100% that Rob Zombie has been taking meetings with Lionsgate and Nu Image to get behind the director's chair for their upcoming Conan film." And yes, when we say Conan film, we're talking Conan the Barbarian (aka the re-imagining of the film that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger wayyy back in the day). Rob Zombie. Conan. Crazy, right? Now keep in mind "taking meetings" doesn't necessarily mean the guy is directing the film. I'm sure a number of folks have "taken meetings" with regards to directing Conan, but Zombie's name is definitely the most bizarre thus far to come out of the Conan camp.

Don't get me wrong, if Lionsgate and Nu Image did bring Zombie onboard, they're almost guaranteed a hit at the box office. There's just something about Zombie and his "f*ck the rules" persona that excites people; gets them all jazzed up. And, from someone who doesn't care all that much about the Conan franchise, I think it would be kinda cool if they tossed in a director who no one in their right mind would ever expect. Bringing on Zombie would pretty much guarantee a "dark as all hell" Conan film; one that would almost certainly contain lots of blood and severed limbs. It could be very cool. I'd be curious to hear from you hardcore Conan fans -- is Zombie the guy you'd like to see behind the camera? If not him, then who?

UPDATE: A Cinematical commenter pointed out that Zombie did take meetings, but turned down the gig because the script was already completed. Instead, he will next direct a biker film called Tyrannosaurus Rex. STYD backs up this statement.

In my lifetime, I've seen a b-movie actor become President of the United States (Ronald Reagan) and The Terminator become Governor of California (Arnold Schwarzenegger), to name just two notable examples of people who've made the transition from the silver screen to politics. Going in the opposite direction, Fred Dalton Thompson is a a lawyer turned actor turned politician turned actor turned Presidential candidate. I'm sure there are dozens of other examples. To cite a new example: Variety is reporting that former Philippine president Joseph Estrada is planning a return to the big screen -- in a comedy, no less.

Before he became president, Estrada "was known to most Filipinos as a film star," according to BBC News. IMDb lists 158 films in his credits, starting in 1954 and continuing through 1989. Estrada entered politics in 1969 and was eventually elected president in 1998. Just two years later, the country's senate opened an impeachment trial, and he was ousted from office in a 2001 revolt. He was imprisoned during his years-long trial before finally being convicted in September 2007 and sentenced to life in prison. Six weeks later he was pardoned by his successor. Variety says that Estrada is reportedly negotiating to star opposite Ai Ai de las Alas, "Concert Comedy Queen" turned actress.

Many pundits have commented that actors and politicians have a lot in common. For example, both groups have to feel comfortable in front of a camera and make people believe what they're saying. (I hesitate to say that all politicians and actors are good liars, but you can draw your own conclusions.) At least Estrada says "he wants to make people laugh again." I'm laughing already.

It was already pretty well known that Arnold Schwarzenegger would not be appearing in the next installment of the Terminator series, unless the filmmakers managed to get him to pop up in some silly cameo. Now, Empire Magazine has gotten Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins producer Moritz Borman to talk about exactly how, if at all, Schwarzenegger will figure into the new trilogy of films. "It's convenient that he [The Arnold Terminator] hasn't been built at this point of the story, as Arnold has more important things to do right now, but that doesn't mean he might not re-appear later in the trilogy," Borman says. He also claims that Schwarzenegger has been briefed about this project, stating that "He knows the material and is very supportive of what we're doing. There might even be hints of his character in this one."

That makes sense to me, but it does create some issues that will have to be solved in the future -- if Schwarzenegger suddenly becomes re-involved with the series five or six years from now, he'll be well into his 60s and won't look anything like his muscular self, so how will he factor in? Will he play some old Austrian scientist who creates the T800 line of Terminators and models them after his younger self? And how will the movies show us a T800 if that means showing us young Arnold? Actually, I think this wouldn't be a problem -- have you seen Terminator lately? The T800s in the future segments of that movie barely look like Arnold anyway. They look like Michael Myers, if anything, with big latex faces. Like Michael Biehn says, they were easy to spot as non-human.

Just like any other genre, the Christmas movie relies on a laundry list of tried and true formulas to get you into the theater, and some of them are becoming a bit tiresome. If you want to avoid getting suckered into watching the same old holiday schmalz-fest this year that you've seen the last ten years prior, and you're not sure how to go about it, take this list as my gift to you.

It Tries to Make the Nativity Dramatic

Movies that try to make a compelling drama out of the birth of Jesus Christ often hit a brick wall when they realize that there's really no story there. Sure, if you're a Christian the birth itself is a compelling moment -- key word being moment -- but there's nothing before or after that lends itself to the structure of modern drama. Witness the recent live-action drama, The Nativity Story, a horrid film that resorted to making Three Stooges of the Three Wise Men and creating entire absurd subplots about astrophysics in order to get around the fact that there's about five minutes worth of compelling material here to work with. Hopefully it will be a long, long time -- never, please -- before anyone makes this mistake again.

It's Called 'Jingle all the Way'

Seriously, let's all just agree on this one. There are many things that Arnold Schwarzenegger is suited for -- or was suited for around 1987 -- but one of them is not showering an audience with holiday merriment. The other day I was at Best Buy and the guy behind the counter actually tried to convince me that Jingle all the Way was a beloved classic that belonged in my DVD library. That's when I put on my glasses and took a closer look -- turns out the guy behind the counter was Sinbad. Enough said. Let's also point out that Turbo-Man seemed like just about the lamest toy since Tom Hanks trotted out that keyboard in Big that you had to play by dancing on the keys.

The documentary Running with Arnold has been landing distribution deals left and right, and not just in the U.S., according to Variety. Distributors in other countries also seem to think that a documentary about Arnold Schwarzenegger's political career will be a box-office and home-entertainment draw. I caught the movie during its world premiere at SXSW this year. I found it entertaining, but as I noted in my review, relying a little too heavily on cheap shots to make certain points. You might remember that at least one of those cheap shots caused some difficulties between director Dan Cox and Alec Baldwin, who asked to have his voiceover work removed from the film. Baldwin's narration appears to still be intact.

Netflix's distribution arm Red Envelope Entertainment has bought the U.S. distribution rights for Running with Arnold. The movie will be released in theaters starting on Jan. 18, 2008, with Lantern Lane Entertainment handling the theatrical distribution. No date is available yet on a DVD release. In addition, Latido has sold distribution rights for the documentary about the Governator to media outlets in Japan, Canada, and Denmark, as well as to a Scandinavian TV channel. Deals for distribution in Germany and the UK may be in the works, but there's no word on Austria, where actor/politician Schwarzenegger was born.

[via Matt Dentler's Blog]

I wasn't planning to talk about the strike today, so I zipped by most of the news to find other things to write about. That is, until I came across a certain picture that inspired me to write about a few pieces of news that have stuck out. Forget about thoughtful people giving the strikers food and hot lattes. The big guns are coming in. One is an old arse-kicker-turned-politician, and the other is a modern-day Tank Girl.

Yes, this is all inspired by the picture to the right, which you can click on to see it in all of its awesome glory. That's Diablo Cody, current screenwriter extraordinaire, ready to kick some butt and take some names on the picket line. She posted the picture on her blog, and I can't help but wonder if this would all be over with if they just locked her in a room with all of the execs. If she needs some backup, she could always call in the Terminator, who is ready to be tagged into the fight.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is keen to get this strike wrapped up, according to Reuters, and has decided to get involved. He says: "I'm talking to the parties that are involved because I think it's very important that we settle that as quickly as possible, because it has a tremendous economic impact on our state." What exactly he plans to do remains to be seen. Discussions haven't gotten anywhere, so maybe he'll employ some smackdown tactics. Or maybe hypnosis? Political threats? Time-wasting discussion? Who knows.

Anyway, am I the only one who'd love to see an action movie starring Cody?

[Diablo news via Anne Thompson]