I've held back from writing this story because I questioned its news value, but I kept seeing full-page ads in my local newspaper (Dallas Morning News), so finally I had to investigate further. The ads promote a one-day "Get Motivated" seminar that will be presented on September 25 in Dallas. The featured speakers include Zig Ziglar ("the Master of Motivation"), former US Presidential candidate Steve Forbes, current Dallas Mavericks basketball coach Avery Johnson, former Secretary of State General Colin Powell -- and Goldie Hawn ("Oscar Winning Actress & Producer"). Wait a minute: Goldie Hawn is now a motivational speaker?

Does that explain why we haven't seen much of her lately on the big screen? When Scott Weinberg reported the news that Goldie would be directing the upcoming comedy Ashes to Ashes, based on a script she shared in writing, he jested that her most recent films "would inspire even the most dedicated actress to demand a four-year vacation." But maybe she's been spending at least some of that time preparing the speaking programs she has developed. Hawn is represented by the International Speakers Bureau (ISB) and her page -- which quotes her speaker fee at a minimum of $50,001 -- explains: "With endless optimism, Hawn welcomes a new stage in her life."

ISB represents a huge number of speakers, including many big-name celebrities, but none that approach what Goldie Hawn has achieved in her motion picture career. If her choice of movie roles has sometimes been questionable, they always seemed to represent how she wanted to portray herself at that particular point of her life. In truth, a movie star becoming a motivational speaker seems a bit odd to me, but I'm sure people will enjoy hearing what she has to say. She'll talk about "How to Attain and Exceed Your Goals." Meanwhile, pre-production on Ashes to Ashes will begin this fall.

We haven't seen a whole lot of the lovely Goldie Hawn lately -- possibly because her three most recent films (The Banger Sisters, Town & Country and The Out-of-Towners) would inspire even the most dedicated actress to demand a four-year vacation. But she's not retired yet, movie fans! Not only will Ms. Hawn soon be appearing in a new comedy called Ashes to Ashes ... but it's a project she co-wrote and plans to direct! Yep, that's right: Goldie sitting in the director's chair. (Hell, she couldn't do any worse than her last three directors!)

According to Variety, Ashes will be about a recent widow who aims to scatter her husband's ashes in Kathmandu ... but loses the urn somewhere along her travels! (I hate it when that happens.) Goldie co-wrote the script with Jeremy Pikser (Bulworth), and if you're worried about her directorial skills, don't be. Her helming credits include a 1997 TV movie called Hope, so obviously she's more than ready to make a feature film all her own. (Aw, I'm just kiddin'. Goldie's still a doll and I hope she does a great job on Ashes to Ashes.) No word yet on whether long-time semi-spouse Kurt Russell will make an appearance in the film, but I bet it'd be pretty cool if he did.

You only have to visit one horror convention to understand why, twelve years after Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings hit the scene, we're now getting a pair of seriously unnecessary sequels. (Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud aired last month.) It's because horror fans are painfully loyal patrons, and they've agreed that the Pumpkinhead character is pretty damn evil, vicious and slick-looking. I suppose we can blame thank director Stan Winston for creating a low-budget 1989 monster movie that the fanbase really embraced, and (as always) those loyal fans are being summarily punished for making the original Pumpkinhead an underground hit on home video. (I actually have kind of a soft spot for Pumpkinhead 2, mindlessly entertaining trash that it is.)

Speaking of trash, Pupmkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes is every bit the infantile, obvious and amateurish affair that one would expect from a project bankrolled by the Sci-Fi Channel. I hate to say it so callously, but I'm fairly certain that the Sci-Fi Channel guys are well aware of how rotten their "original programming" movies actually are. Sure, Sci-Fi sometimes airs some really solid titles (Dog Soldiers, for example), but when you're dealing with their own stuff, you're generally dealing with the bottom of the genre barrel.

Waaaay back in April I shared the news that Pumpkinhead 3 would soon arrive from director Jake West (Evil Aliens) and actors Lance Henriksen (Near Dark) and Doug Bradley (Hellraiser), and it looks like "soon" equals October 28th ... on the Sci-Fi Channel. Ugh. I may just wait for the DVD release...

But wait, there's more! Aside from Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes, we also have a fourth chapter to (kinda) look forward to! Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud (formerly Pumpkinhead 4: Love Hurts) recently wrapped production under the eye of writer/director Mike Hurst, he of Room 6, House of the Dead 2, and Mansquito. Mr. Henriksen will be returning for Part 4, whereas Mr. Bradley will ... not. (Is that a Part 3 spoiler? Sorry.)

The Sci-Fi Channel co-bankrolled both of these flicks, and if you've seen more than four or five "Sci-Fi Originals" in your time, then you probably know what you're getting yourself into. If I'm not mistaken, these guys tried the same thing last year with Return of the Living Dead 4: Necropolis and Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave -- and those didn't really work out too well.

[Thanks to Bloody-Disgusting.com for the reminders.]