For some mysterious reason, Catherine Breillat's newest film, The Last Mistress, was chosen as the Opening Night Feature for the 51st San Francisco International Film Festival. It's probably the same mysterious reason that caused most critics to praise Breillat's intolerable Fat Girl (2001). It's a reason I'll never understand. I usually love filmmakers who tackle their personal demons in film, but Breillat is different in several ways. She's a nutcase who doesn't admit to her personal demons so much as she tries to analyze them (self-analysis is always a bad idea). She raises the intellectual (or pretentiousness) level of her films rather than wallowing bodily in anything (her films have lots of sex, but it's cold and judgmental). And through it all, her films seem to have a kind of punishing contempt for everyone, her characters, critics and audience included.

However, The Last Mistress is the most enjoyable of the three Breillat films I've seen. It works on a gut level of sexual turmoil that her other films never approach, although I suspect that most of the film's success lies more with star Asia Argento than with Breillat. Argento is the exact opposite of someone like Breillat; she's a corporeal creature, a lithe force of nature. You can't even really call what she does acting. It's more like she explodes onscreen in a shitstorm of lust, blood, and unspeakable emotions made flesh. Her first appearance has her lying invitingly horizontal on a couch, and you envy the pillows. Director and actress have a meeting of minds in only one scene, the most purely Breillat-ian scene in the film: Argento leaps upon the bloody body of her lover, licks the blood out of his gunshot wounds and rises, sneering and screaming with the red, hot liquid dribbling down her chin. It's not exactly the bloody tampon teabag image from Breillat's Anatomy of Hell (2004), but it'll do.

The big story of the weekend was the success enjoyed by Under the Same Moon (Fox Searchlight / The Weinstein Co.), which earned $8,910 per screen playing on 266 screens, according to estimates compiled by Leonard Klady at Movie City News. Our own Jette Kernion described it as "essentially an old-fashioned family melodrama." She pointed out that the film has an "overt agenda" in its message about U.S. undocumented workers, but concluded: "Despite its flaws, Under the Same Moon is an entertaining film that knows how to charm an audience."

Playing at one theater in New York and one in Los Angeles, Planet B-Boy (Elephant Eye Films) made $14,500 per screen, giving it the highest per-screen average. Benson Lee directed the documentary, "which weaves the stories of numerous crews from 18 nations vying in the Battle of the Year championship in Braunschweig, Germany," in the words of Ed Gonzalez in The Village Voice. "What most sticks is Planet B-Boy's aesthetic, which feels jocked from the school of Michael Moore."

Where could the Italian horror master go after The Mother of Tears? Our Scott Weinberg called it "the master's best flick since ... hell, since at least the mid-'80s." That leaves a pretty big wake to fill, and Variety reports that Dario Argento is planning to follow it up with Giallo, "an English-language homage to the genre that made him a cult helmer." (Aside from meaning Yellow, Giallo is also the word given to pulp thrillers in Italy.) The flick is being produced by the LA-based Hannibal Pictures, and comes from a screenplay by Damned writers Jim Agnew and Sean Keller. But what of its stars? Take out the "i," and you've got one -- Vincent Gallo -- who will be joined by Ray Liotta and Dario's daughter, Asia Argento.

In usual horror form, the movie "will revolve around serial slashings of some very attractive women being investigated by a solitary cop, played by Liotta, who engages in a cat-and-mouse game with the psychopathic perpetrator," Vincent Gallo. Someone must've been watching Dirt last season and thought there was way too little blood when Vinnie came to visit. He's definitely the right sort for this role, and I wonder if his penile fixation will find its way into the flick in any way. It'd fit with the whole attractive woman angle. As for vixen Asia, there's no word on who she'll play -- perhaps a would-be victim that Liotta has to save.

When production gets underway this February in Turin (where he shot Tears), Argento aims to put together a movie that taps into the director's 70s thrills, like The Bird with the Crystal Plumage and Suspiria. Thoughts?

Sexy is as sexy does, I guess. Picking the hottest chicks of horror is a pretty tricky business. Not only are my picks completely subjective, slaves to my personal whims and moods, but also they are likely to change from day to day. Already, since I submitted my picks, I'm regretting not mentioning Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil, or Eihi Shiina in Audition. And what can I do with more obscure hotties from other eras like Jenny Wright in Near Dark, or Britt Ekland in the original The Wicker Man, or Simone Simon in Cat People? Do they not deserve a shot at hotness? Well, in any case, here are the seven I wound up with -- in chronological order -- and in all honesty, they're all pretty darn easy on the eyes and a little spooky besides.

1. Fay Wray in King Kong
In a movie entirely populated by men and beasts, Fay is a welcome bit of softness. If King Kong had been made two years later, the Hays Code would have required Fay to wear a high-necked negligee with bloomers and probably several other layers of underthings. But thankfully for generations of young boys, the film was made in 1933, and Fay was able to wear her flimsy, silky number that clung and flapped in the breeze. Likewise, the movie was better able to suggest the subversive relationship between beauty and beast. (Watch the trailer ... or head straight to the gallery!)

2. Elsa Lanchester in Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
Elsa was the ultimate goth chick in cinema. Many came in her wake, including Barbara Steele (Black Sunday) and the little known but easily recognizable Carroll Borland (Mark of the Vampire). But make no mistake: even without her two-foot fright wig with the silver piping up the side, Elsa was a hottie in her time. You can see it in the film's prologue; she plays Mary Shelley, freshly emerged from penning her chilling magnum opus. She has cat eyes, and a devilish grin that entrances even the strongest men. One question: if Dr. Frankenstein was able to build such a sex bomb, why did his male monster come out so ugly and blocky? (Watch the trailer ... or head straight to the gallery!)

The Toronto International Film Festival ended Saturday, but the deals keep trickling in. The latest: The Weinstein Co. has picked up DVD rights to The Mother of Tears, the latest film by legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film will be handled theatrically by Myriad Pictures, which produced it. The plan is to pop it into select theaters sometime early next year.

The Mother of Tears is the campy and bloody finale to Argento's unofficial trilogy that also includes Suspiria (1977) and Inferno (1980). Our resident gorehound Scott Weinberg liked it well enough, calling it "Argento's most satisfying experiment in a few decades." It stars the director's daughter Asia Argento (an actress and occasional director in her own right) as a museum curator in possession of an evil urn. I like The Hollywood Reporter's description: "Beautiful witches appear, and a scary monkey chases the unfortunate curator." It's bad enough to be chased by a regular monkey, but a scary one?! Forget it!

Dario Argento has directed about 20 films and written 20 more. Most of them have appeared in the United States in some form, often as midnight screenings or at cult-favorite film festivals. Asia Argento, a chip off the ol' block, wrote, directed, and starred in 2004's controversial The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things.

I was fortunate enough to interview Italian horror legend Dario Argento a few hours before sitting down with his latest movie, Mother of Tears, and when I asked the director how his world premiere screening went down the night before, his face lit up. I'm paraphrasing here, but Mr. Argento said something very close to "An excellent audience. They were screaming, clapping and laughing at all the right spots." Flash forward to my press screening a few hours later and, yep, there was lots of appreciative laughter from the audience -- in between all the gasps, groans, shrieks, and walk-outs. (Yes, I counted at least a dozen walk-outs. I can only assume that these people know nothing about the graphic nature of Dario Argento's films.)

Had I not spoken to Mr. Argento prior to seeing (and yes, enjoying) The Mother of Tears, I might have wondered about all that laughter. I mean, this is supposed to be a harsh and nasty piece of apocalyptic horror, right? So the chuckles and muffled giggles had me a bit confused at first. And then I started to settle in with the tone of the flick, and I walked away entirely positive that Argento wanted the movie to be half spooky and half ridiculous. If I'm right and that was his intention, then I'd offer the opinion that Mother of Tears is the master's best flick since ... hell, since at least the mid-'80s.

If there is one thing you can't describe Catherine Breillat as, it's "ordinary." I remember happening upon one of her films on a regular cable channel here in Canada. It was sexual dysfunction film Anatomy of Hell, which of course, stars porn star Rocco Siffredi. I sat there, thinking it was Rocco, then thinking: no, it couldn't be! But after some, erm, attention to the rectal area, I knew it was definitely him. While I don't know if we can expect the same shock value as Hell, we will soon be getting a taste of her new film, The Last Mistress. indieWIRE has posted today that IFC First Take has grabbed the film's North American rights.

Mistress stars Asia Argento (Marie Antoinette) as a "tempestuous Spanish mistress" who has an affair with the "distinguished, well-bred Ryno de Marigny (Fu'ad Ait Aattou)." IFC Entertainment president Jonathan Sehring says that pairing the director and Argento "has produced one of the most entertaining, witty and electrically charged films in recent memory." Before you wonder if that's entertaining and witty in an inaccessible arthouse way, he also states: "Not only is this Catherine Breillat's most accessible film, it's also one of her best. We're thrilled to bring it to American audiences and look for it to be one of her most successful." I guess we'll have to wait and see if he's right. While there's no word on when the company plans to release the movie, it has joined the roster for the New York Film Festival.

Directed by Oliver Assayas (Clean, Demonlover), the Cannes midnight selection Boarding Gate tells the story of Sandra (Asia Argento) -- a confused young woman trying to figure out her relationship with Miles (Michael Madsen), a financier who's fallen into a run of bad luck. Sandra and Miles used to be lovers, but that's over; Miles also used to hire Sandra to service visiting clients and turn their pillow talk into business intelligence; that's over, too -- but they still have plenty to talk about. ...

People much smarter than I are very fond of Assayas's work -- most especially Demonlover, a movie that elicited love-it-or-hate-it reactions from critics and viewers. Like Demonlover, Boarding Gate takes place in a hinky, kinky realm, a world of secrets and lies where big business, espionage, sex and emotional connection all combine. In Boarding Gate, though, there's one problem; the film has no motor to drive it. Sandra gets into trouble, sure -- and gets in deep -- but neither Assayas's script nor Argento's performance give us any reason to care if Sandra makes it though in one piece; the fact that Argento's character swings between seductive pouting and go-away petulance doesn't help. Argento may be an attractive mammal -- the film certainly thinks so, as it never skips a chance to show us her stripping down -- but as an actual actress, she's a washout. Not to be crass, but if Argento's line readings and character were as well-developed and fully-rounded as her breasts, I've no doubt Boarding Gate would have been a better film.

Oh Abel Ferrara, you crazy so-and-so. How I've loved your masterful, yet often flawed, visions of the dark side in films like King of New York, The Addiction and, of course, Bad Lieutenant. I even thought your attempt at Sci-Fi with Body Snatchers was, in many ways, superior to the earlier versions. Plus, the film had that super-cute Gabrielle Anwar in it so that didn't hurt either. She's so much more pleasant to look at than Harvey Keitel's junk -- so kudos on that casting decision.

Ferarra's movies have shown me the darker side of life and through his eyes I've gained a deeper appreciation for what makes the world the way it is -- warts and all. After all this exploration of the seedy underbelly, how was I to know that for all these years, what he really wanted to do was get away from all the "darker side of life" crap and make a screwball comedy? That's something I really didn't see coming. But apparently, according to Production Weekly, its true because as of Monday, Ferrara began principal photography on the film Go Go Tales -- which is, you guessed it, a screwball comedy.

The film, which Ferrara also co-wrote with Scott Pardo, tells the story of one night at Ray Ruby's Paradise, a classy go-go club/ cabaret in Manhattan where dreamers come to dream and try to make their mark in society. It's the home of the world's most beautiful and talented strippers, who work at the club honing their skills and waiting for their shot at super-stardom. Joining Ferarra on the project as actors in the film are Willem Dafoe as club owner Ray Ruby, Bob Hoskins, Matthew Modine and the lovely and talented Asia Argento. Man, as much as I like Ferrara and respect his talent, he just doesn't quite fit as the director of a comedy. That said, I like the man's previous films, this story, and the cast -- so put it all together and it might just add up to something. Besides, Abel Ferrara and a bevy of hot strippers should at least pique your curiosity, don't you think?

The film will shoot for a month at Rome's Cinecitta Studios and then will move to New York in January.

According to reports on the foreign wires, ageless Hong Kong legend Andy Lau is in talks to star in the next film from critic-turned-director Olivier Assayas, a project that would mark Lau's English-language debut. As we reported back in February, the film, entitled Boarding Gate, already features a cast including Asia Argento and Maggie Q (and, if you believe the IMDb and various web reports, Michael Madsen and both Tony Leungs), and is set to shoot this summer in Hong Kong and France.

Early reports indicated the movie has an awesomely convoluted plot, involving "An Italian woman [Argento] who lives in London [and] has a passionate affair with a former financial big gun [Madsen]. She also had a second lover [a Leung], a contract killer who has to kill the big gun. Her second lover's wife [Yeoh] is behind the scenes, pulling the strings." So it sounds pretty damn great, no matter who Lau might play. The problem, however, is that Lau is supposed to be shooting a film with Derek Yee this summer as well, and it may be difficult for him to find time to appear in Boarding Gate. According to Lau, though, there is still hope, because Assayas has said he'll "try to work around my schedule."

I just wish we had a damn release date for this thing -- the combination of cast and director on this one is making it one of my most-anticipated upcoming projects.

• Firewall - Like Rip Van Winkle with a $25 million per picture deal, nap-addled gruff boy Harrison Ford has seen his career hibernate for more than a decade now, scoring hit upon forgettable hit. Ford's latest variation on a theme is, like the bulk of his post-Indiana Jones filmography, predictable formula fare, and therein lies its broad appeal. In what ultimately feels like a diluted remake of Ron Howard's 1996 thriller, Ransom, he plays a bank security expert whose family is held captive in exchange for his aid in electronically liberating $100 million. Bad guy Paul Bettany sneers and jeers so much that we know from the moment he turns up that Ford is going to heroically beat him and his dirty, dirty bastards, and our belief that goodness triumphing over ee-vil will be renewed. Able British stalwart Richard Loncraine, who directed Bettany in Wimbledon, paints this one by-the-numbers, and anyone looking for what might be their last Harrison Ford fix before Indy 4 (and presumed retirement) will get what they paid for, though very little more.

Well, the big hullabaloo in town this week would have to be the Castro's premiere of The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, based on the faux-moir by J. T. Leroy. For those of you who don't follow San Francisco's literary scene – which is probably all of you – The SF Chronicle had a nice piece about how drugged-up, ex-hustler, super-shy, HIV-positive author and celeb J. T. LeRoy turned out to be a big fat fraud. (And really, is HIV-positive status something that can be used as a character detail? That's, uh, not cool, as the kids say.) I haven't seen The Heart is Deceitful yet, because I know it's loaded with cross-dressing and drug use and sexual depravity and, like you, I go to the movies to escape from work.

If you're not feeling fraud-a-liscious, the San Francisco Asian American International Film Festival – whose acronym is two letters shy of being a James Bond '60s bad-guy group – is closing up in San Jose, including a screening of the witty and fun Red Doors. Ask Burt Bacharach for directions. The Red Vic has King Kong, in case you can't get enough of an expensive, sad-looking monkey; finally, The Clay has a midnight showing of, God help us, The Goonies as part of their actually-quite-good Midnight Movie series. Remember folks: The Goonies is just a gateway film; soon, you'll be watching Explorers. …

See you around the Bay,

J.

I've sat on this review for an awfully long time. Don't let anyone tell you that procrastination never pays off.

I saw The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things a year ago, at the 2005 SXSW Film Festival; by that point, it had already been on the festival circuit for almost a year. It was picked up by Palm Pictures for North American distribution at Cannes in 2005, exactly one year after its world premiere. At some point, it was possibly worth asking why writer/director/shameless showboat Asia Argento had so much trouble getting her splashily filmed, star-studded translation of name-brand memoirist J.T. Leroy's short stories into theaters. At this point, now that Leroy has been unmasked as the brainchild of three middle-aged wannabes, it's easy to close the case with a two-part answer: 1) the film is terrible, and 2) it is, in fact, so bad, that without a New York Times-endorsed scandal for Palm to latch its marketing campaign on to, its release would be damn near impossible. Oddly, now that it's able to hide behind the mask of Leroy's unmasking, The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things gets to wear a certain kind of cachet; a literary scandal has a funny way of making what's actually been burned onto the celluloid seem a little less unconscionable.

So let's talk about that scandal. It's much more interesting than anything in Argento's film.

Memoirist J.T. Leroy, an HIV-positive ex-hustler who survived an indescribably awful childhood to become a best-selling author, was outed recently as a completely fictional creation dreamed up by a real writer named Laura Albert. (Neither of whom should be confused with author James Frey, who also lied about his life but stopped short of making himself up.) One of "Leroy's" books (really written by Albert), The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things, was turned into a movie in the wake of the frenzied, fawning reaction that greeted its publication; starring and directed by Asia Argento, the film is set to open in the US next week. In an effort to embrace the hoax that is making them look like fools, Palm Pictures changed the film's tagline to "Behind the greatest hoax of our time is the heartbreaking story that started it all." Oh, the clever.

Following that release (for which I assume Albert is getting paid - she's completely cleaning up here), The Weinstein Company has announced its intention to make a film about Leroy (him/her)self. Written by Captain Mauzner, the man who penned Factory Girl, the film will be based on Warren St. John's New York Times articles that exposed Leroy as a fake, so it'll be less a biopic than an expose. Thought Heart sounds humiliating to watch (A wrenching bio about the writer's horrible upbring that's entirely made up? No thanks.), there's a lot of potential in a fact-based Leroy project. If nothing else, it'll give Mauzner a great opportunity to frolic in a little bit of literary cloak-and-dagger and, if he does his job well, it'll be a great ride for viewers, as well.

French director Olivier Assayas has an impressive filmmaking pedigree: his father was writer/director Jacques Rémy and, like François Truffaut and Jean-Luc Godard before him, he wrote for Cahiers du cinéma before taking up direction. Irma Vep, his international breakthrough, got a certain degree of exposure in the US, but despite its complexity and relative success, he's be largely overlooked here since then. While it's unlike that anything will change with the release of his next project (which he wrote and will be directing) it nevertheless sounds intriguing.

Entitled Boarding Gate, the movie boasts a multicultural universe of stars, including Michelle Yeoh, Asia Argento, Michael Madsen, and not one but two Tony Leungs. According to early web reports, the film's convoluted plot revolves around "An Italian woman [Argento] who lives in London [and] has a passionate affair with a former financial big gun [Madsen]. She also had a second lover [a Leung], a contract killer who has to kill the big gun. Her second lover's wife [Yeoh] is behind the scenes, pulling the strings."  With Assayas at the helm, the chances that the movie will be the straightforward genre story that summary suggests is pretty much nil, so it'll be exciting to see what approach he takes. No information is yet available about when he might begin shooting, however, and it's likely to be a while before we get to take a look.