When the fine folks at Taurus Entertainment decided to somehow "acquire" the rights to established movie titles like "Day of the Dead" and "Creepshow," they probably assumed they'd stumbled across a pretty profitable little avenue. Heck, by releasing in-name-only sequels like Day of the Dead 2: Contagium and Creepshow 3, they were pretty much guaranteed some sort of cash infusion, if only because we hardcore horror fans are a very loyal, very optimistic and very curious lot. So what did the Taurus people do with their newfound properties? They produced two of the cheapest, chintziest, stupidest and most shamelessly inept sequels you could possibly imagine. Nice way to invest in a name brand and then demolish it, guys.

Talentless husband-and-wife writing / directing / producing team Ana Clavell and Jim Dudelson are the ones responsible for this wretched dreck, and I'm their worst nightmare: A guy who knows his horror, adores the original Creepshow (and the fantastic opening story of the 1987 sequel), and has access to a pretty well-visited soapbox. I'll get into the specifics in a minute, but here's the bottom line: Do not, under any circumstances, rent, purchase or view this movie. Anything that throws another nickel into the Taurus piggy bank is just another step towards another movie as worthless as Creepshow 3, and if this company's last two productions have proven anything (beyond a shadow of a doubt), it's that Taurus is more interested in stealing your fifteen bucks than they are in producing something the horror fans might actually enjoy. This is a stunningly low-rent and aggressively boring piece of crap, basically, and the thing doesn't even have the decency to be "so bad its good." (And these guys are actually trying to get a Creepshow "remake" off the ground, which makes no freaking sense at all.)

Here is a list of actors who appear in Jesse Peretz's The Ex: Jason Bateman, Zach Braff, Amanda Peet, Charles Grodin, Mia Farrow, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Amy Adams, Donal Logue, Josh Charles and Paul Rudd. Every single one of 'em is a very talented actor who can really deliver the laughs -- given the right material.

Here is a list of actors who appear in Jesse Peretz's The Ex without delivering one single laugh over the course of 81 resoundingly wretched minutes: Jason Bateman, Zach Braff, Amanda Peet, Charles Grodin, Mia Farrow, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Amy Adams, Donal Logue, Josh Charles and Paul Rudd. It's almost like a world's record: How long can a movie stocked with really funny people go on without doling out, at minimum, one mild chuckle? Comedy experts may one day look at The Ex with a scientific eye. Aspiring filmmakers should check it out as a lesson plan from Bizarro World: Make a movie that's the exact opposite of The Ex and it could be the funniest film ever made.

Since humor and "what's funny" are entirely subjective things (meaning that you might find "cripple humor" the pinnacle of all things hilarious whereas I can't help but see such material as obvious, desperate and witless), I'll leave my "zero laughs" opinion at the door and just explain how terribly-made The Ex is. (Basically picture the lamest, longest sitcom pilot you can possibly imagine.) You may have heard of this movie under its original title (Fast Track) or knew a little something about its three or four previous release dates, but it's now limping into theaters with no fanfare whatsoever, desperately hoping to dupe a few fans of Scrubs and Arrested Development into buying a ticket.