blonde ambition Tagged Articles at Cinematical

I could have stolen the more dubious headline from Fark.com, but I'd rather just acknowledge that site's ever-hilarious subbys. Plus, I wanted to get straight to the point. The Ukrainians love Jessica Simpson! Either that or they love Luke Wilson, Penelope Ann Miller or Andy Dick. All of these people star in the movie Blonde Ambition, which opened this past weekend in the Eastern European nation and shockingly claimed the #1 spot at the box office. With a gross of $253,008, it actually beat out also-opener Definitely, Maybe and has already out-done the Ukraine releases of Atonement, which has only made $237,481 in 5 weeks, and Alvin and the Chipmunks, which has brought in $235,158 in 9 weeks. People magazine got a quote from Box Office Mojo editor-in-chief Conor Bresnan regarding the news: ""The former Soviet nations have a sweet tooth for straight-up comedies. When these comedies have big name celebrities like Jessica Simpson's, that's all that's needed to sell the movie. Russian and Ukrainian audiences have an even bigger urge for escapism than Americans. So, films like Blonde Ambition will gross more than No Country for Old Men."

Hey, he's right! I can't find any listing for No Country for Old Men grosses in the Ukraine, but Russia and the CIS (Commonwealth of Independent States) do actually like Blonde Ambition a teeny bit better.. The Coen Bros. movie only took in $286,387 in its first weekend while Blonde Ambition grossed $302,531 during its opening. All of this is pretty amazing, considering the Simpson movie barely even received a theatrical release in the States, and even then it only had a per-screen average of $48. I won't go as far as imply that the Ukraine is weak -- as a Fark.com commenter did by linking to this Seinfeld clip -- but it can't be denied that they've got an interesting taste in movies.

Remember that Jessica Simpson film called Blonde Ambition that was supposed to be going straight to DVD after everyone involved pretty much agreed that it sucked, and wasn't worth a theatrical release? Well, according to Slashfilm, Blonde Ambition was given a theatrical release this weekend on 8 screens in Simpson's hometown of Texas. (In case you're interested, the film will officially hit DVD on January 22.) So you figure since the film is opening on eight screens in the gal's hometown, that all theaters would be packed full of hardcore Simpson fans, friends, random acquaintances -- what have you.

Yeah, well try this one on for size: The flick grossed a whopping $384 bucks on Friday, meaning the per screen average was $48. Slashfilm breaks it down even more: "Based on an $8 ticket price, that means that 6 people paid to see the movie at each of those theatres, and only 48 people went to see the movie! That's amazing! One of the worst performances a movie has ever had. I am projecting that Jessica's "star vehicle" will gross just $1,190 this weekend or $149 per location." Six people per theater? If that's not the definition of pathetic, I don't know what is. Additionally, Simpson ain't the most popular person in Texas right now, considering the fact that ever since she started dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, the guy's weekly performance has declined to a point where his teammates don't even want the girl near the stadium for fear she'll ruin the team's Superbowl chances. Yup, the next Julia Roberts she most certainly is.

UPDATE: Cinematical's Peter Martin, a Dallas resident, informed me of the following: "The film opened on three Dallas-area theaters -- all Cinemark Discount Theatres, with tickets on Friday and Saturday after 6:00 pm priced at $2.00 (matinee prices: $1.00). Still a pathetic performance, but means a few more people actually attended. That's balanced by the fact that it's the only new release playing at the bargain theatres, which is embarrassing in itself."

I thought twice about posting this because I really didn't want to ruin your Friday, but then I'd be disappointing all those Jessica Simpson fans out there. What to do? What to do? Oh well -- There's a new trailer out for Simpson's Major Movie Star, and I can't imagine anyone wanted to premiere it because Millennium Films stuck it somewhere on their website where the only people who could find it would be those searching for information on the film. Which means I expect all of about zero of you to have seen it already. About halfway through the thing Vivica Fox blurts out the line, "I think I just threw up a little in my mouth." After watching this disaster unfold, part of me thinks that line wasn't in the script.

In the film, Simpson plays a really famous actress (that part is funny) who blows all her money, goes bankrupt and decides to join the Army. Essentially, it's like an updated version of Goldie Hawn's Private Benjamin, only Simpson plays an actress whose movies are actually popular. And I give her credit for that performance seeing as she honestly had no real-life experience to draw from. So, what you get are a bunch of stereotypical boot camp scenes; Simpson runs through the mud, says something cute, kisses a guy and throughout the entire thing we get a voiceover from some random dude who's not our regular voiceover guy. It's so bad that it almost feels like you're watching one of those fake trailer mash-ups on YouTube. Between this film (which doesn't have a release date; wonder why?) and Blonde Ambition (which doesn't have a release date; wonder why?), Jessica Simpson's major movie career is heading for a major .... (you fill in the blank).

Although they do not say which role she turned down, Jessica Simpson's father/manager says the actress turned down the chance to play a porn star in an upcoming movie because the role was just "too risque." The funniest part of this whole thing is that, apparently, the folks who offered her the role also promised her an Oscar. Says pops: "The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star. We were promised we would win an Oscar with that. I was like, 'We'll just buy a little man (Oscar) and keep our clothes on.'" Wait, did he just say he's going to buy his daughter an Oscar? And are the filmmakers that desperate to get a name -- any name -- for their film that they're promising Oscars? I hate to say it, but showing your big boobs on the big screen is not going to win this little lady a golden statue. It'll land her a spot on the front page of Mr. Skin -- and that's about it.

They don't say the role, but I imagine it might have something to do with that planned Jenna Jameson biopic. Keep in mind this is just me speculating, but word had it the folks behind that film (and Jenna herself) originally wanted Scarlett Johansson for the role. I imagine it has to be pretty embarrassing for Jenna that it's gone from Johansson to Simpson ... and the latter turned it down! If there was ever a point where you might begin re-thinking whether your life story was worthy of the big-screen treatment, I'd say offering the lead role to Jessica Simpson and having her turn it down might be a sign to quit while you're not ahead. As much as Papa Joe keeps trying to turn Simpson into a major movie star (coincidentally, that's also the name of her next movie), it's just not happening. Recently it was reported that Joe had a big hand in yanking Simpson's newest flick, Blonde Ambition, from the release schedule because the competition was too great and (to quote an insider) "Jessica gives a terrible performance." Hey, but according to some, she's just one nekked role away from an Oscar. So what do we know?

IMDB currently lists the Jessica Simpson comedy vehicle Blonde Ambition as having a release date of August 3, but the NY Daily News is reporting that the film has been pulled out of August competition because it's "no good." According to the paper, the decision to change the date was made by Simpson's famously involved father/manager Joe. They quote an insider as reporting that after an initial decision to move the film to a later date in August, "Papa Joe then intervened and said he wasn't comfortable with the level of competition from other films that month." The elder Simpson is a credited producer on the film, as he was on Employee on the Month and pretty much all of Jessica Simpson's projects. The Daily News doesn't give any kind of information as to when the film will be released, but it does go on to quote the insider as saying Jessica gives a terrible performance.

Rachael Leigh Cook and Luke Wilson also appear in the film, as well as -- and this is always a bad sign -- Andy Dick. Time will tell if the film finds a more suitable release date, I suppose. Up next for Simpson is Major Movie Star, a sort of Private Benjamin comedy about a movie star, played by Simpson, who enlists. We also heard not so long ago that she might be taking on a starring role in the low-budget horror film Kentucky Fried Horror Movie, but Simpson's publicist denied that.

Or, as I've decided to call it, Jessica Simpson Doesn't Wear A Bra: The Movie. The first trailer for Blonde Ambition (aka the movie people thought was a loose remake of Working Girl) has just arrived online and, while I often try to reserve judgment until the thing at least hits theaters, I have to say this is one of the worst trailers I have ever seen. God, it's awful. And it's not even Simpson that makes it look so horrible; it just has this direct-to-DVD smell that permeates my brain cells. How, again, did they get Luke Wilson to star in this thing? "Millenium Films presents a story about knowing who you are and where you belong." Heh, I'll tell you where this film belongs ...

In case you're curious, Simpson plays some sort of small town hick who, using advice given to her by Willie Nelson (there's an on-screen reunion we were all just dying to see), decides to pack a bag and head to New York City in an attempt to shack up with an old boyfriend .... or something like that. However, when she finds out he's no longer interested, she crashes with Rachael Leigh Cook and tries to find some work. Luckily, there's some big corporate types looking for a dumb blonde to "manipulate" (fine plot point if I may say so myself). Throw in yet another corny performance from Andy Dick (Wow! Two awesome on-screen reunions in one flick!), and you have yourself Blonde Ambition; a film that's, thankfully, nothing like Working Girl. Feel free to call me out if you think I'm wrong, but this flick has 'Razzie Award' written all over it.

If the director of The Kentucky Fried Horror Show has his way, Jessica Simpson is going to be the next great "Scream Queen." Rush PR News is reporting that director C.L. Gregory, who helmed the 2006 direct-to-video zombie film Blood Lake, is in serious talks to get Simpson to star in his next indie-horror project. The film, which thankfully has nothing to do with the 1977 comedy The Kentucky Fried Movie, is set in the Pentecostal south and follows a group of college kids on a road trip who come across a murderous religious cult. Cinematical has contacted Simpson's reps to get a comment, but no word yet.

Now brace yourself, this is what the director had to say about Simpson's on-screen abilities: "I felt that the script needed someone that could carry the weight of its character and without doubt, Jessica was my first and only consideration for the role. She's never done a horror film to date and we felt she was ready for a project like this as it will be a very emotional and demanding piece of work for her. But I don't see anyone who can pull it off better than Jessica Simpson." I guess he saw some kind of "emotional range" in her work in Employee of The Month that some of us might have missed. Gregory seems to be mining the "starlet set" for the cast, since he is also trying to cast Hilary Duff for another role in the film. As for Simpson, she has finished up work on the Working Girl remake Blonde Ambition, which is due for a summer release -- so she could have time in her schedule. I'm just not convinced Simpson pull off a horror film heroine role, but at least we know she has the "lung capacity" for some truly ear-piercing screams.

Maybe I'm just an old fart with old fashioned ideas, but I thought that a "young professional" meant someone who was young and well, professional. You know, the business suit, perhaps a briefcase or smart bag -- some sort of style that would make you think that the person on their way to work, or looked like they had a good job. Either I was wrong, or I am right and the powers behind Blonde Ambition are looking to re-imagine the the descriptor. Or, they're just plain nuts! Erik Davis first brought us news of the "loose remake," and then Chris Ullrich discussed Penelope Ann Miller's involvement in a cast that also includes: Rachael Leigh Cook, Luke Wilson and Andy Dick.

The first jump was trying to imagine Jessica Simpson as a young professional who becomes the pawn of two business executives. Now it's trying to imagine that the photos that have been released for the film are supposed to show this -- pawn, maybe, professional, no. Sure, you can be girly, even floofy, and successful -- Legally Blonde told us so. But there is a different between being a cute blonde with a big smile, and looking like a bad cartoon charicature. Beyond the ones you can find on IMDb, other pictures have hit the net by way of Celeb utopia. We've got Simpson in a terrible wig (that is a wig, right?), way-too-dark red lipstick, what looks like flowers or some such painted on her fingernails and over-all ridiculousness. The jeans shots are a bit better, but it still looks like a silly girl playing dress-up.

[via MovieWeb]

Either someone drugged him or Luke Wilson is looking to get "in tight" (if you know what I mean) with Jessica Simpson, because the actor has reportedly joined the cast of Blonde Ambition, a "loose remake" of the 1988 film Working Girl. Yeah, so I guess when they decide to remake a fantastic movie with a horrific actress in the starring role, the safe terminology from here on out will be "loose remake." However, fact is the only thing loose about it is, well ... let's continue, shall we?

According to producer Justin Berfield, Blonde Ambition (wait, wasn't that what Madonna named one of her tours?) will indeed be Simpson's next film, and production is supposed to begin as early as November 27 in Shrevport, Louisiana. This will also mark Simpson's first leading role in a film, and she'll have pretty big shoes to fill seeing as Melanie Griffith scooped up an Oscar nomination for playing the same character. Oh, and if you think this thing can't get any worse, Andy Dick (who co-starred alongside Simpson in Employee of the Month) is in negotiations to play an "evil" secretary. (Man, what's next -- Rob Schneider signing on to play himself?) Story revolves around one woman's journey from the bottom to the top of a corporate empire. They're currently eying a summer release.

Sorry, but I have to ask: Does anyone think this will be any good?

[via Coming Soon]