Today I uttered a sentence that felt as alien to me as anything that will ever flop out from between my lips. To a total stranger I said "One ticket for Bratz: The Movie, please," completely within ear-shot of all the random 12-year-olds (who stared at me blankly) and all the soccer moms who were now corralling their offspring away from the creepy bald single man who just bought a ticket for a movie aimed squarely at 10-year-old girls. And nobody else.

It was a singularly humiliating experience, but even though I have the world's most entertaining job, I don't mind admitting that once in a great while -- that this awesome job ... really ... sucks. Case in point: Not only did I have to withstand the agony of paying money to see a feature-length TV commercial, but I had to do it in full view of the people I desperately wanted to scream at. And here's what I wanted to scream: "Jamming your ten dollar bills into a poop-filled blender would be better than supporting this movie!" But I'm sure the intended demographic would just dismiss me as a security guard or a lunatic, so I opted to keep my mouth shut. And I made extra-careful not to make any eye contact with the pre-teen girls in the audience. I watch 20/20, you know.

To the point: This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I'll go as far as to call it one of the worst movies anyone's ever seen. Bratz is one the worst movies a stillborn chicken in Peru has ever seen. All those adjectives the movie critics love to throw around in an effort to make one simple point ("stay away!") are applicable here: Bratz is grating, puerile, limp and lethargic. Flat, listless, amateurish and ten flavors of horrifically inept. It's shallow and formless, confused and obtuse. Pitiful, execrable, wretched, abysmal ... man, adjectives are great. This flimsy excuse for entertainment is so plainly worthless that the only thing a halfway-intelligent ape could possibly think as it unspools is ... dang, people really will do anything for money. Movies based on toys are nothing new. Movies based on toys are also nothing good.

As expected, The Simpsons Movie ruled the box office with a yellow-tinted iron fist, taking in more than the rest of the top five combined, outdoing second place film I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry by $55 million and exceeding my personal prediction by almost $7 million. I hadn't expected any of the other new movies to break the top five, but No Reservations pulled in a modestly surprising $11.7 million to grab the number five spot. Here's the final tally:

1. The Simpsons Movie: $71,850,000
2. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: $19,063,000
3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: $17,065,000
4. Hairspray: $15,550,000
5. No Reservations: $11,755,000

This week's new movies involve a flying dog, talking dolls, a klutzy stunt man, a salsa king and Matt Damon. Here's what we've got:

The Bourne Ultimatum
What's It All About: Matt Damon returns in his third outing as rogue agent and amnesiac Jason Bourne, trying to learn his true identity once and for all.
Why It Might Do Well: The first two films in the franchise pulled in $27 million and $52 million respectively on their opening weekends, and since the Bourne Ultimatum is the obvious big gun this week, I suspect the trend will continue.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Could Jason Bourne's luck have finally run out? No, I didn't think so either.
Number of Theaters: 3,500
Prediction: $65 million.

Bratz
What's It All About: In this live action film based on a line of fashion dolls, four girls enter high school and discover the meaning of peer pressure and loyalty.
Why It Might Do Well: Teenage girls looking for more of what Mean Girls had to offer may like this one.
Why It Might Not Do Well: Target demo seems awfully small.
Number of Theaters: 1,700
Prediction: $5.5 million

El Cantante
What's It All About: Biopic of Hector Lavoe, the salsa king. Not a snack food magnate, but a singer of salsa music. Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez star.
Why It Might Do Well: Based as it is on true events, El Cantante offers a genuine alternative to what's out there.
Why It Might Not Do Well: The relatively small release combined with the 18% rating over at rottentomatoes.com suggests that this one will not be raking it in.
Number of Theaters: 600
Prediction: $3 million

Hot Rod
What's It All About: Comedy about a motorcycle stunt man wannabe played by Andy Samberg who plans to jump fifteen buses to raise money for an operation that will save the life of his abusive stepfather.
Why It Might Do Well: The adorable Isla Fisher (the crazy one from Wedding Crashers) for one thing, plus there are some genuine laughs in the trailer for those into broad physical comedy.
Why It Might Not Do Well: I believe there was a motorcycle stunt in The Simpsons Movie, so that quota may be filled for this year.
Number of Theaters: 2,500
Prediction: $11 million

Underdog
What's It All About: In this reinvention of the classic cartoon, a dog receives super powers and the ability to talk in a lab accident.
Why It Might Do Well: Jason Lee is the voice of Underdog and a funny guy. Nostalgia appeal will also work in the film's favor.
Why It Might Not Do Well: The aforementioned nostalgia may be tempered by the fact that this new version is pretty far removed from the cartoon's original concept.
Number of Theaters: 2,800
Prediction: $16 million

This week I'm piercing the veil of time by reading tea leaves, or at least that was the original plan. I tossed back several bottles of Snapple before I realized that kind of tea doesn't have leaves, so I just asked my cousin Frank how he thought this weekend's box office might go:
1. The Bourne Ultimatum
2. The Simpsons Movie
3. Underdog
4. Hot Rod
5. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Last Week's Prediction Rankings
1. Matt: 13
1. Evan: 13
1. Marc: 13
1. Gian1414: 13
1. Opp-Neg: 13
1. Anna07: 13
2. Bubba8193: 12
3. Jason: 10
4. Ness265: 9
4. ElBoracho: 9
4. Ray: 9
4. Josh: 9
4. JimRM: 9
4. Chris: 9
4. Mario: 9
5. Dustin: 7
5. Rufus: 7
5. Curt: 7
5. Lostpicks: 7
6. Gordy: 6

We had a pretty decent response to last week's box office prediction contest, but I'm hoping for more this time around. Come on, you know you want to. No prizes, of course, but I think that would sully the whole experience, don't you? Don't forget to post your prediction for the top five films in the comments section below. One point for every top five movie correctly named, two points for every correct placement, and one extra point for the top movie.

Sure, it is obvious that Bratz: The Movie is a big-screen commercial for the popular line of dolls. But now the obvious is also the official -- sort of. The head of Bratz-makers MGA Entertainment hasn't exactly come out and admitted that the forthcoming movie is a blatant attempt to sell more dolls, but he pretty much insinuated it. The CEO, Isaac Larian, told Reuters that the movie " should clarify widespread misconceptions about his toy line" and "will cast [the dolls] in a 'wholesome' light through themes like friendship and education." The quotes belong to Reuters, paraphrasing Larian, but nonetheless they make it sound like the movie was made specifically for those purposes. The context of Reuters' article places Larian's statements, and therefore also the movie, as a response to criticisms that the Bratz dolls are inappropriately sexualized and too provocative for their demographic. In the only verbatim quote, Larian counter-criticizes his competitors as being afraid to promote diversity, which is another favorable trait the Bratz dolls apparently have.

Bratz: The Movie isn't the first feature-length commercial, and it does actually seem like a wholesome movie for the kids, so I guess it shouldn't matter if the product peddling is so obvious, intentional or outright declared. I have to wonder, though, what Robosapien, the next toy adaptation from producer Avi Arad, will be clearing up for us -- that hacking is bad, perhaps? Too bad Transformers, the most popular and most successful feature-length toy ad (is it just me, or were the original Transformers toys much cooler than the ones of today?), has already told us that hackers are good guys. Anyway, Bratz: The Movie has to be good because Oscar-winner Jon Voight (also seen in Transformers) is in it. Lionsgate will release the wholesome commercial to the delight of preteen moviegoers on August 3.

Although producer Avi Arad is currently making the rounds promoting his newest film, Bratz: The Movie, all anyone wants is more information on the 10+ comic-related films he has in the pipeline. Some of those, of course, include those two X-Men spin-off flicks (Wolverine and Magneto), as well as Captain America, Thor, The Punisher 2, Ant-Man, Iron Fist and probably the most anticipated of them all, The Avengers. I've tried repeatedly over the past month to get word from Zak Penn on whether he's started The Avengers script, but unfortunately he's told me that he can't say anything. Bummer. But that's not stopping Arad from opening his mouth -- just the other day, he confirmed that both Samuel L. Jackson and Hilary Swank will have cameos in Iron Man, and now he's telling the Australian press that he plans to shoot a majority of those comic-related films down under.

While he wouldn't reveal which films were going to shoot in Australia, he did say that he's attempting to hire an Australian director for one of them. Though he wouldn't name that director or the film, folks have been tossing the name Alex Proyas around in relation to the upcoming Silver Surfer solo effort. Most recently, Proyas directed the Will Smith flick I, Robot, as well as the smaller budgeted Aussie pic Garage Days. Arad, who attempted to get at least one Bratz reference in by saying "Bratz is X-Men for girls," is real keen on Australia because, according to him, "it's such a fun place with great technical talent and some amazing special effects houses." Sounds wonderful, except I'm still stuck on the "Bratz is like X-Men for girls" line. Is he serious about that? Or should it have read, "Bratz is like X-Men for girls ... on drugs?"

The poster designers for Bratz: The Movie sure do love white space. The first of the movie's posters, a teaser that focused on the familiar logo and the release season, featured more than 50% blank space. Not even the four stars could compete with the need for so much white, and so they just barely fit, squeezed in at the bottom with only part of their faces exposed. The new official one-sheet for the toy-line-based pic does give the girls more room, but there is still a lot of emptiness. Some of that white space is actually filled up with faint cursive lettering, but at first, perhaps because of the brightness of my computer monitor, I didn't notice. Again, it seems the designers really want us to see the logo more than anything else. After all, this isn't really an ad for a movie; it's an ad for a brand. Whether people are first drawn to the cinema or to the toy store, the awareness of that other product is key.

Anyway, it is nice that the designers have finally showed us the actresses' mouths. I didn't quite get the point of the oral exclusion in both that first teaser and the second. Even the four character posters cut off some of the girls' mouths. I know none of them are familiar faces, but these young ladies needed more respect. Was it because none of them have the signature pucker of the Bratz dolls? Then make them pose with wax lips. At least then it's a little funny. I kept hoping, since first hearing about the movie, that the posters would resemble those Steve Madden ads with the distorted models. With their gigantic heads, the girls in those ads always looked like the Bratz dolls to me. Or vice versa, depending on which came first.

Bratz, which shockingly doesn't look any worse than every other teen movie coming out these days, opens August 3.

It's not unusual to see toy lines adapted for the big screen. When I was a kid, there were plenty of these commercials-in-disguise, though most of them were animated features and they were typically spun-off from already successful television programs. But now with the live-action Transformers, Hot Wheels and Bratz coming our way, not to mention a second live-action He-Man movie, it makes sense for newer toys to just bypass the small screen and go directly to the multiplex. One of the producers of Bratz, former Toy Biz CEO (and current Marvel Studios exec) Avi Arad, apparently believes the logic; he has announced that he and producer Steven Paul are now developing a live-action feature based on the popular Robosapien toys.

The movie, which will be simply titled Robosapien, already has a script by Arad and Max Botkin (fitting name), and it is set to begin shooting this November with Bratz director Sean McNamara at the helm. As far as I know, the Robosapien toys do not have any narrative text or mythology, as many toys do, but Arad seems to have had no problem creating one. Of course, the concept he's come up with isn't too original. According to Variety, Arad has based the movie's story on the tale of Pinocchio, which was also the inspiration for Steven Spielberg's recent robot film, A.I.: Artificial Intelligence. Both ideas feature an inventor who creates a substitute child, and both feature the adventures of a boy and a robot (well, A.I. had a robot boy and a robot teddy bear), so it will be interesting to see just how similar Arad's creation actually is to the earlier pic. Even if there are enough differences between Robosapien and A.I., though, considering a master filmmaker like Spielberg couldn't please audiences with his movie, it is hard to imagine that McNamara will have greater success. Anyway, aren't most fans of the Robosapien hackers who will just end up pirating the movie off the internet rather than going to see it in theaters?

Apparently there'z a line of toyz out there that sold just enough merchandise to warrant a big-screen movie, regardlezz of the fact that, az far az creative influencez go, a "line of toyz" isn't exactly the most reliable (or logical) inspiration. And no, I'm not talking about Transformerz. (Well, maybe a little.) But at least the Transformerz have robotz and rocketz and Shia LaBeouf to kick around, whereaz the atrociouz-looking piece of mind control called Bratz: The Movie has ... four good-lookin' piecez of jailbait and a screenplay that was last used on a movie called Mean Girlz.

For those who think thiz might be the first piece of brain-puckering ignorance foisted upon us by the "Bratz," think again. This is a toy line that introduced a Chinese doll wearing a Japanese kimono (cuz Asian girlz are all the same!), included dolly-sized thongz and mini champagne bottlez so little girlz would know what being female iz all about, and reminded uz that most of the toyz you blindly buy for your daughterz are made in Chinese sweat shopz. Soundz like a perfect idea for a movie. (For those who are blissfully ignorant of what "Bratz" are: They're slang-slingin' boy-crazy Barbiez with lotz of in-your-face attitude. Picture the Simpsonz episode in which Poochie the Dog was created and you probably have a good idea regarding the Bratz genesiz.)

In an effort to have young girlz go "boy crazy" and "mall-addicted" a few yearz earlier than normal (and therefore sell more productz), producer Avi Arad, Lionsgate Filmz and soul-killing toymaker MGA Entertainment have conspired to throw a live-action movie together -- which iz a little weird because the actual Bratz characterz look a little like retarded space alienz. And they hired a very appropriate director for such a base yet inevitably profitable project: Sean McNamara, helmer of Treehouse Hostage, Raise Your Voice and 3 Ninjaz: High Noon at Mega Mountain. (If an actual lobotomy takes longer than 4.5 hourz, you could simply opt for thiz triple feature.)

Anyway, yeah. Bratz: The Movie. Pickling your daughterz' brain on August 10. Here'z the trailer. And if thiz flick makez more money than Spice World, I may just have to pack my bagz and move to The Philippinez. Oh, and by the way: "Brats" is spelled with an "S," you jerks. Stop trying to turn our kids stupid.

Veteran actor Jon Voight, who first came to prominence after playing the naive male prostitute Joe Buck in John Schlesinger's classic Midnight Cowboy and went on to win an Oscar for his role in Coming Home, has had a diverse set of roles throughout his career. Now, according to USA Today, Voight is adding another project to further expand his career. This time around, no chaps or a hospital bed for Voight. Instead, he'll be taking on the role of the domineering principal who's daughter harasses the girls known as Bratz in the upcoming movie of the same name based on the phenomenally successful line of dolls.

Bratz: The Movie, set to hit theaters on August 10th, follows the adventures of Sasha, Jade, Cloe and Yasmin as they start their careers at Carry Nation High School. Once there, the girls face many challenges typical of girls that age and start to drift apart as the pressures of school cliques begin to take their toll. According to the film's producer, Avi Arad, the girls "go through a lot of self discovery It's all about empowerment, believing in yourself and wish-fulfillment." Not having children myself, I admit I don't know very much about the Bratz dolls. However, according to my friend's daughter, they "rule." Perhaps that's what convinced Voight to take on this new role? Or, maybe it was just the money?

So it is not exactly a big shock that I am not the biggest fan of Bratz dolls, but there are plenty of people who are, so that's probably why a live action movie is on the way. The story will follow our four heavily stylized friends through the pitfalls of peer pressure and fitting in, and all while draped in belly chains and eye makeup -- like I said, I'm not a big fan.

Variety announced that Paula Abdul would be joining Bratz – The Movie as a consultant for fashion, dancing, casting and music. Abdul started her career as a dancer and choreographer so I would think she might manage to squeeze in a dance number or two. Abdul will also be getting an executive producer credit on the film and will help in finding "talent" for the production. No casting announcements have been made yet, so I would guess that would be the first order of business. The film's director Sean McNamara, who is known for his work with the "tween set," is set to begin filming later this month and is eyeing an August release. No word on whether her duties as consultant and producer will cut into her busy schedule of giving nonsensical encouragement to American Idol hopefuls, but I'm sure Abdul will find time to fit it in her busy schedule.

Okay, so here is where I show my age ... which is none of your business thank you very much. I am not at all familiar with the Bratz dolls, other than the fact that they look like underage hookers and have really disproportionate heads and bodies. But, since little girls seem to love them, there are already magazines, albums, a TV show and now a live-action movie on the way.

Back in May, Erik reported on the live-action film which is being put together by MGA Entertainment and Crystal Sky Pictures, but a director had not yet signed on. However, it was announced on Tuesday that Sean McNamara (Raise Your Voice) would hop onboard and take over helming duties on the project. The screenplay follows Yasmin, Ari, Cloe, and Jade bonding over social pressures at Lewis & Clark High School -- it sort of sounds like Mean Girls, except with no actual point. I mean they're dolls, people! I always thought Barbie was a bit of a "good time girl" but these gals dress like Soul Train dancers and wear as much makeup as a Vegas cocktail waitress. Yeah, it's kind of disturbing.

Production is set to begin this February.