Cinematical takes great joy in bringing you the final poster for Richard Kelly's Southland Tales (click on the poster for a larger image) -- mainly because we've been anticipating this film's release for upwards of two years now. And so when the last poster goes public, it means we'll be sitting in a movie theater, watching Kelly's follow-up to the cult hit Donnie Darko, soon enough. And what a poster it is! You know they mean business when The Rock goes by his real name -- and only his real name -- Dwayne Johnson. Also starring in this eclectic cast are -- ready for this -- Seann William Scott, Mandy Moore, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Curtis Armstrong, Cheri Oteri, Justin Timberlake, Jon Lovitz, Bai Ling, Kevin Smith, Miranda Richardson and John Larroquette, among others. If that line-up isn't worthy of your lousy 10 bucks, you have issues I don't want to go near.

Essentially, Southland Tales is an ensemble piece (that mixes sci-fi, comedy, music and drama, if you can believe it) which takes place in a 2008 where Los Angeles is on the verge of political and environmental disaster. Boxer (Johnson), an action star with amnesia, soon finds his life intertwine with the dysfunctional worlds of an adult film star (Gellar) and a cop (Scott) mixed up in a conspiracy. But from what I gather (and knowing Kelly's work), there's a whole lot more going on as well. I mean, just look at that poster -- it definitely gives us a peak peek inside the complexity of the film. Southland Tales will finally make its new and improved debut in theaters on November 9.

The one good thing Jessica Simpson's been able to do regarding her film career is to stay far away from the tabloid nonsense. Unlike Lindsay Lohan, films aren't shutting down completely just because the girl decided to go out to a club on a Saturday night. Unfortunately for Simpson, however, she just doesn't seem to have the big-screen chops. The roles she picks are awful, and her performances are even worse. But she's hot, has big boobs and a manager/father who will stop at nothing to transform his prize possession into a major movie star. Coincidentally, that's the name of Simpson's next film -- Major Movie Star -- and a few more names have just been added to the fantabulous cast list. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Vivica A. Fox, Steve "Mahoney!" Guttenberg, Ryan Sypek and Cheri Oteri will star opposite Simpson in the comedy.

Additionally, Olesya Rulin (High School Musical), Keiki Agena (Gilmore Girls), Jill Marie Jones, Aimee Garcia and Gary Grubbs will also show up in the film at some point. Ah, the film -- we're being told it follows a "somewhat clueless movie star who impulsively enlists in the U. S. Army Reserve after discovering her boyfriend is gay and her cousin/accountant has stolen all her money." Why those two unfortunate incidents would make someone want to join the military is beyond me, but that's what they're going with. Filming has already begun at Camp Minden near Shrevport, LA, and Steve Miner (who's also helming Day of the Dead) is directing. HR also lists exactly who's playing who (Fox as an intimidating Sgt., Guttenberg as a controlling talent agent, etc ..), but you can head on over there to fill yourself in. No word on a release date, but expect this one to hit on a weekend where the competition is so weak, a Jessica Simpson movie actually looks enticing.

When I was in grade school, I always wanted to hang out at my friend's house because he had cable. And cable meant boobs. After his parents had gone to bed, we would stay up and flip through the channels looking for so much as a hint of nipple. So one night we're flipping around and we stumble upon a little picture called Boxing Helena. It looked promising, but it wound up being a cruel punishment for our lustful thoughts. If you're not familiar with the plot of Boxing Helena, allow me to share it with you. A surgeon, played by Julian Sands, has a one night stand with Sherilyn Fenn. He becomes obsessed with her, but she does not share the feeling. She has a car accident in front of his house. He brings her inside and... amputates her arms and legs so that he can control her. It is more ridiculous than it sounds, and the ludicrous ending (spoiler alert-- it was all a dream) is infuriating. Oh, we got our nudity that fateful Saturday night, but at what cost? At what cost?

If there is anything notable about Boxing Helena, it is that the film was directed by David Lynch's daughter, Jennifer Lynch. The film was so despised by critics and audiences (it's currently sporting a 16% average over at rottentomatoes.com), it is little surprise that Lynch hasn't directed a film since. Until now! Pell James, Bill Pullman, and Julia Ormond will star in Lynch's "indie supernatural thriller" Surveillance. Her old man will be executive producing and helping to finance the film, which co-stars former Saturday Night Live cast member Cheri Oteri and Squinty McGee -- French Stewart (!). The story "revolves around an FBI agent who goes to a small town, where everyone lies and no one is safe." Kinda sounds like Jennifer's been studying her father's Twin Peaks. Pullman and Ormond have worked with David Lynch before, in Lost Highway and Inland Empire, respectively. They must have owed him a huge favor.

There seem to be two distinct camps where the Shrek movies are concerned: The people who unabashedly love these sweetly silly revisionist fairy tales -- and the people who consider Shrek and Shrek 2 astonishingly overrated pieces of CGI goofiness that certainly didn't deserve their massive payouts. ($484 million and $920 million worldwide, respectively, and that doesn't include DVD sales.) Me, I fall firmly in the former camp: I'm a big fan of both Shrek flicks. I think they're light, witty, clever and stunningly animated family-style adventures -- but they're not over-scrubbed and ultra-sanitized like most of Disney's weaker attempts.

So obviously I'm pretty pumped to see Shrek the Third, and if this brand-new trailer is any indication, I'll probably be chuckling like a stoned monkey throughout most of this second sequel. The kids will go for the comedy, the characters and the colorful little adventures, but folks like me go for the cast: Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz have done some fine voice-work in the first two flicks, but I'm most fond of Eddie Murphy as Donkey, Antonio Banderas and Puss-in-Boots, and (of course) the immortal John Cleese as King Harold. (OK, so it's a small part, but just the sound of Cleese's voice makes me laugh.)

What I find most intriguing about Shrek the Third is its big list of newcomers: Ian McShane as Captain Hook? Eric Idle as Merlin the Wizard? John Krasinski as Sir Lancelot? Very cool! And get this line-up of prickly princesses: Cheri Oteri (Sleeping Beauty), Maya Rudolph (Rapunzel), Amy Poehler (Snow White) and Amy Sedaris (Cinderella)! How cool is that?! (Oh yeah, and Justin Timberlake as the young Prince Arthur, the only misstep that casting directors actually let Cameron Diaz talk them into made.) Anyway, fun stuff. New trailer here. The film opens May 18.

My pals and I were working hard at SXSW 2004 when we caught wind of a recently-added "on the down low" movie screening that sounded pretty cool. It was a comedy called Surviving Eden, and it was directed by Greg Pritikin, whom we already knew from his sadly underrated ventriliquism comedy Dummy. Prior to the screening, Greg asked that we not review the movie, positively or negatively, because it was still very much a work in progress.

Me and my two cohorts laughed a whole lot at Surviving Eden, and we left the theater a little bummed that we'd been asked not to review it. But we didn't.

Flash forward 2.5 years later, and here comes the flick's theatrical premiere! Cineville will be releasing Surviving Eden in NYC on August 25th, in Chicago on 9/1 and in Austin on 9/8. Most of us won't be able to check the movie out until it hits DVD, but it's basically a very amusing spoof on reality TV, and (more specifically) the "fake-celebrity" status that comes as part of the package. The colorful cast listing includes Michael Panes, Peter Dinklage, Cheri Oteri, Jane Lynch, Sam Robards, Illeana Douglas, Deep Roy and John Landis. Keep an eye out for it.

Looks like Shrek the Third is shaping up to be more of a Saturday Night Live reunion than anything else. Hey, and I'm perfectly okay with SNL folks taking a chance on the big screen ... so long as they're funny. Joining the third installment's all-star (minor league, not big league) cast are Maya Rudolph (Rapunzel), Amy Sedaris (Cinderella), Amy Poehler (Snow White) and Cheri Oteri (Sleeping Beauty). Supposedly, the women will form an "elite, ninja-like strike force of fairy tale princesses" to help stop Prince Charming from storming the city of Far, Far Away and seizing the throne.

Joining the ladies are Ian McShane as Captain Hook, John Krasinski as Sir Lancelot and the always hilarious Eric Idle as Merlin the Magician. Damn, they're really packing them in, huh? Also returning once again to the hit franchise are Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy and Antonio Banderas. Oh, and how can we forget little Justin Timberlake, who will be voicing Artie, a young King Arthur. I've never been too fond of the Shrek series, though it appears I'm quite alone in those feelings as the films have grossed a ton of money. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if all of Hollywood shows up in the fourth one. Heck, why stop there -- In Living Color could use a reunion as well. Shrek the Third hits theaters on May 18, 2007.