Robert Zemeckis's Beowulf took a lot of hits for its perceived silliness, a verdict I could never quite sign on to. First of all, silly compared to what? Have these people seen the 1999 space opera Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert? Compared to that, Zemeckis's Beowulf is a sober meditation on the human condition. Have they seen the Gerard Butler clunker Beowulf and Grendel? Come on, guys: considering what the movies have done to this story in the past, last year's high-tech effort seems like serious business to me.

What about the source material – the ancient Old English epic poem upon which these movies purport to be based? If you've ever read it (or tried to read it), the perversions of the adaptations shouldn't surprise you. It's both begging for action movie treatment and impossible to faithfully adapt into anything resembling a compelling action movie. The story is credited with generating many of the archetypes we see in our fiction, and indeed, it's so archetypical that by modern standards, it's a skeleton; there's nothing there.

Seriously – you know how people complain about movies whose plots can be fully described in one sentence? A faithful Beowulf would take this phenomenon to new heights. A synopsis would read something like this: Beowulf beats up Grendel, Grendel's mom, and a dragon, and dies. The end. Some complained that the Zemeckis version distorted Beowulf, but I'd have liked to see their reaction to an undistorted adaptation. Trust me, it wouldn't work. There's a reason that all these screenwriters have scrambled to add elements to the story.

About eight months ago I got some sequel news that stunned me to the very core of my mega-geeky being: After 25 years of waiting, I would finally be getting my sequel to The Sword and the Sorcerer. (For a recap of this nerdly saga, click right here.) Suffice to say that "Tales of the Ancient Empire" was about to become a reality, and if you happen to be a movie freak who recognizes that particular movie title, then congratulations: You're officially my friend.

For those, on the other hand, who have lives ... I can offer a brief recap: A fantastic B-movie from the early '80s is about to get a long-overdue sequel -- and Twitch has lots of details! Apparently Lee Horsley will be returning for the sequel, and he'll be joined by the likes of Christopher Lambert, Kevin Sorbo and Victoria Maurette. The outlandishly prolific filmmaker Albert Pyun had this to say about the project: "It's got a sexy sorceress, hordes of demonic vampires, a giant serpent, sea pirates, nasty sword (and axe, spear, leg of cow) fights and gore and nudity galore. Everything that a rousing adventure needs to have."

So while I'm a little disappointed in Twitch's news that the movie will be more of a sequel "in spirit" than anything else, I'm just glad Mr. Pyun keeps his promises: He told us (years ago) that Talon would return in Tales of the Ancient Empire, and it sure looks like he will be. (Don't forget the sword!)

Any good performance is made up of myriad subtle nuances that go into turning an actor into his or her character. There's only so much costuming and makeup can do though -- certain roles just require a particular accent to make it work. Some actors are known for their uncanny ability to pick up and drop accents at will. If you are Meryl Streep, for instance, sometimes you go and learn a whole new language just to make sure you get it right. Occasionally actors take the plunge and decide to do an accent to just show off their acting chops, or to prove that they are serious artists and not just, "movie stars." Others take on a role that requires an accent, and then just seem to hope we'll overlook how badly they mangle it. The unfortunate actors on this list may have aimed high (or not), but they all missed the mark. And in some cases, they almost managed to take out the entire film solely with their bad accents.

1. Kevin Costner - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

No list of bad accents would be complete without the granddaddy of all bad performances; Kevin Costner as Robin of Locksley. This 1991 stinker cast the corn-fed Costner as a British Lord with a penchant for thievery and social justice. But in spite of Costner's revolving door of accents, the film still went down as one of the biggest box-office hits of 1991, second only to Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Costner has also conceded that he never really had the time to work on a real accent (You don't say? We'd never have guessed ...). With a budget of $48,000,000, you would have thought they could have spared a few bucks for a dialect coach. But perhaps worst of all is that this film is responsible for unleashing Bryan Adam's unholy power ballad "Everything I Do" on the world and ruining wedding receptions forevermore.

2. Val Kilmer - Alexander

Now I know what you are going to say, how could I overlook Angelina Jolie and her laughable 'Gypsy-Russian' hybrid? But Kilmer as the one-eyed King Phillip gives Jolie a run for her money in the laughable accent department with his Leprechaun-inspired Irish/Welsh brogue. Director Oliver Stone has plenty to answer for when it comes to his epic drama. The wig selection alone deserves some serious mea culpas. But, this is a list about accents after all, so we go straight to Stone's decision to hide Colin Farrell's natural Irish accent by surrounding him with what sounds like a chorus of Lucky Charms spokespeople. Jolie might have been over the top, and writhing with snakes, but Kilmer still stands out as a bad accent and a horrible stylistic choice all rolled into one.

It goes to show, sometimes inspiration can come from the unlikeliest of places. Variety reports that Universal has just picked up the 'supernatural comedy' Jeff the Immortal. Written by Chris Bishop, the story revolves around "...a slacker who discovers he has supernatural powers but uses these new-found powers for selfish reasons." This is where the unlikely inspiration comes in; it turns out Bishop came up with the idea for Jeff the Immortal after watching the Christopher Lambert fantasy classic film Highlander. Instead of an immortal Scottish clansman embroiled in an epic battle, Bishop decided to go with aimless slackers -- this is a comedy after all.

Chris Bishop started his comedy writing career on The Drew Carey Show back in 1995, and has worked on and off in TV since then. Jeff the Immortal will be his first feature film script. Bishop has also just handed in a first draft to Warner Independent for the remake of Night of the Living Dorks (Nacht der lebenden Loser, Die), a 2004 German comedy about three losers who bungle a voodoo ritual and wind up as the living dead. On board to produce Jeff for Universal is Marc Platt Productions. Platt is also behind Angelina Jolie's comic book flick Wanted and the Jonathan Demme comedy Dancing with Shiva. Since Jeff is still in the early stages of production, there is no word on a director or star. But lately, comedies have proven they can pull in the box-office, so I would guess that Universal will want to get to work as soon as possible.