If it had any other title, Lost Boys 2: The Tribe wouldn't provoke any outrage. But if it had any other title, would anybody give it a second glance? I harbored a ray of hope, but it doesn't take very long to realize that Lost Boys 2: The Tribe was always destined for the direct to video garbage heap.

The 1987 original, photographed by the superbly talented Michael Chapman, was super stylish and jammed with juicy performances, cynical wisecracks, and post-modern tweaks to cinematic vampire legends. The best idea was placing fanged lords of the night in a sun-soaked California coastal town populated by aging hippies and freaks, not to mention a boardwalk, rollercoaster, and great, crashing surf.

As a budget sequel, LB2 has to make do with less attractive, less flattering video imagery and the rockier Canadian coastline standing in for "Santa Carla" * (actually, Santa Cruz, California). The script by Hans Rodionoff makes some half-hearted attempts to tie in the original (antlers and motorcycles, anyone?), but is bereft of any new twists of its own. Director P. J. Pesce makes certain to include the obligatory amount of gore required to justify the so-called "uncut" version, with notable attention to ripped throats and spilled intestines, along with bared body parts displayed by lovelies such as Moneca Delain. LB2 has precisely two good moments -- one in the opening scene, provided by Tom Savini -- stranded within 94 minutes of running time.

Movie stars can get a stylist, remove those errant eyebrow and nose hairs, and even get some high-dose skin cleaner to make themselves smooth, shiny, and sexy; if all else fails, there are legions of makeup artists to make the men and women of Hollywood look as hot as possible. But there's not much they can do about their tongue prowess. Sometimes, the smooch or sex scene is so bad that it's even obvious on-screen, and on occasion, movie kissing is so bad that those who were forced to endure it remember the moment forever and tell tales about their bad kissing moments.

Defamer has a list titled: Top Ten Worst Kissers in Hollywood: From the 'Icky' to the 'Sweaty' to Tongues That Taste Like Kitty Litter. The folks at Defamer weren't just guessing in compiling the list -- they've gathered quotes from those unlucky suckers who had to experience it for themselves.

Once again, more signs that it's a slow, post-holiday news day: Cinematical reports on fairly old Corey Haim direct-to-video rumors. It doesn't get any lower than this folks ... and I officially feel dirty. Help? Someone? Mommy? ShockTillYouDrop claims to have the official word that, contrary to a number of earlier reports, Corey Haim will not have a cameo in the DTV sequel for Lost Boys 2. I know what you're thinking -- the dude is back on the wagon. Actually, apparently not -- instead, they cite Haim's recent "immigration snafu." A snafu? There was a snafu? Indeed there was. According to another report issued by the MTV Movies Blog (oh, everyone is all over this puppy!), Haim's manager had called them to say that the actor was having problems when it came to entering and leaving the country. See, Lost Boys 2 is shooting in Vancouver. And, for whatever reason, Haim couldn't get there. But here's my question: Didn't his recent reality show, The Two Coreys, shoot in Vancouver? And, um, wasn't he able to leave the country for that? This, in turn, raises larger issues: Are our immigration officials prejudice against vampires? I don't know about you, but I'd like an official inquiry.

At the time of MTV's report, Warner Bros. was working hard to resolve the "immigration snafu." However, if ShockTillYouDrop is to be believed (and I see no reason why not -- they're usually pretty good about their scoops), the snafu (yes, I love writing that word) was not resolved in time. If Haim's tears were staged before, I'm pretty positive his latest tears were the real deal. No role. No money. Sh*t, I'd cry. Good news is that Corey Feldman is still signed on to shoot a role, and from what we hear, he's currently out in Vancouver doing just that as we speak. No word on whether Haim will be replaced by a Haim look-a-like (could it get any worse for an actor then to land a role based on the fact that he looks like Corey Haim?), but you bet your arse we'll be letting you know as soon as more info is available.