No! For the love of God, make it stop!

According to Variety, Dimension Films is remaking that whimsical 80's classic Short Circuit. S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock, the writers behind the original two films, are set to write the remake. The film will reportedly be similar in theme to the original, but will factor in advances in technology. (Really? Last I checked, we didn't have sentient robots who could be your pal!)

This has to stop. I'm too young to see my childhood paraded before me like this, a demented nightmare of what once thrilled and delighted me. I loved this movie. It has honestly been a long time since I saw it, so I doubt it has held up -- but I love my memories of it. I also cherish my memory of the sequel. My parents took me to see it, it was a sold out showing. And I think it was only ten or twenty minutes in before I realized how horrible it was. I do believe it was the first time I was exposed to the realization that sequels were made for money, and were often wretched. Up until then, all the sequels I had ever seen (which probably amounted to Empire Strikes Back) were awesome and worthy continuations of characters I adored.

I realize I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but this trend has to stop. What's next? The Goonies? Gremlins? The Karate Kid? Big Trouble in Little China? Oh no, I've given them ideas.

So today is the day I officially feel old. Variety reports that Ice Cube has made a deal with Dimension Films for his comedy script Janky Promoters; a title that had me running to Urban Dictionary to figure out what the heck 'Janky' meant. But mid-life crisis aside, back to the real news: Cube will be producing the film along with Dimension and his partner Matt Alvarez, and will also star.

The story centers on two hip-hop promoters who are given the chance to put together an all-star show in California. When the two discover that they are in way over their heads, wackiness ensues. Bob Weinstein tells Variety, "This feels a lot like Uptown Saturday Night to me, a caper film where you have these music promoters who are slightly shady but are good enough guys that you root for them, this is going to be R-rated, and it appeals right to the core of Cube's audience." Thankfully, Cube is getting out of the kiddie flick business (at least for now) and Promoters is his first script since the Friday series finished back in 2002.

OK, so a musical comedy starring Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson has got to be a step up from a Tyler Perry movie, right? For Sharon Leal's sake, I certainly hope so. The Hollywood Reporter announced that Leal has joined the cast of Malcolm Lee's comedy musical Soul Men. The film centers on, "...bickering backup soul singers who haven't spoken in 20 years but reluctantly travel cross country together for a tribute concert to honor their famous former band leader." Leal will play Jackson's daughter Cleo, and thankfully will not serve as a love interest for either of the men. Leal starred in 2005's Dreamgirls as Michelle Morris, Effie White's replacement in the girl-group. Jackson and Mac will do all of their own singing and dancing for Soul Men, so I can only assume that since Leal has musical experience, she will be doing the same.

Christopher had first brought us news of the film last November. At that time, the only cast that had been announced was King of Comedy, Mac and Jackson. Surprisingly the project managed to escape being hit by the writer's strike that has been delaying productions left and right, and is set to start filming on January 21st (I guess Leal was hired just in time). The script was written by Robert Ramsey and Matthew Stone, whose other credits included the Coen's Intolerable Cruelty and Man of the House -- neither of which is probably the best calling card for a screenwriter. Soul Men is scheduled for release on October 10th, 2008.

Wow, you would think if a top secret military installation was going to pick a name, they would have went with something a little more original than Area 52. Variety reports that comic book producer Chris Bender and JC Spink (also known under the catch moniker of Benderspink) have hired Steven Miller to direct a feature film version of Image Comic's Area 52. First time screenwriter Jack Phillips wrote the script about "a storage facility in Antarctica that houses top-secret alien wares after Nevada's Area 51 is done testing them, an Army nurse must restore order after a mercenary attack has unleashed a menacing terror".

Miller is a relative newcomer and has been shopping around his first feature, Automaton Transfusion, to various festivals. Benderspink on the other hand have a good amount of comic book adaptations under their belt, so they appear to be a little more experienced when it comes to these things. Benderspink are the production team behind a variety of upcoming comic book flicks, including Y, the Last Man with Disturbia director, DJ Caruso and New Line, and the Scott Chirstian Sava comic, Pet Robots for Disney. Last but not least, they will produce The Ghouly Boys for Mandate and Howard Chaykin's Power and Glory. Glory was originally in development at Touchstone back in 2001, but reportedly got the bump for being just a tad too similar to M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (New Line has since picked up the project). Casting for Area 52 has yet to begin, but now that a director is on board, it shouldn't be long.

After the release of the trailer for The Mist, I think expectations for the Stephen King adaptation rose significantly -- at the very least, I know Scott's did. Now, Ain't it Cool News has an early look at a new poster for the film, and it's only a slight let-down. To be fair, it's not a bad poster, it's just kind of there. Written and directed by Frank Darabont, The Mist is based on King's story that was originally published in the 1980 book, Dark Forces.

The story focuses on a group of townspeople trapped in a supermarket when a unnatural mist rolls into town, and if you have ever read a Stephen King book, you can probably guess what happens next -- containing the usual 'motley crew' in so many of King's works; an artist and his son, a religious zealot, and a soldier. Eventually the paranoia and fear combine and the situation inside the supermarket becomes as dangerous as the unknown creatures outside. Casting was finalized last winter with Thomas Jane as the protagonist David Drayton. Joining Jane are Marcia Gay Harden as the bible thumping Mrs. Carmody and Shawshank alum Bill Sadler.

It was a long road for the production, starting back in the 90's when Darabont put Mist on the back burner to focus on The Shawshank Redemption -- and I doubt many would disagree with that particular decision. When you consider Darabont's previous successes with Stephen King adaptations, it's going to be interesting to see what he can do with one of King's more traditionally 'scary' stories. The Mist opens November 21st.

I guess David Zucker wasn't satisfied with the quality of the superhero jokes in Jason Friedberg's Epic Movie, so he felt the need to make his own. Variety reports that Dimension films has finalized casting for their spoof flick, Superhero! Dimension had already cast Josh Bell (Drake and Josh), Sara Paxton (Aquamarine), Ryan Hansen (Veronica Mars) and Kevin Hart (All About Polly), but the latest additions are comedy vets. Variety reports that Naked Gun icon, Leslie Nielsen, Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development), Brent Spiner (Star Trek: TNG), and Marion Ross (that's right, Mrs. Cunningham herself) have all signed on for unnamed roles.

Back in 2006, while doing press for his other satirical masterpiece, Scary Movie 4, Zucker told JoBlo.com that, "Craig Mazin [SCARY MOVIE 4 writer] has written a script, and it's a...You know, we've identified about a dozen characteristics that are common to all these superhero movies, like Batman, Spider-Man, X-Men...and if you can get those common characteristics, there's a pretty good chance that the audience will share those references and you can poke fun at the cliches. So it's going to be pretty interesting." Mazin has also been signed to direct the film, and David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss will produce. Zucker and Weiss were the team behind Scary Movie 3 and 4, as well as some of the later films in the Naked Gun franchise. So it probably doesn't take much imagination to guess what the film will be about. If you have ever seen a Scary Movie, then you just switch the low-brow gags to a man in tights rather than wielding an ax. Superhero! is set for release on March 28th, 2008.

Over at Deadline Hollywood Daily, Nikki Finke has been investigating the employment status of Richard Saperstein, who supposedly still works for Dimension Films. Saperstein is/was the president of production over at Dimension, which I'm sure you all know is part of The Weinstein Co. Finke had heard a rumor that Saperstein was canned, probably because of the disappointing Grindhouse box office. Supposedly, he was even telling friends that he got fired, but then later he found out he didn't actually lose his job. According to Finke's sources, the confusion has to do with Saperstein's contract with Dimension, which either lasts another 18 months or as long as another four years. So, maybe the guy was relieved of his position but hasn't technically lost his job. In a statement from The Weinstein Co. to Finke, Saperstein was said to still be "an employee of the company." Of course, that doesn't say he's still the president of production.

Other tidbits that Finke points out about Saperstein's reign at Dimension include his involvement in the recent hit 1408, which should be redeeming him for Grindhouse, which certainly shouldn't have been his fault anyway (who do you think has more influence with Tarantino and Rodriguez -- Harvey and Bob Weinstein or Saperstein?). Also, Saperstein reportedly just snagged Dimension the rights to remake David Cronenberg's Scanners. Whether or not Saperstein is still employed at Dimension, it appears that lawyers may end up involved, and we will probably see him leave the studio anyway. Then maybe we'll hear about the Weinstein's continued plans to fix the reputation of their slow-going company, of which Dimension should be doing the better business, like it was doing when it was a part of Miramax. Dimension is probably doing better than The Weinstein Co. as a distributor, but maybe it could layoff the sequels and horror remakes and be even more successful.

Following his better-than-expected success this past weekend with Wild Hogs, writer-director Walt Becker is the "it" man in Hollywood. And he's got plenty of projects in the pipeline to show for it, including a re-team with John Travolta called Old Dogs, which we told you about last week, and now the twin-rivalry comedy Runts, which he just set up at Dimension. The movie, being co-written by David Drew Gallagher, is about twin brothers who are complete opposites. As in one is a tall, muscular goody-goody with an Austrian accent and the other is a short, balding crook with a Jersey accent? Sounds original.

Sure, I'm being hard on the idea without hearing the entire pitch, but it's hard to take Becker seriously. He claims that he sees things in trailers, meaning his ideas are solely about what can be sold to an audience in a few minutes. On the other hand, Becker and Gallagher came up with the idea for Schooled, a project set to happen at Touchstone that the two pitched in 2005 (probably shocked that nobody had already thought of it.) Schooled sounds like your basic John Hughes comedy, yet it is seen through the eyes of and concentrates on the lives of the teachers. Here's hoping Ben Stein plays a nerdy teacher who tries to woo the popular hot teacher.

This story should come as no surprise to anyone: religious groups are upset with the horror flick Black Christmas bloodying up their holiday. Matthew Staver of Liberty Council called the release "ill founded" and Jennifer Giroux of Operation Just Say Merry Christmas said the movie has "assualted" the most sacred of holy days. If I was head of Dimension, I'd use those quotes in an ad.

Dimension has at least issued a statement in response to the complaints: "There is a long tradition of releasing horror movies during the holiday season," the company said, "as counter-programming to the more regular yuletide fare." That's the truth. A power search on the IMDb of Christmas and horror reveals 53 titles (sure not all of them really apply here).

What I want to know is, how many Christmas movies made these days do Staver and Giroux approve of? Certainly Black Christmas and other holiday horrors aren't as bad as some truly inappropriate and damaging Christmas movies. I'm not even referring to cynical flicks like Bad Santa and Christmas Vacation. I mean the badly written family films that center on the consumerist Christmas yet insincerely present a moral tale about how family is more important than presents. Or, worse, the awful slapstick Christmas comedies like Deck the Halls that have no redeeming association with Christmas whatsoever. C'mon, there are so many movies that are more sacreligious than Black Christmas. Care to name a few?

Related posts:

Guilty Pleasures: Silent Night, Bloody Night

12 Days of Cinematicalmas : The World's Most Obnoxious Xmas Comedies

John Waters Jingles for Christmas and Evil

Review: Deck the Halls

If you were one of those people who absolutely loved The Break-Up and thought Jen and Vince just looked so totally cute together, then you might want to get in line for The Golden Tux, a comedy brought to us by the new (and improved?) Dimension Films. Jeremy Garelick and Jay Lavender (the two dudes who wrote The Break-Up) originally used their script The Golden Tux to break into Hollywood back in 2002, only to watch it change hands more times than a pocket mirror during an episode of The Simple Life.

After shaping it up a bit, Garelick and Lavender managed to score a helming gig on the flick which will, in turn, mark their feature directorial debut. The film, to be produced by Todd Phillips and star Dan Fogler, revolves around a professional best man who offers his services to those losers guys who simply need a friend to stand by their side during the biggest day of their life. Apparently, he then begins an "unusual" friendship with one of his employers. I'm not sure what that entails, but something tells me the groom will have a hard time letting go of their fake friendship. Of course, that's just speculation on my part.

[Thanks to Empire Online for the additional details]