dungeon siege Tagged Articles at Cinematical

When Uwe Boll needed House of the Dead to be distributed in North America, he went to Artisan. (For the record, Artisan is now extinct.) For Alone in the Dark he went with Lionsgate, and they learned their lesson pretty fast. When it came time for BloodRayne, Boll had a fiasco with a company called Romar. But for his next three films, all of which are already "in the can" (and man can he really crank those movies out!), Dr. Boll has signed a deal with Freestyle Releasing, distributor of titles like Find Me Guilty, Civic Duty and Dirty Deeds.

Those who've been eagerly anticipating the star-studded Dungeon Siege flick will have to wait until January 18 of next year. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Freestyle and Boll are planning a 2,500 screen release and they plan to spend about $20 million in marketing. (Yeah, but it's still coming out in the middle of January, and we all know what that means.) For those who love goofy ensembles, I'll remind you that In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (the title reeks of future sequels, doesn't it?) stars Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieski, Ray Liotta, Ron Perlman, Matthew Lillard, John Rhys-Davies, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken and Burt Reynolds as King Konreid. Seriously, I can't wait.

We won't have to wait as long for Uwe Boll's Postal adaptation, which Freestyle plans to release in 500 theaters on September 28. That one's a Troma-lookin' splat-sick type of comedy that stars Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Seymour Cassel and Verne Troyer as himself. As far as the hardcore horror flick Seed is concerned, no date is set just yet, but Freestyle seems to be aiming for early next year. (And if they release the movie as "Uwe Boll's Seed" I simply won't go see it. That's just gross.)

Freestyle co-president Marke Borde had this to say about the three-flick deal: "I don't chase movies based on video games and any pre-awareness that those franchises might have with an audience. I chase movies that are good."

No comment.

Y'know, if Uwe Boll decides to off himself one day, we're all gonna feel pretty darn awful about it. Seriously, we will. No matter how earth-shatteringly ridiculous the guy's movies are (and dear jeebus are they), he's still a human being with thoughts and hopes and emotions and dreams -- plus, and I mean this, the modern movie landscape really is a whole lot more colorful with a little Uwe mixed in. If there was no Boll, who would we make fun of? Adam Shankman? Meh. Movie geeks like us need our Uwe Bolls. Plus I'll go on record right now with a semi-compliment for for the guy: His movies sure aren't boring. And nowadays Boll's flicks are funnier than Adam Sandler's. Intent be damned, laughs are laughs.

Having said all that, Seed, Dr. B's next movie is based on the following premise: "If a death row convict survives three full zaps in the electric chair, then legally he is allowed to go free." (What lawyer came up with that rule, and more importantly, what event predicated such a bizarre loophole?) As if a guy who survives 15,000 volts (times three) would be in any condition to "go" anywhere other than a well-staffed burn unit. But we're talking about Uwe Boll, most likely fresh from a VHS screening of Wes Craven's Shocker, so perhaps now isn't the time to be discussing things that make sense. So with the ultra-anticipated-by-me In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale somewhere on the limited-release-for-six-days horizon, Dr. B is now hard at work on Seed, evidence of which can be found at SKNR.net -- but don't be stealing those photos because they're extra-exclusive and whatnot.

Starring Ralf Moeller as the warden, Michael Paré as the detective, Andrew Jackson as the doctor, and Will Sanderson as extra-crispy bucket 'o' serial killer Max Seed, Seed is Uwe Boll's first non-video game production since the head-smackingly awful Heart of America, which I once referred to as "the Colombine tragedy as translated into coloring book form." Anyway, the quicker Uwe gets done with Seed, the sooner we'll have a new project to chuckle over. I hope the guy makes eight more movies in the next five years. (He's already started on this one -- and you thought you'd never see a movie starring Ron Perlman and Gary Coleman.)

Just when BloodRayne was starting to slip from our memories, up pops Kristanna Loken to remind us that the Uwe Boll is far from being finished. Despite the amazingly dismal performance of their last effort, the actor-director team of Loken and Boll are at it again, as they are now pushing out their already completed video game-to-movie masterpiece In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. In her attempts to defend the failure of BloodRayne and spin some positive light on Dungeon Siege, even Loken is forced to make a passive admission that Rayne was not exactly stellar work.

In a recent interview with Sci Fi Wire, Loken addressed the two films. She began by noting how "very surprised" she was at the box office failure of BloodRayne - if this is true, she's one of about five people in the known and unknown world. The utter untruth of what she was saying must have finally broke something within her, however, as she immediately followed that up with an admission that Uwe Boll "does not have a great track record," which honestly is about the kindest way to describe his persistent directorial career. She closed her comments on the film with a stunning recommendation, saying "Hey, I'm going to be objective. It's not going to win any awards, but I thought for what it was it was a pretty decent film." Wow, resounding praise from the film's star. I can't WAIT to hear what she has to say about Dungeon Siege.